Chuck Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

Chuck Norris coronavirus joke

Chuck Norris doesn't get Corona Virus.
Coronavirus gets Chuck Norris.

A farmer had three daughters...

and each was going on a date one Friday night.

The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"

Betty left with Freddy.

The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"

Flo left with Joe.

The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"

The farmer shot chuck.

Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people

Then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college?

You're the man of the house now

Chuck Norris was shot today

The bullet is in critical condition

One time Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 47 people

Then the grenade exploded

It's a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child

Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki

Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris

Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room

The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him

So he tracked down nothing and killed it

Chuck Norris's Daughter Lost her Virginity...

He got it back.

What did Chuck Norris tell his father before he went off to college?

"you're the man of the house now"

Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago.

...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.

Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men.

One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.

Chuck Norris Threw A Grenade and Killed 27 People.

Then It Exploded.

Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test

The machine confessed everythingο»Ώ

Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty

And killed someone in Battlefield

Four guys are hanging out.

One of them says, Hey, did you know 1 out of ever 4 guys is gay?

Larry says, I hope it's chuck because he's really cute.

Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?

He played the force.

A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States

Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.

Chu became Chuck.

Bu became Buck.

Hu became Huck.

Su and Fu decided to stay in China.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet

He scares the shit out of it.

There were 3 Chinese men...

Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA.

They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names.

Han decided that he would be Huck.

Chan decided that he would be Chuck.

And Fan...well Fan decided that he`d stay in China.

A woman's three daughters are going out on dates...

"What are your date plans?", the mother asks the daughters.

"I'm going out with Pete; we are going to eat" says the first daughter.

"Great! have fun" says the mom

"I'm going with Lance. We are going to dance" says the second daughter.

"Have a ball!" says the mother

"I'm going out with Chuck" says the third daughter

"NO YOU'RE NOT" yells the mother

TIL: Chuck Norris died earlier this month

But the Grim Reaper hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

I don't believe Chuck Norris is that great

Cuz if he was, he would show up right now, and slam my head all over my keasdhjaiosdcnhq09w8hjkoldq0i9 wdhj09qw daU9 10Q9WDJ09W3Q21JD QWD

SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF SARCASM

Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips
with the concept of sarcasm.

"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy
and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?"
and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".


Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3,
plans to use sarcasm himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said.
"Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them and I said
"Hey, great weather."

Three Chinese friends, Chu, Bu and Fu, decided to immigrate to the United States

In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck and Fu decided to travel back to China

Why did Chuck Norris' aunt give birth to him?

Because nobody dared fuck his mother

It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is "Chuck".

I mean, what the Farles is that about?

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite,
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Young Chuck

One fine old day, Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with the dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck now works on Wall Street.

Three Chinese went to America..

Three Chinese named Chu, Bu, and Fu went to America.

Upon reaching there they decided to Americanise their names.

So Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck..

And Fu decided to return to China.

Reggie, Joe, and Chuck

There was once a farmer who had three teenage daughters. On prom night, a young boy rang his doorbell.
**Reggie:** My name's Reggie, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to go eat some spaghetti, is she ready?
He told his Betty that someone was there to pick her up and they left.
A while later, there someone else rang the doorbell.
**Joe:** My name's Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, we're going to watch a show, is she ready to go?
So he told Flo and they left.
A bit later, there was yet another boy at his door. He said:
**Chuck:** My name's Chuck...
And the farmer shot him.

There once was a farmer with three daughters.

They were all going on their first date at the same time. The farmer, being protective of his daughters, grabbed a shotgun and stood by the door. The first guy came to the door and said

"Hi, my names Joe, I'm here for Flo, we are going to the show, is she ready too go?"
The farmer thought he was ok, so they went out.
The next boy came and said

"Hi, my names Kenny, I'm here for Benny, we are going to Denny's, is she ready?
The farmer thought he was ok too, so they went off. The last boy came and said

"Hi, my names Chuck-"
The farmer shot him in the chest.

It's Easter Sunday morning...

... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.

Four Chinese brothers....

...named Chu, Bu, Hu, and Fu decided to go to the United States of America. They had to Americanize their names in order to get a Visa... so Chu became CHUCK, Bu became BUCKS, HU became HUCK, and FU decided to remain in China...

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250.

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead.'

A month Later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back.'

A man's three daughters have their first dates

A man has three daughters and they all have dates on the same night. Now he's a protective father so he sets his shotgun by the door in case he thinks they're too shifty.
The first guy walks in and says, "Hey, I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, is she ready to go?"
The dad thinks, all right, this guy seems okay and lets Flo go out.
Second guy comes and says, "Hey, I'm Freddy, here to pick up Betty, is she ready?"
Dad thinks, okay, this guy seems okay; so he lets Betty go.
Third guy comes in and says, "Hey, my name's Chuck-" BOOM goes the shotgun.

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Once, there was 3 chinese people who wanted to go to America.

Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu. Since these names would sound awfully weird, Bu said, "I'll change me name to Buck, adding ck to the end." Chu then said, "then I'll become Chuck." After a long pause, Fu said, "I guess I'll go back to China."

Chuck Norris got stabbed

The knife bled to death

Dead Donkey joke

One day Chuck got tired of investment banking and decided to become a farmer. He packed his things and bought a Texas ranch.

Eventually Chuck bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey following week.

When the day came, the farmer showed up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'Whattaya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, 'That's my business.'

A month later, the farmer bumped into Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Chuck said, 'I held a raffle. People could pay a dollar per ticket for a chance to win a free donkey. I sold five hundred tickets!'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain when they found out the donkey was dead?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his dollar."

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number.

You pick up the wrong phone.

Three men die

A Brit, American and Pakistani die and find themselves at the Pearly gates greeted by St Peter.

The Brit approaches and says "Hello there - I've come for Jesus"
St Peter looks at his book and says "Ahh yes, Roger Smith! Welcome - please enter the kingdom of heaven"
The American then approaches and says "Hi - I've come for Jesus" to which St Peter consults his book and says "Well, hello Chuck Jones - welcome to the kingdom of heaven"
The Pakistani then approaches and says "Hello - I've come for Jesus". St Peter puts down his book, looks over his shoulder and shouts "Jesus! Your taxi's here"

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris in my hometown....

...but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands.

Now they're just the Islands.

How many Push-Ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them

There once was a farmer...

There once was a farmer who was very overprotective of his three daughters.

Turned out that all of his daughters had dates that same night. So he went on to the porch with his shotgun and waited for the dates to come.

The first boy came and said, "*Hi, I'm Freddy. I'm here for Betty to go out for spaghetti. Is she ready?*"

The farmer thought he was decent and let him go with his daughter.

The second boy came and said, "*Hello, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo to go see a show. Is she ready to go?*"

The farmer thought he was decent as well and let them go on their date.

The last boy came and said, "*Hi, I'm Chuck-*"

*BANG!*

A farmer has three daughters when they were finally allowed to date it went something like this.

First daughter..... Guy knocks on the door and says "Hi I'm Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo and take her to a show is she ready to go?" Second daughter.... Guy knocks on the door and says, "hi I'm Eddie I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?" Third daughter.... Guy knocks on the door and says "hi my name is CHUCK!" Dad promptly slams the door!!!!

How many nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns ?

Nun.

There's 3 chinese brothers...

Bu, Chu, and Fu and they want to illgally sneak into America. So they decide to change their names to sound more American. Bu, changes his to Buck. Chu, changes his to Chuck. And Fu, got sent back to China.

Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens.

The aliens were never seen again.

Chuck Norris went to Mcdonalds

and the ice cream machine was working.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn

He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.

What are the funniest chuck jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Chuck? Well, here are the best Chuck puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Chuck pick up lines to share with friends.

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