The Best 88 Chris Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Chris jokes. There are some chris jamie jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chris chris tucker puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Chris Jokes and Puns
How did Christopher Columbus find India?
He used Apple Maps.
Why did Chris Brown stop having long-term relationships?
He wanted 2 hit singles
Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas".
And now they are The ......... Peas
So Chris Brown has quit music...
Unsurprisingly, he has beaten Rihanna to it.
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.
The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
It's Christmas time at the Pearly Gates..
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates'
Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said
'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man
with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'
The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'
This Christmas, I got a new car for my wife
I thought it was a great trade.
So I sold my guitar...
I sold my guitar to a man with no hands.
So I said to him: "So how are you gonna work that then?"
He shrugged and said: "I'll play it by ear."
All Gratuities payable towards My Uncle Chris.
Christmas gift
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe; she fakes it with Ken."
It was Christmas day.....
and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened."
Why was Kanye's Christmas gift to Kim spoiled?
Because he's a bad wrapper
You can explore chris kathy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chris venue dad jokes. There are also chris puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
All I got for Christmas was a pack of sticky cards.
It was difficult to deal with.
My wife claims that I treat one of our kids unfairly.
ο»Ώ"Which one?" I replied, "Chris Jr, or the girl one?"
Chris Christie is so fat, he plans on walking for president.
I think Chris Brown should be a storm trooper in the next Star Wars.
Maybe he can actually hit somebody.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rhianna?
Hey man, I'd love to hit that.
Christians always go on about the time Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes...
What about Hitler? He made 6 million jews toast.
What was Rihanna's nickname for Chris brown?
Beats me.
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carol's'
And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better.
What's the same about Christmas and work?
I do all the work and a fat man in a suit gets all the credit.
How did Rihanna know Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found the other girls lipstick on his knuckles.
For Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist."
I haven't worn it yet.
If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"
Credit to my friend Chris
Christmas always sucked when I was a kid...
I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
If Christians want to stop gay sex...
they should encourage gay marriage.
Christmas lights remind me of my friends.
They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright.
For Christmas last year I got a sweater.
This year I'd prefer a moaner or a squirter.
Christmas must be a hard time for dyslexic children.
They get their presents from Satan.
Why is Christmas just like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
I can't believe christmas is 364 days away...
And people already have their decorations up.
I can't believe Christmas is only 364 days away...
...feels like it was just yesterday.
What does Chris Brown call a group of his ex-girlfriends?
The punch line
It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent.
Poor Chris Pratt
Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven
At the gate, St. Peter says, "because your beautiful voice and amazing talent brought happiness to so many people, we'll grant you one wish".
Chris thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'd like the world to be a kinder, better place".
So St. Peter killed Roger Ailes.
Christian & The Bear
A Christian was hiking in the wilderness, he stumbles upon a bear. The bear starts chasing him! The Christian is now cornered, he gets on one knee and says "Lord, turn this bear into a Christian" the bear creeps up closer and closer, and then gets on one knee and says "Lord, thank you so much for this meal I'm about to receive"
When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...
I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
I saw a single set of footprints in the sand...
"Lord," I asked, "why is there but one set of footprints in the sand?"
"My child," he tenderly replied, "Those are Chris Christie's."
I was at Christmas dinner with my family and I asked my Grandfather what he does for a living...
My Mother replied, "I'm a ventriloquist."
So many Christians run non-profit organizations. On the other hand, atheists...
...only run non-prophet organizations.
What do you call a song with a Chris Brown feature?
An instant hit.
Nothing beats a beautiful woman that can also sing
Well, except Chris Brown.
A Christian man was getting chased by a bear in the woods
The man realized the bear was catching up, so the man got down on his knees and yelled "DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET THIS BEAR BECOME A CHRISTIAN SO THAT HE DOESN'T EAT ME" then the bear got down on his knees and said, "Dear God, thank you for this meal."
For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count
Why is Christmas just like another day in the office?
Because you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Prisoner's Christmas Song
*You better watch out*
*You better not cry*
*You better not pout*
*I'm going in dry*
At Christmas we all deserve to be happy, so I got a puppy for my wife...
... it was a good trade
I wish Christian guys would make up their minds, one minute they are saying homosexuality is a sin and that sodomy is evil
The next they are telling me how good it felt to let Jesus enter them.
A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...
He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.
I used to be Christian....
Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine!
"i used to be a Christian"
She said to her boyfriend, he replies "that's ok, I don't mind" relieved she says "oh that's great, I'm so much more comfortable being Christine"
Chris Brown is going on tour this year!
He'll be sponsored by Black & Decker.
Christmas tip:
Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace
Do you know how Chris Brown's girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her?
She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and a radio station?
Radio stations only have 90 minutes of nonstop hits.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla Model S?
The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year
Why are christians not able to do trigonometry?
Because Jesus took away their sin.
Christians don't get angry.
They hey cross.
A Christian, a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar....
If they weren't arguing they would have seen it coming.
Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.
The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:
'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"
"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.
Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:
'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"
The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"
The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:
'MY GOD!'"
What brand of power tools does Chris Brown use?
Black and Deck Her
If Alex Jones and Chris Brown were both on fire and you only had one fire extinguisher...
Where would you hide it?
Chris Brown came out as transgendered today
He figures if he can't beat em may as well join em
Nothing beats a beautiful girl with an amazing voice...
Except Chris Brown
How did Chris Browns girlfriend find out he was cheating on her?
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles
A Christmas Miracle
It was Christmas time and the lady answered the door to the mailman. She said come inside I have something for you. She took him upstairs and screwed his brains out. The next morning she cooked him a huge breakfast and gave him a dollar. The mailman asked what just happened. She said I asked my husband what to give you for Christmas and he said 'fuck him, give him a dollar' the breakfast was my idea.
Christian Horse
A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. The horse's owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise the Lord!' to make him go and 'Amen!' to make him stop."
Bill got on the horse and said, "Praise the Lord!" Sure enough, the horse started to walk. "Praise the Lord!" he said again, and the horse began to trot. "Praise the Lord!" he yelled and the horse broke into a gallop.
Bill was enjoying his ride so much that he almost didn't notice the cliff he and horse were about to go over. Bill shouted "AMEN!" at the top of his lungs, and the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff.
Relieved, Bill said, "Phew, Praise the Lord!"
Christian man said to his married friend that he is saving himself so he can have all the sex he can when he is married
Married man : "lol"
If Christ were alive today, he'd have a huge retirement account
because Jesus saves.
A Christian once asked me if I had found Jesus...
I said "holy shit, you guys lost him again?"
If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..
I really need to borrow some chairs
What do a christmas tree and Donald Trump have in common?
Both will be out in January.
Why was the Christian hairless?
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They were shaving themselves till marriage.
Christian people are boycotting eggnog this year
They heard if you drink it, you become eggnostic
Christmas cracker joke: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because they can't afford the train!
Sorry, but I'm eating alone this Christmas and have no one here to tell it to.
For Christmas, I gave my wife an alarm clock that swears instead of beeping.
She's in for a rude awakening.
For Christmas, I bought my wife a world map and gave her a dart. I told her to throw it and wherever it lands, we will go on vacation after this pandemic is over.
Turns out we are spending two weeks behind the fridge.
I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabetβ¦
I don't know Y.
What do Chris Hemsworth and Mike Tyson have in common after a workout?
They're both Thor.
What Christmas song do they play at the mental hospital?
Do you see what I see?
Why did Christ struggle the the crossword
He was stuck on 2 across
Every Christmas we have pigs in blankets
Or as you probably call them - relatives sleeping in the spare room.
This Christian restaurant is a rip-off
I ordered the endless buffet and all they gave me were five loaves of bread and two fish
Christopher Lloyd is joining the Star Wars universe!
The ManDeLorean.
She's gonna boycott the Oscars? Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna's panties.
I wasn't invited. That's not an invitation I would turn down, but I understand, I'm not hating.
What does Chris Rock have on his face right now?
Fresh prints!
Why donβt comedians like hanging out with Will Smith?
Because heβs always improving their punchlines.
What's the difference between Chris Rock and Will Smith?
Chris Rock can take a hit
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chris chris christie fat jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working chris chris paul piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.