Chortle Jokes

6 chortle jokes and hilarious chortle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chortle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Chortle Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good chortle joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn't show up, the boss calls the employee's home.

The phone is answered by a giggling child.
"Is your dad home?" the boss asks.
"Yes."
"May I speak to him?"
"No."
"Well can I speak to your mom?"
"No, she's with the policeman."
Alarmed, the boss says, "Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?"
"No. He's busy talking to the man in the helicopter that's bringing in the search team."
"My Lord!" says the boss, now really worried. "What are they searching for?"
"Me." the kid chortles.

The computer was claimed to answer anything correctly.

But the CEO didn't believe it, so he asked "Where's my father right now?". The computer beeped and whirred for a few seconds, and spat out "Your father is fishing in Canada". The CEO joyfully chortled "See, your computer isn't always right, my father died when I was 10 years old!" The computer spat out "Your mothers husband died 25 years ago. Your father just landed an 8 pound trout."

Eventually, after living a full life, Tom Brady dies and goes to heaven...

At the Pearly Gates, God tells Brady, "As a reward for such a fine football career I am giving you a house. Now, not everyone gets a house up here, in fact it's quite rare. Tom, consider this is a personal gift from the Lord your God." The Almighty shows him to his new home and Brady is somewhat taken aback. The tiny home is more a shack with a faded Patriots flag flying over it. Still, Tom Brady tells God how thankful he is for such a special blessing.
After the Father gives Brady a short tour of his new home, Tom notices a three story mansion just around the block. The enormous home is painted in orange and blue, even down to the driveway and sidewalks. A huge Denver Broncos flag flies off a 50 ft flagpole above the house and a Tim Tebow jersey hangs over the front door.
Brady, a little perplexed, turns to God and asks, "I don't mean to be ungrateful Lord, but I was an all-pro quarterback, I won three Super Bowls, and I was inducted into the Hall of Fame last year." "What are you trying to say, my son?" Brady responds, "Well, why does Tim Tebow get a better house than me?" God chortles and replies, "That's not Tim's house. That's my house!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her.
When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat.
The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That d**... Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

Indian bar game

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian.
So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.
"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Sven.
"Ok," the Norwegian said, "my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?"
"Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?"
The Norwegian burst out, "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota!"

This computer can answer any question!

The computer salesman was trying to convince the CEO to buy the horribly expensive mainframe.
"It can answer *any* question! Just try it!"
The CEO thinks a minute, and asks "OK, what's my father doing right now?"
The computer grinds away for awhile, and answers "Your father is fishing in Michigan."
The CEO chortles to the salesman "Wrong! My father died five years ago!"
The computer answers "Your mothers husband died five years ago. Your father just landed a 10 pound trout."