Christmas Holiday Jokes

50 christmas holiday jokes and hilarious christmas holiday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christmas holiday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Christmas Holiday Short Jokes

Short christmas holiday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christmas holiday humour may include short holiday season jokes also.

  1. Why can't software developers distinguish between Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 == DEC 25
    (hint: octal and decimal are numerical bases 8 and 10 respectively, happy holidays!)
  2. If you ever have trouble spelling the word "Christmas" this holiday season, just remember: There's Noël.
  3. Nick Cannon one tried gifting Mariah Carey a parcel of land for the holidays but she wasn't happy. She told me, I don't want a lot for Christmas.
  4. If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?
  5. What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his wife when she asked if Christmas was his favourite holiday I still love Easter, Baby.
  6. What's the best thing to bring to your holiday party? A Christmas tree. Because they're lit.
  7. I tried to be politically correct for the holidays this year but "Caucasian Christmas" proved considerably harder to sing than I expected...
  8. Knew a girl that had a Christmas tattoo on one leg and a New Years tattoo on the other. I asked if I could come up between the holidays.
  9. Why do Guatemalans make tamales for Christmas? So they at least have something to unwrap
    Happy holidays !
  10. I've just ordered a book called Overcome Procrastination I intend to read it over the Christmas holiday.

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Christmas Holiday One Liners

Which christmas holiday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christmas holiday? I can suggest the ones about holiday celebrating and family christmas.

  1. This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
  2. You know what's the favourite holiday song in Wales? All I Want For Christmas is Ewe
  3. In Bulgaria we have three holidays Christmas, New Year and everyday.
  4. What's a claustrophobe's least favorite holiday? Christmas
  5. What's Rick Grimes' favorite holiday? Christmas, Carl
  6. Christmas is the present holiday. (Yes, that's a pun.)
  7. Why did Michael's grades drop after the holidays? Because everything was marked down!
  8. The main thing I want this holiday season is for someone to wake me when it's over.
  9. What's a turkey's favorite song? "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"
  10. Q: What does Miley Cyrus eat for Christmas dinner?
    A: Roast twerky!
  11. Why is Halloween a crackheads' favourite holiday? Only two more sleeps til' Christmas!
  12. What did h**... dream of during the holidays? A WHITE Christmas!
  13. Why is Christmas a s**...'s favorite holiday? h**... h**... h**...!

Cheeky Christmas Holiday Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about christmas holiday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean holiday celebrated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make christmas holiday pranks.

Yo momma is so s**... when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve? They go into town and blow a few bucks.

If Thanksgiving is your left leg and Christmas is your right leg, can I visit between the holidays?

If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.

Just in time for the holidays

A guy goes back to his home town for Christmas, and he stops by the local diner to get his favorite breakfast, eggs Benedict. But he has a special request, he wants it served on a big shiny metal plate. The waiter doesn't understand why, so he asks him "Sir, why do you want eggs Benedict on a shiny metal plate?" And the man says "Because there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise."

I wonder if Christmas is Mariah Carey's favorite holiday...

Because it revives her career.

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays

After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter says, "Well, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

Christmas traditions

Guy 1: hey what are you going to do on the Christmas holidays?
Guy2: family dinner, you?
Guy2 1: the same... Gets less every year...

On his Summer holiday, the insomniac couldn't contain his excitement anymore - "Guys...'s only one more sleep till Christmas!"

People have gone too far, we call a Christmas Tree a Holiday Tree

So why don't we call a Hanukkah Bush and Holiday Bush

Holiday Humour

Why is Christmas General Zod's favourite time of the year?......because it's No-El......

What do you call it when a person sees a Christmas-themed commercial and then goes on a rant about the over-commercialization of the holiday?

An Ad Vent!

Got this from a book I got for Christmas

h**... went to a fortune teller and asked her, On what day will I die? The seeress assured him that he would die on a Jewish Holiday. Why are you so sure of that? Demanded h**....
Any day you die she replied will be a Jewish holiday.

Growing Up

My son, Bob, was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.
When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked him.
"Since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk."

Eggs Benedict

A man goes to breakfast during the Christmas season. He orders eggs Benedict from the server since it's the special.
The server returns several minutes later with the dish, steaming on a an old metal hubcap from a car.
What's the meaning of this? The man exclaims.
It's the holiday special, replied the waiter. There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

My wife hinted she was gonna give me s**... coupons for the Holidays this year.

Guess i'm getting nutting for Christmas!

Real or fake?

A guy walks into a bar decorated for the Christmas holidays and orders a beer. "That's a beautiful Christmas tree you have over there. I hope you're not offended, but I've always found that Christmas trees are a lot like b**...," he tells the bartender. "When you see really nice ones you just have to ask if they are real or fake."

jokes about christmas holiday