Christi Jokes
117 christi jokes and hilarious christi puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about christi that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Christi Short Jokes
Short christi jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The christi humour may include short church jokes also.
- I saw a single set of footprints in the sand... "Lord," I asked, "why is there but one set of footprints in the sand?"
"My child," he tenderly replied, "Those are Chris Christie's." - Q.: "Governor, what would you say if Trump picked you as his running mate?" Christie: "I'll close down that bridge when I get to it."
- What did the beached whale say to Chris Christie? Well, looks like we both know how to empty a beach, huh?
- Agatha Christie Agatha Christie would write one mystery novel after another without pause until her arms ached.
She was diagnosed with Marple tunnel syndrome. - As well as exercise equipment, Christie Brinkley is now doing advertising for a bicycle parts company. She's their new spokes model.
- Chris Christie asked his staff... If they thought his image would recover from beach-gate.
They told him "Fat chance!" - Analysts are suprised Chris Christie ran for president in the first place They thought he'd walk
- So I heard Chris Christie is delving into sports radio... It would give all those people stuck on the bridge something to listen to.
- There was just an assassination attempt against Donald Trump... the terrorists found out that he was going to be appearing with Chris Christy and they replaced his bronzer with BBQ sauce.
- I asked Chris Christie if he was going to run for president in 2020 He said he'd cross that bridge when he got there.
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Christi One Liners
Which christi one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with christi? I can suggest the ones about rude and support.
- What do you call a chicken that writes mystery novels? Eggatha Christie
- Chris Christie stopped running... Go figure
- How did Chris Christie win office? No one knows. He certainly never runs.
- Why is Chris Christie such a successful man? Because he is too big to fail.
- Chris Christie's Favorite New Dessert??? Impeach Cobbler
- Did you hear about the new Chris Christie biopic? "Life of Pie."
- Chris Christies mom told him to run. She didn't mean for president though...
- When Mary found out she was pregnant was it a miracle? Or a Christ-is?
Merry Christmas! - Why is Chris Christie so sad? Drugs are becoming cheaper than candy bars.
- Why did Agatha Christie always wear so much rouge? I don't know; it was a red herring
- Where do dolphins love to swim when they are in the state of Texas? Porpoise Christi
- Three people walk into a room two of them are Chris Christie.
- What does this relationship have in common with Chris Christie? It's not working out.
- What is Chris Christie's favorite tv show? Not *The Bridge*.
- Why couldn't Ebola cross the bridge? Chris Christie blocked it.
Giggle-Inducing Christi Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about christi you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean puns jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make christi pranks.
My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her.
It may come across as judgmental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Deja Vu – When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone.
In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.
When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there.
If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has.
I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don't have as many people who believe it.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
How does a Christian tie their gifts?
With a crossbow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Its the Christians vs Muslims football game...
and the Christians score a goal. From his seat in heaven, surrounded by angels, God cheers.
after a while the Muslims score a goal. Again God cheers. The angels are now confused... "Whose side are you on, Lord?", they ask. "Niether", replies God, "I am just enjoying the game."
(modified from Catholics vs Protestants)
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If a Christian rock band had a Gibson, they could be called "The Five Gospels, Les Paul."
^
A christian came to the door and looked confused when I said I didn't believe the words of genesis
I just never thought Phil Collins was that captivating.
Christianity
One woman's affair which got out of hand.
What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus?
Kanye's not him.
What would a Christian Rap album featuring only UPS drivers be titled?
The Deliverance
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Christian Grey say to Anastasia before they s**... for the first time?
Don't worry, I'll show you the ropes.
Where do Christian donations go?
God only knows.
What was the Christian plastic surgeons specialty?
Faith lifts
The Christians are really taking the Dugger family scandal hard
I drove by a Chick-fil-A and the flags were at half-staff...
A Christian man is telling jokes to his Jewish friend...
And the Jewish man doesn't laugh.
*
Christians have the first name Christian, Muslims Mohammed, Jews Isaac, what boys name do atheist have?
Godfrey
[Christian humour] What is the wages of procrastination?
D/E/F
Which Christian denomination knows the most about dinosaurs?
Episcopaleontologists
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Christian friend got caught m**... to a hymn
It gave a whole new meaning to 'O Come All Ye Faithful'
Christianity became a thing in Westeros. In communion, they say...
"What is bread may never rise"
Christiano ronaldo races with himself. Who won?
No one. They both came second.
Christians will make a big deal about a cross
But do you think Jesus is attached to it?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Christian people s**... at Pokemon?
They don't believe in evolution
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Both Christians and Atheists can be d**..., you know
but Jews and Muslims can only be half-d**....
Why do Christians like Swiss cheese?
It's holey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Christians want to stop gay s**......
they should encourage gay marriage.
As a Christian...
I really wish my parents had named me Dave, or something like that instead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Christian, a Jew, and a Black Guy walk into a bar.
They all sit quietly and watch the Cleveland Browns game.
What do Christian werewolves say?
Howlelujah
Where do Christians go after throwing up?
Heave'in
As a Christian I can't Believe there are Billy Idol Cover Bands
The Bible is very clear that we should not have False Idols
A Christian man and his children are talking..
Girl: Dad, I have some bad news.
Dad: What?
Girl: I'm a lesbian.
Dad: Okay.
Sister: Dad, I have some bad news too.
Dad: What?
Sister: I'm a lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone in this house like boys?
Son: I do.
If Christians have the Daily Bread, what do Buddhists have?
The Daily Lama
Christian to an Atheist, "If God isn't real, how do you explain walking on water? Can you walk on water like Jesus?"
Atheist : Yes.
Christian : Show me a video of you walking on water.
Atheist : I don't need to. You just need to have faith that I did.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What'd the Christian p**... say after church?
Ah, men.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say Christians are against m**..., so I gave it up.
Christianity, not m**....
If a Christian talks with God throughout the day.......
Is it considered forepray?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a Christian
That's why I drink. People say v**... is my enemy and Jesus always said we should love our enemies.
My dad's Christian and my mom's jewish and they LOVE recycling...
But it's a little awkward for both me and my grandad on ash wednesday. Sadly he didn't survive the holocaust.
Christian friend of mine vapes...
Guess I'll see him *inhale*.
What did one Christian say to the other?
"I think that we should see other steeple"
What did the Christian Cabbage say before eating?
Lettuce Pray.
How do you know when Christianity isn't "healing" you?
When you start to become Sikh.
How do Christians organise their music?
They put it in praylists
Why do christians hate vegans?
Because vegans love seitan
Do Christian rock bands still bang groupies?
Yes, they just don't use birth control.
I take the Christian approach to playing music at parties...
I pretend I'm just sharing my awesome tunes when you and I both know I'm forcing my music on you because I don't like yours.
A Christian man was getting chased by a bear in the woods
The man realized the bear was catching up, so the man got down on his knees and yelled "DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET THIS BEAR BECOME A CHRISTIAN SO THAT HE DOESN'T EAT ME" then the bear got down on his knees and said, "Dear God, thank you for this meal."
I don't know why Christianity is preached by so many people
I thought it was nonprofit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do Christians pay for sins?
With praypal.
A Christian donates a huge sum of money to a university to build a new hall
He named it Hall Elujah
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wish Christian guys would make up their minds, one minute they are saying homosexuality is a sin and that s**... is evil
The next they are telling me how good it felt to let Jesus enter them.
A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...
He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.
Where does a Christian ice cream go during Sunday?
To a sundae school.
I used to be Christian....
Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine!
Christian kids be like: Hey, my parents are not home for the weekend..
..so you can't come over.
If you're Christian and poor you can end grace by saying the name of the food you're about to eat.
Ramen
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't know why Christians are so hard on u**... teen mothers.
I mean, Jesus turned out alright.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christian to an athiest : if god doesn't exist who created the universe
Atheist : well i don't know for sure but it might be just there from the starting
Christian : Don't be s**... god created the universe
Atheist : so who created god
Christian : no one did he was there from the starting
FFFFF
How did the Christian support group warn Chris Tucker about the hazardous weather conditions as he drove to the 'Die Hard' costume party?
'Slippy Highway, Brother Tucker'
Why did the Christian convert quit his job at the sewer company?
Because entering manholes was no longer his thing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Being a Christian taught me about saying that you're perfect
People will wanna *nail* you one for thinking that
Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.
The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:
'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"
"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.
Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:
'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"
The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"
The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:
'MY GOD!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Christians hate g**.....?
Cos the last time a dude got nailed..
Christine Ford to be appointed director of the CIA.
She can keep secrets for more than 30 years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My christian friend just had a t**...
With the Father, the Son and the holy spirit.
I'm not sure who Christian Singles is...
but he sounds like a pretty cool guy. I get like 10 emails per day telling me to meet Christian Singles.
A Christian, a Jew, a Pagan, a Muslim, and an atheist walk into a cafe
They drink coffee and have a reasonable, mild-mannered conversation because they're adults.
As a Christian I always take the holy bible into the bathroom to read
And I don't stop till all Acts are done
I have a Christian friend who only eats fish
He's a prescyterian
Since Christians believe that God is The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit
Clearly states that Jesus Christ suffered from Tripolar Disorder.
What did the christian say to the ladies at the gym?
Hallowed be thy gains
Ed Christie, CEO of Spirit Airlines, walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender Can I have a draft beer?"
The bartender says "Sure thing. That'll be .50¢"
He replies "50 cents? That's really cheap!"
The bartender looks up and finishes with ."....and it'll be $3 for the glass, $4 if you just stand, $8 if you want to sit down, and $3 each time to use the restroom"
A Christian,Muslim and Hindu had a fight on a plane
It was decided they would all try to make other passenger stand by chanting their spiritual words. The person who made most people stand up is the winner.
There were 40 passengers on board
Christian : Bless us Jesus Christ
5 passengers stand up
Hindu : Jai Mata Di
3 passengers stand up
Muslim : Allah hu Akbar
37 passengers Stand Up.
.
.
.
.
.
And jumped out of the plane.
