Christmas Bad Jokes
42 christmas bad jokes and hilarious christmas bad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christmas bad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Christmas Bad Short Jokes
Short christmas bad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christmas bad humour may include short bad christmas jokes also.
- I'm giving up drinking till christmas Bad punctuation, can't edit title
I'm giving up. Drinking till Christmas. - Despite the pandemic, my family decided to get together for a big dinner this Christmas The food was bad though, didn't taste like anything
- How much does it cost to run Santa's sleigh every Christmas? Eight bucks
Nine bucks if the weather is bad. - Why are socks a bad Christmas present for Daddy Bear? Because he will always have bare feet.
- Did you hear about the Power Plant that was bad for the environment all year? He got coal for Christmas.
- Christmas in the USSR is as such: good children get coal, bad children mine coal for next year
- If you wake up on Christmas morning with a bad taste in your mouth Remember, Santa only comes around once a year to empty his sack.
- What moment is Batman History was the worst for Batman? Christmas.
He lays an egg, smells bad, and Joker gets away.
Also his parents are dead. - Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician..... It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.
- Son, I have good news, and bad news. The good news is that I found a forgotten Christmas present from last year!
The bad news is that it was a puppy...
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Christmas Bad One Liners
Which christmas bad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christmas bad? I can suggest the ones about terrible christmas and bad santa.
- What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOAAAALLL!!!
- Why was Kanye's Christmas gift to Kim spoiled? Because he's a bad wrapper
- What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLLL
- Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
- Christmas trees are bad at sewing They always drop their needles.
- What did the bad rapper get for Christmas? J Coal
- Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
- There are only 10 bad people in the world.. And i get Christmas cards from 9 of them.
- I feel bad jerking off on Christmas... ...but that's a s**... name to give a dog anyway.
Christmas Bad Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about christmas bad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad winter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make christmas bad pranks.
Larry was not a good gift giver.
Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.
Santa was having a really bad day....
Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, what will I do with the tree ?
And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.
Kids
As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate.
"You can't do that," argued my four-year-old.
"Don't worry. Santa will never know."
He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know the cookie fell on the floor?
My nephew has dyslexia
And I'm not a bad uncle, but is so funny when my sister goes crazy every Christmas because he write a letter for "Satan".
Bad Odds
Thanks to Autocorrect,1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.
So you think your Christmas gift was bad? I got a Bonnie Tyler Sat Nav
It keeps telling me to "turn around" and every now and then it falls apart...
I thought I would be proud of sealing all the Christmas cards myself
But the whole ordeal just left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
What's the difference between a Christmas star and a bad pickling job?
One brightly shines...
Timmy and Billy compare Christmas presents...
Two 9 year old boys, Timmy and Billy, met after Christmas. Billy asked, "How was your Christmas, Timmy? Did you get any nice presents?"
Timmy's eyes opened wide. "It was amazing!" he said. "I got an Xbox One with all of the games, PLUS a Playstation, a brand new remote control car, a helicopter, an iPad, an iPhone 6, a drone camera, and all the Transformers toys, and a whole bunch of candy and chocolates, a big cake, and a new bike! I got everything I asked for and more."
"Oh my God!" Billy said. "That's so cool. You're so lucky. I didn't get much. I got a new sweater and some puzzles."
"That's too bad," Timmy said. "How come that's all you got?"
Billy looked at his feet. "Because *I* don't have cancer."
Dang squirrels
There once was a town that was infested with squirrels. They were everywhere and got into everything. The people of the town hated it especially the miller, the blacksmith, and the priest.
One day the miller decides that enough is enough and lays out some poisoned four to kill the s**... things off. Well his apprentice mixed up the flours and he ended up having to throw out his whole stock of flour and the squirrels remained
Seeing how badly his friend had blundered with his antics, the blacksmith thinks he has a better idea. "I'll roast'm out" he says to himself and proceeds to make his forge extremely hot.... and ends up burning his shop to the ground. the squirrels remained.
The priest being fed up with the squirrels running around and ruining mass gathers up all the squirrels in one place and baptizes every one of them. Now they only come to the church on Christmas and Easter.
How did the angel get on top of the christmas tree?
So one year, Santa was having a bad time of it. The reindeer were threatening a strike, the elves had to recall 30% of their toys due to manufacturing defects, all in all, just a frustrating time.
So Santa stood up and made a very LOUD announcement.
"I am going to my study. I'm taking my boots off, having a cup of hot cider, and am going to read a good book. I want. to. finish. my. book."
About 5 minutes later, he hears a knock on the the door to his study. In a fury, he slams down his book, stomps over to the door, flings it open, and says "And just what do YOU want?"
An angel is standing there with a pine tree. "Where would you like me to put the christmas tree?"
Dolf is the weatherman at KTVY, the local CBS affiliate in Kansas City.
He's also a closet communist, and has a bit of an anger management problem. During their Christmas Eve broadcast Dolf forecasts a cold and rainy Christmas day, then turns it over to Erin, the anchor he's been dating for the past few months:
"Dolf, are you sure its just rain for tomorrow? I bet everyone's praying for a little snow tonight!"
"No no Erin, just rain for tomorrow"
"Are you sure we can't look forward to a white Christmas?"
"NO! RUDOLF THE RED KNOWS RAIN, DEAR!"
Santa's bad day
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were gone, heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of r**.... When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had finished the cider and the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the liquor bottle, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa stomped to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.