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Chronic Jokes

82 chronic jokes and hilarious chronic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chronic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Jokes about chronic illnesses don't have to be bleak or sad. Join us as we explore how humor can be a powerful tool to cope with severe, degenerative illnesses like chronic pain, chronic kidney disease, and more. We'll share tips, stories, and more to help brighten your day.

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Funniest Chronic Short Jokes

Short chronic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chronic humour may include short long term jokes also.

  1. Did you hear about the chronic masturbator that was slightly under the weather? He's not feeling himself today.
  2. My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though I'll figure out what procrastination means later
  3. My girlfriend broke up with me because I am extremely handsome and too many girls want me She said something else about my chronic lying disorder but I wasn't really listening
  4. Did you hear that they make a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain? It's a site for sore eyes.
  5. Heard about the man with chronic dandruff who was attacked by a shark? They found his head and shoulders on the beach.
  6. My father, his father, his father's father and his father's father's father all had chronic diarrhoea Runs in the family I guess
  7. I spent 15 years suffering from chronic procrastination.... And I still can't decide if I prefer sativa or indica.
    P.s I am getting really annoyed by that persistent promoted post!
  8. The Bad News - I've been suffering from chronic Insomnia The Good News - Only 2 more sleeps until Santa arrives.
  9. For 2021, I'm absolutely done with being a chronic people pleaser..!! ......as long as everyone is ok with that ?
  10. Just thought I'd let you know that I'm a chronic kleptomaniac... but don't worry, I'm taking something for it.

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Chronic One Liners

Which chronic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chronic? I can suggest the ones about lifelong and acute.

  1. I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giant Feefiphobia…
  2. What is a chronic masturbator's favorite dish? Meat stroganoff
  3. I was referred to a doctor with chronic back pain. I hope he's still able to treat me.
  4. Why was the Mathematician frowned upon? He was a chronic math-debater
  5. I think my cat has chronic pain.... He keeps saying me ow
  6. Why did Levi Strauss suffer from chronic diarrhea? It runs in his jeans.
  7. Why did the sales representative quit their job? Chronic depression
  8. i used to suffer from chronic adhd as i was saying bacon makes everything better.
  9. What do you call tonic water with THC in it? Chronic water.
  10. What do you call it when a dog has chronic inflammation in its joints? Arf-ritis...
  11. A guy accidentally burns his finger while smoking a blunt now he has chronic pain
  12. Why don't cannibals like to eat clowns? Chronic depression makes the meat a little tangy.
  13. I have a chronic fear of guitars. They have too many frets.
  14. What's the only cure for chronic procrastination? I'll tell ya later
  15. How did the chronic masturbator die? He stroked out.

Chronic Pain Jokes

Here is a list of funny chronic pain jokes and even better chronic pain puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • After getting acupuncture, my chronic muscle pain is completely gone. The pin really is mightier than the sore.
  • You shouldn't worry about headaches I mean, it's all in your head.
Chronic joke, You shouldn't worry about <a href="/headache-jokes.html" title="Headaches jokes">headaches</a>

Laughter Chronic Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about chronic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lengthy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chronic pranks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What did the chronic masturbator say to his ex-girlfriend?

I'm nuttin' without you.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Did you hear about the Mexican hit-man who was a chronic masturbator?

He got excited when he was ordered to rub Juan out.

What are the odds of a chronic gambler ever calling the addiction-helpline?

No seriously, I've got $100 riding on this.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What's a chronically m**... hipster's favorite beer?

Fapst blue ribbon.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call someone who smokes w**... everyday?

A chronic user.

What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator?

A chronic math debater

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Doctor told a man he had chronic constipation. His response..

''No s**...!''

Did you hear about the chronic binger who was allergic to his food?

He bit off more than he *katchoo!*

Why was the chronic masturbater restrained to his hospital bed?

He kept trying to discharge himself

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What does a chef with a chronic m**... issue cook?

Fapjacks!

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What did the doctor prescribe for the chronic addict?

w**... everyday

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you get from too many b**... hits?

A chronic injury.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a Monster with chronic m**... problem?

Spakenstein

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why should you always buy w**... at schools for the blind?

Better strain at lower prices, they have chronic blindness.

I told my doctor I was getting really stressed out about my chronic constipation.

He prescribed me a relaxative.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What does a short handy man and a chronic p**... have in common?

His tools

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What group of superheroes is known for being chronic masturbators?

The Fap-tastic Four.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Everyone tells me it's weird that I tend to rub off on the people around me

But what can I say? I have a problem with chronic m**...

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Now that w**... is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for i**... possession.

Depression

Doctor: I think you suffer from seasonal depression.
Patient: I think it's chronic depression.
Doctor: why?
Patient; because I hate my life in the summer too.

In the famous words of Bob Ross: There's no such thing as mistakes, only happy little accidents...

Unless your little accident is diagnosed with chronic depression.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why do the chronic masturbater's friends keep him around?

He always comes in handy.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Where did the chronic masturbator go for treatment?

The s**... center

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

If I smoke some strong w**... and beat my meat...

Am I a chronic masturbator?

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a s**... who is also a chronic masturbator?

A w**... w**....

A Chinese woman who was a chronic masturbator crossdressed to enlist in the army

Her name was Fa Ping

I think I'm a chronic speeder, a cop just pulled me over again...

They just couldn't believe I didn't see the signs

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What's a chronic masturbators favorite part of the movie Mulan?

The part where she was Fa Ping.

An old farmer goes to the doctor for chronic coughing

The doctor took a perfunctory look at the farmer and tsked. "Just one cigarette a day from now on!" he told the farmer.
Six months later the farmer comes back looking absolutely terrible. "I told you one cigarette a day," the doctor said. "Have you been taking my advice?"
The farmer replied, "At my age, do you realize how difficult it is to pick up smoking?"

People wonder how being being a chronic insomniac affects my job as a carpenter...

Quite frankly, I enjoy getting paid to bang all night

What does a recovering chronic masturbator and an anorexic have in common?

They're both allowed only one nut a day.

The Chinese President dies of a chronic disease. How does his wife feel?

Xi's Jinping with joy.

What do a pilot and a chronic masturbator have in common?

When they wake up abruptly their first thought is to pull up.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why should you always keep a chronic masturbater nearby?

He comes in handy.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I think my w**... dealer gave me corona

I've got a chronic cough.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Do you suffer from chronic m**...?

As a therapist i can help. We can beat it together.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why did the chronic masturbator's computer c**...?

There was too much load on the CPU.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

In an attempt to break his addiction...

In an attempt to break his addiction, a chronic masturbator decides to buy a whiteboard and start tallying the days since he last j**... off. After a successful day, the man grabs a marker and draws two tallies, but realizing it had only been one day, he takes his hand and rubs one out.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of w**....

"What have we here?"
"It's not mine officer."
He scoffs.
"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"b**...."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis and flush it down the c**.... He checks my pocket and asks,
"So where's the bag of w**...?"
"What bag of w**...?"

Chronic joke, A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of w**....

jokes about chronic