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Christmas Lights Jokes

70 christmas lights jokes and hilarious christmas lights puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christmas lights that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Christmas Lights Jokes

Short christmas lights jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christmas lights humour may include short christmas decorations jokes also.

  1. I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
  2. Getting my dad some strong aftershave and a cigarette lighter for Christmas. Can't wait to see his face light up.
  3. My epileptic son loves our new Christmas tree. You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.
  4. I have bought my wife a refrigerator for Christmas I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
  5. Christmas lights remind me of my friends. They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright.
  6. Why did the winter solstice make friends with the Christmas lights? They both brighten up the night.
  7. My co-workers are like my Christmas lights… Half of them don't work and the other half aren't that bright.
  8. What do Jeffrey Epstein and Christmas lights have in common? You can pay someone to hang 'em
  9. I love Christmas lights! ... they remind me of politicians.
    They all hang together, half the buggers don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright!
  10. Bought my friend a Fridge for Christmas You should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about christmas lights can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of christmas lights puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Christmas Lights One Liners

Which christmas lights one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christmas lights? I can suggest the ones about christmas ornaments and christmas decorating.

  1. It's 364 days until christmas. And people already have their lights up!
  2. Men are like Christmas lights We all wish we were hung better.
  3. My Christmas tree is on a timer It lights up everyday at 4:20
  4. How did the Santa Lawn Ornament feel the day after Christmas? He was de-lighted.
  5. How can you tell if your neighbor is jewish? He's too cheap to buy christmas lights!
  6. My co workers are like Christmas lights...
  7. I am dreaming of a light Christmas. Eskom drops festive season load shedding bomb.
  8. Why didn't the Christmas lights get any presents? Because they were Illumi-nati
  9. Christmas light displays are the freestyle rap battles of the suburbs.
  10. What do christmas lights and b**... have in common? They look better hanging on a tree

Hanging Christmas Lights Jokes

Here is a list of funny hanging christmas lights jokes and even better hanging christmas lights puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What does have in common Christmas' lights and Jeffrey Epstein? They don't hang themselves.
  • Co Workers are like Christmas lights... They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright.
  • Should I hang my Christmas lights up by standing on the roof or using a climbing device to help me? I think I'm gonna go with the latter
  • Christmas Lights What do Christmas Lights and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
    ​
    They both don't hang themselves!
  • I'm not sure if putting Christmas lights up would offend my Jewish neighbours. So just to be sure, i'll hang a massive s**... in my window too.

Christmas Lights Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about christmas lights you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean christmas tree jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make christmas lights prank.

How to be Insulting at Christmas: Turn up the television when the carol singers arrive and turn off the lights until they go away.

To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights.
I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in.
I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box.
But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two: One to promise a new bulb before Christmas and another one to screw it up.
​
#

*RANT TIME* Please can we stop with the flashing blue outdoor Christmas lights this year ?

Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the w**..., fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the machete under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

Larry was not a good gift giver.

Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.

John gets a Christmas parrot

John decided to get his wife a Christmas present. Maybe a puppy. Walking in to the pet store, he searches for the right puppy.
"Excuse me sir, are you looking for a Christmas present?" the clerk asked. "Yes, I think she would like a puppy," John replies.
"Here," motioning towards the back of the store, "we have a very special bird, Chet. He sings Christmas carols. See, light a match and hold it under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh." "Perfect," John exclaims.
Molly was home as she hears John knocking on the door. Letting him in, John proudly smiles, "His name is Chet. I got you a singing parrot!" Raising a eyebrow, Molly stares at him. Placing the parrot on his stand, John lights a match. "Listen to him sing when I hold the match under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing again, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh."
"Well, what do you think?" Jon smiles. Molly stood quietly, "What would happened if you hold the match, well, between his feet?"
Holding the match between his feet, the parrot squawks, "CHET'S NUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE!"

Santa's Jokes

Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can h**...-h**...-h**....
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.
Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Question: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.
Question: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Answer: Forty feet of track - all straight!
I wanna tell you what kind of luck I've got. If this year I cornered the mistletoe market, they'd postpone Christmas.
Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred Christmas lights on the roof of a house? The kids are giving two to one I'm gonna come down the chimney before Santa Claus does.
Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts...groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."
Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?
Did you hear about the Beverly Hills school Christmas pageant? Two kids dressed as Mary and Joseph and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. On the other side of the stage, a boy in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile/ cellular phone, calling for reservations.
Sometimes I get the feelin that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.

Christmas in July

A guy wants to get a really unique gift for his new wife for their fist Christmas together so he walks into a pet store with a sign advetising an amazing singing parrot. He goes to the counter to explain his situation and inquires about the bird. The shop keeper explains the bird would be perfect and takes the man over to show him what the bird can do.
The shop keeper explains that the bird's name is Chet and that he works on cues then produces a book of matches from his pocket. Lighting one he holds it below the parrots right foot and immediately Chet begins to sing "Silent Night" so beuatiful it rivals Perry Como. The keeper then moves the match to the left foot and Chet begans singing "White Christmas" even more beautifully than the first song.
The man exclaims "Thats amazing, does he know any other songs?"
Oh yes, replies the shop keeper as he moves the match to between the birds legs..."Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire"

Obama supporters are like Christmas lights...

Half of them don't work and the other half aren't very bright.

Ahhh, Christmastime...

Is my favorite time of year.
It's the only time of the year that my wife isn't griping at me to take down the Christmas lights.

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven

Where they are met by Saint Peter.
"In order to get in," he tells them, " you must each produce something representative of the holidays."
The first digs through his pocket and pulls out a match and lights it.
" this represents a candle of hope." Impressed, Peter allows the first man through.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them.
" these are bells." He says. Peter allows him through also.
" so," Peter says to third man, " what do you have?"
The third man proudly shows him a pair of red p**....
" what do those have to do with Christmas?" Asks Peter.
" they're Carol's"

Christmas comes earlier every year.

There's 364 days until Christmas and my neighbors already have their lights up.

Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas.

Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

People question the Christmas present I got for my mother

They say a fridge is a terrible gift when she already has one. But when I saw here face light up upon opening it, all doubts where gone.

Entrance to Heaven

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they're met by Saint Peter. In order to get in, he tells them, you must each produce something representative of the holidays.
The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. This represents a candle of hope. Impressed, Peter lets him in.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. These are bells. He's allowed in too.
So, Peter says to the third man, what do you have?
The third man proudly shows him a pair of red p**....
What do these have to do with Christmas? asks Peter.
They're Carol's.

I think my Christmas lights were made down south

The switch says 'C' for colored and 'W' for white.

Two r**..., Joe and Bubba went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees.

They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Bubba finally said, "Joe, I'm takin the next tree we come to, wether it has lights on it or not!"

This year I'll avoid all the trouble of taking down my Christmas lights...

I'll just turn my house into an Italian restaurant.

- Mom, mom! The Christmas lights are burning!

-- They are not burning, they are flashing.
...in few moments...
-- Mom, mom, the curtain is flashing now too!

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.
He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's light"..

Three man die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven . . .

. . . where they are met by Saint Peter.
''In order to get in,'' He tells them, ''you must each produce something representative of the holidays.''
The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. '' This represents a candle of hope.'' Impressed, Peter lets him in.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. ''These are bells.'' He's allowed in too.
''So,'' Peter says to the third man, ''what do you have?''
The third man proudly shows him a pair of red p**....
''What do these have to do with Christmas?'' asks Peter.
''They're Carol's.''

Do you remember the Christmas tree with lights that blink when you scan a port on a server?

They were going to do one for every time Facebook shared user data, but the lights just stayed on.

I'm not sure whether putting up Christmas lights would offend my Hindu neighbors.

So to make sure, I hung a giant banner saying YOU WORSHIP FALSE GODS! on my window.

Christmas keeps getting earlier and earlier each year.

There's 364 days until then and people already have their lights up.

I got my wife a fridge for Christmas.

Should have seen her face light up when she opened it.
I got her a prosthetic leg too. Not as her main present, just as a stocking filler...

How does a pyromaniac react when they get flammable Coco cola for Christmas?

He's soda lighted!

My dog ate a string of Christmas lights.

The vet was able to remove them.
He said the dog was delighted.

What's the difference between a Christmas tree and a man?

A Christmas tree will stay up for weeks, has cute b**..., and looks good with the lights on.

Struggling to think of a Christmas present for your spouse?

Get them a fridge, and watch their face light up when they open it

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these christmas lights jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.