The Best 14 Churchill Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Churchill jokes. There are some churchill reagan jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these churchill citizens puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Churchill Jokes and Puns

Can you call the British PM a fool?

During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.

The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?

Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".

Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."

The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."

Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...

Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.

"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.

"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."

"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."

"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"

"Three prison camps so far."

Churchill joke, Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...

Not to insult any history purists but...

Why did Winston Churchill trade his manual for an automatic?

He hated stall'in.

During 1900 when looking for a vote, Churchill asked a person for his support, to which the man responded:

"Vote for you? I'd rather vote for the devil."

Churchill replied: "I quite understand, but since that man is not running this time, could I count on your support?"


"As long as you append my name to a quote,...

people would buy into it and take it seriously."

- Winston Churchill

Original & Classic Winston Churchill (not my retort)

Lady Astor said to Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea," to which he responded, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"

Churchill joke, Original & Classic Winston Churchill (not my retort)

If Britain lost the second World War...

Would the Prime Minister be known as Loseton Churchill?

A woman says to Winston Churchill...

"If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!" Churchill replied "If you were my wife, I would drink it."

Winston Churchill said, "History will be kind me, for I intend to write it."

Nowadays, history will be kind to me because I intend to delete it.

"Never, never, never give up."

Thanks Winston Churchill. I now have 8 counts of rape and battery.

You can explore churchill leonid reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean churchill kremlin dad jokes. There are also churchill puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a sick smoker attending the catholic mass ?

Winstonβ„’ Church-ill

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.

Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it!

The man chilled in front of a church smoking cigarettes, who was he?

Winston Churchill

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the churchill mueller jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working churchill pact piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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