Following is our collection of yule humor and stuffers one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Christmas puns for adults, dirty decorations jokes or clean easter gags for kids.
There is an abundance of holiday jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 76 funniest jokes on christmas. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any christmas gifts witze you can hear about christmas.
For Christmas I want a cure for my dyslexia
Me: *sipping toast* why?
FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25
I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
So far she's getting a McChicken.
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
^([I stole this from imgur comments, but I am posting it here so that you can use it today and tomorrow on people you dislike. Merry Christmas.])
He said, It's May.
Sorry. , I replied, May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?
Mother: "because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.."
I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
Because the rest of the letters are not-E.
It's the little things that count
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree. The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
I thought it was a great trade.
Depends, what is yours?
And people already have their lights up!
I haven't worn it yet.
I told my new girlfriend that my mother was very hard of hearing and that she should speak loud and slow. I told my mother that my girlfriend was mentally challenged and to please be polite.
I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner.
my so-so grandmother got me socks
I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Merry Christmas to you too, Team Snapchat
He felt his presents…
Because he was on the Nautilus...
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...
I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
Oops, wrong thread
HEY! So what did you get for Christmas? The second little boy pauses and says well I got a gift card and a t-shirt…you?
The first little boy excitedly replies Oh man, I got a new scooter, a new 3DS XL. A PS Vita. A new bike and were going to Disneyland on Friday. Can't believe all you got was a gift card and t-shirt! to which the second little boy replies well…at least I don't have cancer…
Cuz Jesus was raised in a barn!
Merry Christmas everyone!
And people already have their decorations up.
Fortunately they missed.
The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.
Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.
I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room"
I really should have invested in one of those carbon monoxide detectors.
Boss: It's May.
Me: Sorry, may I have a few days off before Christmas?
because Santa didn't come.
Gloves.
Just kidding, he's still trying to open his present.
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
They're due back at the library today.
Gee, you knit?
Couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping.
Because all the other letters were "not E"
He got me a toaster.
Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.
Now, while I am happy with the gift, I guess they didn`t quite understand what I meant when I told them, "I wanna watch".
Only two more sleeps until christmas.
Gloves.
Nah, I'm just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet.
...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.
He couldn't find the right words to thank me.
I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
It's Christmas, Eve.
A Wii fit
"Oh no..."
"What's wrong"
"Those soldiers were gonna be your Christmas present"
Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."
With missile tows
IT's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
I heard this on Christmas day from an elderly, retired preacher.
Two men were watching a dog lick himself. One of the guys said "Man, I sure wish I could do that!"
The other guy said, "You better not- that dog will bite you!"
...feels like it was just yesterday.
*HA! you thought it was a repost didn't you. Well you're wrong. It's just my stupid alternate version of the joke. I probably found telling the joke more funny than you thought this joke was funny.* :)
The tattoo artist asks her what she wants and she points to her legs and says right here I want a great big Christmas Tree and on my left thigh I want a great big turkey.
Curious the tattoo artist asks why she wants these tattoos
The woman's answers. Because my husband always says there isn't anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160.
but it is nothing to write house about.
I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".
I dont know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping ever since
The judge asks, "What were you charged for?"
The women replied, "Doing my Christmas shopping too early."
When the judge asked her how early, she said, "Before the store opened."
I can't wait to hang myself on Christmas.
DEC 25 == OCT 31
Clothes but no cigar...
A Barbecue.
Christmas crackers are just full of laughs.
If I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I'll definitely be on the naughty list.
> **Darth Vader**: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas.
> **Luke**: How?
> **Darth Vader**: I felt your presents.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.