Following is our collection of funny Choose jokes. There are some choose select jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these choose choice puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A barber was doing his business and a kid walked in his shop.
The barber told his customer:
- See that kid, he's the stupidest kid I've ever know. Here I'll prove it to you.
The barber yells at kid to come to him so his customer can watch.
The barber pulls out a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill and asks the kid:
- Hey kid, what do u choose?
The kid takes the 2 euro coin and leaves. The barber:
- See, I told u. He chooses 2 euro coin every time.
The customer walks out and sees the kid around the corner eating ice-cream.
He approaches the kid and asks:
- Do u not know the difference between a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill. Which one is more valuable?
The kid replies:
- I know the difference, but the moment I choose the 5 euro bill, the game is over.
Because if he chose SpaceY he'd land on 14 year old boys.
"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
She said - why would we choose you..
The atheist replied with " God "
would you go to lunch or a movie?
how many bedrooms would your mansion have?
Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.
The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."
The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.
The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform oral sex on you."
The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.
As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."
I would opt for the latter.
You can explore choose represent reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean choose opt dad jokes. There are also choose puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What color would your Lamborghini be?
Your Wife is shouting at you to open the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door. Which one do you let in?
Well you can choose, but if you let the dog in at least they will stop barking.
Not C.
I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.
"A choice" is a decision you make.
"To choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.
...because they all got vaccinated as children, and obviously turned out retarded.
I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me.
"Fancy buying me a drink?" She said,
"Sure," I replied. "If you let me choose."
"Okay," she grinned. "But how will you know what I want?"
"Well, it's kind of a talent," I smiled. "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best."
"Okay," she giggled. "You can choose for me."
So I turned to the barman and said, "Diet coke, mate."
So there wouldn't be any coffin.
I told her choose one, I can't do both.
I think that's called getting caught between Iraq and a hard place.
What would you spend your $5 on?
I told her she could only choose one.
but that would be half-assed.
She said, "You act so childish whenever I'm around. Now, it's either 'your mom' jokes or me."
I said, "And I, like so many men before me, will eagerly choose your mom."
The canibals say that they will be killed and their skin will be made into a canoe, and that they can choose how they die.
The first one jumps off a rock, the second one cuts his throat.
The third one takes a fork, starts stabing himself and yelling 'NO CANOE FOR YOU!"
'You need to make a choice' she said 'It's either me or the stupid pokΓ©mon references!'
'I understand', I replied, holding back tears. 'Sandra, I choose you!!!'
because that field probably isn't hiring.
Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"
The man says, "I should have taken the money."
Luckily for you I'm both right now
A dish called: "I don't know, you choose."
If I wanna get my milk straight from the cow, then that's up to me.
Which color light saber would you choose?
I told my son, "You will marry the girl I choose."
He said, "No."
I told him, "She is Bill Gates daughter."
He said, "Yes."
I called Bill Gates and said, "I want your daughter to marry my son."
Bill Gates said, "No."
I told Bill Gates, "My son is the C.E.O. of World Bank."
Bill Gates said, "Okay."
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the C.E.O.
He said, "No."
I told him, "My son is Bill Gates son-in-law."
He said, "Okay.
This is exactly how politics works.
...and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"
She really needs to remember that **I** choose the toppings.
I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS!
Unfortunately it didn't choose me either :|
She told me to choose between her and my obsession with pointing out doors to anyone in the room.
I responded, "Well, there's the door."
He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."
Between eating bacon everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life, would you choose applewood or hickory smoked?
I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.
Well then I've got some news for you
I said a million dollars because then I could have more than one night with the lady
So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.
John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.
Gary: Then you should be with Edith.
John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...
Gary: Then you should stay with Kate.
John: But I also want to be with Edith, I can't miss this opportunity!
Gary: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.
People choose United States president
I would take RNA because it has U in it
Self-checkout every time
I said, "But look how unhappy it made you."
A guy decides to grow a beard and his girlfriend hates it. She finally tells him: it's time to choose me or the beard.
He says: "What? Choose between the love of my life and a source of irritation that needs constant attention and tending? That's an easy decision....The hard question is who gets the apartment?"
They have like 10, so you can choose.
alive.
"Gandhi."
Why him?
"More food for me."
Frowning, I held up the menu and said 'you just choose something from this book of food'
Unless you're a choosy mom. Choosy moms choose "Jif".
I'd probably choose alive this time.
Too high to edit the title but it should say ex girlfriend
"You see Blue, its the anagram of something your mom loves as much as you"
And why is my sister called Lana ?
"For the same reason."
His dog was named dog, his cat was named cat and so on. One day, the man's sister was having twins and in a long family tradition, the babies uncle had to chose the names. Absolutely mortified, the twin girl and boy were born and it was time;
What did you choose for the girl?
Denise
Oh man, that's not so bad. What did you choose for the boy?
Denephew
Because I didn't get to choose any and I hate them
that would be Sioux side.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
I'd choose alive. Weirdo.
They answered, "Of course no, why do you think we would choose you?"
We live in Korea and gave our son my wife's last name λͺ¨ (pronounced 'mo').
I got to choose his English name so I said we should call him Lester.
So when I go around and introduce my child I could say
"This is our child λͺ¨ Lester"
One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."
The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"
"I don't know"
"Actress?"
"I don't know."
"Singer?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."
it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
I guess I probably shouldn't have chosen 2 of them.
Doctor: Pick a star sign. Any star sign
Man: Alright, i choose Capricorn
Doctor: Nah you got Cancer
Women pick low paying careers like woman doctor, woman engineer, or woman CEO
Poodle says: "I'll only choose the mate who can use the words 'Liver' and 'Cheese' in one sentence..."
Husky: "Well that's easy, I love liver and I love cheese!"
Poodle: "That's not gonna work"
Pitbull: "I hate liver and I hate cheese!"
Poodle: "...No"
Chihuahua: "LIVER ALONE, CHEESE MINE!"
The 1st heart belonged to a 22 year old Olympian in peak physical condition who died tragically.
The 2nd heart belonged to an 80 year old obese sedentary politician.
Without thinking twice, the patient chooses the 2nd heart.
Shocked by his choice, the surgeon asks Why did you choose that heart?
The patient responds Because I know that heart has never been used.
First they asked if want to have sex with male or female .
And now they want me to choose who i want to race with.
By choosing the one that's the best bang for the buck.
teacher : If you are offered wealth and wisdom what will you choose ?
student : wealth
teacher: No. That's a bad answer. I will choose wisdom .
students: that's ok sir. We have to choose what we don't have.
Five guys
I choose i7 because Ryzen are few.
CUSTOMER: You choose.
CASHIER: Sorry baggers can't be choosers.
A man goes to hell. They tell him:
-- You have not sinned too much, so we allow you to choose torture yourself.
He goes into the first room and there people are fried in a frying pan. It doesn't suit him and he leaves.
In the second room needles are inserted under the nails.
It hurts too, he says and leaves.
In the third room there are men knee-deep in shit having a smoke.
-- This is for me, although it stinks probably I have no better choice.
He gets into shit. He takes out a cigarette, lights it.
And then he hears:
-- The smoke break is over, finish off eating!
But I couldn't choose between indecisive and hesitant.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the choose decide jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working choose selection piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.