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Choice Jokes

129 choice jokes and hilarious choice puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about choice that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for a good laugh? This article will provide you with laughs abound with multiple choice jokes. With options like 'Dj Kunta or Single by Choice', you're sure to find a joke to fit your preference!

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Funniest Choice Short Jokes

Short choice jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The choice humour may include short choose jokes also.

  1. The Government is mandating that I set my clocks back before I go to bed tonight, but I'm going to do MY OWN research, thank you very much. My clocks, my choice.
  2. So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
  3. Girl named IKEA had to change her name to stop being picked on at school. However stop being picked on at school is arguably a worse choice.
  4. I'm really conflicted about abortion. I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.
  5. Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want... But that child is going straight to the top...
    And slightly to the left...
  6. As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice
  7. Telltale games is closing down. 'No matter what choices were made the outcome was going to be the same' said a spokesman
  8. Why are orphans successful? Because its either go big or go home. What choice do they have?
  9. I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue.... On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice.
  10. I'm undecided about abortion on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?

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Choice One Liners

Which choice one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with choice? I can suggest the ones about pick and selection.

  1. I'm single by choice Just not my choice.
  2. I am proud to be single by choice Not my choice, but still...
  3. Wife: "Would you like dinner?" Husband: "What are my choices?"
    Wife: "Yes or No"
  4. I am single by choice. Choice of 2 billion women.
  5. I don't understand why 14/3 is Pi Day. Isn't 22/7 a better choice?
  6. Your wife and your lawyer are drowning. You have a choice to make: Lunch or the movies?
  7. Think about a future where humanity has no choice but to leave earth. It's unsettling
  8. My dog loves to chase people on bikes. I finally had no choice but to take his bike away.
  9. Proudly say that I am single by choice. Her choice...
  10. What is a chefs weapon of choice? A salt rifle
  11. Why are sandwiches the food of choice in Alabama? Because they're all in bread
  12. What's the most common career choice among spiders? Web development
  13. My nickname at work is Mr. Compromise . It wasn't my first choice, but I'm ok with it.
  14. What is Bruce Lee's beverage of choice? WATAAAAAR
  15. Wife: Do you want dinner?' Husband: Sure! What are my choices?' Wife: Yes or no.

Pro Choice Jokes

Here is a list of funny pro choice jokes and even better pro choice puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm not sure how I feel about Pro Choice. I mean, I am all for dead babies, but I don't like giving women choices...
  • Pros and cons: Choice for abortions Pro: Killing babies.

    Con: Giving women a choice.
  • I'm Pro Life Don't get me wrong, I'm all for killing babies, I just don't like to let women make choices.
  • I can't decide between being pro-life and pro-choice On one hand, I want as many babies to die as possible, but on the other, I don't want women to have a choice.
  • I'm not a father due to my belief of being pro-choice When my girlfriend was pregnant I chose to leave
  • I'm pro-choice; pro-life is for babies.
  • Don't you know anything about Roe vs Wade? Yeah, it's two ways to cross a river.
     
    Sorry, I'm pro choice. But heard this one and thought it was funny.
  • After you were born Your parents changed they're minds.
    They're pro-choice now.
  • You Don't Have to Choose Between Being Pro-Life or Pro-Choice As long as you are Pro-Phylactic
  • I've heard all the Pro life vs Pro choice debates, and after hearing the debates, i came up with a compromise. I propose Pro Abortion, in which we abort everybody.

Multiple Choice Jokes

Here is a list of funny multiple choice jokes and even better multiple choice puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Women are like multiple choice tests They give you plenty of options but there's only one right answer
  • Multiple choice question. Where does a fish swim?
    A.
    B.
    Or C.
  • Occam's Disposable Razor When given multiple equally valid choices, choose the one that costs the least money.
  • I did an exam about polyamory. It was multiple choice.
  • How can you tell if a multiple choice exam is racist? All of the answers are not C's
  • Multiple Choice Question Which of the following is a dangerous disease?
    A)Bola
    B)Bola
    C)Bola
    D)Bola
    E)Bola
  • I applied for a job at a m**... dispensary, and was surprised to learn that I would have to take a drug test. I hope it's multiple choice. I tested m**..., crack, *and* w**....
  • Yo' Mama is so s**..., she asked if her drug test was multiple choice.
Choice joke

Single By Choice Jokes

Here is a list of funny single by choice jokes and even better single by choice puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm single by choice. Unfortunately, it's not my choice.
  • (NAME) spent most of his university days single But it was by choice. Woman chose not to date him.
  • You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Choice joke

Hilarious Fun Choice Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about choice you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean alternative jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make choice pranks.

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be t**... and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

An angel appears at a faculty meeting...

... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

African Roulette

Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.
The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."
The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.
The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform o**... s**... on you."
The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.
As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."

Irish and Muslim on a plane

A Muslim was sitting next to p**... on a plane.
p**... ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips!"
p**... handed his drink back and said
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

There are 3 men stranded in the wild...

and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute pain coming from their privates. The man in the middle however, told them he had an intense and wonderful dream about skiing.

Pilot Choice

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving through the desert...

When their car breaks down. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, they have no choice but to walk the road to safety. They each agree to carry something. The brunette brings a jug of water in case they get thirsty.
The redhead brings a blanket in case they need to camp for the night. The blonde brings the car door. The others ask why.
She says, "If we get hot, we can just roll the window down!"

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer

the bartender asks, "You want a long neck?"
The giraffe says, "I have a choice?"

Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.

As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"

Layoffs

The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or j**..."
"You better j**..., I've got a headache"

A Mexican Joke

A Mexican man finds a much needed job and asks the owner to hire him. The owner says he'll hire him ONLY if he can come up with a sentence using 3 words of his choice. The words are Green, Pink and Yellow. So the Mexican thinks for a second then replies (read in a Spanish accent) the phone goes Green Green, so I Pink it up and say Yellow?
Jajaja

What's the difference between "a choice" and " to choose?"

"A choice" is a decision you make.
"To choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.

World peace or all of Bill Gates' money?

If you had a choice between world peace or Bill Gates' money, what color would your Lamborghini be?

Two engineers meet each other on their way into work

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

A lion goes into a restaurant

He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."

"You fancy my best friend, don't you?" asked my wife.

"If given the choice..." I replied, "I'd rather have s**... with you then her."
"You mean 'than'."
"No."

Understanding Engineers

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."

What are your views on abortion?

I'm undecided.
On one hand, I like killing babies, on the other, I don't like giving women a choice.

I heard the pope's first choice for a guest was in fact Hillary...

But he couldn't afford her speaking fees

Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president...

He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.

How to do Business

Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No!
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: Ok then.
Dad goes to Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No!
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Ok then.
Dad goes to the president of the World Bank
Dad: Make my son the CEO of your bank.
President: No!
Dad: He is the son in law of Bill Gates.
President: Ok then.

A guy walks into a Mexican restaurant and takes a seat...

A guy walks into a Mexican restaurant and takes a seat.
Before he gets to order a his food, the bowl of tortilla chips in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow."
The man tries to ignore the chips and orders a margarita.
The chips say, "Ooooh that drink is delicious. Great choice. You're a very smart man."
Starting to freak out, the guy screams to the waiter, "Hey what the heck, this bowl of chips keeps saying nice things to me!!"
Waiter says, "Don't worry about it, the tortilla chips are complimentary."

Little Johnny was made fun of...

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being s**.... Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

Today, a midget insulted me, so I had no choice but to punch him in the face...

I never thought I'd stoop so low

George Soros is a big reason im voting for Hillary!

His voting machines didn't really give me a choice.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

s**... auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

I was stranded in the swamp for days with no food

I had no choice but to hunt down large white birds and eat them. Through the whole ordeal, I found myself filled with egret.

Guy gets a call from his doctor.

"Your blood test results are in... I'm sorry to tell you that you have contracted leprosy," says the doctor.
"What? How?" Guy exclaims.
"Can't be sure, but we need to discuss treatment options. There is a cure, but it is extremely expensive."
"What choice do I have, doc?" Guy laments. "How much will it cost?"
"An arm and a leg."

I'm a v**... by choice!

Not my choice though :(

Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs.

It's their free choice between wearing them or getting s**... to death.

h**... are like Pepsi.

Never your first choice but you'll take it anyway.

I'm so torn on abortion...

On one hand, it kills babies, which I'm for. On the other hand, it gives women a choice, which I'm against.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is they all say, "Don't do it! You will lose all your freedom! Make the responsible choice." But after it happens they say "We're disappointed but we can make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Whoops, I accidentally autocorrected "Trumps' Presidency" to "teen pregnancy"

I was on a blind date with this girl...

And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

If I were stranded on a deserted island with 3 things of my choice...

I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.

IT Students

An IT student is walking along with his bike when another IT student walks up to him and goes Nice bike. Where did you get it?
The first student says, The other day, this beautiful woman ran up to me with this bike, threw it on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said 'Take anything you want!'
The first student says, So I took the bike .
The second student says, Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit .

I'm a v**... by choice.

Not my choice, but everyone else's.

Good choice.

Me: To make a woman laugh is the second best method to get her to sleep with you.
Her: And what is the best method?
Me: Chloroform.
Her: You are funny!
Me: Good choice.

A taxi driver was being interrogated after an accident.

Police Officer: So, how did you kill 59 people?
Taxi Driver: I was driving at 80km/h, when I saw two men crossing the road. On the other side, a wedding was taking place. I hit the brakes, but they failed.
Police Officer: And?
Taxi Driver: So, I had to make the choice of either hitting the two men, or the wedding party.
Police Officer: You hit the two men, of course!
Taxi Driver: Exactly! We think alike! Problem was, after hitting one of the men, the other escaped to the wedding party, so I went after him.

An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle

Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful bicycle?"
"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."
The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit." 

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner p**..." wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

Kirby is like a c**...

He's a safe choice when Smashing

I think my doctor really likes my choice of sensible footwear…

I overheard him telling his colleague that I had, "Serious healthy shoes."

I dont know where I stand on abortion

I like killing babies but don't like giving women a choice

I got banned from a Christian dating site

I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.

When the logician was given a choice between eternal bliss and a ham salad, which one did he choose?

Ham salad, because nothing is better than eternal bliss, and ham salad is better than nothing.

A Calvinist dies and goes to Heaven

He sees two doors. One is labeled free will, and the other is predestination. He walks through the predestination door and an angel asks him why he was here. The Calvanist replies, "I saw this door and decided to walk through it." The angel replies, "You can't be here, you chose this."
Dejected, he goes into the other door. Its angel asks him why he was here.
He replies, "I had no choice"

I'm a v**... by choice!

Just not my choice.

A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese.

It was a Wurst-Käse scenario.

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Putin and Medvedev go into a restaurant

"What would you gentlemen like to have?" asks the waiter.
"I'll have the steak", says Putin.
"Excellent choice, sir. What about the accompanying vegetable?" asks the waiter.
"He'll also have the steak", says Putin.

After talking with his girlfriend Kim, Steve reluctantly decided it was best to ask for her father's permission to get married.

"So," said Kim's father, "you want to be my son-in-law, do you?"
Not particularly, " Steve responded, "but if I want to marry your daughter I haven't much choice, have I?"

A potato dad is talking to his potato daughters about who they want to marry.

The first daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a Yukon Gold!" The dad replies "Honey, that's a great idea. Yukon Golds are renowned for their versatility and will make you very happy.
The second daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a russet." Dad approves of this choice too, since russet potatoes are well-known for being good, traditional potatoes.
The third daughter then says "Dad, I want to marry Bill Maher!" Dad is flabbergasted, and exclaims, "But honey! He's just a common-tater!"

''Mr president, what would you say is your best lie to the American people?''

"I have never lied to the American people."
"Excellent choice, Mr president. Thank you."

A college engineering student shows up with a new bike

"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this g**... her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"

An engineering student rides up to his fellow engineering student on a bicycle

His buddy asks him "Where did you get the bicycle?"
"Crazy story! A beautiful blonde rode up to me in this bike, got off, stripped off all her clothes, and told me "take what you want!""
"Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyways..."

A surgeon offers a patient his choice of two hearts for transplant.

The 1st heart belonged to a 22 year old Olympian in peak physical condition who died tragically.
The 2nd heart belonged to an 80 year old obese sedentary politician.
Without thinking twice, the patient chooses the 2nd heart.
Shocked by his choice, the surgeon asks Why did you choose that heart?
The patient responds Because I know that heart has never been used.

John's wife comes home to a dark house and her husband sitting there crying.

"honey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
John turns to his wife and says, "do you remember 20 years ago when your father caught us having s**... in the car?"
John's wife smiles at the memory and replies, "of course, that was my first time."
John looks at his wife and says, "well 20 years ago your father gave me a choice. Either I marry you or spend 20 years in prison."
"That was a long time ago honey, and your not in prison."
John again starts sobbing and says, "I would have gotten out of prison today."

If you had the choice between World Peace or all of Bill Gates money....

.....what colour Ferrari would you buy?

Revenge on a four-year-old child

A while ago, I invited my friend to my house for dinner. He brought along his four year old child, who made a mess of my house, and destroyed two of my expensive plates. I was so angry, but after all, I couldn't vent my anger on a young child. I had no choice but to smile and keep my composure.
I led the child over to my piano, where I allowed him to randomly hit a few keys. I remarked "Wow, your son has a good musical sense, he's quite talented!"
I heard the child hasn't had any free time ever since.

As i get older, i remember all the people i lost along the way

Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't the right choice

Who has no choice to s**... to make ends meet?

Electricians

A Catholic priest walks into a bar

He orders a s**... on the beach... bartender replies "great choice, all my liquors for that are well aged over 20yrs." The priest says "no thanks" and leaves.

Then Ok!

Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "No."
Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Then Ok!" \*\*
\*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. \*\*
Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."
Bill Gates: "No."
Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Then ok!"
\*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. \*\*
Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank."
President: "No!"
Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates."
President: "Then OK."

Word joke

A man had 4 sons, and named them Bronson, Kenneth, Conrad and Dominic.
One day, they decided to ask their father if his choice of names meant anything.
He replied, "Only the first three letters of each."

Why does Florida have so many Conservatives and California have so many earthquakes?

California had first choice!
**just a joke, I respect your right to your opinion and free expression **

my pregnant wife was feeling sensitive about her enlarged breast due to lactation, so I gave her a cute nickname to cheer her up.

Apparently Dairy Queen wasn't the right choice.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked - Where did you get such a great bike?

The second one replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike".
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".

Choice joke, Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked - Where did you get such a great

jokes about choice