Chuck Jokes
192 chuck jokes and hilarious chuck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chuck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with woodchuck jokes featuring characters like Jill, Eddie, and Dan! From puns to silly humor, find the perfect chuck joke to share with friends. Get ready to have a good chuckle with these funny jokes!
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Funniest Chuck Short Jokes
Short chuck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chuck humour may include short cluck jokes also.
- Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today... And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
- Chuck Norris coronavirus joke Chuck Norris doesn't get Corona Virus.
Coronavirus gets Chuck Norris. - What's the best Chuck Norris joke you've ever heard? My personal favorite is: chuck norris was once bitten by a cobra snake. After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died
- Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 men. It exploded and killed 20 more. Then he threw the pin and killed 10 more men.
- Chuck Norris caught COVID-19 and the prognosis is not good. Anyone wanting to say goodbye to the virus should visit the hospital tonight.
(Cr - Chuck Norris Chuck Norris doesn't wear shoe to protect his feet from the ground...
He wears them to protect the ground from his feet - Chuck Norris actually died four years ago Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.
- What's your favourite Chuck Norris joke? Let's start with one of my favs:
"Chuck Norris' password is the last 9 digits of pi." - What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college? You're the man of the house now
- They were going to name a street after Chuck Norris… Then they realized nobody can cross Chuck Norris and live.
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Chuck One Liners
Which chuck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chuck? I can suggest the ones about chick and chow.
- What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open? Brought it back for a refund.
- Once, Chuck Norris reached a point of no return…. …..and returned.
- Chuck Norris killed 50 enemy combatants with a grenade Then the grenade exploded.
- Chuck Norris called 911 And asked if they needed help.
- I just saw that Chuck Yeager has died ...and then I heard it a few seconds later
- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people Then the grenade exploded.
- Chuck Norris was shot today The bullet is in critical condition
- Chuck Norris killed 5 people with a sword Then 20 more without the sheath
- Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars... he played The Force
- What is Jimmy McGill's favorite cut of meat? Chuck roast.
- If Chuck Norris hadn't existed... Chuck Norris would have invented him.
- Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday The virus is quarantined for two weeks
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin And giraffes were born
- Chuck Norris had a nightmare The nightmare ran into its moms room crying
- When Chuck Norris updates Windows ...Microsoft accepts his terms and conditions
Chuck Norris Jokes
Here is a list of funny chuck norris jokes and even better chuck norris puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki
- Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
- Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
- Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him So he tracked down nothing and killed it
- Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test The machine confessed everything
- Chuck Norris can recite the entirety of pi. Backwards.
- Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number You answered the wrong phone
- Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty And killed someone in Battlefield
- Why are there no bridge named after Chuck Norris? Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
- What is your best Chuck Norris joke(I'll start) Chuck Norris doesn't pay attention, attention pays Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris Roundhouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny chuck norris roundhouse jokes and even better chuck norris roundhouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chuck Norris has proven Newton's third law of physics, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kick the ocean. That's why we have tides now.
- What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in? A roundhouse.
- Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people.
They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum. - Chuck Norris doesn't run out of patience, patience runs out of him from fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris got a new pair of shoes Roundhouse kicks
- With just two toothpicks, a lightbulb, and his RoundHouse Kick, Chuck Norris can override the Pentagon's computer system.
- Chuck Norris never actually roundhouse kicks anyone, the world just spins underneath him when he lifts his legs.
- The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
- The creation of a perfect sphere became possible after Chuck Norris became enraged with a rubix cube and roundhouse kicked the corners off it.
Chuck Norris Beard Jokes
Here is a list of funny chuck norris beard jokes and even better chuck norris beard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chuck Norris They wanted to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.
- A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
- Each hair on Chuck Norris' beard holds the soul of a victim.
- Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.
- Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Social Security number.
- Chuck Norris sends his beard clippings to the police.
They are used as bullet proof vests. - 30 lumberjacks once tried to cut off Chuck Norris's beard...
They were never seen again. - "With great power comes a great beard!"
- Chuck Norris. - Chuck Norris' beard has a tattoo.
- According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
Chuck Norris Born Jokes
Here is a list of funny chuck norris born jokes and even better chuck norris born puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When Chuck Norris was born… The doctor said Congratulations! You have two healthy parents.
- When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but. - The Grimm Reaper lost his job the day Chuck Norris was born.
- When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
- Did you know that Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin? That he built.
- Chuck Norris was born feet first.
It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth. - July 4th is Independence day.
And the day Chuck Norris was born.
Coincidence? I think not. - Evolution ended the day Chuck Norris was born.
- Chuck Norris dropped an apple once, and gravity was born.
- Do you know why babys cry when they are born?
Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
Wood Chuck Jokes
Here is a list of funny wood chuck jokes and even better wood chuck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How much wood does a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck chuck could chuck wood? None because only beavers give a dam.
- How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Not enough to save his family after the earthquake collapsed his house.
RIP woodchuckers - Sally sells seashells down by the seashore. But that's just a front for Pied Piper's pickled peppers, shipped inside woodchuck chucked wood.
- How much wood would a Jamaican mathematician chuck if a Jamaican mathematician would chuck wood? Log base tree often
(Jamaican accent: log base 3 of 10) - How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you say it 5 times fast you might get an answer.
- What would a woodchuck do if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Go chuck itself of course.
- How much wood would a Japanese woodchuck chuck if a Japanese woodchuck could chuck wood? About an.....Okinawa.
- The only difference between nunchucks and the legs of Chuck Norris is that wood eventually breaks.
- Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
- Chuck Norris rubs two pieces of fire together to make wood.
Uproarious Chuck Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about chuck you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean quack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chuck pranks.
Chuck Norris can speak Spanish in three different languages.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Reggie, Joe, and Chuck
There was once a farmer who had three teenage daughters. On prom night, a young boy rang his doorbell.
**Reggie:** My name's Reggie, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to go eat some spaghetti, is she ready?
He told his Betty that someone was there to pick her up and they left.
A while later, there someone else rang the doorbell.
**Joe:** My name's Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, we're going to watch a show, is she ready to go?
So he told Flo and they left.
A bit later, there was yet another boy at his door. He said:
**Chuck:** My name's Chuck...
And the farmer shot him.
SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF SARCASM
Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips
with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy
and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?"
and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3,
plans to use sarcasm himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said.
"Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them and I said
"Hey, great weather."
There were 3 Chinese men...
Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA.
They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names.
Han decided that he would be Huck.
Chan decided that he would be Chuck.
And Fan...well Fan decided that he`d stay in China.
Chuck Norris was 6 years old, when his friends went to his house to get him to play around, his mom told:
Chuck Norris cant come right now he is busy shaving.
A farmer had three daughters...
and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.
What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?
My Favorite,
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
There's 3 chinese brothers...
Bu, Chu, and Fu and they want to illgally sneak into America. So they decide to change their names to sound more American. Bu, changes his to Buck. Chu, changes his to Chuck. And Fu, got sent back to China.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris once flushed a c**...
Three weeks later the ninja turtles were born
It's Easter Sunday morning...
... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.
Young Chuck
One fine old day, Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with the dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck now works on Wall Street.
Chuck Norris jokes
When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.
So there's this school play...
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
What do you get when you cross Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris?
Beat up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while
Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.
Yet another Chuck Norris joke.
Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon using a payphone.
A woman's three daughters are going out on dates...
"What are your date plans?", the mother asks the daughters.
"I'm going out with Pete; we are going to eat" says the first daughter.
"Great! have fun" says the mom
"I'm going with Lance. We are going to dance" says the second daughter.
"Have a ball!" says the mother
"I'm going out with Chuck" says the third daughter
"NO YOU'RE NOT" yells the mother
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris got stabbed
The knife bled to death
I used to file my nails
Now I just chuck them away
Why can't Chuck Norris complete forms and applications on the internet?
Because he can't bring himself to click the "submit" button.
If we replace all "Chuck Norris" jokes with Kim Jung Un....
We could write the North Korean Official Website.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris's Daughter Lost her Virginity...
He got it back.
It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is "Chuck".
I mean, what the Farles is that about?
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Jesus could walk on water
.
.
.
But Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
Chuck Norris went to Mcdonalds
and the ice cream machine was working.
Chuck Norris got bitten by a King Cobra
And after 5 agonizing days of pain.
The cobra died
How many Push-Ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them
Truly delicious tofu recipe:
1) Chuck the tofu.
2) Fry a juicy steak.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't believe Chuck Norris is that great
Cuz if he was, he would show up right now, and slam my head all over my keasdhjaiosdcnhq09w8hjkoldq0i9 wdhj09qw daU9 10Q9WDJ09W3Q21JD QWD
Post Your Chuck Norris Jokes Here
Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.
How many nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns ?
Nun.
A father and his three daughters...
are sitting at home on a Saturday evening.
There is a knock at the door. The father answers to a young man.
Hi, my name is Lance, I'm here for Nance. We're going to the dance.
Nance left with Lance.
15 minutes later, another young man knocks at the door.
Hi, my name Joe and I'm here for Flo. We're going to watch the show.
Flo left with Joe
A third young man arrives.
Hi, my name is Chuck- the father shot Chuck
There once was a farmer with three daughters.
They were all going on their first date at the same time. The farmer, being protective of his daughters, grabbed a shotgun and stood by the door. The first guy came to the door and said
"Hi, my names Joe, I'm here for Flo, we are going to the show, is she ready too go?"
The farmer thought he was ok, so they went out.
The next boy came and said
"Hi, my names Kenny, I'm here for Benny, we are going to Denny's, is she ready?
The farmer thought he was ok too, so they went off. The last boy came and said
"Hi, my names Chuck-"
The farmer shot him in the chest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris visited the v**... Islands.
Now they're just the Islands.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I gave Chuck Norris a gun, he killed 54 people.
Then I gave him some ammunition.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Four guys are hanging out.
One of them says, Hey, did you know 1 out of ever 4 guys is gay?
Larry says, I hope it's chuck because he's really cute.
Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men.
One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.
Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens.
The aliens were never seen again.
Is Chuck Norris still alive
However, after his minor inconvenience of death, Chuck has made a full recovery, and is reported to be doing quite well.
Chuck Norris Covid 19 joke
Chuck Norris drinks coronavirus for breakfast.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch...
Chuck Noris went to a feminist rally...
He came back with his shirt ironed, holding a sandwich.
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....
How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris Joke
A priest, Jesus and Chuck Norris are on a sinking boat. Jesus starts to walk back to land. Chuck Norris does the same. The priest says "Lord, please let me walk on water", tries to walk but drowns. When Jesus and Chuck Norris got on land Jesus asked him "Shouldn't we have told him where the stones are"? And Chuck answered "Which stones"
Chuck Norris once visited Virginia
Now it's called just "ia"
Why did Chuck Norris cross the Road?
Well, the road wasn't going to cross Chuck Norris.
Why doesn't Chuck Norris tell jokes?
His punch lines are deadly.
Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy
Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy.
"How old are you little boy?"
"I'm 5 years old"
Chuck Norris said, "When I was your age I was 7."
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."
Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"
"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"
That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"
"And who will you be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach."
A father's three daughters were heading out of the house to go on dates
The first daughter said, I'm going out with Joe, and we're gonna see a show
The father said, A fine fella! Have fun my dear
The second daughter said, I'm going out with Pete, and we're gonna grab a bite to eat
Sounds wonderful! Have fun my dear
The third daughter said, I'm going out with Chuck, and we're gonna—
Oh no no no you don't young lady!! You march right back upstairs this instant!
~fin~
Most common Last words before death
1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it.
2. it's 100% safe!
3. green is always grounding.
4. turn left, I know it there.
5. I slept with your sister.
6. it's ok, dogs loves me.
7. oh, they changed color of my pills.
8. Somebody forgot his suitcase.
9. let's have one beer
10. Chuck Norris doesn't exis...
Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest
Loser has to wear his underwear above his pants.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on Christmas Day.
It wasn't his actual birthday, but he wasn't going to tell Chuck Norris that.
Before Chuck Norris goes sleep, he checks under his bed for Volodymyr Zelensky.
Tornadoes don't exist, Volodymyr Zelensky just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris jokes but instead of Chuck Norris it's Volodymyr Zelensky.
At what age did Chuck Norris lose his virginity?
Trick question, Chick Norris never loses!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?
**Chuck Norris is so tough he counted to infinity. Twice.**
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates..........
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" No. The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck." The farmer shot Chuck.
