The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."
They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.ο»Ώ
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video"
Christian Bale
a priest just asked me in and offered me a Slowpoke
Finnish Hymn!!
The Church
Because no church wants to be challenged by an invisible power that actually works.
An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.
About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"
Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
Apparently move diagonally wasn't the answer they were looking for.
An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."
They're cramming for the final
Because they don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
The wife turns to the husband and says, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do."
"Put new batteries in your hearing aids."
I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.
The Priest says " you can't be here!". The particle replies "you can't have mass without me
Well, the woman in church has hope in her soul, but the woman in tub has soap in her hole...
But it's a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.
She leaned across to her husband and whispered, "I've just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
He said, "I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid."
But I'm sure the mass will be the same.
A nice thing to hear in church. And a horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
... As long as a gay marries a lesbian.
The first nun says, "You aren't going to believe this, but the other day I was cleaning Father Tim's room, and I found condoms in his night stand."
The second nun says, "Oh my! What did you do?"
The first nun says, "I poked holes in them."
The second nun says, "Fuck..."
A priest kept chickens at his village. One evening, one of them went missing. At the church mass prayer gathering the priest asked:
-Who has a cock?
All the men got up
-No, I mean who has seen a cock?
All the men and women got up
-No, no, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?
All the women got up
-Oh, for heavens sake, who has seen my cock
All the nuns got up
The boys choir, also, slowly got up
Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.
When you pray in a casino you really mean it
It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.
The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.
Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.
A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl. They are box seats plus airfares and hotel accommodations. He didn't realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church in New York City at 5 PM. Her name is Donna. She will be the one in the white dress.
I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.
A comforting thing to hear in church.
A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"
Husband: our wedding video
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Church? Well, here are the best Church dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Church pick up lines to share with friends.