Chris Jokes
160 chris jokes and hilarious chris puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chris that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Be ready to laugh with hilarious jokes from comedian Chris Rock! His iconic style of humor is sure to make you chuckle as he talks about everybody hates Chris, being half asleep, and his appearance on the Oscars with his wife Jada. But it's not just his professional life that gets a laugh - Chris also has plenty of funny anecdotes about JadaJeffrey, Kathy, and Jamie! Read this article for the absolute best of Chris's jokes.
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Funniest Chris Short Jokes
Short chris jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chris humour may include short chris christie jokes also.
- Do you know how Chris Brown's girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her? She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
- If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy" Credit to my friend Chris
- Before chris brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas". And now they are The ......... Peas
- Why don’t comedians like hanging out with Will Smith? Because he’s always improving their punchlines.
- What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla Model S? The tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year
- If Will Smith, Amber Heard, and Chris Brown formed a band, what would its name be? The Heavy Hitters.
- It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent. Poor Chris Pratt
- What's the difference between Chris Brown and a radio station? Radio stations only have 90 minutes of nonstop hits.
- My wife claims that I treat one of our kids unfairly. "Which one?" I replied, "Chris Jr, or the girl one?"
- I saw a single set of footprints in the sand... "Lord," I asked, "why is there but one set of footprints in the sand?"
"My child," he tenderly replied, "Those are Chris Christie's."
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Chris One Liners
Which chris one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chris? I can suggest the ones about chris brown rihanna and chris brown.
- Nothing beats a beautiful girl with an amazing voice... Except Chris Brown
- What does Chris Rock have on his face right now? Fresh prints!
- What's the difference between Chris Rock and Will Smith? Chris Rock can take a hit
- What does Chris Brown call a group of his ex-girlfriends? The punch line
- What do Chris Hemsworth and mike tyson have in common after a workout? They're both Thor.
- CHRIS: Hey can I borrow a ten? KRISTEN: Sure
CHRISTEN: Thanks!
KRIS: Any time! - So Chris Brown has quit music... Unsurprisingly, he has beaten Rihanna to it.
- Why is Chris Rock like a used anvil? They both got hammered by a blacksmith.
- What was Rihanna's nickname for Chris brown? Beats me.
- Chris Brown is going on tour this year! He'll be sponsored by Black & Decker.
- What brand of power tools does Chris Brown use? Black and Deck Her
- What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rhianna? Hey man, I'd love to hit that.
- Why did Chris Brown stop having long-term relationships? He wanted 2 hit singles
- What do you call a song with a Chris Brown feature? An instant hit.
- What's Chris Brown's favourite drink? Punch
Chris Brown Jokes
Here is a list of funny chris brown jokes and even better chris brown puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One day, Rihanna has amnesia and can't remember anything. She's asked, "What do you think of Chris Brown?" She replies: "Beats me".
- What do you think Rihanna's favorite part of Chris Brown's music is? The beat? ...or the hook?
- I don't understand all of this Chris Brown hype. After all his music isn't even that good, his only decent hit was Rihanna.
- What is Chris Brown's favorite hobby? Beats me.
- What's Chris Brown's favorite cereal? Honey Smacks
- What does Rihanna think of Chris Brown? beats me
- What happened when Chris Brown bought the mansion next to Rihanna's? \[Ri moved\]
- What's the similarity between Chris Brown being released and Pokemon Go being released? An increase in battery cases.
- Chris Brown is Selling his pitbulls. he doesn't want to live with something that can fight back.
- Why does Chris Brown still have a music career? Beats me.
Chris Brown Rihanna Jokes
Here is a list of funny chris brown rihanna jokes and even better chris brown rihanna puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I bought a Chris Brown's greatest hits album. It was just a bunch of Rihanna songs.
- Chris Brown dressed as Deadpool for Halloween and won a costume contest. The runner up was a girl dressed like Rihanna, but he beat her.
- Have you heard the name of Chris Brown's latest album? Chris Brown's Greatest Hits ft. Rihanna
- Has Rihanna heard any Chris Brown songs? Just the hits
- I asked Rihanna where Chris Brown was She just shrugged her shoulders.
"Beats me!" - Rihanna was going to tweet about the Ebola crisis. Unfortunately Chris Brown beat her.
- When it comes to early 2000s R&B, nothing beats Rihanna... Except maybe Chris Brown
- What's the difference between the song 'Umbrella', and Chris Brown? One's Rihanna's beats, and the other beats Rihanna.
- Who do you think is better? Rihanna or Chris Brown? I think Chris Brown beats Rhianna, tbh
- If Rihanna were born in July... Then could it said that in 2009, Chris Brown beat Cancer?
Chris Brown And Rihanna Jokes
Here is a list of funny chris brown and rihanna jokes and even better chris brown and rihanna puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Rihanna and Chris Brown got back together and made music again... they would make all the hits
- Chris Brown and Rihanna walk into a bar... I forgot the punchline.
- Chris Brown attended Rihanna's wedding Whenever she came to the snack bar, he always gave her punch.
- What is Chris Brown's biggest hit? Rihanna (2009)
- Maybe we gave Chris Brown too tough a time over Rihanna In his eyes, he may have just beat her white and gold.
- What did Rihanna say when asked why she was still with Chris Brown? She shrugged and said "Beats me!"
- I heard Chris Brown and Rihanna are back together. I guess she's not a one-hit wonder.
- The first time Chris Brown ever laid his eyes on Rihanna he knew that he would someday hit that
- When asked about how Chris Brown deals with Rihanna's infidelity, she replied "Beats me"
- Rihanna just started dating Chris Brown He struck her as a violent person
Chris Christie Jokes
Here is a list of funny chris christie jokes and even better chris christie puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the beached whale say to Chris Christie? Well, looks like we both know how to empty a beach, huh?
- Chris Christie stopped running... Go figure
- Chris Christie asked his staff... If they thought his image would recover from beach-gate.
They told him "Fat chance!" - How did Chris Christie win office? No one knows. He certainly never runs.
- Why is Chris Christie such a successful man? Because he is too big to fail.
- Chris Christie's Favorite New Dessert??? Impeach Cobbler
- Did you hear about the new Chris Christie biopic? "Life of Pie."
- Analysts are suprised Chris Christie ran for president in the first place They thought he'd walk
- Chris Christies mom told him to run. She didn't mean for president though...
- So I heard Chris Christie is delving into sports radio... It would give all those people stuck on the bridge something to listen to.
Chris Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about chris you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fury jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chris pranks.
How did Christopher Columbus find India?
He used Apple Maps.
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.
The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's Christmas time at the Pearly Gates..
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates'
Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said
'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man
with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'
The p**... replied, 'These are Carols.'
This Christmas, I got a new car for my wife
I thought it was a great trade.
So I sold my guitar...
I sold my guitar to a man with no hands.
So I said to him: "So how are you gonna work that then?"
He shrugged and said: "I'll play it by ear."
All Gratuities payable towards My Uncle Chris.
What Christmas Carol do they sing in North Korea?
We Three Kims
It was Christmas day.....
and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened."
Why was Kanye's Christmas gift to Kim spoiled?
Because he's a bad wrapper
All I got for Christmas was a pack of sticky cards.
It was difficult to deal with.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think Chris Brown should be a storm trooper in the next Star Wars.
Maybe he can actually hit somebody.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Be more like Christ they said...
Be more like Christ they said, so I became Jewish.
Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU?
Because there is no Turkey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carol's'
And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better.
What's the same about Christmas and work?
I do all the work and a fat man in a suit gets all the credit.
Unexpectedly meeting a celebrity is cool, unless....
It's Chris Hansen.
For Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist."
I haven't worn it yet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas always s**... when I was a kid...
I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Christians want to stop gay s**......
they should encourage gay marriage.
Christmas lights remind me of my friends.
They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For Christmas last year I got a sweater.
This year I'd prefer a moaner or a squirter.
"What are you getting this Christmas?" asked my friend.
I said, "Fatter."
I can't believe Christmas is only 364 days away...
...feels like it was just yesterday.
A Christian man and his children are talking..
Girl: Dad, I have some bad news.
Dad: What?
Girl: I'm a lesbian.
Dad: Okay.
Sister: Dad, I have some bad news too.
Dad: What?
Sister: I'm a lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone in this house like boys?
Son: I do.
Christian to an Atheist, "If God isn't real, how do you explain walking on water? Can you walk on water like Jesus?"
Atheist : Yes.
Christian : Show me a video of you walking on water.
Atheist : I don't need to. You just need to have faith that I did.
Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven
At the gate, St. Peter says, "because your beautiful voice and amazing talent brought happiness to so many people, we'll grant you one wish".
Chris thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'd like the world to be a kinder, better place".
So St. Peter killed Roger Ailes.
Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven…
St. Peter: It is probably a bit disorienting, but there are a lot of people here you will want to meet.
Chris: Like who?
St. Peter: Well, right over there are Janis, Jimi, Kurt, Prince, and David Bowie for starters.
Chris: Oh no, is that Bono over there with them? I didn't know that Bono was dead.
St. Peter: No, no, that's not Bono, that's god, he just thinks he's Bono.
When christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...
I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
I was at Christmas dinner with my family and I asked my Grandfather what he does for a living...
My Mother replied, "I'm a ventriloquist."
A Christian man was getting chased by a bear in the woods
The man realized the bear was catching up, so the man got down on his knees and yelled "DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET THIS BEAR BECOME A CHRISTIAN SO THAT HE DOESN'T EAT ME" then the bear got down on his knees and said, "Dear God, thank you for this meal."
For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count
Why is Christmas just like another day in the office?
Because you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Prisoner's Christmas Song
*You better watch out*
*You better not cry*
*You better not pout*
*I'm going in dry*
At Christmas we all deserve to be happy, so I got a puppy for my wife...
... it was a good trade
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wish Christian guys would make up their minds, one minute they are saying homosexuality is a sin and that s**... is evil
The next they are telling me how good it felt to let Jesus enter them.
A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...
He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.
My girlfriend made me drive out more than 33 miles just so she could dump me on live tv.
Then her bf Chris Hansen humiliated me.
I used to be Christian....
Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine!
Last Christmas i got a bottle of scotch for my wife.
That was a fair trade.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We have everything!
Two schoolboys are talking to each other. One of them says that after school ends, he'll have to go shopping with his parents, because they need to buy some things.
The other boy says: "And I don't, because now we have everything we need".
The first one asks him: "How do you know"?
He answers: "Because yesterday Dad came home in a Corvette convertible, and Mom said *"g**..., Chris, that's the last thing we needed!"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't know why Christians are so hard on u**... teen mothers.
I mean, Jesus turned out alright.
Yeah I would blow Chris Pratt for a million dollars
Its just gonna take me a while to save up that much
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas tip:
Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace
Christmas!!!
Q: Why dont Chinese people believe in Santa Claus.
A: Cuz they make the gifts....
Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.
The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:
'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"
"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.
Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:
'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"
The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"
The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:
'MY GOD!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Alex Jones and Chris Brown were both on fire and you only had one fire extinguisher...
Where would you hide it?
Christmas Break
There are 2 boys. Timmy and Bill. They just got back from Christmas break. The first boy, Timmy, says to Bill, I had the best Christmas ever! I got a new bike, new shoes, and an Xbox with all my favorite games on it. What'd you get Bill? He says, I only got a sweater. The first boy asks, Why? Bill answers, Its because I don't have cancer, Timothy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chris Brown came out as transgendered today
He figures if he can't beat em may as well join em
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Christmas Miracle
It was Christmas time and the lady answered the door to the mailman. She said come inside I have something for you. She took him upstairs and s**... his brains out. The next morning she cooked him a huge breakfast and gave him a dollar. The mailman asked what just happened. She said I asked my husband what to give you for Christmas and he said 'fuck him, give him a dollar' the breakfast was my idea.
what do you call a burnt rodent?
Chris Pratt
Christian Horse
A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. The horse's owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise the Lord!' to make him go and 'Amen!' to make him stop."
Bill got on the horse and said, "Praise the Lord!" Sure enough, the horse started to walk. "Praise the Lord!" he said again, and the horse began to trot. "Praise the Lord!" he yelled and the horse broke into a gallop.
Bill was enjoying his ride so much that he almost didn't notice the cliff he and horse were about to go over. Bill shouted "AMEN!" at the top of his lungs, and the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff.
Relieved, Bill said, "Phew, Praise the Lord!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christian man said to his married friend that he is saving himself so he can have all the s**... he can when he is married
Married man : "lol"
"Did you know that Christmas day falls on a Friday this year?" said one blonde to another.
"Oh dear!!" her friend replied, "I hope it's not the 13th?"
If Christ were alive today, he'd have a huge retirement account
because Jesus saves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Christian once asked me if I had found Jesus...
I said "holy s**..., you guys lost him again?"
If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..
I really need to borrow some chair
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the Christian hairless?
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
They were shaving themselves till marriage.
Christian people are boycotting eggnog this year
They heard if you drink it, you become eggnostic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas c**... joke: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because they can't afford the train!
Sorry, but I'm eating alone this Christmas and have no one here to tell it to.
The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last christmas I gave my SO a book about a p**... that turns her life around and becomes an accountant.
It's "The thot that counts"
Why did Mike Tyson have to cancel his big fight with Chris Hemsworth?
He was Thor.
