The Best 60 Chocolates Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Chocolates jokes. There are some chocolates hershey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chocolates life is like a box of chocolates puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Chocolates Jokes and Puns

PETA is like a box of chocolates

They kill dogs

A new survey shows that a fifth of British men have no idea how to turn on the washing machine.

I find chocolates or flowers usually do the trick.

Irishman in confession

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."

Chocolates joke, Irishman in confession

For Valentine's Day, I bought a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates...

...and passed out alone on the couch, same as every night.

Women are like a box of chocolates

I'm always stuck with the one's nobody wants.


Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store

Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...

As they were busy looking around,
doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...

As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer :
"Man! I'm the best thief ever,
I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"

Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"

So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy:
"Do you wanna see magic..?"

The Shop boy replied: "Yes..!!!"

Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!"

The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it...
He asked for the second, and he ate that as well..
He asked for the third, and finished that one too...

The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?"

Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them..!!!"

Life is like a box of chocolates...

It's expensive, you don't like half of it, and sometimes you can give the whole thing to a woman and she still wont have sex with you.

Chocolates joke, Life is like a box of chocolates...

How is a speech impediment like a box of chocolates?

It doesn't really matter, as long as it has good cocoa content.

Women are like a box of chocolates

I always get stuck with the ones no one wants.

Alternatively...
Women are like parking spaces
All the good ones are taken and the rest are either handicapped or way too far out there.
And if there's a good one then somebody just pulled out.

Why is a cop like a box of chocolates?

They'll kill your dog.

Girls in Thailand are like a box of chocolates

Some of them have nuts

You can explore chocolates candy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chocolates godiva dad jokes. There are also chocolates puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Whores are like a box of chocolates...

you have to pay more for the ones with cherries.

The kindness of strangers

An old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. The driver, being polite, accepts and munches them.

Every 5 minutes she gives him a handful more peanuts.

Driver : Why don't you eat them yourself ?

Old lady : I can't chew them. Look, I have no teeth.

Driver : Then why do you buy them ?

Old lady : Oh, I just love the chocolates around them.

Whats the difference between an Asian man and a box of chocolates?

They'll both kill your dog, but the Asian will cook it afterwards.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates...

... if you're fat, it won't last long.

Horrible Valentines Chocolates

Girl: Those chocolates you gave me sucked.

Boy: *looks at empty box* then why'd you eat them all?

Girl: I had to make sure they all sucked.

Chocolates joke, Horrible Valentines Chocolates

What do you call a tuber that buys his girlfriend chocolates?

A sweet potato.

Police are like a box of chocolates....

They'll kill your dog.

Momma always told me that women are like chocolates...

The ones with the cherries are better.


What do David Beckham and Ferrero Rocher chocolates have in common?

They both come in a posh box

The EU is like a box of chocolates;

Nobody likes the Turkish.

My sister's got hay fever, and now she has diabetes.

I tried to cheer her up. You know, the usual. Flowers, chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates:

Disturbingly expensive, yet... vaguely disappointing.

A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him...

Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.

Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.

Man : By eating chocolate?

Boy : No. By minding his own business.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

When you've reached the end you feel sick, ashamed, and you just want to die.

Women's day

Men will be men..

Wife gifted her husband chocolates on chocolate day, roses on rose day...

Husband seriously had high expectations for Women's day today.....

I was always told life is like a box of chocolates..

The fatter you are, the shorter it lasts.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

Sometimes you just end up with nuts in your mouth.

Momma said life is like a box of chocolates...

If you're fat it's not gonna last as long :/

Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates

It won't last very long for fat people.

My girlfriend loves me so much

She bought my dog a box of chocolates.

life is like a box of chocolates....

it is destroyed remarkably fast by an emotional woman.

I only wanted some chocolates ffs

When I was in London, I went to buy some chocolates.

The cashier was like, "That will be ten pounds."

I'm like, "Rub it in, why don't you?"

If you have 12 chocolates and you give

Maths teacher: "If you have 12 chocolates and you give

5 to Priya,

3 to Sonia and

2 to Penny then what will you get?"

"3 new Girlfriends!"

Life is like a box of chocolates

If you have Diabetes, it probably won't be good for you.

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size

... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

Life is like a box of chocolates

It doesn't last as long for the obese.

I've been trying to train my dog to play dead, so I started rewarding him with chocolates.

I think it worked.

Horror movies are like a box of chocolates

The dark ones always go first

Women are like a box of chocolates

You never know which ones gonna have nuts

America is like a box of chocolates.

The white ones *technically* shouldn't be there, yet they're apparently everyone's favorite.

"Are you going to eat those chocolates with grandma?" asked my wife.

I said, "No, I can't imagine she's very tasty."

Life is like a box of chocolates...

It doesn't last as long if you're fat.

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

It sucks if you are diabetic.

Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross but they were actually pretty good.

Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.

Like a box of chocolates...

What's Forrest Gump's online password?



1forrest1

I thought my wife was going on a Belgium holiday to buy chocolates. When she got back, I found out she'd actually been on holiday in Paris buying curtain materials.

It was a fabrication.

Life is like a box of chocolates

It won't last long if you're fat

Life is like a box of chocolates

You're not going to enjoy it if you're anorexic

Your first time is like a box of chocolates

You finish so much faster them you thought

Does anyone know how to fix a noisy dishwasher?

I've tried flowers and chocolates, but she's still whinging

Irish Confession

Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!

Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolates

So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.

The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"

The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"

The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"

The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"

The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"

The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?"

A very very Very old joke :)

Cops are like chocolates

Both will kill your dog.

Cops are like a box of chocolates

they kill your dog

My momma always said "Life is like a box of chocolates..."

"...it'll kill your dog."

Life isn't like a box of chocolates.

It's more like a jar of jalapeΓ±os. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

An Irishman goes into the confessional box...

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."

Life is like a box of chocolates

Fat people go through it faster than skinny ones

Just remember, Police are like a box of chocolates..

..they'll kill your dog.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chocolates chocolate bunny jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working chocolates chocolate easter bunny piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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