The Best 75 Chuck Norris Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Chuck Norris jokes. There are some chuck norris giggle jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chuck norris chuck norris beard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes and Puns

Chuck Norris can speak Spanish in three different languages.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris is a wimp...

If he were really as badass as they say he is, he would walk in here right now and start slamming my face into the keybdilfvbasjklkjcbnacnbzcjkbs; fsidfbaa3048fhsdk;ufb fba'aspfj4hn4

Chuck Norris joke, Chuck Norris is a wimp...

Chuck Norris walks into a bar...

The bar says "Ow."

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number.

You pick up the wrong phone.


Chuck Norris was 6 years old, when his friends went to his house to get him to play around, his mom told:

Chuck Norris cant come right now he is busy shaving.

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite,
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris joke, What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

Chuck Norris once flushed a condom

Three weeks later the ninja turtles were born

Chuck Norris jokes

When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.

When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room

The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

So there's this school play...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.

Stallone goes first.

"I'll be Mozart"

Next up is Chuck Norris.

"I'll be Beethoven".

Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".

You can explore chuck norris laugh reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chuck norris reinforce dad jokes. There are also chuck norris puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you get when you cross Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris?

Beat up.

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

Yet another Chuck Norris joke.

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon using a payphone.

Chuck Norris got stabbed

The knife bled to death

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris joke, Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Why can't Chuck Norris complete forms and applications on the internet?

Because he can't bring himself to click the "submit" button.

If we replace all "Chuck Norris" jokes with Kim Jung Un....

We could write the North Korean Official Website.

Chuck Norris jokes

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris's Daughter Lost her Virginity...

He got it back.

Chuck Norris has died.

He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.

Jesus could walk on water

.

.

.

But Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris

Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people

Then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test

The machine confessed everythingο»Ώ

Chuck Norris went to Mcdonalds

and the ice cream machine was working.

Chuck Norris got bitten by a King Cobra

And after 5 agonizing days of pain.

The cobra died

How many Push-Ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them

Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him

So he tracked down nothing and killed it

I don't believe Chuck Norris is that great

Cuz if he was, he would show up right now, and slam my head all over my keasdhjaiosdcnhq09w8hjkoldq0i9 wdhj09qw daU9 10Q9WDJ09W3Q21JD QWD

Post Your Chuck Norris Jokes Here

Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.

Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago.

...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands.

Now they're just the Islands.

I gave Chuck Norris a gun, he killed 54 people.

Then I gave him some ammunition.

TIL: Chuck Norris died earlier this month

But the Grim Reaper hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris in my hometown....

...but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college?

You're the man of the house now

How was the first giraffe made?

Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn

He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris was shot today

The bullet is in critical condition

Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty

And killed someone in Battlefield

Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars...

he played The Force

Chuck Norris coronavirus joke

Chuck Norris doesn't get Corona Virus.
Coronavirus gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens.

The aliens were never seen again.

Chuck Norris isn't that tough...

If he was he'd come here and mash my face into my keyboarfnfjdjfhnjdfyxydbdhxhdhd

Chuck Norris went to a feminist march

Came back with an ironed shirt and a sandwich

It's a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child

Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby.

We know them today as Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

Is Chuck Norris still alive

However, after his minor inconvenience of death, Chuck has made a full recovery, and is reported to be doing quite well.

Chuck Norris Covid 19 joke

Chuck Norris drinks coronavirus for breakfast.

Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.

The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?

The Three-Hole Punch...

Chuck Norris diagnosed with Covid-19

Coronavirus now in quarantine for 14 days

How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?

By shaving with them.

Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.

Because all of his genes are dominant.

Chuck Norris has a bear rug

No it's not dead it's just too scared to move

Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday

The virus is quarantined for two weeks

Chuck Norris caught COVID.

But then he felt bad, so he let it go.

Chuck Norris Joke

A priest, Jesus and Chuck Norris are on a sinking boat. Jesus starts to walk back to land. Chuck Norris does the same. The priest says "Lord, please let me walk on water", tries to walk but drowns. When Jesus and Chuck Norris got on land Jesus asked him "Shouldn't we have told him where the stones are"? And Chuck answered "Which stones"

Chuck Norris

They wanted to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.

Why doesn't Chuck Norris tell jokes?

His punch lines are deadly.

Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy

Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy.

"How old are you little boy?"

"I'm 5 years old"

Chuck Norris said, "When I was your age I was 7."

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"

"And who will you be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Chuck Norris doesn't turn the water on for his shower...

He stares at it until it cries.

When Chuck Norris updates Windows

...Microsoft accepts his terms and conditions

Most common Last words before death

1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it.
2. it's 100% safe!
3. green is always grounding.
4. turn left, I know it there.
5. I slept with your sister.
6. it's ok, dogs loves me.
7. oh, they changed color of my pills.
8. Somebody forgot his suitcase.
9. let's have one beer
10. Chuck Norris doesn't exis...

Chuck Norris and Superman had a fight

The loser had to wear their underpants on the outside

Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest

Loser has to wear his underwear above his pants.

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on Christmas Day.

It wasn't his actual birthday, but he wasn't going to tell Chuck Norris that.

Why doesn't Chuck Norris go on dates?

Nobody can take him out.

Did you know Chuck Norris has a Grizzly Bear rug in his home?

The bear is not dead it is just too scared to move

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight

The loser had to wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life

Before Chuck Norris goes sleep, he checks under his bed for Volodymyr Zelensky.

Tornadoes don't exist, Volodymyr Zelensky just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris jokes but instead of Chuck Norris it's Volodymyr Zelensky.

When Chuck Norris tells a dad joke, no one groans

But they die laughing.



(Any other CN dad jokes?)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chuck norris chuck noris jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working chuck norris chuck norries piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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