Christmas Present Jokes
110 christmas present jokes and hilarious christmas present puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christmas present that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Christmas Present Short Jokes
Short christmas present jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christmas present humour may include short christmas gift jokes also.
- I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
- What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
- Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents. - How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents…
- To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present They're due back at the library today.
- Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...
...shame really, they would have loved a kitten. - How does Darth Vader know what he's getting for Christmas? He feels his presents
(This is my only Christmas joke and I am deeply ashamed of that) - Uncle came over for Christmas, and told me these wisdoms: "Forget the future, you cannot predict it. Forget the past, you cannot change it." "And forget the present, I didn't get you one."
- What did the guy without hands get for christmas? We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet
- I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It's not her main present, just a stocking filler
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Christmas Present One Liners
Which christmas present one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christmas present? I can suggest the ones about birthday present and christmas holiday.
- Why didn't Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents? Because he was on the Nautilus...
- The Jedi know what we're getting for Christmas They have sensed our presents
- Why is Darth Vader such a spoilsport at Christmas? Because he feels everyone's presents.
- If you want an unbeatable christmas present for your friend, get them a broken drum.
- How does Snoop Dogg prepare for Christmas? he raps his presents
- Asked for a Bitcoin for Christmas Opened up my present to find a quarter with a bite mark
- Why was the dyslexic child sad on Christmas? He received presents from Satan.
- Why didn't Timmy get his parents Christmas presents? He's an orphan.
- Why was Luke under the Christmas tree? He wanted to feel Obi Wan's presents.
- Took a peak at one of my Christmas presents. A bag of rice? Thanks a lot Uncle Ben.
- I got the most classic, timeless Christmas present this year A broken watch
- Who delivers presents to sharks on Christmas? Santa Jaws
- My dad says he hates surprises... So I wrapped all his Christmas presents in cellophane.
- Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
- Why do you trim your Christmas tree before you put it up? To make sure it's presentable.
Delightful Fun Christmas Present Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about christmas present you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean birthday gift jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make christmas present pranks.
Two brothers on Christmas day
So there are two brothers, Jimmy and Timmy
They both run down stairs to see what Santa had brought them
The presents are divided into two piles, with Jimmy's pile being larger
Jimmy say, " Haha, my pile is bigger!"
Then Timmy says," Well, atleast I don't have cancer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Larry was not a good gift giver.
Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.
John gets a Christmas parrot
John decided to get his wife a Christmas present. Maybe a puppy. Walking in to the pet store, he searches for the right puppy.
"Excuse me sir, are you looking for a Christmas present?" the clerk asked. "Yes, I think she would like a puppy," John replies.
"Here," motioning towards the back of the store, "we have a very special bird, Chet. He sings Christmas carols. See, light a match and hold it under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh." "Perfect," John exclaims.
Molly was home as she hears John knocking on the door. Letting him in, John proudly smiles, "His name is Chet. I got you a singing parrot!" Raising a eyebrow, Molly stares at him. Placing the parrot on his stand, John lights a match. "Listen to him sing when I hold the match under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing again, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh."
"Well, what do you think?" Jon smiles. Molly stood quietly, "What would happened if you hold the match, well, between his feet?"
Holding the match between his feet, the parrot squawks, "CHET'S NUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE!"
Do you know what the kid with no hands got for Christmas?
Me neither. He couldn't open his presents.
Cemetery Plot for Christmas
One Christmas time, an elderly woman opens her present from her son-in-law and discovers a cemetery plot inside. Despite the confusion, she thanks him very much for the gift.
The following Christmas, she approaches her son-in-law and asks where her present is. He simply replies that he didn't get one for her.
"Why not?! You always get me a gift..."
"Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!!"
I've just found a Christmas present for my daughter in the loft.
I'll take it up to her later.
Christmas with the family
While I greatly enjoy the presence of their company, I prefer the company of their presents.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the downside of being a r**... kid at Christmas?
You only get presents from one set of grandparents.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife doesn't know this, but I put a dollar in an envelope every time we have s**.... This is all I'm spending for her Christmas present.
So far she's getting a McChicken.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think that the best Christmas present is the one that you make yourself you know?
Like, crystal m**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve
They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a c**..., so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, 'How do these represent Christmas?' Answer: 'They're Carol's.'
What did Martin Shkreli get as an early Christmas present?
Arrested.
Christmas is always awkward in Steve Harvey's house
None of the presents have the correct names.
It was fun watching a Christmas carol. The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future were great.
It was in tense.
A boy is asking santa for a heavy sweater for christmas present
so santa send him a sumo wrestler
How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents
Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the reindeer drowned.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas
It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"
"What is it?" The others ask.
"A brand new Mercedes!"
"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.
"What is it?" The first guy asks.
"A brand new Porsche!"
"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"
"A scale."
Struggling with Christmas Presents???
If you're struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas...
Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it!
People question the Christmas present I got for my mother
They say a fridge is a terrible gift when she already has one. But when I saw here face light up upon opening it, all doubts where gone.
What did the clerk say to young Muhammad Ali when he tried to purchase an elaborate Christmas present?
You're cashless, Clay.
Who delivers presents to good little kittens on Christmas day?
Santa Paws
Ordered some Christmas presents online the other day and used my donor card instead of my debit card.
Cost me an arm and a leg.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy opens up his presents under the Christmas tree
With disappointment he exclaims, "Santa s**... he didn't get me the Xbox I wanted instead he got me a s**... sweater."
Father:"Now, now son, you should feel lucky to have that sweater. There are kids around the world who need that sweater more than they need than the Xbox I accidentally sent out."
What types of trees never get Christmas presents?
Knotty Pines.
Giving Christmas presents always reminds me of what myself and Lil Wayne have in common
We're both terrible wrappers
People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas
It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since august, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy
Buddha sits under the christmas tree..
"I am present"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend walked in on me putting on a c**....
She said, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Wrapping your Christmas present!"
Santa was late delivering presents on Christmas because his reindeer needed so many coffee breaks
They were all star bucks
Why did the kid get his Christmas present early?
Because chemotherapy is very expensive
Jesus celebrated each birthday on Christmas...
... imagine the amount of presents he must have gotten!
The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future are all sitting in a bar together.
What a tense atmosphere.
What do you call a raven that delivers Christmas Presents?
Santa Claws
A mother asks her python programmer son what he wants for Christmas...
He says "I'd like 1 bike please."
So off his mother goes to buy him a bike.
Christmas morning comes, and the boy has opened all of his presents.
"Where's my other bike?!" He screams,
"I asked for 1 you only got me 0?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
CHRISTMAS TIP: Wrap empty presents and put under the tree.
When you kid starts misbehaving throw one in the fire place.
That'll teach them little b**....
I hope I get $100 of bitcoin as a Christmas present
I mean $120.23
EDIT $97.56
EDIT 2 $103.55
EDIT 3 $111.47
I was going to give my family a cat for Christmas,
Unfortunately it died before the 25th... I guess it makes it a future present that passed.
Christmas would be way easier if instead of giving everyone presents at one time, we divided up who received them, by say, the month of the year they were born.
Oh wait
My wife hasn't been feeling very festive lately, but I've gotten her a present that will help her to discover the true meaning of Christmas...
A dictionary.
My pregnant, coastguard, friend has had an amazing early Christmas present today
She's had a little buoy
I love buying too much christmas style wrapping paper....
Because it presents itself so tear-ibly in the off seasons!
Santa comes to the White House....
Santa arrives at the White House and hands Donald Trump his Christmas present. Trump excitedly tears open his gift then looks up at Santa in shock. "What?", Santa exclaims. "I thought you LOVED coal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandfather doesn't go to malls anymore out of fear of t**... attacks
He was more convincing when he blamed his alcoholism on not getting me a Christmas present
What part of the contract must parents follow while buying Christmas presents?
The Santa Clause.
A quadruple amputee is opening his present on christmas.
He crawls over to the tree and tears in to the wrapping with his teeth. The paper flies everywhere as the present is revealed.
"Not another hat..."
Two brother sit under the christmas tree....
One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.
The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back: guess who has cancer.
Hey! You know, they've started offering free meditation retreats at the North Pole!
Turns out the Christmas elves are really present minded.
Buddha said: do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
But Christmas morning IS in the future.
Two siblings, a boy and a girl opens their Christmas presents
The boy received a football hat while the girl received a wonderful gold necklace.
The next year, the boy received a puzzle and the girl received an new wardrobe full of clothes.
And the next year again, the boy finds out he got a cheap chinese phone while his sister received an iPhone X.
So this year, after the opening, the girl says: "Haha! mom and dad loves me more!"
The boy replies: "Haha! I don't have a tumor"
What do bureaucrats use to wrap Christmas presents?
Lots of red tape!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you have a c**...?
I'll need it to wrap your Christmas present.
Present for my dad
I've bought my dad a Zippo lighter for Christmas.
I want it to be a surprise when he comes back with the cigarettes he went out to buy ten years ago.
My girlfriend said that she loves the rough boys.
So I didn't bought any Christmas present for her.
Christmas is the present holiday.
(Yes, that's a pun.)
What do Judah and the Lion do when they get Christmas presents they don't like?
They take it all back, take it all back.
Satan sneak into my house yesterday
He said I won't be getting any presents from him this christmas
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't people with dyslexia like Christmas?
They don't like getting presents from Satan.
Why is it so hard to shop for Darth Vader for Christmas?
Because he can feel your presents.
We'll receive our Christmas presents on the 8th of Jan
Coz Santa needs to quarantine for 14 days.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My kids kept trying to find the Christmas presents so I put them in the attic
Now the pesky buggers are b**... on the attic door asking to be let out
