Christian Jokes
163 christian jokes and hilarious christian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is full of Christian jokes that will have you laughing out loud!
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Funniest Christian Short Jokes
Short christian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christian humour may include short catholic jokes also.
- I used to be Christian.... Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine! - What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian? The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.
- Looked down and saw $80 on the sidewalk. Being the good Christian that I am, I thought, what would Jesus do? So I went to the liquor store and turned it into wine
- My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.
- if Christians read the Bible to get closer to God, what do atheists read to further intensify their non-belief? The Bible.
- Wife: I used to be a Christian. Husband: Well that's fine by me
Wife: Thanks, I'm much happier being a Christine now! - Jesus asks a Christian, "What's up with all those crosses? Which part of my story makes you think I like crosses?" The Christian replies: "I don't know, but you seem to be quite attached to them."
- Boy: Dad how come there are no Jews, Christians or Muslims in Star Trek? Dad: Cause it's the future son
- Christian people are boycotting eggnog this year They heard if you drink it, you become eggnostic
- I got banned from a Christian dating site I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.
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Christian One Liners
Which christian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christian? I can suggest the ones about biblical and protestant.
- What do you call batman when he skips church? Christian Bale
- How do you exclude a Christian? Include everybody like Jesus would do.
- Why do women find Christian Grey so appealing? Beats me.
- What do you call people who believe in Satan? Christians
- What do Christians and mice have in common? They both worship cheeses
- Are Christian's allowed to sing eminem in church? Or do their Psalms get sweaty?
- Which chord is essential to every Christian song? Gsus
- What's a fundamentalist Christian's favorite type of car? A convertible.
- Thought I saw Christian Bale... I couldn't tell, though. It was a really dark night.
- What do you call religious hay? Christian Bale.
- I finally broke down and joined Christian Mingle My username is ComeGetPsalm
- What do you call a gun loving, Christian rock band? Guns N' Moses
- I was looking for a dating website with lots of Christians So I joined Ashley Madison
- What did the missionaries give the cannibals? Their first taste of Christianity.
- How did Batman get out of religious jail? He had to pay Christian Bail
Christian Atheist Jokes
Here is a list of funny christian atheist jokes and even better christian atheist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There are judges for different religions and they are categorized alphabetically. There's Judge Atheist A, Judge Buddhist B, Judge Christian C and...
Judge Jew D. - What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian? An argument
- Christians have the first name Christian, Muslims Mohammed, Jews Isaac, what boys name do atheist have? Godfrey
- If Christians read the bible to strengthen their beliefs, what should atheists read to strengthen theirs? The same.
- A Christian, a Jew, a Pagan, a Muslim, and an atheist walk into a cafe They drink coffee and have a reasonable, mild-mannered conversation because they're adults.
- What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus? Kanye's not him.
- There's little difference between Christians and atheists Of all the gods humanity has ever known, Christians don't believe in just one less than atheists.
- What happens when an atheist prays?.. The same thing that happens when a Christian does.
- An atheist asked a Christian for a joke The Christian: "A joke... Forget it, you won't believe it."
- What do you call a christian that gets straight-A's? an atheist
Christian Bible Jokes
Here is a list of funny christian bible jokes and even better christian bible puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As a Christian I can't Believe there are Billy Idol Cover Bands The Bible is very clear that we should not have False Idols
- Trump's Twitter is like the Christian Bible Both believers and nonbelievers read it to reinforce their views
- Justin Timberlake was a devout christian during his N-Sync days. He was always reading his Bye Bye Bible.
- As a Christian I always take the holy bible into the bathroom to read And I don't stop till all Acts are done
- I asked this christian how many bibles she had in her backpack And she told me it was nun of my business
- Why is a vegetarian mathematician always a good Christian? Because in the Bible it says "be fruitful and multiply"
- How do you hide money from a Fundamentalist Christian? Put it in a Bible.
Christian Kids Jokes
Here is a list of funny christian kids jokes and even better christian kids puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My kid comes up to me and asks... Hey mom, if you're sentenced to prison in the court of God, would you need Christian Bale??
- My girlfriend got a tattoo that said "Proud Christian" I don't think our kids got it though.
- Christian kids be like: Hey, my parents are not home for the weekend.. ..so you can't come over.
- So I was talking to a Christian mother We were talking and she said "I tell my kids Santa doesn't exist, I don't want them to believe in stuff that isn't real."
- Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey had kids together… But the children were clones of Mr. Grey because he had all the dominant genes.
- Why did the deeply Christian Mom hate Narnia? It had kids coming out of the closet.
- I'm going to start an education program aimed at changing kids' reading habits to post-rapture Christian novels. It's called "no, child, 'Left Behind!'"
- Two kids of different faiths are walking to school The Christian kid says "My faith can move mountians!"
The Muslim kid says "My faith can move towers!"
Born Again Christian Jokes
Here is a list of funny born again christian jokes and even better born again christian puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was born Christian. Then I changed my name when I was old enough.
- What do 12 year old mexican girls and born-again christians have in common? They both have a little Jesus in 'em...
- Born again Christian I've never understood the term "born again Christian." Is that someone who goes to their mother and says, "Mom, I'm going back in, and I'm not coming out until I've found Jesus."
- Was Jesus Christ the first born again christian?
- If Indiana Jones was a new-born Christian what would he change his job title to? Arkeologist.
Christian Christmas Jokes
Here is a list of funny christian christmas jokes and even better christian christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the dyslexic Christian kill himself on Christmas day? Because Satan was crawling down his chimney.
- What do you drink at Christmas if you're not sure about Christianity? Egg-nogstic
Howlingly Hilarious Christian Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about christian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spiritual jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make christian pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only s**... education...
According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.
A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.
As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!
Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says
Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.
A very religious man went on a safari
When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
PS: it was a beam of light.
PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.
Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building
So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.
The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.
The last one is the Christian man. He jumps and starts praying: O u r F a t h e r i n H e a v e n, hallowed be your name. YOUR KINGDOM COME! YOUR WILL... BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Jewish guys are walking down the street...
Two jewish guys are walking down the street when they spot a sign outside a church: "Today Only: Convert to Christianity and we will give you 100 bucks cash!"
"I'm gonna do it," o**... tells the other and disappears through the church door.
5 minutes later he's back. "Well, Did you get the cash?" his buddy asks.
"Jeez Is that all you people think about?" comes the friend's reply.
TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.
FINNISH HYMN!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just been banned from a Christian dating website.
Apparently "Hung_Like_Jesus" isn't an appropriate user name!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I walked into a s**... shop the other day...
Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.
A man goes to see his rabbi...
... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."
There are three truths in religion:
1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins
A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.
They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.
The Christian draws a circle and says, We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.
The Muslim says, No no no. Whatever lands outside the circle we keep.
The Jew says, How about we throw it in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps, and whatever falls to the ground we keep.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew are sentenced to death. The warden lets them choose the method.
The Christian says "a firing squad would be painless. I choose that." In comes a firing squad and *bang* they kill him.
The Muslim says "yes, that does seem to be quick. I also choose the firing squad." *Bang*. He, too, is killed.
The warden says to the Jew, "and how do you want to die?"
And he responds "old age".
A guy wakes up to a woman next to him in bed
and she was already awake. She says to him "I have a confession to make, I was once a Christian"
The guy, still half-asleep says, "oh that's okay babe, I've never really been one to care."
"Oh good" she replies, "I much prefer being a Christine anyways."
A man goes for confession ...
The priest says Tell me son why are you here
Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.
The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?
Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.
This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.
The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Christians want to stop gay s**......
they should encourage gay marriage.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My atheist friend recently came out as transgender and decided to become a Christian.
They're a "she" now, but they were a heathen.
[Religion]A man sees a boy with a box of kittens
The man goes over and says "Oh what cute kittens!" The boy replies "Yes they are Christian kittens". About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. Once again he walks over and says "my, those are just adorable!" The boy replies "Yes, they are atheist kittens" The man asks "wait, weren't they christian before?" The boy looks at the man and says "Yeah but they have their eyes open now.
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
The guy behind the counter says, Male or female ?
The customer says, Female.
The counter guy asks, Black or white?
The customer says, White.
The counter guy asks, Christian or Muslim?
The customer says, What does religion have to do with it?
The counter guy says, The Muslim one blows itself up.
A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.
The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who's sign says life begins at conception
She goes up to the man and says that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn't viable until it graduates medical school!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Christian once asked me if I had found Jesus...
I said "holy s**..., you guys lost him again?"
A Jewish man goes to his rabbi for help
"Rabbi, what should I do?" he asks. "My son just converted to Christianity."
"I'm not sure," the rabbi replied. "Let me ask God. Come back tomorrow."
The man goes back the next day. "Sorry," the rabbi said. "God told me He has the same problem."
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end.
They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:
"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"
They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."
Christian Horse
A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. The horse's owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise the Lord!' to make him go and 'Amen!' to make him stop."
Bill got on the horse and said, "Praise the Lord!" Sure enough, the horse started to walk. "Praise the Lord!" he said again, and the horse began to trot. "Praise the Lord!" he yelled and the horse broke into a gallop.
Bill was enjoying his ride so much that he almost didn't notice the cliff he and horse were about to go over. Bill shouted "AMEN!" at the top of his lungs, and the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff.
Relieved, Bill said, "Phew, Praise the Lord!"
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out.
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.
"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he told me last week that he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought up my boy in the faith, put him though university, cost me a fortune, then one day he came to me and told me he has decided to become a Chrsitian."
"What did you do?" Asked the lawyer.
"I turned to God for the answer," replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?"
He said, "Funny you should come to me..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jew problems
An old jew comes to a rabbi and says: "Please help me, my son became a christian!"
The rabbi replies: "i can't help you, god has the same problem."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew walk into a bar
and keep their religions to themselves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
k**... Pastor
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux k**....
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux k**.... I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
A mom walks into her sons room to get him up for church..
She says to the son, "Get up its time for church."
The son rolls over and says so his mom, "I'm not going to church and I'll tell you three reasons why. 1) I don't like the people 2) The people don't like me and 3) I don't want to go."
The mother responds," You ARE going to church and I'll tell you three reasons why. 1) You're a Christian, you have to go even when you don't want to. 2) You're 42 years old. And 3) You're the priest."
I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg
so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking across a bridge...
and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
I said, "Well there's so much to live for."
"Like what?"
"Well, are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Baptist or Episcopalian!"
"Baptist."
"Me too! Are you Baptist Church or God or Reformed Baptist Church of God"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1893 or Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917."
To which I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" as I pushed him off the bridge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
what do you get when you cross a Jewish person ?
Christianity
Two muslims were in relationship.
Her: "I am sorry, but I was Christian before we were together. I know I should have told you earlier."
Him: "No problem, if you don't feel like Christian anymore, you have nothing to worry about."
Her: "Oh, thanks. Don't worry. I feel much better as Christina now."
A Christian man was getting chased by a bear in the woods
The man realized the bear was catching up, so the man got down on his knees and yelled "DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET THIS BEAR BECOME A CHRISTIAN SO THAT HE DOESN'T EAT ME" then the bear got down on his knees and said, "Dear God, thank you for this meal."
An atheist comes into a mall
And there is no parking spot, so he says "God, if you give me parking spot, I will convert myself and become Christian".
Two minutes later he says "Nevermind I found one"
A Muslim boy once asked his father: "why is it that Jews can't work on Saturday, Christians can't work on Sunday, but Muslims work on their holy day Friday?"
The dad looked down at his son and said, "God didn't need to force us to take a break because in His infinite wisdom He knew we'd never work that much to begin with."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Isis and the Christian man
An ISIS member stopped the car of a Christian couple.
ISIS member: Are you Muslim?
Christian man: Yes, I'm Muslim.
ISIS member: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.
ISIS member: Ok yallah go.
Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.
Why did u tell him that we are Muslims?
If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us."
"Do not worry! If they knew the Quran they would not kill people" answered the Husband.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(Stolen Joke) An atheist and christian are sitting in a bar
The christian asks, "So how come you don't embrace Jesus?"
The atheist says, "You've got it wrong. I love Jesus!"
He goes on, "It's his fan club I can't stand!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Thank you Lord"
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
An Atheist was in the woods and a bear came after him,
He got so scared, he looked up to heaven and yelled "OH MY GOD! Help me!"
And a voice from Heaven came down and asked, "Does that mean you want to be a Christian?"
The Atheist thinks a little bit and says, "No, make the bear a Christian."
The bear, almost ready to attack, then a miracle happened. The bear's paws came together in prayer form, looked up to Heaven and said, "Bless this food which I'm about to eat."
-Frank De Lima
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heresy
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" and pushed him off.
~Emo Philips
Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.
The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:
'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"
"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.
Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:
'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"
The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"
The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:
'MY GOD!'"
A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...
He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.
A Jewish guy goes to his Rabbi
A Jewish guy goes to his Rabbi and says: "RABBI RABBI! you're not going to believe what happened to me! My son turned Christian and left the house!"
The Rabbi says: "Well, you're not going to believe what happened to me! MY son turned Christian and Left the house."
"Well, what are we going to do?!" Asked the man.
"Let's pray to God and ask him for advice" the Rabbi answers.
They both look up and say: "God, God, you're not going to believe what happened to us! Both our sons turned Christian and left the house"
God responds: "well, you're not going to believe what happened to ME!"
A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn
A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland.
When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity."
"Oh, my," said the father. What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his old friend Jacob what to do.
Jake said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the rabbi.
The rabbi said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people?
The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do.
Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven.
The Voice said, "Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my Son to Israel...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't you think it's weird...
Don't you think it's weird when Atheists call their kids Christian?
I think a better name would be Godfrey.
I'll see myself out.
An atheist in the forest...
stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"
A short, crisp, Christianity joke Which I promise is offensive in no way.
So it's early in the morning and the married couple wakes up, both ready for their morning coffee, but none of them are willing to do it. So the wife say's to her husband, " You know, the bible say's that men should make the coffee." Curious the husband asks why and his wife replies "*Hebrews*"
Did you hear about the new Christian online video game?
It's pretty good, but it's pray2win.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cultural Diversity--True Story
When I was six I learned about Hanukkah in school. My teacher told me, "Christians celebrate Christmas, and Jews celebrate Hanukkah."
That night I was waiting in line at Hometown Buffet with my family and asked Mom why the restaurant would be closed for Christmas.
"It's so that the people who work here can spend Christmas with their families." She said.
In a loud, excited voice I piped up, "BUT COULDN'T THEY GET SOME JEWS TO WORK HERE?"
We never went back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old man dies
In his f**..., the priest starts to speak and pays homage to the deceased: "He was a loving man, a devout Christian, a good husband, he raised two wonderful sons..."
The widow turns to her son and tells him discretly: "Go up there take a look at the coffin and make sure it's your dad."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you skip church on Sundays..
You're pulling a Christian Bale.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Work hard, Pray hard"....
I couldn't tell if there were Christians or Asians.
Earlier today I told my Christian friend to Have a Good Friday. He didn't catch my pun.
I'm not surprised. Jokes like this usually Pass Over his head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God gathered a Jew, a Christian and a Muslim...
... and told them:
-I am tired of mankind's sins! In two weeks I'll unleash a great flood that will kill all humanity!
The Christian said:
-We have only two weeks to appease Him!
The Muslim said:
-We have only two weeks to change our ways!
The Jew said:
-We have only two weeks to learn how to breathe underwater!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wish Christian guys would make up their minds, one minute they are saying homosexuality is a sin and that s**... is evil
The next they are telling me how good it felt to let Jesus enter them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?
In christianity, o**... died for all the others.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the Christian hairless?
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They were shaving themselves till marriage.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christian man said to his married friend that he is saving himself so he can have all the s**... he can when he is married
Married man : "lol"
