Christmas Tree Jokes
124 christmas tree jokes and hilarious christmas tree puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christmas tree that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Christmas Tree Short Jokes
Short christmas tree jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christmas tree humour may include short tree decorating jokes also.
- I bought a christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself. I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room"
- Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...
...shame really, they would have loved a kitten. - What do trump and a Christmas tree both have in common ? They both get thrown out in January
- When I told my mother I wanted to put the Christmas tree up myself... she suggested that I should put it up in the living room instead.
- My epileptic son loves our new Christmas tree. You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.
- From my 8 year old... What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an IPad? A pineapple.
Don't ban me please. - Why wasn't the elf allowed to use the step ladder to decorate the Christmas tree? Because of 'elf and safety restrictions.
- A father was decorating the Christmas tree with his son. The boy says: "Dad can't we use tinsel like everyone else? This is really uncomfortable."
- Did you hear about the soldier who snuck behind enemy lines disguised as a Christmas tree? He was a decorated veteran.
- I didn't know Mariah Carey liked trees so much. But apparently all she wants for Christmas is yew.
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Christmas Tree One Liners
Which christmas tree one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christmas tree? I can suggest the ones about pine tree and christmas lights.
- Why did the fox News Christmas tree catch fire? They left it too close to the gaslight.
- What type of tree does a Satanist get for Christmas? A Lucy Fir
- I just finished decorating my xmas tree with tampons. For the Christmas period.
- I like my women how I like my Christmas trees. Illegally taken in the forest.
- What's colored and looks good hanging from a tree... Christmas ornaments.
- Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison? Treeson.
- What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple
- Christmas trees are bad at sewing They always drop their needles.
- What is similar about Christmas and tornado season? You have a tree in your living room.
- What do you call a Christmas tree that only appears in action movies? Spruce Willis.
- Enthusiasm 365 days until Christmas and people already have their trees up.
- This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
- The Aborists came to my house on Christmas Day. I was visited by the tree wise men.
- Why was Luke under the Christmas tree? He wanted to feel Obi Wan's presents.
- What do Prostitutes hang on their Christmas trees? Whorenaments.
Christmas Tree Decorating Jokes
Here is a list of funny christmas tree decorating jokes and even better christmas tree decorating puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My Christmas tree wss very happy when I removed the decorations from it. It was absolutely delighted.
- Everyone likes decorating the Christmas tree, but taking it down confuses me... It's really disornamenting
Comical Christmas Tree Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about christmas tree you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean christmas decorations jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make christmas tree pranks.
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men?
A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Shouldn't you be on top of the tree, Angel?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happened to the dog that ate a Christmas tree?
He f**... a c**....
It's starting to look like Christmas in New York
A lot of the stores have trees in the window
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.
The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
The double meaning of Christmas!
I bought a new 6 foot, artificial, LED Christmas tree yesterday.
The sales assistant asked " Are you putting this up yourself sir?"
"No, it's going in the living room as usual" I replied.
Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?
Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,
"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"
Original Tree Pun =D
There was a tree in the backyard of the house I used to live in called a Chinaberry tree. Chinaberry trees are known for their bright yellow berries and their intoxicating effects on birds (true story), so every now and then we'd go outside and find a bird that looked like my uncle at every Christmas party, ever. I heard that some guy wrote a book about them, I think it was... Tequilla Mockingbird.
The police ignored me when I told them I was robbed at a supermarket.
Apparently charging £80 for a Christmas tree isn't 'robbery'
Santa was having a really bad day....
Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, what will I do with the tree ?
And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
364 Days Until Christmas....
....And some people have already got their trees up, disgraceful!
My girlfriend told me that if I were a tree, she'd want me to be a Christmas tree so she could spruce me up
I told her she'd probably be a huge birch
My mom went to go buy a Christmas tree from the store
The man behind the counter said "are you going to put it up yourself?" Mom says "no thats terrible, im going to put it in the family room"
Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree...
The guy at the counter asked my dad "are you going to put it up yourself?" To which my dad responded "don't be disgusting... I'm going to put it in the living room."
It only took me 20 minutes to get the Christmas tree up this year.
It took doctors 6 hours to get it back out again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Putting a selfie on the top of your Christmas tree...
...because you're such a f**king star!
What did the Christmas tree say to the snowman?
Christmas trees don't talk.
What's the best thing to bring to your holiday party?
A Christmas tree. Because they're lit.
My wife wanted a Christmas tree in every room
But I said no way that's overkill. So we compromised and now there's a Christmas tree in every room.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently bought a Christmas tree at a shop...
The man at the cashier said to me "Are you going to put that up yourself?"
I replied to him in disgust saying "No, that is disgusting! I'm going to put it up in my living room."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Australian Christmas
Australian Santa: What would you like for Christmas little girl?
Girl: A Barbie
**girl wakes up to find a Broil King bbq under the tree**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man buys a Christmas tree.
As he goes to pay for the tree, the attendant says, "Are you putting the tree up yourself?"
The man replies, "Quit being disgusting. I'm putting the tree in my living room."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two r**..., Joe and Bubba went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees.
They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Bubba finally said, "Joe, I'm takin the next tree we come to, wether it has lights on it or not!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy opens up his presents under the Christmas tree
With disappointment he exclaims, "Santa s**... he didn't get me the Xbox I wanted instead he got me a s**... sweater."
Father:"Now, now son, you should feel lucky to have that sweater. There are kids around the world who need that sweater more than they need than the Xbox I accidentally sent out."
My Christmas tree is on a timer
It lights up everyday at 4:20
What types of trees never get Christmas presents?
Knotty Pines.
Buddha sits under the christmas tree..
"I am present"
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pear.
I put the Christmas tree in our bed.
Hopefully my wife will be okay with us having a treesome.
Christmas Tree Salesmen Needed!
Must be good at exchanging pleasantries with strangers.
What do you call a Bruce Springsteen ornament on a christmas tree?
Spruce springsteen
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How is a christmas tree like a j**...?
The higher they get, they more often they drop needles
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do adult film stars hang in their Christmas trees?
Pornaments
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
CHRISTMAS TIP: Wrap empty presents and put under the tree.
When you kid starts misbehaving throw one in the fire place.
That'll teach them little b**....
A man was picking out a Christmas tree
A man was picking out a Christmas tree.
When he goes to pay for it, the cashier asks him, "Will you be putting this up yourself?"
The man replies, "Quit being disgusting! I'm putting it in my living room."
Two blondes go deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree...
After hours and hours of sub-zero temperatures, a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turns to the other and says, "Enough is enough! I'm chopping down the next tree I see! I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
Why do you trim your Christmas tree before you put it up?
To make sure it's presentable.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree?
Because people kept shouting "m**..." at him.
Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick
Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.
He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's light"..
Emo kids are like Christmas ornaments
You'll find both hanging from a tree.
Two guys are looking for a christmas tree in the woods...
They've been walking through the thick snow for about an hour and one of the guys says:
"Ah screw it! Lets just take that big one over there. So what if it doesn't have decorations?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Daam gurl r you a Christmas tree?
'Cause you never leave.
And you smell.
A quadruple amputee is opening his present on christmas.
He crawls over to the tree and tears in to the wrapping with his teeth. The paper flies everywhere as the present is revealed.
"Not another hat..."
Do you remember the Christmas tree with lights that blink when you scan a port on a server?
They were going to do one for every time Facebook shared user data, but the lights just stayed on.
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas tip:
Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace
Two brother sit under the christmas tree....
One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.
The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back: guess who has cancer.
What did the Nightmare Before Christmas Tree say before it fell?
TIMBURTON!!!!!!
I'm thinking of putting the Christmas tree up myself this year
I used to put it up in the living room.
I was going to tell you a really funny joke about Christmas trees...
But I fir-got
What do you call the genocide of trees?
Christmas Day
What is a christmas trees favourite candy?
Ornamints!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was buying a large Christmas tree...
... and the cashier said, "Whoa, are you going to put that up yourself?"
I said, "No, you sicko, I'm putting it in my living room!"
Mommy, mommy, christmas tree is burning!
Sweetie, the christmas tree is shining, not burning.
Mommy, the carpet and curtains are now shining too!
Why did the Christmas tree cross the road?
He just wood...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People have gone too far, we call a Christmas Tree a Holiday Tree
So why don't we call a Hanukkah Bush and Holiday Bush
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are black people and Christmas ornaments alike?
They both look best hanging from a tree.
Why did the Christmas tree wear underwear?
He wanted to cover his ornaments
My 6 yo cousin came up with it. Anyone heard it before?
What did the scientist plant for Christmas
A Chemis-tree
Real Christmas trees are like my Friday nights
Sticky, smelly, and needles everywhere
Oh, Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree!
My ma can be quite careless with fire sometimes.....
What's a Christmas tree's favourite TV show?
Fraser Fir sure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Christmas and k**... have in common?
They both hang objects from trees.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the log say to the christmas tree?
**Yule** end up like me if you don't stay away from lumberjacks.
I know someone who faked his degree in botany.
He wrote his thesis on artificial Christmas trees.
Every Valentines Day, I bring a smile to my wife's face.
By taking down the Christmas tree.
