Cider Jokes

Following is our collection of fanboy puns and lemonade one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cider jokes for adults, dirty orchard jokes and clean tart dad gags for kids.

The Best Cider Puns

An Irishman took his son to the bar on his birthday to buy him his first drink.

The father bought his son a stout, but he didn't like it and didn't want to drink it.

The father decided to drink it for him and ordered an ale instead.

He didn't like it either. So, the father drank it and ordered him a cider.

Lager, cider, cream ale... he didn't like any of them, so the father drank them and ordered whiskey instead.

He didn't like any of the Irish whiskeys the father ordered, so the old man drank them and decided to give up.

By the time they left the bar. The father was so drunk he could barely push his son's stroller home.

What is a pornstars favorite drink?

7 up n cider

Why did the prostitute get angry after having sex in an apple orchard?

Because her client came in cider.

Cider joke, Why did the prostitute get angry after having sex in an apple orchard?

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

Son: "Dad where did I come from?"

Dad: "One day your mother and I were walking through an apple orchard..."

Son *rolls eyes*: "And you grabbed an apple not far from a tr..."


Dad: "I slipped in cider."

I had sex with a girl in an apple orchard,

I came in cider.


What's better than being up to your knees in beer?

Being up to your nuts in cider.

When I'm having sex with a woman I prefer to do it atop a pile of fermented apples…

I just love the feeling of being in cider.

Cider joke, When I'm having sex with a woman I prefer to do it atop a pile of fermented apples…

Today I slept with a girl in an apple orchard...

She let me come in cider

What's an adult actress' favourite drink?

7-Up in Cider.

Why did the chicken cross the apple orchard?

To get to the other cider heheheh

I had sex in an orchard today.

I came in cider.


My girlfriend gets mad at me when I'm having a beer and can't finish...

So last night I came in cider.

My wife calls me "her apple."

I agreed, and I replied that I am her apple indeed, because I would very much like to be in cider

It's nice to see that celebrities have taken up book writing during the pandemic

One Direction by Kanye West

Guitars by Mel Gibson

Mining by Brad Pitt

Pear Cider by Katy Perry

Ship Building by Tom Cruise

How to Move Things by Jim Carrey

Escape from Prison by Morgan Freeman

American Motors by Harrison Ford

Wild Animals by Will Ferrell

What do you call a spy that sell apples?

An in cider

What's a hooker's favorite drink?

7-up in cider.

Cider joke, What's a hooker's favorite drink?

Took my son out for his first pint got him a Carlsberg.

He didn't like it. I drank it got him a Fosters.

He didn't like it. I drank it.

Same with the Guinness, the cider and the whiskey.

By the end of the night, I could hardly push his pram home.

Local Apple grower was sent to federal prison this week...

In cider trading.

I had sex with a girl at an apple orchid and she ended up getting pregnant...

It's probably because I came in cider.


I was getting drunk with this cute girl and booze was going everywhere.

Then suddenly I slipped in cider.

How do you make hard cider?

Put it in the freezer.

"You're an idiot!", yelled my wife as she stormed away.

And to think, after I just spent 3 hours driving to liquor stores looking for this "Big Dickens' Cider" she said she wanted so badly.

My brother sat down with my girlfriend and I. He said, "Pal, I've got a confession to make. Last night I had sex with your girlfriend. We went to a party, she was drinking beer, I was drinking wine. One thing led to another..."

I turned to my girlfriend, in shock. "Tell me he's lying."

She said, "He is, it wasn't beer it was cider."

The estate of Charles Dickens is too make alcoholic beverages from the apples on their land

The slogan is "All the girls love a Dickens Cider"

Everyone knows Charles Dickens as a famous author of great classics. Lesser known is his short-lived Apple Cider business. He had to close it after complaints of unexpected pregnancies.

It may seem strange, but what do you expect when you have Dickens Cider?

Dicken's Brand Cider

My wife just can't go to sleep without a warm Dicken's Cider.

How did the bug fetishist drink her apple juice?

She put a spider in cider.

Does anyone have a recipe for sausage and apples?

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted tonight and she said she could use a wiener in cider.

What did Ciderella say when she got to the Ball?

"*-Gag*-"

I've protected my laptop by placing several alcoholic fruity beverages on top of it.

I guess I misunderstood when people told me to focus on cider security.

A range of alcoholic drinks is being produced named after famous authors

.... Dickens Cider is proving very popular

My first date couldn't of gone any better!

At the bar she ordered sex on the beach and I had my Dickins Cider!

How did me and my sugar make our little rosemary?

When things got spicy, it ended with my cumin cider.

I'm gonna make apple cider using only apples that fell from the tree.

I'll call it Apple Suicider

A man was spotted carrying several stolen flannel shirts and scarves, as well as two gallons of cider

when stopped by police the man claimed that he was "just a Fall guy"

What brand of cider gets you pregnant?

Dickens.

There was a young lady from Ryde

There was a young lady from Ryde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
Inside the lamented,
the apple fermented,
and made cider inside her insides.

What did Snow White get when she went to the pub with the Dwarves?

Seven Up n' Cider

My favorite brand of cider is Dicken's.

My wife also loves Dicken's cider. ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

Why was the liquor trader arrested?

Because he was in cider trading

A pumpkin, a zucchini, and a seed walk into a bar.

The barkeep asks the pumpkin what she'd like to drink.

Bloody Mary, she says.

The barkeep asks the zucchini for her order.

I'm having a hard cider, the zucchini says.

The barkeep turns to the seed, and both the pumpkin and zucchini say, Oh, don't serve our friend anything.

Why not?

Can't you tell? asks the zucchini, She's already out of her gourd!

What was the investment broker doing sneaking around the cider mill?

He was looking for in-cider information.

Why did the apple cross the road?

To get to the other cider.

What's a woman's favourite brand of Applejack?

Dickson Cider

I met a girl at a pub last night...

I ended up getting deep in cider.

Took my son for his first drink.

Today I took my son first for his first drink.
I gave him beer. He didn't like it so I drank it.
I gave him cider. He didn't like it so I drank it.
I gave him whiskey. He didn't like it so I drank it.
I gave him vodka. He didn't like it so I drank it.
I then told him that we were going home since he never liked anything. The only problem with going home was that I could barely push his pram out the bar door.

Have you heard the slogan for Charles Dickens Brand Hard Cider?

There is nothing quite like a hard Dickens' Cider!

Why was the liquor store clerk arrested?

He was in cider trading

Public transport isn't as depressing as it seems. I was on a bus yesterday at six in the morning...

And this really nice guy offered me a sip from his can of cider.

I once went out with a girl that was obsessed with apples

I didn't realize how crazy she really was until she put me in cider

I just went to the apple orchard with my girlfriend...

My only complaint was I didn't get to be in cider.

What's the difference between a pretty girl and an apple?

One you squeeze to get cider, the other you get 'side her to squeeze.

Which company makes the best apple cider?

Dicken's. Because everyone wants their Dicken's Cider.

These two brothers had been chasing her all summer, so she finally relented and agreed to their odd, but innocent sounding request take a hot apple juice bath with them.

Finally they'll get to be in cider

There is an abundance of brandy jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 54 funniest jokes and cider puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any gargle witze you can hear about cider.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes