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Christmas Tree Jokes

131 christmas tree jokes and hilarious christmas tree puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christmas tree that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Christmas Tree Short Jokes

Short christmas tree jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christmas tree humour may include short tree decorating jokes also.

  1. I bought a christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself. I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room"
  2. Totally sick of idiots letting firework off early, it's still October for goodness sake!!! Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!
  3. Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...
    ...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.
  4. What do trump and a Christmas tree both have in common ? They both get thrown out in January
  5. What's the similarity between a Christmas tree and a guy who had a vasectomy? Their balls are decorative.
  6. When I told my mother I wanted to put the Christmas tree up myself... she suggested that I should put it up in the living room instead.
  7. My epileptic son loves our new Christmas tree. You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.
  8. I went to buy a Christmas tree. The guy said, "Are you gonna put it up yourself?"
    I said, "No, I was thinking the living room."
  9. I just bought a Christmas tree and my buddy asked, "Are you going to put that up yourself?" I replied, "No, I was thinking the living room."
  10. Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace

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Christmas Tree One Liners

Which christmas tree one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christmas tree? I can suggest the ones about pine tree and christmas lights.

  1. Why did the fox News Christmas tree catch fire? They left it too close to the gaslight.
  2. What type of tree does a Satanist get for Christmas? A Lucy Fir
  3. I just finished decorating my xmas tree with tampons. For the Christmas period.
  4. What do a christmas tree and Donald Trump have in common? Both will be out in January.
  5. I like my women how I like my Christmas trees. Illegally taken in the forest.
  6. What's colored and looks good hanging from a tree... Christmas ornaments.
  7. Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison? Treeson.
  8. What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple
  9. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
  10. Christmas trees are bad at sewing They always drop their needles.
  11. What is similar about Christmas and tornado season? You have a tree in your living room.
  12. What do you call a Christmas tree that only appears in action movies? Spruce Willis.
  13. Enthusiasm 365 days until Christmas and people already have their trees up.
  14. This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
  15. The Aborists came to my house on Christmas Day. I was visited by the tree wise men.

Christmas Tree Decorating Jokes

Here is a list of funny christmas tree decorating jokes and even better christmas tree decorating puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why wasn't the elf allowed to use the step ladder to decorate the Christmas tree? Because of 'elf and safety restrictions.
  • A father was decorating the Christmas tree with his son. The boy says: "Dad can't we use tinsel like everyone else? This is really uncomfortable."
  • Did you hear about the soldier who snuck behind enemy lines disguised as a Christmas tree? He was a decorated veteran.
  • My Christmas tree wss very happy when I removed the decorations from it. It was absolutely delighted.
  • Everyone likes decorating the Christmas tree, but taking it down confuses me... It's really disornamenting
  • What do minorities have in common with Christmas decorations? The Alt-Right wants them hanging from a tree and nobody to object to it.
  • What does a man who's had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common? Decorative b**....
  • What do a Christmas tree and an old man have in common? The wood is dead, and the b**... are just for decoration.
  • Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree? Because people kept shouting "m**..." at him.
Christmas Tree joke, Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about christmas tree can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of christmas tree puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Christmas Tree Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about christmas tree you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean christmas decorations jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make christmas tree prank.

Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men?
A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.

What happened to the dog that ate a Christmas tree?

He f**... a c**....

So I was walking through Wal-Mart looking to buy new ornaments for my christmas tree, when I saw an Obama ornament.

Funny, I didn't know it was acceptable to hang a black man from a tree again.

It's starting to look like Christmas in New York

A lot of the stores have trees in the window

A cowboy walks into a bar...

...dressed entirely in paper, head to toe. The works. Paper hat, crinkled paper hat-band, grocery bag shirt, newsprint vest, origami guns in cardboard holsters, belts made of those paper links on Christmas trees, butcher's paper pants and chaps, tissue-box boots, and glossy magazine spurs. He nods to the bartender and takes a seat at the poker table. He plays for about half an hour, when the sheriff bursts in and arrests him for rustling.

What did the h**... hang on the christmas tree?

w**...-naments

The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.

The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"

The double meaning of Christmas!

I bought a new 6 foot, artificial, LED Christmas tree yesterday.
The sales assistant asked " Are you putting this up yourself sir?"
"No, it's going in the living room as usual" I replied.

Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?

Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,
"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"

A man goes to buy a Christmas Tree...

... After the salesman rings him up and helps him strap it to the car, he asks, "were you planning on putting this up yourself?" to which the man responds, "Actually, I was thinking of putting it in the living room."

Santa was having a really bad day....

Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, what will I do with the tree ?
And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?

Because he had a low "elf" esteem!

364 Days Until Christmas....

....And some people have already got their trees up, disgraceful!

My mom went to go buy a Christmas tree from the store

The man behind the counter said "are you going to put it up yourself?" Mom says "no thats terrible, im going to put it in the family room"

2 village idiots are walking...

...in the woods in December. They spend long hours there, seemingly looking at the trees. As time goes by, they argue more and more. Finally, at sunset, one tells the other:
"Look, I don't care if the next one doesn't have any decorations, we're taking it for Christmas!"

Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree...

The guy at the counter asked my dad "are you going to put it up yourself?" To which my dad responded "don't be disgusting... I'm going to put it in the living room."

It only took me 20 minutes to get the Christmas tree up this year.

It took doctors 6 hours to get it back out again.

Putting a selfie on the top of your Christmas tree...

...because you're such a f**king star!

What did the Christmas tree say to the snowman?

Christmas trees don't talk.

What's the best thing to bring to your holiday party?

A Christmas tree. Because they're lit.

My wife wanted a Christmas tree in every room

But I said no way that's overkill. So we compromised and now there's a Christmas tree in every room.

I recently bought a Christmas tree at a shop...

The man at the cashier said to me "Are you going to put that up yourself?"
I replied to him in disgust saying "No, that is disgusting! I'm going to put it up in my living room."

An Australian Christmas

Australian Santa: What would you like for Christmas little girl?
Girl: A Barbie
**girl wakes up to find a Broil King bbq under the tree**

A man buys a Christmas tree.

As he goes to pay for the tree, the attendant says, "Are you putting the tree up yourself?"
The man replies, "Quit being disgusting. I'm putting the tree in my living room."

Two r**..., Joe and Bubba went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees.

They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Bubba finally said, "Joe, I'm takin the next tree we come to, wether it has lights on it or not!"

A boy opens up his presents under the Christmas tree

With disappointment he exclaims, "Santa s**... he didn't get me the Xbox I wanted instead he got me a s**... sweater."
Father:"Now, now son, you should feel lucky to have that sweater. There are kids around the world who need that sweater more than they need than the Xbox I accidentally sent out."

What do Prostitutes hang on their Christmas trees?

Whorenaments.

My Christmas tree is on a timer

It lights up everyday at 4:20

What types of trees never get Christmas presents?

Knotty Pines.

Buddha sits under the christmas tree..

"I am present"

What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?

A pear.

I put the Christmas tree in our bed.

Hopefully my wife will be okay with us having a treesome.

Thought of this joke a little late....

Your Christmas tree is pretty big, but Donald Trump has an even bigotry!

When I went shopping for a christmas tree last year...

... the guy asked "are you gonna put it up yourself?" and I said "no, I was thinking the livingroom"

What do you call a Bruce Springsteen ornament on a christmas tree?

Spruce springsteen

How is a christmas tree like a j**...?

The higher they get, they more often they drop needles

CHRISTMAS TIP: Wrap empty presents and put under the tree.

When you kid starts misbehaving throw one in the fire place.
That'll teach them little b**....

A man was picking out a Christmas tree

A man was picking out a Christmas tree.
When he goes to pay for it, the cashier asks him, "Will you be putting this up yourself?"

The man replies, "Quit being disgusting! I'm putting it in my living room."

Why do Christmas trees s**... at sewing?

They're always dropping their needles!

Two blondes go deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree...

After hours and hours of sub-zero temperatures, a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turns to the other and says, "Enough is enough! I'm chopping down the next tree I see! I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

Why do you trim your Christmas tree before you put it up?

To make sure it's presentable.

In London this Christmas one in 5 children will not get a gift from Santa

One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas dinner with their parents
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas tree in their house
This is not a message from the Salvation Army or unicef for you to donate
One in every 5 kids in London is a Muslim and they don't celebrate Christmas

Sometimes I wish I were a Christmas ornament

So I could be hung from a tree

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.
He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's light"..

Two guys are looking for a christmas tree in the woods...

They've been walking through the thick snow for about an hour and one of the guys says:
"Ah screw it! Lets just take that big one over there. So what if it doesn't have decorations?"

Daam gurl r you a Christmas tree?

'Cause you never leave.
And you smell.

A quadruple amputee is opening his present on christmas.

He crawls over to the tree and tears in to the wrapping with his teeth. The paper flies everywhere as the present is revealed.
"Not another hat..."

A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.

When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

Two brother sit under the christmas tree....

One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.
The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back: guess who has cancer.

People have gone too far, we call a Christmas Tree a Holiday Tree

So why don't we call a Hanukkah Bush and Holiday Bush

Why did the Christmas tree wear underwear?

He wanted to cover his ornaments
My 6 yo cousin came up with it. Anyone heard it before?

Real Christmas trees are like my Friday nights

Sticky, smelly, and needles everywhere

Oh, Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree!

My ma can be quite careless with fire sometimes.....

Three blondes go into the woods to find the perfect Christmas Tree

After hours of searching one says:

"Maybe we should just take one of these without the ornaments!?"

What's a Christmas tree's favourite TV show?

Fraser Fir sure.

What does Christmas and k**... have in common?

They both hang objects from trees.

I know someone who faked his degree in botany.

He wrote his thesis on artificial Christmas trees.

Every Valentines Day, I bring a smile to my wife's face.

By taking down the Christmas tree.

Why was the Christmas tree sent to the psych ward?

Because it was suffering from ornamental health issues.

A lady walked into a tattoo parlor and said, "Can you do a tattoo of a turkey on my right inner thigh and one of a Christmas tree on my left inner thigh?"

"Sure,* the tattoo artist said. "But if you
don't mind me asking, why did you choose
those two designs?"
The lady smiled. "My husband' she explained. "He says there's never anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

I got a Christmas tree

The man said, " Are you gonna put it up yerself?"
I said "No, I was thinking in the Loungeroom"

Christmas night

One night as santa was doing his usual job of putting gifts under the Christmas tree a kid woke up and asked Santa
"Santa? Why are your sacks so big?"
"Because i come once a year"

From my 8 year old...

What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an IPad? A pineapple.
Don't ban me please.

Christmas Tree joke, From my 8 year old...

jokes about christmas tree

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these christmas tree jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.