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Christmas Present Jokes

110 christmas present jokes and hilarious christmas present puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christmas present that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Christmas Present Short Jokes

Short christmas present jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christmas present humour may include short christmas gift jokes also.

  1. I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
  2. Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
    Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
  3. What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
  4. Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents? Because the rest of the letters are not-E.
  5. How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents…
  6. What did the handless boy get for Christmas? glove.
    Just kidding, he's still trying to open his present.
  7. To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present They're due back at the library today.
  8. Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...
    ...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.
  9. A mother walks in on her son playing with his privates. "Oh no..."
    "What's wrong"
    "Those soldiers were gonna be your Christmas present"
  10. A 7 year old kid happily asks him mum Kid: Mummy, why am I getting my Christmas present on 18th august?
    Mum: Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy, son.

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Christmas Present One Liners

Which christmas present one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christmas present? I can suggest the ones about birthday present and christmas holiday.

  1. Why didn't Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents? Because he was on the Nautilus...
  2. The Jedi know what we're getting for Christmas They have sensed our presents
  3. Christmas must be a hard time for dyslexic children. They get their presents from Satan.
  4. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents
  5. What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum – you just can't beat it
  6. Why is Darth Vader such a spoilsport at Christmas? Because he feels everyone's presents.
  7. If you want an unbeatable christmas present for your friend, get them a broken drum.
  8. How does Snoop Dogg prepare for Christmas? he raps his presents
  9. Asked for a Bitcoin for Christmas Opened up my present to find a quarter with a bite mark
  10. I tried wrapping Christmas presents.. But I just didn't have the gift
  11. Why was the dyslexic child sad on Christmas? He received presents from Satan.
  12. Why didn't Timmy get his parents Christmas presents? He's an orphan.
  13. Why was Luke under the Christmas tree? He wanted to feel Obi Wan's presents.
  14. How did the Jedi know what you were getting for Christmas? He felt your presents.
  15. Took a peak at one of my Christmas presents. A bag of rice? Thanks a lot Uncle Ben.

Delightful Fun Christmas Present Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about christmas present you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean birthday gift jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make christmas present pranks.

Larry was not a good gift giver.

Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.

Do you know what the kid with no hands got for Christmas?

Me neither. He couldn't open his presents.

I was in the attic the other day...

...and I found a Christmas present that I meant to give to my daughter a year ago.
It's a shame I forgot about it, she always wanted a puppy.

Cemetery Plot for Christmas

One Christmas time, an elderly woman opens her present from her son-in-law and discovers a cemetery plot inside. Despite the confusion, she thanks him very much for the gift.
The following Christmas, she approaches her son-in-law and asks where her present is. He simply replies that he didn't get one for her.
"Why not?! You always get me a gift..."
"Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!!"

I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas.

It's not her main present, just a stocking filler

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?

Because he had a low "elf" esteem!

What's the downside of being a r**... kid at Christmas?

You only get presents from one set of grandparents.

My wife doesn't know...

That every time we have s**..., I put a dollar into an envelope that goes toward her Christmas present. So far, she's getting a candy bar.

My wife doesn't know this, but I put a dollar in an envelope every time we have s**.... This is all I'm spending for her Christmas present.

So far she's getting a McChicken.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas

Gloves. Only joking he's not opened his presents yet.

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve

They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a c**..., so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, 'How do these represent Christmas?' Answer: 'They're Carol's.'

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?

We don't know; she hasn't opened her presents yet.

What did the guy without hands get for christmas?

We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet

A boy is asking santa for a heavy sweater for christmas present

so santa send him a sumo wrestler

What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

Gloves.
Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

Trying a new thing with my wife....

I've been trying this new thing with my wife. Whenever we have s**... I secretly put a dollar in an envelope. However much is in the envelope at the end of the year will be spent on her Christmas present.
So far she's getting a McChicken

How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents

Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the reindeer drowned.

Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas

It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"
"What is it?" The others ask.
"A brand new Mercedes!"
"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.
"What is it?" The first guy asks.
"A brand new Porsche!"
"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"
"A scale."

Struggling with Christmas Presents???

If you're struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas...
Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it!

People question the Christmas present I got for my mother

They say a fridge is a terrible gift when she already has one. But when I saw here face light up upon opening it, all doubts where gone.

My dad says he hates surprises...

So I wrapped all his Christmas presents in cellophane.

Ordered some Christmas presents online the other day and used my donor card instead of my debit card.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

A boy opens up his presents under the Christmas tree

With disappointment he exclaims, "Santa s**... he didn't get me the Xbox I wanted instead he got me a s**... sweater."
Father:"Now, now son, you should feel lucky to have that sweater. There are kids around the world who need that sweater more than they need than the Xbox I accidentally sent out."

Giving Christmas presents always reminds me of what myself and Lil Wayne have in common

We're both terrible wrappers

People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas

It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas?

No one knows, he hasn't opened his presents yet.

My girlfriend walked in on me putting on a c**....

She said, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Wrapping your Christmas present!"

Who delivers presents to sharks on Christmas?

Santa Jaws

I got the most classic, timeless Christmas present this year

A broken watch

The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future are all sitting in a bar together.

What a tense atmosphere.

I'm getting my wife a new prosthetic leg for Christmas.

It's not her main present, it's just a stocking filler.

A mother asks her python programmer son what he wants for Christmas...

He says "I'd like 1 bike please."
So off his mother goes to buy him a bike.
Christmas morning comes, and the boy has opened all of his presents.
"Where's my other bike?!" He screams,
"I asked for 1 you only got me 0?!"

I've bought my wife an artificial leg for Christmas

It's not her main present, more of a stocking filler.

I was going to give my family a cat for Christmas,

Unfortunately it died before the 25th... I guess it makes it a future present that passed.

My wife hasn't been feeling very festive lately, but I've gotten her a present that will help her to discover the true meaning of Christmas...

A dictionary.

How does Darth Vader know what he's getting for Christmas?

He feels his presents
(This is my only Christmas joke and I am deeply ashamed of that)

Santa comes to the White House....

Santa arrives at the White House and hands Donald Trump his Christmas present. Trump excitedly tears open his gift then looks up at Santa in shock. "What?", Santa exclaims. "I thought you LOVED coal.

Uncle came over for Christmas, and told me these wisdoms: "Forget the future, you cannot predict it. Forget the past, you cannot change it."

"And forget the present, I didn't get you one."

What did the boy with no hands got for Christmas?

No one knows, he still hasn't unwrap his present.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? Gloves.

Just kidding he is still opening his present.

A quadruple amputee is opening his present on christmas.

He crawls over to the tree and tears in to the wrapping with his teeth. The paper flies everywhere as the present is revealed.
"Not another hat..."

Father Christmas and the Question...

Father Christmas asks little Charlotte what she wants for a present. "I want a Barbie doll and a G.I Joe please." she says. "I thought Barbie came with Ken?" replies Santa. "No" says Charlotte. "Barbie comes with Joe, She fakes it with Ken."

Two brother sit under the christmas tree....

One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.
The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back: guess who has cancer.

Hey! You know, they've started offering free meditation retreats at the North Pole!

Turns out the Christmas elves are really present minded.

Two siblings, a boy and a girl opens their Christmas presents

The boy received a football hat while the girl received a wonderful gold necklace.
The next year, the boy received a puzzle and the girl received an new wardrobe full of clothes.
And the next year again, the boy finds out he got a cheap chinese phone while his sister received an iPhone X.
So this year, after the opening, the girl says: "Haha! mom and dad loves me more!"
The boy replies: "Haha! I don't have a tumor"

Mommy, why do I get Christmas presents in August?

Mom: They are cheaper than chemotherapy.

Satan sneak into my house yesterday

He said I won't be getting any presents from him this christmas

Why don't people with dyslexia like Christmas?

They don't like getting presents from Satan.

Why is it so hard to shop for Darth Vader for Christmas?

Because he can feel your presents.

We'll receive our Christmas presents on the 8th of Jan

Coz Santa needs to quarantine for 14 days.

Darth Vader always knew what Luke and Leia got him for Christmas, stating:

I've felt your presents

My kids kept trying to find the Christmas presents so I put them in the attic

Now the pesky buggers are b**... on the attic door asking to be let out

Christmas wrapping

I don't mean to brag... but my Christmas wrapping is art. I wrap presents like it's an extension of my soul. It just so happens my soul is twisted, torn, and barely held together with tape.

advisor: Mr. President, you need to give a Christmas address to the nation.

Trump: Just tell them to send my presents to Mar-a-Lago.

I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas........

It wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler.

The twelve days of Jokemas, day twelve

What is Santa's favorite part of celebrating Christmas every year?
It's in the present
Merry Christmas everyone!

Unused Christmas present.

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift,The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
She asked me: Why,?
I replied. "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

No present for your mother in law

At Christmas, a man just opened presents from his mother in law and she asks, "where's mine?"
He says, "I didn't get you anything this year."
Visibly upset, she asks why.
He says, "you never used what I got you last year."
She yells, " it was a burial plot!"

My son's dyslexic, and every year at Christmas, he gets all excited and writes his little list of all the presents he wants, and then he goes and sends it off to Satan.

Well, actually I send it off to Satan because he can't spell.

jokes about christmas present