cigarette Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cigarette puns

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke?

they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

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Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..

Grandma's fingering herself again

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Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

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Ebay needs to step their game up.

I searched for a cigarette lighter and 15,000 matches came up.

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Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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There are 2 people on a boat…

There are two people on a boat; they have three cigarettes. However, they don't have a lighter. What do they do?

They throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat *became a cigarette lighter!*

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I have a dog with no legs

I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.

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There are 3 men in a boat and 4 cigarettes, however they don't own a lighter. How do they smoke?

They throw one cigarette over board in order to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

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What does smoking a cigarette and eating a pussy have in common? [NSFW]

The flavor gets stronger as you get closer to the butt.

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Cigarette warnings should also include how dangerous it is just going to purchase a package...

My dad left 19 years ago to buy some and he still hasn't made it back.

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"One cigarette each time you have sex" was the doctor's prescription.

That's how I quit smoking.

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What does eating pussy and smoking a cigarette have in common?

The closer you get to the butt the more intense the flavor.

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I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

β€Ž...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

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What did the two tampons say to each other?

Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts.

I literally traded a homeless guy a cigarette for that joke. Worth it.

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Two men are on a boat. They have three cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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Are you a cigarette?

Because I want to put your butt in my mouth.

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I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

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Cigarettes are just like squirrels.

They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do?

Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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Smoking two cigarettes at once

A girl saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once, she asked him why ? he replied that he smokes one for himself and one for his buddy in prison. Another day, the same girl saw that guy again smoking only one cigarette this time, she said : "Congrats! i'm verry happy for you and your friend ! he must have missed you", he replied that he still is in prison, she asked : "so why are you smoking only one cigarette ?", he replied : "i stopped smoking".

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3 men were on a boat..

And all they had were 4 cigarettes.

Unsure on what to do, one of them throws a cigarette overboard.

Now the boat was a cigarette lighter.

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Chicken and an egg

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken lights up a cigarette. The egg, with a dissatisfied look on it's face, rolls over and remarks, "Well, I guess we answered that question."

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2 men are on a boat sharing a pack of cigarettes when they realise they have no lighter

How do they light up?

They toss a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

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I googled cigarette lighters

And got 1,500,000 matches.

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There are three men in a boat in the middle of the ocean with four cigarettes, no lighter or any matches. What do they do?

They throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter - He won't come anyway.


But you could call him "cigarette" and take him out for a drag.

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Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes.....

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.

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Please don't throw cigarette butts in urinals.

It makes them soggy and hard to light.

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A young priest asked his bishop, May I smoke while praying? ...

The answer was an emphatic No!

Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn't do it!

That's odd, the old priest replied. I asked the bishop if I could pray while I'm smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time!

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Cigarettes are like hamsters

Harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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A kid in the park told me smoking was bad for me

So I popped his ballon with my cigarette and informed him so was talking to strangers.

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Cigarettes are like Squirrels...

They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

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A cigarette after sex...

That's how I quit smoking.

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Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

*Stolen from BuzzFeed, but I thought it was hilarious.*

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What are the most funny Cigarette jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cigarette? Well, here are the best Cigarette dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cigarette pick up lines to share with friends.

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