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Chute Jokes

22 chute jokes and hilarious chute puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chute that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Chute Short Jokes

Short chute jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chute humour may include short gutter jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between a panda and a cop in an ethnic restaurant? A panda eats chutes and leaves. The cop eats, shoots and leaves.
  2. What happened when the parachuter's c**...... ...failed to open, right over the clock factory?
    He fell on hard times.
  3. The parachute making business must be great! Because nobody ever comes back to complain about a failed c**...!

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Chute One Liners

Which chute one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chute? I can suggest the ones about chop and chimney.

  1. Where does Frozone put his laundry? Down his super c**....
  2. What did the forgetful skydiver say when he jumped out of the plane Aw c**...!
  3. What does a panda say when it's out of food? c**...
  4. I got injured in the playground today. c**....

Chute joke, I got injured in the playground today.

Gather Around for Heartwarming Chute Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about chute you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trough jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chute pranks.

A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.

"Just count to five and pull on the main c**...," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve c**...."
"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."
The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main c**.... Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve c**.... Nothing happened.
He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: "I bet that bus won't be there to pick me up either."

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are on a a plan when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down.

The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one c**... left, and quickly do the math.
The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says "God save the Queen!" and jumps from the plane.
The Frenchman, not wanting to be seen as less noble than the Englishman, says "Vive la France!" and jumps to his death.
The ukrainian stands up, straightens his vyshyvanka, says "Slava Ukraini!" and throws the Russian out.

A rabbi and a priest...

take a group of kids on a spiritual trip to the Holy Land. During the flight, the pilot announces,
" The plane is going down, we only have two parachutes. I'm taking one. You guys figure out who gets the other one"
The priest says, " We should give it to one of the kids."
The rabbi grabs the c**... and says, " I have a life to live! F*c**... the kids! "
The priest thinks, and says,
"Do you think we have time?? "

Questions

At the skydiving training course, the instructor would take time to answer some of the First Timer Questions.o**... asked: If our c**... doesn't open.....and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have till we hit the ground? The instructor looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: The rest of your life.

Two Parachutists

Two parachutists jumped out of a plane, they had headsets on so they could talk to each other on the way down.
One man's parachute opened, the other one's didn't.
The guy with the defective c**... was falling fast but appeared to be slowly and very calmly trying to figure out the issue. Appeared to be in no rush.
The other guy with the good c**... said Hey, you look so calm and collected. Why are you taking your time? Why aren't you panicking?
The guy with the unopened c**... said Hey, why should I rush? I've got the rest of my life to figure it out .

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump.

The corporal explained the procedure "You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the c**... doesn't open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up."
The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary "Geronimo! " and jumped out of the plane. He counted to ten and pulled the ripcord. The c**... failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the c**... still didn't open. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet that g**... truck won't be there either."

A parachutist has just jumped from a plane and his c**... doesn't open.

As he is plummetting earthwards and trying to get the parachute to open, he is surprised to see someone heading up towards him. He calls out "Hey! Do you know anything about parachutes?"
"No," says the other. "Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

A skydiver is unable to open their c**... and sees a guy passing them in the opposite direction holding a matchstick.

Skydiver says, "do you know anything about parachutes?"
Guy replies, "do you know anything about gas cookers?"

A man goes to buy a parachute

He asks the cashier,
what happens if the parachute fails to deploy?
The cashier responds: Oh, Just pull the reserve c**..., you will be fine.
The man asks again: What if the reserve c**... fails???
The cashier responds: Well, In that case bring it back and we will give you a full refund!

Just before a r**... had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him,

"Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary c**.... After you land, our truck will pick you up."
The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened.
He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened.
As he plummeted to the ground, he said to himself, "I'll bet that truck won't be there either!"

A skydiver jumps from a plane

but nothing happens when he pulls his rip-cord. He pulls the cord on his secondary c**..., but this too is broken. As he is hurdling toward the earth, he sees a man coming straight up toward him. 'Hey!' shouts the skydiver. 'Know anything about parachutes?!' 'No!' shouts the man. 'Know anything about gas barbecues?!'

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students

one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our c**... doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?"
The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."

A guy goes skydiving...

and there's a blind guy on the plane going up with him. The blind guy has a seeing eye dog with him and a really really long leash. As they're going up the guy asks him, "Why bring the dog with you?"
The blind guys says, "He jumps first to let me know when to pull my c**...."
"How does he do that?" the man asked.
"The leash goes slack"

Fast Thinker

Guy's first time parachuting... yada yada c**... fails, reserve fails. He's falling. But he sees a speck coming up toward him, faster than he's falling. He realizes it's a guy and figuring he has nothing to lose, he yells,
"Hey do you know anything about parachutes?"
and as they pass the other guy yells back,
"Sorry man, I don't . Do you know anything about propane BBQs?"

Chute joke, Fast Thinker