The Best 48 Choices Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Choices jokes. There are some choices pick jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these choices select puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Choices Jokes and Puns

So I got home late last night, and my wife says, "Would you like some supper?"

I say, "Oh, yes! What are the choices?"

"Yes, or no."

African Roulette

Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.

The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."

The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.

The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform oral sex on you."

The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.

As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."

Jon was excited about his new rifle..

... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over.Β Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.Β The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.Β Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there.Β The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"Β 

Choices joke, Jon was excited about his new rifle..

It was mealtime on an airplane...

...and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like some dinner.

"What are my choices?" he asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

U.S. vending machines to begin displaying calorie information to encourage smarter snack choices.

Machines' reflective glass surface not doing the trick.


Choices and Consequences

A man and his wife are having dinner for their tenth wedding anniversary. Suddenly the man bursts into tears.
"What's wrong?" the wife asks.
"I was just thinking," the man says, "about when I asked you to marry me. Your father came to me and said 'I know about all that money you embezzled from work. If you don't marry that ugly daughter of mine, I'm turning you in." The man cries harder as he says "And if I'd turned him down I'd be a free man now!"

What did the fat prostitute say to the skinny prostitute?

"We really should have made better life choices."

Choices joke, What did the fat prostitute say to the skinny prostitute?

I'm not sure how I feel about Pro Choice.

I mean, I am all for dead babies, but I don't like giving women choices...

Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's....

Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.

So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

Getting old

At my age I look for the "I'm not sure" or "I don't know" choices when completing on-line surveys to the "Your Age" question.

You can explore choices lifestyle reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean choices selection dad jokes. There are also choices puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


If someone wants to date me, I don't want to date them.

Because they obviously make bad life choices.

There might be plenty of good food choices in College..

.. but you can't Top Ramen

The stewardess asks, Would you like dinner? He says, What are my choices?

She says, Yes or no.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar.

They ask the bartender, "What have you got?"

The bartender points to two taps.

They say, "What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"

The bartender says, "Now you know how I feel."

On the fifth day to election, the public gave to me...

Five Gallup polls
Four awful choices
Three Trump Steaks
Two more WikiLeaks
And a cache of Clinton emails!

Choices joke, On the fifth day to election, the public gave to me...

Occam's Disposable Razor

When given multiple equally valid choices, choose the one that costs the least money.

I am satisfied with my life choices. I no longer pay for rent, food, electricity and blow jobs...

not until my jail term ends...

Job choices for Asians

1. Doctor
2. Lawyer
3. Engineer
4. Shame of family


The White House bar and restaurant, upon Trump's arrival, will reduce their beverage selections to just two choices:

You can get a White Russian or an Orange Julius.

Today would've been my mother's 50th birthday... But due to drug use and bad choices

We all forgot about it

You walk into a gas station to buy a salad

You have two choices: regular or unlettuced.

I'm Pro Life

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for killing babies, I just don't like to let women make choices.

I was pulled offstage and beaten mercilessly while singing karaoke at a bar in Hiroshima, Japan

In hindsight, maybe "I Dropped a Bomb on You", wasn't the wisest of song choices.

A guy is on a trip on a small airline.

The stewardess says, Would you like dinner?

He says, What are my choices?

She says, Yes or no.

I read an interesting sociology paper about how your name can affect your career choices.

Written By Prof. Nominative Determinism.

[Game of Thrones] If you give Littlefinger two choices...

He'll always prefer the ladder

Wife: "Would you like dinner?"

Husband: "What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or No"

People often find themselves contemplating past life choices before they do something immensely stupid.

Which has me worried because I'm constantly thinking about the choices I've made in life.

Why are vampires such terrible people?

They can't reflect on their choices.

Poor Half Time Advertisment Choices During World Cup

An advert for Durex condoms during Half Time really brings a new meaning to "Come on England!"

A transgender four year old is like a vegan cat.

We all know who's making the lifestyle choices.

Wendy's used to advertise that there was 256 possible ways to order a burger.

That's not very impressive. That's only a byte size of choices.

Telltale games is closing down.

'No matter what choices were made the outcome was going to be the same' said a spokesman

Why does Thanos Car have top of the line tires?

The hardest choices require the strongest of wheels.

Point of Halloween is to dress as something you are not

So this year I am dressed as someone that is entirely happy with the professional and personal choices in my life

I like my women like I like my alcohol

Responsible for a fair majority of my terrible life choices

To anyone who works at McDonalds who is feeling bad about their life choices just remember...

You can technically put White House Catering staff on your CV now

Wife says to her hubby what do you want for dinner ?

The hubby says what's my choices?

The wife says Yes or No.

My local prostitute is thinking about switching professions

She's been rethinking all of her whoreable life choices

The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town

I guess she was having a midwife crisis

I got a bit bored on a long highway drive and started scrolling through the various voice choices on my GPS.

There was a USA accent, a French accent and even an Australian accent. Then I noticed "Wife mode". So I selected it, and nothing seemed to happen, until about 10 miles later the GPS said,

"So, if I died, would you get a new GPS?""

In the interests of self care, and to promote healthier lifestyle choices for myself now that I'm single, each morning when I get up, I look myself in the mirror, and say the three little words I always used to say to my wife

"You're too fat"

A polygamist lion walks into a bar with 3 of his wives: a giraffe, an ostrich and a llama.

He walks up to the bar and asks the rhino bartender to recommend a beer.

Rhino: "Sure, we have lots of great choices on tap."

Lion: "C'mon man... Can't you see I prefer longnecks?"

I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...

But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.

In the 1970s, as manager of Baskin Robbins', my mom was tasked to create new flavors related to Richard Nixon...

Her choices, as she told me, were 'ImPeachments & Cream' and 'Watermelon-Gate' (as a sorbet).



Both were denied.

This is actually true.

Why'd the chicken cross the road

Because it can make its own life choices

Choices

A man in a nursing facility turned 80. At his party, a large cake was wheeled in, and an escort popped out of the cake and said, "Hey birthday boy, would you like to have some super sex?" And the old man replied, "I guess it depends on what kind of soup."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the choices possibilities jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working choices elect piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes