Church Knock Knock Jokes
15 church knock knock jokes and hilarious church knock knock puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about church knock knock that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Great Church Knock Knock Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What is a good church knock knock joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"
"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."
"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"
"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"
The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"
A drunk staggers into a church one evening, goes into the confessional box and sits down. He doesn't say a word.
The priest coughs to try and get his attention. There's no response so the priest coughs again. There's still no response from the drunk.
The priest coughs a couple of more times and still doesn't get any response, so finally he pounds on the wall.
The drunk slurs, "There's no use knocking. There's no paper this side either."
Confession
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confessional booth and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally,the drunk replies:"No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
A drunk staggers into a Catholic church
He enters a confession booth and sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk man shouts, "Ain't no use knocking! There's no paper on this side either!"
A drunk staggered into a Catholic church.
He entered a confessional booth, sat down and said nothing. The priest coughed a few times to get his attention, but the man stayed silent. Finally the priest knocked loudly on the wall three times.
The drunk mumbled "Ain't no use in knocking, there's no paper on this side either"
A drunk guy enters a Catholic church
A drunk guy enters a Catholic church. He stumbles along, talks with the statues and finally enters the confessional where he sits down quietly on the chair. The priest patiently waits for him then coughs a bit but he gets no reaction. He waits a little while longer and knocks in the wall, finally drawing the drunk's attention:
-Stop the knocking, fool, there's no toilet paper in here either!
An Irishman visits the local church and enters the confessional.
The priest waits to hear his confession, but the man says nothing. After a few long minutes of silence the priest pounds on the partition. A voice from the other side shouts, "No use in knocking, ain't no paper on this side either!"
A drunk stumbles out of a bar...
...and meanders down the street. He makes his way into a church and enters the confessional booth. A priest is there and waits a minute, but the drunk says nothing. He waits 5 minutes, then 10, and still there's silence. Finally, the priest knocks loudly on the dividing wall, and the drunk pipes up, "Sorry, pal, I can't help you. I've got no paper over here, either."
Painting a Church: My favourite joke
Bill, an unscrupulous painter, would often thin down his paint when hired to do a job, and pocket the money he'd save.
One day, the local church decided to do some long-awaited maintenance, and hired Bill for the job.
Bill gets to work, and after a good few hours, he's nearly done - as he stands on his scaffolding to finish off the steeple, he smiles to himself: the paint job looks pretty good, he's scammed the church out of a few hundred bucks, and he'll be done before dinner.
Suddenly, thunder ensues, a huge bolt of lightning knocks Bill right off his scaffolding, and the skies open up - and all of Bill's newly-applied paint washes right off the church.
Bill, a religious man despite his thievery, knows it's a sign from God. He falls to his knees in a puddle of rainwater and paint, and cries, "Oh God, forgive me! What should I do?"
And amongst the thunder, a booming voice: "REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!"
Pope Francis died.
He goes up to heaven and knocks on the door. Holy Petrus asks him who he is and what he wants. ,,I am the pope and want to go to heaven! Don't you know me? Petrus says:,, No, i have to talk to my boss. Five minutes later comes Jesus and asks Francis the same. ,,I am the pope and want to go to heaven! You must know me! I was the leader of the holy catholic church! Jesus lets him in. Later Jesus tells Petrus:,,Remember the fishing club we founded 2000 years ago? It still exists!
Slamming the door
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might need to move your cat."
s**... with a nun
A man traveling through a city, sees a large sign, it reads: **s**... with a Nun, only 500 €**
Interested he follows the directions on the sign and comes to a church, with a sign directing him to the rectory.
He knocks on the door and sure enough a young attractive nun opens the door.
"I saw the advertisement, is this the right place?"
"Yes, it is. 500€. Payment upfront"
He hands her the money, and she tells him to go around back.
As he turns the corner he encounters another sign:
**You just got s**... by Sister Eunice**
Confession...
An elderly Italian man, who lived on the outskirts of Rimini Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the n**.... So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father... she started to repay me with s**... favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."
The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."
And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
So there was an abandoned church...
and few nuns get sent over to clean it up a bit and restore its former glory. As they were painting the ceiling, one of them says, "Sisters, it is VERY hot in here, and we're working so feverishly, and i really don't want to get any paint on our robes. What say you, we just s**... down, and finish this paint job in our birthday suits. This church has been abandoned for years, and even if somebody comes, we can always throw our robes back on in a second." The other nuns agree.
A few minutes later there's a knock on the door. One of the nuns looks through the mail slot and sees a man standing there. So she says "Who is it?" and the man answers "I'm the blind man."
Relieved the nun opens the door, and the man walks in and says "Nice h**.... Where do you want these blinds?"
A Preacher
A preacher is making his weekly rounds to people's houses, trying to get them to convert. He reaches one home in the afternoon, and rings the doorbell. He distinctively hears someone inside, but no one comes to answer the door, so after waiting a few minutes of knocking and asking if anyone was home, he takes out his business card and writes "Revelations 3:20" down and puts it on the doormat.
A few weeks later, after church service, an usher hands him the same business card, only this time, under "Revelations 3:20," there is another verse, "Genesis 3:10."
Here is what each of them says:
Revelations 3:20: "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."
Genesis 3:10: "I heard you in the garden and I did not answer, for I was n**...."
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