Christian Atheist Jokes
60 christian atheist jokes and hilarious christian atheist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christian atheist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Christian Atheist Short Jokes
Short christian atheist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christian atheist humour may include short atheist jokes also.
- What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian? The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.
- Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians. Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.
- if Christians read the Bible to get closer to God, what do atheists read to further intensify their non-belief? The Bible.
- So many Christians run non-profit organizations. On the other hand, atheists... ...only run non-prophet organizations.
- My atheist friend recently came out as transgender and decided to become a Christian. They're a "she" now, but they were a heathen.
- Don't you think it's weird... Don't you think it's weird when Atheists call their kids Christian?
I think a better name would be Godfrey.
I'll see myself out. - There are judges for different religions and they are categorized alphabetically. There's Judge Atheist A, Judge Buddhist B, Judge Christian C and...
Judge Jew D. - Christians have the first name Christian, Muslims Mohammed, Jews Isaac, what boys name do atheist have? Godfrey
- Isn't it funny when atheists name their child Christian… I would've thought Godfrey would be more fitting
- If Christians read the bible to strengthen their beliefs, what should atheists read to strengthen theirs? The same.
Share These Christian Atheist Jokes With Friends
Christian Atheist One Liners
Which christian atheist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christian atheist? I can suggest the ones about christian and theist.
- What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian? An argument
- What do you call atheist Batman? Christian Bale.
- A Muslim, a Christian, and an Atheist all walk into a bar... What a diverse neighborhood.
- What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus? Kanye's not him.
- What happens when an atheist prays?.. The same thing that happens when a Christian does.
- What do you call a christian that gets straight-A's? an atheist
- What did the christian say to the atheist? Don't be cross with me.
- What do you call an Atheist at a Christian fancy dress party? A cross-dresser.
- Why did the atheist cannibal stop eating Christians? Because they didn't agree with him.
- What do you call a new atheist? A Christian Bail.
Christian Atheist Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about christian atheist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean christian bible jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make christian atheist pranks.
A young teacher explains to her class of third graders that she is a born-again Christian.
She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too.
Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air.
There's just one girl who doesn't raise her hand.
So the teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
The girl says, "Because I'm not a Christian."
The teacher asks, "So what are you then? "
The girl replies, "I'm an atheist."
The teacher's a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks the girl why she's an atheist.
The girl says, "It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom's atheist, and my Dad's atheist, so I'm atheist."rnrnThe teacher is now angry. "
That's no reason." she says loudly.
"What if your Mom was a m**..., and your Dad was a m**.... What would you be then?"
"Then," says the girl, "I'd be a born-again Christian."
An old friend told me this...
Three middle aged jewish men are sitting around one afternoon. The first one says, "Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did. He came back as an atheist!" The second man says, "Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did. He married a Christian!" The third man without missing a beat says, "Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did, he converted to Christianity!" All of a sudden they hear the voice of God and He says, "Oy, that's nothing! I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did..."
An atheist in the forest...
stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"
An atheist was...
..walking through the forest, admiring the beauty of nature when suddenly, a feral bear came out of nowhere. He ran away and the bear chased him into a corner. Just before the bear could attack him, the atheist yelled "OH GOD PLEASE HELP ME!!!". Time stopped, the heavens opened and a voice came from heaven. God said "I thought you didn't believe in me?". The atheist replied "I still don't...until you do something for me." God entertained the atheist's request and asked if the atheist wanted to become a believer and be saved. The atheist thought hard about it and asked God to turn the bear into a Christian, since the Christians he knew were not violent people. Then God replied with a "IT IS DONE.", the heavens closed and time resumed. The bear paused in his attack and the atheist let out a sigh of relief. Then the bear knelt down, clasped its paws together and began to say grace.
An Atheist was in the woods and a bear came after him,
He got so scared, he looked up to heaven and yelled "OH MY GOD! Help me!"
And a voice from Heaven came down and asked, "Does that mean you want to be a Christian?"
The Atheist thinks a little bit and says, "No, make the bear a Christian."
The bear, almost ready to attack, then a miracle happened. The bear's paws came together in prayer form, looked up to Heaven and said, "Bless this food which I'm about to eat."
-Frank De Lima
So a kid has an atheist mother and a Christian father...
One day he decides to ask his father where people came from and his father says..
" God created Adam and Eve and from them every person was born."
The kid was still a little confused so he asked his mother the same question and she answers...
" Well basically honey we evolved from apes."
The kid is even more confused now and goes back to his father and says," Mom says we evolved from monkeys!!".
The father replies," Son, I was telling you about my family... Your mother's family is none of my concern."
Heresy
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" and pushed him off.
~Emo Philips
Which of these two jokes with roughly the same theme is better?
A. A Christian is drowning in the sea. A boat comes up the crew tries to save them, but he says "no, God will save me!" Later another boat comes up and tries to save him again, but he insists that God will save him. Later a third boat comes along. The Christian is wheezing, gasping, almost exhausted, but manages to wheeze out "no, God will save me!" Then he drowns. In Heaven, he asks God why he didn't save him. God says "I sent you three boats!"
B. An atheist is drowning in the sea. Getting desperate, he says to himself "Okay, God, I know I've never believed in you before, but if you save me, I'll not only become a believer, I'll become the best believer. I'll go to church, do my best to never sin. Please save me." Then a boat suddenly appears out of nowhere with a crew getting their life saving equipment ready. The atheist says "Never mind, God: I got this!"
A man goes hunting...
He is an Atheist. He is in the woods when he trips and drops his rifle down a cliffs edge, and a Bear corners him. Knowing its his last line of life, but un willing to ask for god, he thinks of a witty idea, he says "If there is a god, please make this bear a christian!".The bear stands up and says "Dear lord, thank you for this meal im about to eat".
Hueh.
Jesus, a local atheist, and a Christian lady walk into a bar
in Mexico City. Jesus and the Christian lady ended up having a heated conversation about religion, which made many of the other patrons quite uncomfortable.
I was walking across a bridge...
and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
I said, "Well there's so much to live for."
"Like what?"
"Well, are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Baptist or Episcopalian!"
"Baptist."
"Me too! Are you Baptist Church or God or Reformed Baptist Church of God"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1893 or Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917."
To which I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" as I pushed him off the bridge.
Christian Kittens
A preacher was taking a walk one day and happened upon a young girl who was playing with something in a cardboard box.
When he got closer he could see that the box held a litter of new-born kittens. "What kind of kittens are those?" asked the preacher.
"They're Christian kittens," replied the little girl.
The preacher walked on, pleased to see that the little girl had Jesus foremost in her thoughts.
A few days later the preacher saw the little girl again. "And how are your little Christian kittens doing today?" he asked.
"Oh, they aren't Christian kittens, they're atheist kittens," replied the girl.
"But... I thought you said they were Christian kittens?" responded the preacher, concerned over the sudden change.
"Oh, they were. But now their eyes are open."
Stereotyping people because of their religion is not nice.
Whether they be a Christian, a Jew, a Buddhist, a Hindu, an Atheist, or a t**....
(Stolen Joke) An atheist and christian are sitting in a bar
The christian asks, "So how come you don't embrace Jesus?"
The atheist says, "You've got it wrong. I love Jesus!"
He goes on, "It's his fan club I can't stand!"
A church father looks at a kid...
.. He sees the kid playing with a bunch of kittens. He goes over and asks him what he was doing.. Promptly the kid replies, "I'm playing with Christian kittens.." feeling proud of how the kid is turning out struts away.
A week later he sees the same kid and wants to share the happiness with his congregation about how good this youth is turning out to be. He calls on kid during prayer and asks him to describe what he was doing with them kittens in front of the congregation.., the kid says "I am playing with atheist kittens.." with a smug smile. The father asks why did he say atheist kittens instead of Christian kittens like he did last week..
The kid says, "the kittens have opened their eyes.."
So a christian, a jew, and an atheist walk into a bar
You think at least one of them would have ducked!
Both Christians and Atheists can be d**..., you know
but Jews and Muslims can only be half-d**....
A Recent Study Found That...
...Christian women tend to become atheists after marriage. I don't find that surprising. After marriage, a woman does lose faith in a man's ability to come a second time.
Christian to an Atheist, "If God isn't real, how do you explain walking on water? Can you walk on water like Jesus?"
Atheist : Yes.
Christian : Show me a video of you walking on water.
Atheist : I don't need to. You just need to have faith that I did.
The World's Most Politically Correct Joke
THE WORLD'S MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT JOKE
A Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, a m**..., a Sikh, a Hare Krishna, a Buddhist, a Pagan, an Atheist, a 3rd wave feminist, a non-binary gender neutral otherkin, a transgender Black Lives Matter activist, a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim walk into a bar that only serves gluten free, dairy free, eco friendly, carbon neutral, halal, kosher, non GM, fair trade, free range, vegan, recycled water.
Nobody said or did anything and an acceptable time was had by all.
A Hindu, a Christian, A Sikh, an atheist, and a Buddhist walk into a clinic...
One of them is called to see the doctor, he goes in, and after a while leaves the clinic. After that, everyone else was angry because they had not received service from the doctor. They ask the nurse standing outside why this is so, to which she said: "I'm sorry, we only serve the sikh."
Two atheists are out hiking in the woods,
and they come upon some hungry bears. The pack of bears start chasing them, and corner them near a cliff. One of the atheists calls out, "Jesus, please help us." Jesus appears, pauses time, and asks whether the two atheists are willing to be proper Christians and follow all the commandments. The atheists think about it, but don't really want to ... one winks to his friend, and asks if instead Jesus can make the bears be Christians. Jesus answers in the affirmative and allows time to resume. The bears then bow their heads, and say "Bless us Oh Lord, and these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty ..."
[Religion]A man sees a boy with a box of kittens
The man goes over and says "Oh what cute kittens!" The boy replies "Yes they are Christian kittens". About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. Once again he walks over and says "my, those are just adorable!" The boy replies "Yes, they are atheist kittens" The man asks "wait, weren't they christian before?" The boy looks at the man and says "Yeah but they have their eyes open now.
Christian to an athiest : if god doesn't exist who created the universe
Atheist : well i don't know for sure but it might be just there from the starting
Christian : Don't be s**... god created the universe
Atheist : so who created god
Christian : no one did he was there from the starting
FFFFF
An atheist asked a Christian for a joke
The Christian: "A joke... Forget it, you won't believe it."
A Christian, a Jew, a Pagan, a Muslim, and an atheist walk into a cafe
They drink coffee and have a reasonable, mild-mannered conversation because they're adults.
There's little difference between Christians and atheists
Of all the gods humanity has ever known, Christians don't believe in just one less than atheists.
If Christians curse like: Oh my God
Wouldn't Atheists curse like: Oh my lack of a god ?
A Russian cosmonaut and a Russian brain surgeon were discussing religion.
A Russian cosmonaut and a Russian brain surgeon were discussing religion. The brain surgeon was a Christian but the cosmonaut was an atheist. The cosmonaut said, "I've been out in space many times but I've never seen God or angels." The brain surgeon said, "And I've operated on many clever brains but I've never seen a single thought."
I'm an atheist, but I plan on converting to Christianity on my deathbed.
I figure better safe than sorry. I don't want to end up in h**... with the Evangelicals.
An atheist comes into a mall
And there is no parking spot, so he says "God, if you give me parking spot, I will convert myself and become Christian".
Two minutes later he says "Nevermind I found one"
