Christianity Jokes
106 christianity jokes and hilarious christianity puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christianity that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of Christianity Jokes that will have you laughing in no time! From dark jokes to orthodox jokes and sects, to puns about Judaism, Christianity and Allah, these jokes are sure to have you rolling on the floor. Find out why everyone loves these Christian jokes today!
Quick Jump To
- Short Christianity Jokes
- Christianity One Liners
- Converted Christianity Jokes
- Christianity Bible Jokes
- Bible Christianity Jokes
- Christianity Holy Jokes
- Dark Christianity Jokes
- More Christianity Jokes
Funniest Christianity Short Jokes
Short christianity jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christianity humour may include short prophet jokes also.
- It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries. Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
- I used to be Christian.... Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine! - What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian? The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.
- Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians. Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.
- Looked down and saw $80 on the sidewalk. Being the good Christian that I am, I thought, what would Jesus do? So I went to the liquor store and turned it into wine
- My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.
- If Christians are against gay marriage... Why do they always talk about Jesus marryin' Joseph?
- It's funny how Jews, Christians and Muslims have fought each other for centuries. Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
- I found a bundle of dollar bill in the street. As a devout Christian, I asked myself, What would Jesus do? So I turned it into wine.
- I found a wallet today and as a good Christian I thought "what would Jesus do?" ... so I turned it into wine.
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Christianity One Liners
Which christianity one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christianity? I can suggest the ones about communion and atheism.
- Christians, Muslims, and Jews are always fighting, but Hindus never have any beef.
- What do you call batman when he skips church? Christian Bale
- How do you exclude a Christian? Include everybody like Jesus would do.
- Why do women find Christian Grey so appealing? Beats me.
- What do you call people who believe in Satan? Christians
- What do Christians and mice have in common? They both worship cheeses
- Are Christian's allowed to sing eminem in church? Or do their Psalms get sweaty?
- Why are christians not able to do trigonometry? Because Jesus took away their sin.
- Which chord is essential to every Christian song? Gsus
- Christians don't get angry. They hey cross.
- What do yu get when you cross a Jew? Christianity.
- What's it called when Batman ditches church? Christian bail.
- What do you call it when Batman decides not to go to church? Christian Bale
- A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew walk into a bar and keep their religions to themselves.
- Batman told me he was skipping church this week. Classic Christian Bale
Converted Christianity Jokes
Here is a list of funny converted christianity jokes and even better converted christianity puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a fundamentalist Christian's favorite type of car? A convertible.
- Same problem A Jewish guy converts to Christianity. His distraught father prays, "Oh God, my son converted to Christianity! What should I do?"
God says, "You know, I had that same problem..." - Why did the Christian convert quit his job at the sewer company? Because entering manholes was no longer his thing.
- Jewish Joke About Warm Weather אחי היה לי כלכך חם שהבטחתי שאם יציעו לי להתנצר בזה הרגע אני אעשה את זה רק בשביל ההטבלה.
Dude. It was so hot, I swear that I'd convert to Christianity for the Baptism. - My Jewish grandma told me this one An Orthodox Jew is praying to god:
"God! I need help, my son converted to Christianity!"
God says: "don't worry, that happens to everyone. Even to me!" - A Jewish man had a son, who converted to Christianity. The man prayed to God, "Oh Lord, my son has converted to Christianity! What should I do?"
And God replied, "Yours too?" - Which Software do the christians like the most ? The Converters kind of software.
- "I used to be a Christian" The girl said. The boy chuckled "that's fine what made you Convert?"
The girl turned and said "I feel more like a Christina than a Christian" - Rabbi Shultz converted to Christianity...
- What do you call problems that Christians can't convert? Intractable.
Christianity Bible Jokes
Here is a list of funny christianity bible jokes and even better christianity bible puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- if Christians read the Bible to get closer to God, what do atheists read to further intensify their non-belief? The Bible.
- Christian's these days only believe in like 12.5% of the Bible I swear most are Eighth-iest
- How do you starve a right wing christian? Hide their money in their bible.
- What's the difference between Christians and Jews? Christians get guilt from the Bible. Jews get it from their mother.
- If Christians read the bible to strengthen their beliefs, what should atheists read to strengthen theirs? The same.
- As a Christian I can't Believe there are Billy Idol Cover Bands The Bible is very clear that we should not have False Idols
- Trump's Twitter is like the Christian Bible Both believers and nonbelievers read it to reinforce their views
- Idk how some Christians can justify their homophobia Jesus literally gets nailed by a bunch of men in the Bible.
- Justin Timberlake was a devout christian during his N-Sync days. He was always reading his Bye Bye Bible.
- As a Christian I always take the holy bible into the bathroom to read And I don't stop till all Acts are done
Bible Christianity Jokes
Here is a list of funny bible christianity jokes and even better bible christianity puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked this christian how many bibles she had in her backpack And she told me it was nun of my business
- I read the bible. Some things I adhere to and I force other to do the same. Some things I don't like. I think they are BS. I guess you could say that I am an UnevenGelical Christian.
- Why is a vegetarian mathematician always a good Christian? Because in the Bible it says "be fruitful and multiply"
- How do you hide money from a Fundamentalist Christian? Put it in a Bible.
- You know those people using bibles on their phones? They are using phony bibles.
Christianity Holy Jokes
Here is a list of funny christianity holy jokes and even better christianity holy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I joined a Christian dating site And got Holy Ghosted
- What do you call a Christian Mingle date who never returned your message? The Holy Ghost.
- What do you call a Christian who lost their faith? Holy Ghosted.
- My dad is a huge fan of Christian screamo... Whenever he's out working on his car he always singing along like "JESUS CHRIST!" "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!"
- Why do Christians have so many children? Because their condoms are holy.
- Since Christians believe that God is The Father, The Son and The holy spirit Clearly states that Jesus Christ suffered from Tripolar Disorder.
- I want to open a Christian tobacco store. I'm going to call it Holy Smokes.
- A Christian company decided to stop selling replicas of the Holy Lance They were really cutting into their prophet.
- What's a Christian's favorite alcohol? Holy Spirit
- A Christian once asked me if I had found Jesus... I said "holy s**..., you guys lost him again?"
Dark Christianity Jokes
Here is a list of funny dark christianity jokes and even better dark christianity puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Thought I saw Christian Bale... I couldn't tell, though. It was a really dark night.
- How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Nun. They'll sit in the dark ages.
- Christian Bale ate a large amount of candy bars on the set of the Dark Knight. According to the Heath ledger.
Rib-Tickling Christianity Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about christianity you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean religion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make christianity pranks.
It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only s**... education...
According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.
One day after s**..., my girl told me she used to be a Christian.
Me: "It doesn't worry me at all, babe."
Her: "Awesome! I really so much prefer being a Christine."
A pastor goes hiking
as he comes around a corner on the trail he comes across a giant grizzly bear. The bear lets out a growl and is about to charge when the pastor falls on his knees and prays: "Lord, I pray that the bear would be a Christian." In an amazing miracle, the bear is converted instantly and stops where it is. It looks upwards and begins to give thanks: "Thank you Father, for the meal I am about to eat..."
A woman walks into a s**... shop
She tells the clerk she wants a s**... doll.
He says" First off, do you want a man or a woman?"
Sey replies "A man"
Then he asks " Black or white"
She replies "White"
Finally he asks "Christian or Muslum"
She asks" what's the difference?"
He says" Well the Muslum blows itself up"
A man goes to see his rabbi...
... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."
TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.
FINNISH HYMN!!!
The Lion with Christian feelings
Once upon a time... there was a m**... walking along the savannah when he suddenly encountered himself with a very hungry lion.
Scared to death, the m**... went down on knees and prayed "Oh dear Lord, please come down and give christian feelings to this poor criature".
After one second, the miracle occurred: the lion knelt down and prayed "Oh dear lord, bless this food you have provided me".
If Christians want to stop gay s**......
they should encourage gay marriage.
A guy wakes up to a woman next to him in bed
and she was already awake. She says to him "I have a confession to make, I was once a Christian"
The guy, still half-asleep says, "oh that's okay babe, I've never really been one to care."
"Oh good" she replies, "I much prefer being a Christine anyways."
I don't understand Christians
They say that gambling is wrong, but they bet their entire life on there being a heaven.
Dear Muslim refugees: just pretend to be Christian.
That's what most Christians do anyways.
Just been banned from a Christian dating website.
Apparently "Hung_Like_Jesus" isn't an appropriate user name!
A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.
He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying: "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says: "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."
So I walked into a s**... shop the other day...
Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.
So many Christians run non-profit organizations. On the other hand, atheists...
...only run non-prophet organizations.
There are three truths in religion:
1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
Wife: I used to be a Christian.
Husband: Well that's fine by me
Wife: Thanks, I'm much happier being a Christine now!
[Religion]A man sees a boy with a box of kittens
The man goes over and says "Oh what cute kittens!" The boy replies "Yes they are Christian kittens". About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. Once again he walks over and says "my, those are just adorable!" The boy replies "Yes, they are atheist kittens" The man asks "wait, weren't they christian before?" The boy looks at the man and says "Yeah but they have their eyes open now.
"i used to be a Christian"
She said to her boyfriend, he replies "that's ok, I don't mind" relieved she says "oh that's great, I'm so much more comfortable being Christine"
A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins
A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.
They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.
The Christian draws a circle and says, We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.
The Muslim says, No no no. Whatever lands outside the circle we keep.
The Jew says, How about we throw it in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps, and whatever falls to the ground we keep.
A man goes for confession ...
The priest says Tell me son why are you here
Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.
The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?
Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.
This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.
The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?
A girl and guy are laying in bed after s**...
She turns to him and says,
"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Christian."
He said:
"That doesn't bother me any!"
She responded:
"That's a relief, I much prefer being a Christine."
Jesus asks a Christian, "What's up with all those crosses? Which part of my story makes you think I like crosses?"
The Christian replies: "I don't know, but you seem to be quite attached to them."
A very religious man went on a safari
When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
PS: it was a beam of light.
PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.
My atheist friend recently came out as transgender and decided to become a Christian.
They're a "she" now, but they were a heathen.
A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building
So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.
The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.
The last one is the Christian man. He jumps and starts praying: O u r F a t h e r i n H e a v e n, hallowed be your name. YOUR KINGDOM COME! YOUR WILL... BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA!
Two Jewish guys are walking down the street...
Two jewish guys are walking down the street when they spot a sign outside a church: "Today Only: Convert to Christianity and we will give you 100 bucks cash!"
"I'm gonna do it," o**... tells the other and disappears through the church door.
5 minutes later he's back. "Well, Did you get the cash?" his buddy asks.
"Jeez Is that all you people think about?" comes the friend's reply.
A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.
As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!
Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says
Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.
A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew are sentenced to death. The warden lets them choose the method.
The Christian says "a firing squad would be painless. I choose that." In comes a firing squad and *bang* they kill him.
The Muslim says "yes, that does seem to be quick. I also choose the firing squad." *Bang*. He, too, is killed.
The warden says to the Jew, "and how do you want to die?"
And he responds "old age".
Christians who celebrate Hannukah
Are in the menorahty.
what do you get when you cross a Jewish person ?
Christianity
Christian theologians have long maintained that Jesus is both human and divine simultaneously. A recent squabble has divided them over the subject of His nostrils. I know which side I'm on
I'm going with the God-only-nose crowd
