The Best 46 Chopping Jokes

Following is our collection of Chopping jokes which are very funny. There are some chopping onion jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chopping wood puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

What does a pianist say when they're chopping food?

>!I be Chopin!<

Man goes to his son and asks 'Did you tip over the outhouse'?

Son says, 'Father, I cannot tell a lie: I tipped over the outhouse into the creek'. Father says 'That's it, you're going to the woodshed for some serious ass-whuppin!' 'But Father, George Washington told his dad the truth about chopping down the cherry tree and didn't get punished!' 'George Washington's father wasn't IN the cherry tree!'

Chopping Onions

I walked into the kitchen to see my Dad chopping Onions up. As soon as I saw him, I started crying because Onions is my dog.

I Walked In On My Dad Chopping Onions Up One Day...

It made me cry. Onions was my favorite dog.

The most offensive jokes thread?

I'll start

What is the difference between chopping up a baby and an onion?
- chopping up an onion makes you cry.


I once dated someone with really smelly feet, the smell used to bring tears to my eyes...

It was like someone was chopping bunions.

Instead of prison, we should start chopping off hands...

I cut my thumb chopping onions...

...in such a way as to make applying appropriate pressure difficult. I made my way to the ER. They weren't busy, so the doctor came over to dress my wound. I expressed frustration over my lack in first aid and the persistent crimson flow. In a matter-of-fact tone, he reassured me, "Don't worry; all of my patients stop bleeding eventually."

Caught my Vegan roommate...

Caught my Vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!

What kind of sword is good for chopping up young girls?

A cutlass.

I saw my friend chopping up onions

I couldn't stop crying ever since. Onions was such a good friend of mine.

Top Chopping Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore chopping redwood reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chopping feller dad jokes. There are also chopping puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


"How long have you been chopping wood for?"

"I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"

What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.

A lot of people cry when chopping onions, but the trick..

..is to not get emotionally attached.

Lots of people cry while chopping onions.

The trick is to not form an emotional attachment.

I cut my finger chopping cheese...

I think that I may have grater problems.

The head coach of the Cleveland Browns walks into a bar after chopping some wood.

The bartender says "That's a huge axe son."

What did storm say when she saw wolverine chopping wood?

That's a huge axe man!

Joe was chopping wood with his Dad

Joe: Dad, I think I want to be a pilot!

Dad: That's great, start over there. You can grab that wood and pile it.


What do butchers do on their holidays?

They go Chopping

When I was a kid, one day I walked in to the kitchen and saw my dad chopping onions and I started crying.

Onions was a good dog.

I cried a lot when chopping onions...

Onions was a good dog.

Why did the lumberjack stop chopping trees?

Because he had an axeident.

Why did the blonde chef think she was depressed?

Because she cried every day when chopping onions.

What is a Guillotine ?

A french chopping center.

I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried

Onions was a good dog

I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried

It was the first time I saw him in 16 years

I can't believe that my son blocked the toilet.

I spent hours chopping him into little pieces.

Two blondes go deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree...

After hours and hours of sub-zero temperatures, a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turns to the other and says, "Enough is enough! I'm chopping down the next tree I see! I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

In Canada we get those hipsters thinking they're lumberjacks

Chopping down trees yelling TIMBLR!!

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I've never cried when chopping up a hooker.

I was chopping up onions and my kids started to cry.

Onions is a stupid name for a dog anyway.

I hurt myself chopping wood

It was a stupid axeident

A Two-Fer: How is an onion different from a baby?

Answer 1: Onions don't scream when you peel off their skin.

Answer 2: I tear up a little bit when I'm chopping up onions.

A Lumberjack walks into a Magical Forest..

He finds a mighty tree and begins to chop it down. As soon as he starts chopping, the tree yells out "Stop it! I'm a talking tree!" The lumber jack responds, "And you'll dialogue."

My spare hatchet is much worse than my primary at chopping

There's a sharp contrast.

A buddy of mine called and asked what I was up to, I told him "Chopping wood and milking my cows..."

"...then later I'm gonna chop the cows and milk my wood."

My dishwasher is acting weird

Its chopping vegetables too

Why did he lumberjack quit his job chopping wood?

Because he couldn't hack it

I came up with an idea about how to stop crying while chopping onions

Unfortunately, I've run out of fingers to try it with.

What does vikings call english villages?

Chopping centers.

I was chopping up some leftover dumplings from my soup at a Chinese restaurant when suddenly it hit me...

I was engaging in acts of wonton destruction.

I use a Ouija board as a chopping board

That's how I make my soul food.

a man is chopping down a tree

the tree says Wait, i'm a talking tree

the man proceeds chopping down the tree and says and you will dialogue.

What do you yell after chopping down a haunted tree?

Tim Burton!!!

Food that makes you cry.

My friend gave me grief for tears leaking feom my face when i was chopping some strong onions. He called me a weakling, and said there was no food that made him cry.

So I threw a coconut at his face.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chopping timber jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working chopping chop piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes