Following is our collection of funniest Christmas jokes. There are some christmas christmas gifts jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these christmas knotty puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Me: *sipping toast* why?
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.
I heard this on Christmas day from an elderly, retired preacher.
Two men were watching a dog lick himself. One of the guys said "Man, I sure wish I could do that!"
The other guy said, "You better not- that dog will bite you!"
Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping.
Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."
Only two more sleeps until christmas.
HEY! So what did you get for Christmas? The second little boy pauses and says well I got a gift card and a t-shirtβ¦you?
The first little boy excitedly replies Oh man, I got a new scooter, a new 3DS XL. A PS Vita. A new bike and were going to Disneyland on Friday. Can't believe all you got was a gift card and t-shirt! to which the second little boy replies wellβ¦at least I don't have cancerβ¦
Now, while I am happy with the gift, I guess they didn`t quite understand what I meant when I told them, "I wanna watch".
...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.
You can explore christmas easter reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean christmas holiday dad jokes. There are also christmas puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Gloves.
Nah, I'm just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet.
The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
I thought it was a great trade.
my so-so grandmother got me socks
COOOAAAALLL!!!
He felt his presentsβ¦
Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
He couldn't find the right words to thank me.
And people already have their lights up!
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
Gee, you knit?
So far she's getting a McChicken.
Because the rest of the letters are not-E.
I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...
but it is nothing to write house about.
Depends, what is yours?
Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
I haven't worn it yet.
A Wii fit
I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
IT's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Boss: It's May.
Me: Sorry, may I have a few days off before Christmas?
Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160.
It's Christmas, Eve.
I really should have invested in one of those carbon monoxide detectors.
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Oops, wrong thread
Couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
because Santa didn't come.
And people already have their decorations up.
...feels like it was just yesterday.
Fortunately they missed.
They're due back at the library today.
The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.
Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.
Because he was on the Nautilus...
Gloves.
Just kidding, he's still trying to open his present.
I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room"
I told my new girlfriend that my mother was very hard of hearing and that she should speak loud and slow. I told my mother that my girlfriend was mentally challenged and to please be polite.
I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner.
I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
It's the little things that count
Because all the other letters were "not E"
With missile tows
Merry Christmas to you too, Team Snapchat
Cuz Jesus was raised in a barn!
He got me a toaster.
I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
He said, It's May.
Sorry. , I replied, May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?
Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25
"Oh no..."
"What's wrong"
"Those soldiers were gonna be your Christmas present"
Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!
Bad punctuation, can't edit title
I'm giving up. Drinking till Christmas.
I really need to borrow some chairs
Gloves!!!
Just kidding, I'm actually not sure, they haven't opened it yet.
It's Christmas, Eve.
Here in Sweden the government lies and says that we can have Christmas gatherings of up to 8 people without any problems. Such obvious bull! Who knows 8 people without any problems?
Aretha Franklins
Knock knock
Who's there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Anna.
Anna who?
Anna happy new year!
Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit :)
Normally we have turkey, but ok...
The food was bad though, didn't taste like anything
They're due back in the library this Friday, cheers.
Turns out we are spending two weeks behind the fridge.
Her friend tells her to always try to get to 10,000 steps a day to lose weight.
One night it's 11.30pm and her boyfriend hears footsteps downstairs. He goes down to find her walking around the living room backwards.
"What ARE you doing?" he asks.
"Melanie told me to do 10,000 steps a day - I was on 10,020!"
You should have seen her face light up when she opened it.
...and sends it off to Satan.
Piece of ca.....I'm just kidding they ask what's a flat earther's favorite Christmas decoration?
Their s'no globe.
A broken drum β you just can't beat it
twerky!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the christmas mistletoe jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working christmas xmas piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.