chocolate Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious chocolate puns

A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fucking business."

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A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "he minded his own fucking business."

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Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Wife: actually I'm holding my son.

Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?

Wife: oh god.

Kidnapper: what?

Wife. you have my husband.

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Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate

They'll kill your dog

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Chocolate is bad

Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!

Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.

Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?

Guy: No, minding his own business.

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I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

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Know why I make my pot brownies with chocolate laxatives?

For shits and giggles.

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A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you." The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five". The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "he minded his own fucking business."

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What do you call a black guy with Parkinson's?

A chocolate shake.

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A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him...

Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.

Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.

Man : By eating chocolate?

Boy : No. By minding his own business.

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A little boy with no arms wanted some chocolate

He walks into the kitchen and asks his mom,

"Mom, may I please have a piece of chocolate?"

"You know the rule: No arms, no chocolate." She replies.

As the boy begins to cry the mother says,

"Oh, I'm just kidding! Here, catch!"

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Kids these days are so stupid

They actually believe I've got chocolate in my van

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A kid takes a taxi home while he eats a chocolate bar....

Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!

Kid: My grandfather lived 108 years.

Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?

Kid: No, minding his own business.

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Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?

So that it'll fit inside the box.

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A man sits down on a park bench...

and sitting next to him is a small boy eating chocolate bar after chocolate bar. The man turns to him and says, "It's probably not that healthy to eat so much chocolate." The boy stares at the man and eats another piece of chocolate. After swallowing, the boy says, "My grandfather lived to be 110 years old." The man asks, "How did he do that? Did he eat a lot of chocolate too?" The boy replies with, "No, he minded his own fucking business."

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I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog

After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.

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God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

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What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk?

Cacao

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A boy was eating chocolate...

A boy was sitting in a park eating a bar of chocolate. After finishing it, he opened another one and started eating that too. Then the man sitting next to him said

"Do you know that you're damaging your teeth there son?"

"My grandfather lived for a 132 years" the boy replied.

"Was it because of eating chocolate?" the man asked curiously

"No. He knew how to mind his own business."

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A duck sees a pig eating something.

"What are you eating?"

"A chocolate cake"

"Why does it smell like shit then?"

"I'm eating it for the third time"

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Chinese magican

Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

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My Ex-Wife was like a box of chocolate

Everyone got a piece

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I grew up in a rough part of town...

The local youths used to cover me in chocolate and cream, then put a cherry on my head. Life was tough in the gateau.

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I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the Pyramids of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.

Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.

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An Affair

I recently had an affair with a jar of chocolate spread ..... If you see my wife, you better Nutella

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The nice old lady..

An old lady always gave the bus conductor cashew nuts and almonds to eat.

Conductor: "So kind of you to give me those nuts to eat everyday. Why don't you eat them yourself?"

Old Lady: "I don't have the teeth to munch them."

Conductor: "Then why do you buy them?"

Old Lady: "I just love the chocolate around them!" :P :P :P

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New machine at the gym

There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.

Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.

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I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.

I guess there is life on Mars after all.

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A boy and a girl are sitting next to each other

Boy: If you let me kiss you, I'll give you a piece of chocolate.

Girl: Okay.

Boy: If you let me touch your boobs, you'll get another piece of chocolate.

Girl: Okay!

Boy: If you let me touch your pussy, you'll get another one.

Girl: You know what? At this rate, I'll have diabetes by the time we finally fuck!

(translated from German)

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Why did people make white chocolate?

So black kids could get dirty faces too.

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Archeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts.

They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.

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What does a box of chocolate and life have in common?

They don't last long for fat people.

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What sound does a chocolate gun make?

Cacao!

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Exes are like chocolate.

They'll kill your dog.

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My friend just told me he has a chocolate lab.

Turns out it's a dog, not a place. Bummer.

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What are the most funny Chocolate jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Chocolate? Well, here are the best Chocolate dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Chocolate pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes