Chose Jokes
107 chose jokes and hilarious chose puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chose that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Chose Short Jokes
Short chose jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chose humour may include short choose jokes also.
- Why did elon musk choose SpaceX to land on mars? Because if he chose SpaceY he'd land on 14 year old boys.
- My girlfriend told me she was pregnant, so I started looking for some names... ...in the end I chose Juan Carlos and took the first flight to Spain.
- I almost killed my whole family I almost killed my whole family last night, but eventually chose not to let my wife drive.
- My therapist told me to listen to classical music before work to help with my anger management issues. This morning I woke up and chose violins.
- My girlfriend got pregnant, so I've been thinking about a name for over two weeks I chose Carlos and escaped to Mexico
- I discovered that my boyfriend is a communist spy. I guess I could have noticed this sooner, but chose to ignore the red flags.
- This morning my wife walked in and started hitting me with a bouquet of purple flowers… She woke up and chose violets.
- I made the decision to have "the talk" with my son very early I chose 5 a.m so he wasn't late for work
- I didn't know which board game to buy, so I chose at random... It was worth taking the risk.
- People always asked me why I made puns. I told them that we live in a world where a comedian either climbs to be a legend or lives long enough to start using puns... and I chose the ladder.
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Chose One Liners
Which chose one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chose? I can suggest the ones about choice and pick.
- I only had enough money to buy either a ladder or a rope... I chose the latter.
- We should all be afraid of fiddle players Everyday they wake up, and chose violins
- I wanted to have a child for about 3 years. That's why I chose not to vaccinate them
- I had to choose an 8 character password... So I chose Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
- Played Plague inc and chose to infect by food only I couldn't reach africa
- How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight? because he chose from the kids menu
- I asked my parents why they chose me. They said they ask themselves that too
- I chose the Road less traveled.. Now where the heck AM i.
- I chose not to vaccinate my kids... ... the ones that lived were fine.
- My password needed eight characters So I chose Snow White and the seven dwarves
- I had to choose between climbing or using a runged device... I chose the latter.
- On a scale of 1-10 Drake chose Eleven
- Zayn from One Direction... chose another direction.
- They say being gay isn't a choice but i *chose* to blow those dudes
- I'm not lazy I chose to use my creative genius on mastering efficiency
Hilarious Fun Chose Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about chose you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean selection jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chose pranks.
Engineering student show up to his lab partner's house with a new bike...
His partner says, "wow.. that's a pretty nice bike you got there."
Engineering student says, "yeah, I was outside my dorm last night when a co-ed rode up on it. She was really drunk. She threw the bike on the ground and took off all of her clothes and said 'you can have whatever you want.'"
Partner says, "it's a good thing you chose the bike... I don't think the clothes would have fit you."
So you're in bed...
So you're in bed with a hot girl to the right side of you and a gay man to the left of you. Who would you turn to face?
be careful with whom you chose
African Roulette
Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.
The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."
The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.
The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform o**... s**... on you."
The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.
As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."
A man has to pee...
But he is in the middle of Central Park. He finds what he believes is an out of the way spot, unzips, and does his thing.
To his surprise, the spot he chose was not very secluded, and before he can do anything about it, a woman walks right in front of him.
She shrieks and says, "g**...!"
"Danke schoen," he replies.
Did you hear about the Shaman?
He chose to walk the world barefoot which caused he feet to blister a thousand times over.
He ate only bugs and berries that he found in nature which caused him to became very frail.
This diet also caused him to be plagued with horribly bad breath.
He was known as the Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed by Halitosis.
My grand father with Parkinson's disease likes yelling this one
So when I was 70, God came up to me and asked if I had to chose between alzeimers or Parkinson's what would it be
I chose Parkinson's because I may spill a bit of my drink, but at least I'll remember where I kept it
*telling not yelling
The ladder
A man was trapped in a burning building and a firefighter yelled through the window, "You have two possible exit points, this ladder or the stairs." The man chose the latter. He died.
Everyone always wonders why I call my friend Gregory, "Y"...
Everyone always wonders why I call my friend Gregory, "Y" ...
Well, his name is Greg-or-y... so I chose "Y."
A friend of mine is really set on becoming the first emperor of Asia, He's pursuing a PhD in English Literature...
When I asked him why chose English Literature he said he wanted to be "a great reader".
Before I begin today's lecture
I'd like to relay an anecdote from my days as a student. My classmate and I both loved the same girl. In the end, she chose him and I was left with heartbreak. But my classmate was left with heart failure. Which brings me to today's subject: s**... and its complications.
Some crazy Spanish lady just killed a passenger simply because of the way he chose to travel...
It was a loco motive.
A man was asked if he would rather have a new circular saw or a ladder...
He chose the latter.
In history class we got to read on a WW2 topic of our choice. I chose the Manhattan Project.
I heard it was the bomb.
The Middle East
Where you have to chose between a genocidal dictator or an extremist mob.
(Well, except Turkey; they got it mostly together)
Why you shouldnt vote for Hillary
because Bill always chose someone other than Hillary, and you should too
A man has an option to turn into any object in the universe, he chose a butter knife.
He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer...
I Finally Chose a College Major...
Me: Dad, I think I want to go to college for botany.
Dad: Are you sure? What made you interested in that?
Me: Well it is a growing field.
A guy rescued a genie.
To return the favor, the genie offered him a wish: he could have unlimited money, or unlimited wisdom. The man chose the latter. A few days passed by, his friend came to visit him, finding him crying very fiercely and screaming the sentence: "I should have chosen the money."
My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II...
Since my grandfather had served during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?"
He got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Probably. I was the cook."
A dyslexic construction worker couldn't decide what to upgrade.
Between roofing equipment and flooring supplies, he chose the ladder.
My guidelines for whether or not to have s**... with a female were the same as how I chose outdoor sports.
If there was grass on the field, I played ball.
A concerned person is sick of all the corruption and injustice in the world and decides they want to expose it by becoming a journalist.
Only 3 weeks later they were caught trying to reveal corruption by some high ranking officials and were put to death.
You could say, they chose the wrong Korea.
A man marries a Chinese restaurant waitress...
On their wedding night, she says to him -
Bride: "Dear husband, I want to give you anything you want! Just name it!"
Groom: "Ooh, that's tough to chose. OK, I really want a sixty nine."
Bride (confused): "You want beef broccoli *now*?"
My english teacher asked us to write down tragedies from our lives
I chose to write down sins instead.
I wanted to teach my kids about American democracy, so I let them choose what food to have dinner.
They chose pizza, but I gave them tacos since they didn't live in a swing state.
You know the joke about the guy who buys his shoes from his drug dealer?
I wonder why he chose that dude to be his sole supplier.
When my wife and I got married,
we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have s**... with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.
I was in a love triangle with my girlfriend and a tool. I told her she had to choose. Me or him.
She chose the ladder.
A roofer gets to choose how to get onto the roof. He can either use a scissor lift or a series of steps between two metal poles.
He chose the ladder.
So 4chan hosted its very first live meetup this week...
I just don't know why they chose Charlottesville as the location.
A woman gets called into her office HR department
They tell her that they noticed her password for her login was very unusual and asked her how she chose "DocGrumpyHappySleepyBashfulSneezyDopeySacarmento"
She said - "well the instructions were to have a password with seven characters and have at least one capitol, so I thought I was just following the rules"
I was recently at a mental institution and asked the director how he knew when someone needed to be admitted...
He said: "We fill up a bath tub with water and offer the person a teaspoon, a tea cup, and a bucket to empty the tub."
I said: "Oh, a normal person would chose the bucket cause it's bigger!"
He replied: "No, a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed by the window or the door?"
Hillary Clinton is scheduled for a book signing in Brookfield, CT at Costco
Strange that she chose Costco, because Bill prefers BJ's
I'm not a father due to my belief of being pro-choice
When my girlfriend was pregnant I chose to leave
A pirate named Ronny gets promoted to First Mate.
Ronny is pondering life one day as hes giving the captain a shave.
"I'm not a very good pirate," he says to the captain. "I can't navigate and I don't know how to fight. I don't even sound like a pirate. Is there a reason you chose me as first mate?"
"Aye Ronny," says the captain.
A girl had the choice of going out with either a fencer or a boxer.
The fencer was really kind and gentle, while the boxer seemed rowdy. In the end, she chose to go out with the boxer.
I asked her, "Why did you choose the boxer? The fencer seemed really nice."
She responded, " I don't know, the fencer just seemed rapier."
The Deadliest Job in WW2
My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone?
Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. I was the cook.
A friend of mine had a choice to go out with either a fencer or a boxer...
The fencer was sweet and always good to her, while the boxer was always rowdy.
She chose the boxer.
So I asked her why. I had always liked to fencer, and was always irritated by the boxer.
She said, I don't know. The fencer just seemed rapier.
Poor man was foiled again.
It's been 4 years since my job interview.
I'm beginning to suspect they chose someone else
Ghandi spent a lot of time fasting in his life, which made him thin and frail. He chose not to wear shoes often, so when he walked, he toughened up his feet. Rarely did he brush his teeth.
That makes him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
To replace the lightbulb I could either stand on a chair or get a small ladder...
I chose the latter
I was disappointed that my friend chose to bring hot dogs to my fancy p**...-luck dinner party.
But, I suppose he could have bratwurst.
Call Me Maybe.
Me: Alright, Maybe. But that's a strange name.
Maybe: Not really-- my parents chose it before I was born, when they were considering an abortion.
A man decides to put his counterfeit 30 dollar bills into circulation.
He decides that a small town would be the best place to put them into circulation. "No one will know" he thinks. When he enters the store he chose to start breaking them up, he tells the cashier, "I got these brand new, shiny 30 dollar bills, Can you break them for me?" She says, "Sure, do you want it in 15's or 6's?"
A Calvinist dies and goes to Heaven
He sees two doors. One is labeled free will, and the other is predestination. He walks through the predestination door and an angel asks him why he was here. The Calvanist replies, "I saw this door and decided to walk through it." The angel replies, "You can't be here, you chose this."
Dejected, he goes into the other door. Its angel asks him why he was here.
He replies, "I had no choice"
There was a guy who was terrible at naming thing ...
His dog was named dog, his cat was named cat and so on. One day, the man's sister was having twins and in a long family tradition, the babies uncle had to chose the names. Absolutely mortified, the twin girl and boy were born and it was time;
What did you choose for the girl?
Denise
Oh man, that's not so bad. What did you choose for the boy?
Denephew
I'm a roofer and earlier today my coworker asked me how I'm gonna get down from the roof of the house. I said I could jump or I could climb down.
I chose the latter
American Beer
I've heard that it's so weak and so poor that Muslim people are actually allowed to drink it, but chose not to.
My friend, who's a mathematician ..
Years ago, my friend, who's a mathematician, moved out to the woods to become a musician. I thought it was weird that chose that route but people do what they do, right?
Anyway, i saw him at the grocery store today and asked him what he had been up to.
"Oh you know, just bustin out logarithims."
I've chosen not to vaccinate my kids...
I think it's better to let a professionel doctor handle that.
Rustom was asked by God...
"If you had to choose one, would you pick
- Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"
Rustom thought for a minute,
then chose Parkinsons.
"Why did you choose that?", asked God.
"It's better to spill half a glass of whiskey,
than to forget where the bottles are kept."
There are three things you can't chose in life
1. Your family
2. The country you're born in
3. President of Russia
*I'm not sure if I saw this here first.
Why did The White Stripes chose that name?
Because calling themselves c**... Lines was too on the nose.
I am extremely proud of my son who chose a career in organised crime
He became the prime minister of the country
I used to date a girl obsessed with carpentry. Finally I said, You have to choose. It's me or the equipment!
She chose the ladder.
A quiz just asked me what mythical creature I relate to..
So I chose unicorn because I'm bright, colourful, and nobody believes in me.
A dying mother talks to her son on her death bed
Mother: Before I die, I have to tell you something. You're ad- ado-
Son: I'm adopted?!
Mother: No, you're adorable
Son: *sniffs* Thanks, mom
Mother: That's why I chose you at the adoption center
Harvard University
I guess my dream is finally coming true. Among many people who applied for Harvard University,they chose me to be the janitor.
I once dated a workaholic carpenter.
I told her to choose: "It's me or your tools."
She chose the ladder.
I chose a glass coffin for my father's f**..., but I'm not sure the family will appreciate it.
Remains to be seen.
My dad asked me why I chose to take up window cleaning as a profession.
I told him it was the only job I could really see myself doing.
3 Chinese friends
Three friends called, Bu, Chu and Fu chose to move to America. When they arrived they chose to change their names to american. Bu changes his name to Buck, Chu changed his name to Chuck. Fu chose to go back to China
My Son's Class Did a Play for the Boston Tea Party.
His teacher told him he would be the tea that was thrown in the harbor. She said he could pick to be any type of tea he'd like. He got so upset that he started running around the class throwing things. I guess he chose to be not tea.
My wife and i made a list of people we would have s**... if we got the opportunity
She chose Channing Tatum,David Beckham,Brad Pitt,Chris Hemsworth and Bradley Cooper.I chose her sister,her cousin that was at our wedding,neighbours wife,girl that works as a clerk in Walmart and our son's biology teacher
6000 languages in the world
And you chose to talk s**...
American Airlines
I'm like the American Airlines of dating, we understand you had other options of relationships and we're sorry you chose us.
