choose Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious choose puns

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he'd land on 14 year old boys.

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Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

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I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!

I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.

He said, OK.

I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates said, NO.

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates said, OK.

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, NO.

I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.

He said, OK.

This is how politics works.

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My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.

Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.

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I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ?

She said - why would we choose you..

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My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose...

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS!

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If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose?

"Gandhi."

Why him?

"More food for me."

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John was unable to choose between two girls...

So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.

John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.

Gary: Then you should be with Edith.

John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...

Gary: Then you should stay with Kate.

John: But I also want to be with Edith, I can't miss this opportunity!

Gary: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

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"Dad, I want to be a feminist when I grow up."

Dad: "Well choose one honey, you can't do both".

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On a first date last night my date asked, 'So, what do you do?'

Frowning, I held up the menu and said 'you just choose something from this book of food'

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Whats the difference between sex and US Presidental elections?

In sex,the decision to choose the cunt or the asshole is a pleasure

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An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."

Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.


One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"


The man says, "I should have taken the money."

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My wife asked me that if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.

Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.

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My wife said she would leave me if I didn't stop making PokΓ©mon references...

'You need to make a choice' she said 'It's either me or the stupid pokΓ©mon references!'

'I understand', I replied, holding back tears. 'Sandra, I choose you!!!'

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If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...

would you go to lunch or a movie?

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My girlfriend threatened to break up with me

She said, "You act so childish whenever I'm around. Now, it's either 'your mom' jokes or me."

I said, "And I, like so many men before me, will eagerly choose your mom."

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If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace...

how many bedrooms would your mansion have?

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A girl brings her boyfriend to meet her dad...

Dad: Of all people, you choose to be with this stupid and lazy arse?

Boyfriend: ...

Girl: Dad, don't say things like that about him! You don't even know him yet. He's currently studying to get a doctorate in physics while working a full time job.

Dad: (to Girl) I wasn't talking to you.

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Always love a women for her personality

They have like 10, so you can choose.

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Always love a woman for her personality...

They have like ten of them, so you can choose.

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If you're genuinely asking me to choose between my career as a reporter and our relationship

Well then I've got some news for you

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I beat my wife at dominoes last night...

She really needs to remember that **I** choose the toppings.

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An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department...

...and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"

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My wife of 57 years said let's go upstairs and make love.

I told her choose one, I can't do both.

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Dad, why did you and mom choose this name?

"You see Blue, its the anagram of something your mom loves as much as you"
And why is my sister called Lana ?
"For the same reason."

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I completely understand parents who choose not to vaccinate their children...

...because they all got vaccinated as children, and obviously turned out retarded.

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If you had to choose between world peace and Bill Gates' fortune...

What color would your Lamborghini be?

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When I go grocery shopping, I choose the checkstand with the sexiest checker

Self-checkout every time

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If you could choose between having a light saber or saving a child.....

Which color light saber would you choose?

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Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!"

He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."

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If I had to choose between a rope or the inclined set of steps....

I would opt for the latter.

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My 6 year old daughter told me this morning that she wanted to grow up and be a feminist..

I told her she could only choose one.

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Adam and Eve were talking to God....

He told them, "I have two things remaining to separate men from women and I'm going to let you choose." He looked at Adam, "I'm going to let you choose first...the first thing is the ability to pee standing up." Adam didn't hesitate...."Yes, I want that one!" God gifted man with the ability to pee standing up and Adam quickly ran off to write his name in the sand. Then, God turned to Eve..."Well, Eve, I guess that leaves you with multiple orgasms."

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Sometimes you have to choose between what is hard and what is easy

Luckily for you I'm both right now

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My girlfriend said choose her or weed

Too high to edit the title but it should say ex girlfriend

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What are the most funny Choose jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Choose? Well, here are the best Choose dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Choose pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes