Chop Jokes
105 chop jokes and hilarious chop puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chop that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the many forms of jokes related to 'chop' – including pork chop, lamb chop, mutton chop, chop suey, slicer, timber and firewood. Gain an insight into the different styles of ‘chop’ jokes, and learn to make them yourself.
Quick Jump To
- Short Chop Jokes
- Chop One Liners
- Pork Chop Jokes
- Lamb Chop Jokes
- Chop Suey Jokes
- Mutton Chop Jokes
- More Chop Jokes
Funniest Chop Short Jokes
Short chop jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chop humour may include short chow jokes also.
- a man is chopping down a tree the tree says Wait, i'm a talking tree
the man proceeds chopping down the tree and says and you will dialogue. - Did you hear what happened to the guy whose left arm and left leg got chopped off? He's dead.
- A lumberjack goes into a forest to chop down a tree. "Wait," says the tree, "I'm a talking tree." The lumberjack smiles and says, "And you will dialogue."
- I Walked In On My Dad Chopping Onions Up One Day... It made me cry. Onions was my favorite dog.
- Caught my Vegan roommate... Caught my Vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!
- Lost three toes in a wood-chopping accident and my girlfriend dumped me Said she's lack-toes intolerant
- Why did the knight stop fighting after all his limbs had been chopped of? He'd been unarmed and defeated
- This one time, I cried, when my dad chopped up Onions. I loved Onions, she was such a nice, sweet, little puppy
- My neighbor uses a wood stove, but lately he's had the flu and been too sick to chop his own wood. Do you think it would be a nice gesture to go chop some firewood for him? Axeing for a friend.
- What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law? You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.
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Chop One Liners
Which chop one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chop? I can suggest the ones about chose and chips.
- I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried Onions was a good dog
- A lumberjack chopped off my teeth But later he apologized and said it was axedental.
- I chopped the clock in half. It was a split second decision.
- What do you call a sheep that does karate Lamb Chop
- Friends are like trees. If you chop them down with an axe they will die.
- I cried when my asian friend chopped onions today I loved onions, he was a good dog
- How do you defeat your enemies? Chop off their feet.
- What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop.
- I had tears in my eyes when my dad chopped up Onions I loved Onions. He was a great dog.
- What does a Chinese lumberjack do? Chop sticks
- I cried when my dad chopped onions Onions was a good dog
- I use a Ouija board as a chopping board That's how I make my soul food.
- What do you call a pig who knows karate? Pork chop
- Whats the american version of a karate chop? A Connecti Cut!
- When my dad chopped onions, I cried. I miss onions... Onions was a nice dog.
Pork Chop Jokes
Here is a list of funny pork chop jokes and even better pork chop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So i stole this joke from I Love Lucy, So a woman walks into a restaurant The woman says to the waiter, "Two pork chops, and make them lean." And the waiter says, "Yes, ma'am. Which way?"
- What is the ultimate Jewish conflict? Pork chops at half price
- Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop. - Pork Chop Most people are confused when I tell them that me and my dad had a falling out over him cutting up my little Pork Chop.
I guess that they don't understand the bond between man and dog. - Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop. - What do you call a pig who study's law and does karate? A pork chop suey.
- What's Kevin Bacon favourite meal? Pork Chops
- What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup? Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.
- Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?"
Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?"
Customer: "No, I can’t."
Waiter: "Then does it really matter?" - What's the difference between pork chops and pea soup? Anyone can chop pork, no one can pea soup.
Lamb Chop Jokes
Here is a list of funny lamb chop jokes and even better lamb chop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call dentures made for sheep? Lamb chops!
- Here, have a pair of lamb-chops Just my way of saying its slice two meat ewe.
- What do you call a rotten lamb chop? Food gone ba-a-a-a-a-ad.
- Mary had a little lamb...... Best lamb chops I ever ate. s**... IT VEGANS!
Chop Suey Jokes
Here is a list of funny chop suey jokes and even better chop suey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a lawyer who does karate? Chop suey!
- Heard a rumour Cadburys are producing chop suey flavoured chocolate bars. Probably just Chinese Wispas.
- What is religious favorites food ? Chop Suey
Mutton Chop Jokes
Here is a list of funny mutton chop jokes and even better mutton chop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a sheep who knows karate? A mutton chop.
- What do you call an elderly sheep who's also a kung fu master? Mutton chops.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Chop Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about chop you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chap jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chop pranks.
Do you know why apple changed touch id with face id?
Because its harder to chop someones head than to chop their fingers.
A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...
...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."
The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.
"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.
"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.
"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."
Chopping Onions
I walked into the kitchen to see my Dad chopping Onions up. As soon as I saw him, I started crying because Onions is my dog.
What is the difference between an onion and a banjo?
No one gets tears in their eyes when you chop up a banjo.
LPT: A lot of people cry when they chop onions,
the trick is not to form an emotional bond.
What do a chop shop and a desperate actress have in common?
They both s**... for parts!
How do you eat soup with chop sticks?
Slowly.
Babys In Mothers Woom
Three babies are in their mother's w**.... One of them says, "I want to be an artist so everyone knows what it looks like in here." The next one says, "I want to be a swimmer because I get so much practice in here." The last baby says, "I'm going to be a hunter because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again, I'm going to chop that thing in half!
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup!
What do you get when you watch a lumberjack chop down a tree?
bored.
ha^ha
I was a pilot at 10 years old...
It's true! My brother would chop it and I'd pile it.
What do Lumber jacks do in China?
Chop sticks!
Who chops down trees and wears corrective footwear?
Paul Bunion
How do you end beef with someone?
With the assistance of your friend, use a machete to chop the cow into pieces.
A group of scientists run an experiment on a frog
They teach it to jump on command by using flies as treats. Now when they say "Jump" the frog jumps.
Then they chop off one leg. They say "Jump" and the frog jumps in a crooked path. So far so good.
Finally, they chop off the other leg. They say "Jump" and the frog does not jump.
It has been concluded that frogs cannot hear without their legs.
A s**... bomber enters a mall, trigger in hand, threatening to blow up the building.
I swiftly chop off his hand, disarming him.
Confucius on Friendship...
"It takes more than just a chainsaw to chop of both of your arms what you really need is.....a friend"-Confucious
We argued for hours about whether to chop the princes in half across or lengthwise...
...but in the end we were just splitting heirs.
How do you shut an Italian up for good?
Chop his hands off
Man with a beard a 100 years ago: "Ok, I'll go chop down some trees."
Man with beard today: " I found a great face mask that's gluten and cruelty free."
A huge guy walks into a bar and approaches a little guy.
The huge guy karate chops the little guy on the back and says "That was a karate chop from Japan."
A little while later the same huge guy chops the little guy on the back again and says "that was a karate chop from China."
The little guy leaves the bar for a little while and when he comes back he whacks the huge guy on the back knocking him to the ground.
"Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."
What do Irish woodsmen say when they greet each other in the early hours?
"Chop o' the mornin' to ya!"
What do you call it when you chop a duck's head off?
Duckapitation
A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.
"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."
I was chopping up onions and my kids started to cry.
Onions is a s**... name for a dog anyway.
I chopped down a tree yesterday.
The people watching thought I did such a good job I took a bough.
What's the difference between an onion and a vegetable?
You cry when you chop up an onion. The rest of the family cries when you chop up a vegetable.
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.
I thought 'That's a turn\-up for the books.
Why did henry viii have so many wives ?
He liked to chop and change !
A Lumberjack walks into a Magical Forest..
He finds a mighty tree and begins to chop it down. As soon as he starts chopping, the tree yells out "Stop it! I'm a talking tree!" The lumber jack responds, "And you'll dialogue."
I went Chopin but I forgot my Liszt
So I'll go Bach home
A buddy of mine called and asked what I was up to, I told him "Chopping wood and milking my cows..."
"...then later I'm gonna chop the cows and milk my wood."
A woodsman walks into the woods
He finds a nice tree to chop down, AMD upon taking his axe the tree cries out
"WAIT! IM A MAGICAL TALKING TREE, DONT CUT ME DOWN"
He said "You ma uh be a talking tree but you will dialouge."
The New Lumberjack
A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees in a day. His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working fine.
The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, "What's that noise?"
A lumberjack goes into a magical forest to chop down some wood..
He goes up to the first tree he sees, and just as he's about to swing, the tree says, "Wait! Don't kill me! I'm a talking tree!"
"Yes," the lumberjack says, "and you'll dialogue."
How do you punish a misbehaving AI?
Chop its bits off.
I was asked if I'd rather have my head chopped off or be burned on a stake.
I answered being burned at the stake, and when asked why, I said Because a hot steak is better than a cold chop .
A karate instructor was arrested after leaving the store
He was charged with chop lifting
I went Chopin, but I forgot my Liszt.
Don't worry, I will go Bach later.
A alien walks into a bar
He orders a drink. After some time he taps the waiter and says "beep". After 5 minutes he does it again. He does it repeatedly until the waiter says "I swear to God, if you do that one more time I'm gonna chop your b**... off!" Alien responds "I don't have any b**...". The waiter says "Then how do you have s**...?". The alien responds by tapping the waiter and saying "beep"
What's the difference between an onion and a p**... ??
I cry when I chop up onions !!
I was chopping up some leftover dumplings from my soup at a Chinese restaurant when suddenly it hit me...
I was engaging in acts of wonton destruction.
What is the most important project task of a grill master at a chop house?
To please their steakholders
A man hurt himself while trying to chop wood
I guess you could say he had an axe-ident.
If you chop a tree down in the middle of the forest, but the tree doesn't understand why you chopped it down
Do you think it's stumped?
A lumberjack chooses a tree to chop down. Before he has a chance to swing his axe, the tree exclaims, "WAIT! Don't do this! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack responds, "Good. Then you will dialogue."
Why did the Math Teacher chop wood?
So he could do Logarithms.
A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
"A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."
What did the axe m**... say when he was in a hurry?
Chop chop.
Not even sushi is safe.
Wife and I were having sushi, she ordered a rainbow roll and asked if I wanted piece
I told her I would have the piece on the end... Just for the Halibut.
I was impressed at how well she controlled the impulse to stab me with the chop sticks.
Does anyone want to hang out with me while I chop some wood?
I'm axing for a friend.
A man went to doctor as his legs were getting blue
A man goes to a doctor and tells him that his legs are slowly turning blue
Doctor checks his leg and tells him that his legs have came in contact with something poisonous and should be cut off else it will spread in his whole body.
Doctors then chop off his legs and he goes back to his home.
The next visit he returns back with prostectic legs and tells - "Doctor! my legs still are getting blue!"
Doctor looks closely and tells "Ahhh!! My bad, nothing to worry. It's just the color from your pants"
Hammer
This little guy is sitting in a bar, drinking and minding his own business.When all of a sudden a great big guy comes in and bang! knocks him clean off the barstool and onto the floor.The big guy says, That was a karate chop from Korea. The little guy gets up, brushes himself off and leaves the premises.He's gone for an hour before he returns and c**...! he knocks the big guy right off his stool to the ground, where he lies unconscious.The little guy looks at the bartender and says, When that big j**... comes to, you can tell him that was a claw hammer from Home Depot.
