Chores Jokes
39 chores jokes and hilarious chores puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chores that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you in need of a laugh? Check out this article for a selection of funny jokes about household chores, activities, beds, and more – perfect for a light-hearted break in the home.
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Funniest Chores Short Jokes
Short chores jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chores humour may include short housework jokes also.
- My wife: You need to do more chores around the house. Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you. - My daughter was whining about her chores. She asked if she needed to vacuum the whole apartment.
I said, "no, just do the floor." - What do you call that day when you finally do all the chores and work you've let pile up? Tomorrow
- Chore time at the house. My daughter was freaking out at the sight of the plates, cups, bowls, et cetera stacked in the sink. I looked at her reassuringly and told her… Dishes not the time to panic.
- When a man promises to do chores, he will keep the promise. No need to remind him every six months.
- My son broke my new iPhone, so I'm giving it away free.... He can do a few chores and is great with pets.
- What is the difference between an 8 year old fine wine and a bad wine? One does their chores while complaining, the other doesn't do them at all.
- My Tums say they go to work in seconds Well I've had the bottle for months and they haven't brought home even one paycheck or done any of the chores
- Out of all the chores I did as a kid, I always took out the trash before anyone asked... I guess you could say I was pre-disposed.
- My wife loaded me up with chores and errands after i told her I'm working from home, like i don't have any work to do. She's right.
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Chores One Liners
Which chores one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chores? I can suggest the ones about home work and homework.
- My wife did 70 chores around the house Cooking and 69.
- What was George Washington's favorite chore? Washing Tons of dishes.
- What did the blind man say to himself after finishing a chore? Let's see what comes next
- What do cows get when they do all their chores?
Mooney. - What is the lactose intolerant man's least favorite chore? Laun-dairy.
- I had to do my nightly chores twice today Thanks daylight savings!
- Liam Neeson's wife asks him to do some household chores Taken: Out the Garbage
- When is the best time to do chores? When you have a paper due in 6 hours.
- My wife said s**... has become a chore. So for mothers day I've hired her some help.
- Why does it take southerners so long to do their chores? Because slavery is i**....
- I always play with myself before doing chores or tasks. I'm such a procrastibator.
- Vacuuming is my least favorite chore. It really s**....
Hilarious Fun Chores Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about chores you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean laundry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chores pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
5 advices to men for a happy life
1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,
2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,
3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,
4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,
5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Three nuns were talking about their chores...
Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.
A wife is shouting at her husband about not helping her with chores
- I'm cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, while you are sitting all day, waiting for me to bring you a beer. What kind of a husband are you?
- A patient one.
Daughter…..
My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday.
I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules.
Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone. It's my way or the Huawei.
How much do you get paid?
The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd cleaned out the garage, pruned the hedges, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulls up and yells out her window, Say, what do you get for yard work?
The homeowner thought for a moment, then answered, The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.
A blonde was going door to door...
She was looking to do odd jobs and chores to make some extra money. She knocks on a door, a guy answers and she asks if he has any chores he needs done. He said "sure I need my porch painted. I'll give you $100 if you do a good job". He shows her where the paint and brushes are and she says she'll make it look great. 30 minutes later, she knocks on his door and says "I'm done" and he replies "already? I thought it would take hours". She assured him she was finished and then said "by the way, that's a Ferrari, not a porch".
This guy had a magic door
This guy had a magic door in his house. Whenever he wanted he could open the door and step into a magic world where he was the only human in. Since he was alone in this magic world he was like the king and he could do whatever he wanted to. There was no wife to throw chores at him, no kids nagging and fighting, no dog he needs to take on a walk - no one. He was alone to do as he pleases for as long as he wanted to until his legs get numb and he has to flush down the water and get back to reality.
My husband is best
3 wives are conversing….first says my husband is best: he cooks food and takes care of kids.
Second says my husband is best: he does all the household chores and spoils me with presents every day.
Third one says shut up! I have the best husband-he goes to therapy 6days in a week and all he talks about is me.
To teach my kids about capitalism...
...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.
Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.
Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gave them nothing.
My Girlfriend
My girlfriend is an epidimiologist and I'm a stand-up comedian so that means I have a lot of chores I have to go do. Later.
No one in a family of four wants to do the dishes...
The husband asks the wife to do it; the wife tells the daughter to do it; the daughter tells the son to do it; the son doesn't want to do it either.
When a friend came to visit, he was very surprised to see the pet dog doing the dishes.
Wow! he exclaimed, I didn't know dogs could do chores!
I don't want to, but the family made me do it.
The friend was even more surprised, I didn't know dogs could talk!
Shhh , said the dog, don't let them know, or they will ask me to answer the phone.
A man walks into a fast food restaurant, followed by a priest.
What can I get you today? Says the cashier.
I'll have one cheeseburger and a kid sized chicken nugget portion please.
The priest asks the man What are you getting the kid sized portion for?
Well, says the man my lazy 7 year old isn't doing his chores and says he won't do anything unless I get him some chicken nuggets. He says he'll do anything after I get him some.
He'll do anything? Asks the priest.
Yeah, I reckon any kid would do whatever you want for a bit of junk food. Says the man jokingly.
The priest thinks long and hard and says to the cashier
I'll have 20 kid sized chicken nugget portions please.
A man dying of cancer asks his wife if she will re-marry...
Wife: I suppose I will
Husband: Do you think your next husband will drive my truck when I'm gone
Wife: Well, the truck is an asset to the family and helps get chores done so I think so yes.
Husband: That makes sense... what about my clothes? What will you do with them?
Wife: Well, I'd probably donate them to a church or goodwill I think. Maybe I'll keep a shirt or two for their sentimental value.
Husband: Yeah, of course donating them is probably best... what about my golf clubs? Do you think your next husband will use those?
Wife: Of course not, he's left handed.
A boy on a farm goes to the kitchen one morning.
His mother refuses to serve breakfast until after he's done his chores. So he tends to the cow, and then kicks the cow. He tends to the chicken, and kicks the chicken. He tends to the pig, and kicks the pig.
When he goes back to the kitchen, he's handed a bowl of dry cereal and a small plate of toast. "Where's the milk? Where's the eggs? Where's the bacon?"
His mother responds, "I saw you kick the cow. No milk for a week. You kicked the chicken. No eggs for a week. You also kicked the pig. No bacon for a week."
The boy's father comes into the kitchen and then kicks the cat.
The boy looks to the mother and asks, "Should you tell him, or should I?"
