Chocolate Day Jokes
38 chocolate day jokes and hilarious chocolate day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about chocolate day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Chocolate Day Short Jokes
Short chocolate day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chocolate day humour may include short chocolate jokes also.
- Back in my day Back in my day you use to be able to go into a Shop with £1.00 and come out with 2 Chocolate Bars and a Packed Of crisp, but now these days they have Cameras.
- Everyone always says that chocolate is like crack, so one day I actually tried it to find out for myself. I still prefer crack.
- I'm looking forward to the day we celebrate that chocolate cookie with white icing in the middle. Mem-Oreo Day.
- For Valentine's Day, I bought a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates... ...and passed out alone on the couch, same as every night.
- Women's day Men will be men..
Wife gifted her husband chocolates on chocolate day, roses on rose day...
Husband seriously had high expectations for Women's day today..... - What's the best part about Valentine's Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
- My wife accused me of cheating today. I didn't mean to But today was cheat day and that chocolate cake was good.
- If you had to choose between having a love life, or a lifetime supply of pudding: How much chocolate pudding would you eat that first day?
- Days when my mama gave me 3$ and I came back with bread, Eggs, milk, yoghurt, chocolate bars, chips, soda, icecream and a bunch of magazines.
Now, there are surveillance cameras everywhere. - Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Give a dog a chocolate bar, feed it for the rest of it's life.
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Chocolate Day One Liners
Which chocolate day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chocolate day? I can suggest the ones about valentine day and chocolate cake.
- Today's the day where I get to eat lots and lots of chocolate. Tuesday.
- I bought a horrible tasting chocolate the other day.... atleast my dog liked it
- I like my women how I like my chocolate Dar, and stored in my freezer for days.
- Seven days without chocolate.. ...makes one weak.
- Kids these days are so s**... They actually believe I've got chocolate in my van
Chocolate Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about chocolate day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean valentines day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chocolate day pranks.
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.
The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"
"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"
"Nah, you're ugly"
An old grandma brings a bus driver
An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.
First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".
The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to s**... the chocolate around them."
At The Door
One day, a woman's doorbell rang. The weather was very bad. The woman opened the door, and there stood a young girl, a Jehovah's Witness, soaking wet. The woman felt sorry for her, so she asked the young woman into the house for a cup of coffee and to dry off.
The woman wanted to make conversation as the two drank their hot chocolate, so she asked the Jehovah's Witness, "So, what's the message you're passing along?'"
The girl stuttered and said, "I'm not sure. I never got this far."
As Steve was eating a chocolate bar, a man walked up to him
Man: Chocolate isn't good for you
Steve: My grandpa ate chocolate every day, and he lived to be 104 years old
Man: Do you really think he lived that long because of the chocolate that he ate?
Steve: No. It was because he knew when to keep his mouth shut
Grandad "Here's 5 bucks, bring me back a 6 pack and a bag of chips." Grandson "Grandad, 5 bucks isnt enough" Grandad "back in my day...
2 bucks could get you a beer, chips, a chocolate bar, a sandwhich and a newspaper!
Nowadays you can't do that anymore, there's cameras everywhere!"
Jeff Wayne came home one day to find his wife bringing herself to c**... with a chocolate bar.
"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one" he said.
The next time you have company, serve them a bowl of shelled peanuts. After they've eaten a few handfuls, casually mention that you've never liked peanuts, but you love to s**... the chocolate off of them.
My friend got really angry with me the other day when i started talking about deep fried chocolate bars!
I didn't realise it was such a hot topic
Easter Kids' Joke 2
What do you call a brown bunny that comes a day after Easter?
Choco-late.
The other day, my son was kicked out of the zoo,
The security staff found him throwing chocolates and flowers into one of the enclosures. He said he had found 'the love of his life' and just wanted to give her some tokens of his love. Naturally, I was very concerned about this sort of behavior and didn't want to encourage any relationship of this sort. So today, I went down to the zoo to discuss the matter and it completely changed my mind. I fully endorse my son to continue his wooing. I think this girl may be a keeper.
A scientist is driving around the countryside looking for elderly test subjects to measure how people live longer.
She comes across a dilapidated cabin with a very old and worn-out man sitting in the rocking chair on his front porch.
The scientist approaches the man and says pardon me, sir, but what's your secret to long life?
The man says I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, drink chocolate milk for breakfast and eat burgers for lunch and dinner, and I wash it all down with a swig of hard liquor .
Wow! exclaims the scientist. Exactly how old are you?
26.
Old lady on the bus
There was an old lady who would ride on the bus every day. Every time she would get off the bus she would hand the bus driver a handful of almonds. The bus driver appreciated the old lady's good deeds however one day he asked her why she gave him a handful of almonds every time she got off the bus. She stated that she had no teeth therefore she could not eat them. Confused, the bus driver asks her why she had the almonds in the first place. Her response was "i like the chocolate around them"
Two explorers are lost in the desert...
...they're dying of thirst, and have been wandering for days. Finally, off in the far distance, they see a camp of beautiful tents. Hoping that it is not a mirage, they crawl desperately towards it. On arriving, they find that it's a market. They stagger up to the first tent they see, and say to the shopkeeper "Water, please! Water, we're dying of thirst!"
The shopkeeper says to them "I am sorry, my friends- I have no water. All I have is this bowl, full of jelly, sponge and custard, topped with cream and s**... chocolate."
Perplexed, but undeterred, the explorers stagger to the next stand, only to be met with the same answer. At all of the dozens of stands in this market, all they are offered are these bowls, not a drop of water to be had.
As they leave the market, one explorer says to the other "Well, that was very strange".
The second explorer replies: "Yes, it was a trifle bazaar".
Christian Aliens
A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: **"Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"**. **"You mean J.C?"**, responds the alien **"yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok"**. Surprised, the pope follows up with **"He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"**. The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize **"maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"**. The pope retorts **"Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"**. The alien says **"Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"**
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."
A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.
Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors.
When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"
"You mean J.C?", responds the alien.
"yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok".
Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"
The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"
The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"
The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"
An old man and a young man work together in an office.
The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies.
"Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
