Chocolate Bar Jokes
101 chocolate bar jokes and hilarious chocolate bar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chocolate bar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Chocolate Bar Short Jokes
Short chocolate bar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chocolate bar humour may include short candy bar jokes also.
- I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.
- I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar. I guess there is life on Mars after all.
- My missus hates it when I put her chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. It gets her Snickers in a Twix.
- Did you hear about the chocolate bar burglar?! The police are trying to catch him, but he's always got a few Twix up his sleeve!
- Back in my day Back in my day you use to be able to go into a Shop with £1.00 and come out with 2 Chocolate Bars and a Packed Of crisp, but now these days they have Cameras.
- I was thinking how I can make some random strangers on internet angry today… … but first I will feed my dog that chocolate bar he has been eyeing.
- I'm giving out full size chocolate bars for Hallo So my friend Sam who is in college came over. He had full wizard costume, and his coding book.
He was an installation wizard! - I saw a baby in a carriage holding a chocolate bar. It's mother wasn't around. So i took it, tore it open and ate it, right in front of the chocolate bar.
- A chocolate bar walk into an interview. The interviewer asks, What are your pronouns? The chocolate bar answers, Her / shey.
- Some one told me a chocolate bar joke, it wasn't that funny So I just snickered.
My 10 year old daughter just told me that one.
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Chocolate Bar One Liners
Which chocolate bar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chocolate bar? I can suggest the ones about snickers bar and box of chocolates.
- I identify as a chocolate bar My pronouns are her/shey
- I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered…
- What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common? Everybody gets a piece.
- where do you get alcoholic chocolate? at a chocolate bar
- What kind of bar is kid friendly? A chocolate bar.
- Autopsy confirms george michael choked on a chocolate bar It was a Careless Whisper
- A fattie walks into a bar... ...a chocolate bar.
- When chocolate entered the bar the nuts all hung around
- What do you call a clumsy chocolate bar? Careless Wispa
- I can't help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars... *snickers*
- What does half a chocolate bar look like? The other half.
- I got my dad a melted chocolate bar for his birthday He said that I'm a good sun.
- What Is The World's Lightest Chocolate Bar Changing Their Name To? Elon Musketeers
- Which rock band are professional chocolate bar makers?
- Why aren't snickers chocolate bars popular with girls? They contain traces of pea nuts.
Cheerful Fun Chocolate Bar Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about chocolate bar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chocolate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chocolate bar pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound w**... of chocolate on a toothpick.
If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists.
Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
Snowboarders will Understand
Four snowboarders - a German, a Swiss, an Australian, and a Canadian - are taking a chairlift up a mountain. The German boarder pulls out a bottle of beer from his jacket, drinks it, and tosses the empty over the side.
"Ah," he sighs. "We have so much beer in Germany!"
Next the Swiss boarder pulls out a bar of chocolate from his jacket, eats it, and drops the wrapper over the side. "Mmm," he sighs, "we have so much chocolate in Switzerland!"
So the Australian boarder pulls out a jar of Vegemite from his jacket and starts chowing down with a spoon. The others are revolted, and before he finishes the Canadian boarder grabs him by his belt and tosses him over the side.
"Much better," he sighs, "we have so many of these in Canada!"
My mate gets annoyed when I give him a chocolate bar in the wrong wrapper
He gets his snickers in a twix
Irishman in confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.
The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"
"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"
"Nah, you're ugly"
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...
As they were busy looking around,
doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...
As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer :
"Man! I'm the best thief ever,
I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"
Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"
So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy:
"Do you wanna see magic..?"
The Shop boy replied: "Yes..!!!"
Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!"
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it...
He asked for the second, and he ate that as well..
He asked for the third, and finished that one too...
The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?"
Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them..!!!"
Last Halloween
Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."
A pirate walks into a bar. He sits down to reveal he has a sheath on his hook hand.
He turns to the man sitting next to him and says, "Arr, I be bettin you I can eat me own hook." The man, thinking this is just some crazy pirate man, takes the bet. The pirate then removes to sheath from his hook to reveal that it's made entirely of chocolate. The pirate eats the hook and says "Arr, I guess you should have
*never judged a hook by its cover*."
Then, as he's leaving the bar, the pirate gets hit by a bus, so you could say *it's better to be safe than scurvy*.
George Michael walks into a bar...
The barman says, "George, you've got chocolate on your shirt!".
"I know," replies George, "It was a Careless Wispa."
A woman brings her items to the resister
A woman brings five chocolate bars, a tub of ice cream, and some pregnancy tests to the counter
Cashier: "Ma'am, I don't think you need those pregnancy tests"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the favourite chocolate bar of black people?
s**...
How can you tell if a chocolate bar is kosher?
It's got a Jewey caramel center.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a line of black people?
A chocolate bar
I heard Reese's is doing a monkey shaped chocolate bar now..
It's called a Reese's Macaque.
George Michael was upset to find he had let a chocolate bar melt in his pocket
It was just a careless whisper
there's a new chocolate bar being sold in the middle east called
Allahu Snackbar
What's the difference between a chocolate bar, and a cop?
One will kill your dog, the other's a chocolate bar.
How can you tell a dark chocolate bar is male?
it has a creamy milk filling
As Steve was eating a chocolate bar, a man walked up to him
Man: Chocolate isn't good for you
Steve: My grandpa ate chocolate every day, and he lived to be 104 years old
Man: Do you really think he lived that long because of the chocolate that he ate?
Steve: No. It was because he knew when to keep his mouth shut
What do you call it when a Physics Teacher throws a bar of chocolate at you?
Brownian Motion
Apparently Cadbury's are making an oriental chocolate bar
I reckon it's just a Chinese whisper
My friend got really angry with me the other day when i started talking about deep fried chocolate bars!
I didn't realise it was such a hot topic
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!
I was teaching my dog how to play dead...
and as a reward for doing it, I gave him a chocolate bar. Now he's really good at it!
What is Jon Bellions most favourite chocolate bar of all time?
Rolo.....
Rolo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, Rolo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo!
What were the two accountants hoping for..
What were the two accountants hoping for when they went halves in a chocolate bar?
That they would break even.
Some joker lost his book logging all of his chocolate-covered English toffee bar purchases.
It was a Heath ledger.
I went to Church today.
I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
He replies, "Get out, you're on my side."
Chocolate, icecream, cookies, mars bars, doritos, popcorn, milky ways, kit kats and lays!
i wrote this joke to reach a wider audience.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish Confession
An Irish man went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church.
Inside he found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
When the priest came in, the Irish man said to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replied, "You m**..., you're on my side"
My friend asked me how I was doing with my cold turkey withdrawal from chocolate bars
I replied, No kinder bueno.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at the swimming centre with my son. I said, "Use your legs, come on. Keep k**.... Your arms are doing all the work."
His chocolate bar got stuck in the vending machine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you stop a blonde from talking to a chocolate bar ?
Put her iphone back on the table.
Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar.
I hate Bounty Hunters.
Snickers bar
My friend one told me a joke about chocolate, it wasn't that funny, but I snickered!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shopping for singles
I went to a small grocery shop. I am on my way to pay and look for a line. I suddenly notice one young and pretty cashier with almost empty line so I go for it. I start to unload my groceries on a tilt. One pack of hard cigarettes, 6 beers, frozen pizza, some bacon and chocolate bars.
The cashier smiles at me and says: ''You are single, right?''
Little shocked I reply with a smile ''Yes... why? Did my selection of grocery gave it away?''
''No, you are ugly as f*c**....''
Tim has 12 chocolate bars. He eats seven of them. What does he have now?
Diabetes, and Bad self control.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate being an adult in times like these, $5 used to get you 12 eggs, a bar of chocolate a massive bag of sweets, milk, a sack of potatoes, a bottle of v**......
Shame for cameras in stores...
AT&T is creating their first ever phony-chocolate bar
I hear they're calling it "Raisin, the Bar."
A young woman goes grocery shopping...
She wanders through the store more or less aimlessly, finally arriving at the checkout, where she places her items on the conveyor belt: Ramen noodles, a two-pack of toilet paper, a bottle of cheap wine, some grapes, a frozen pizza and a chocolate bar.
The cashier looks at her items, looks at her, looks back at her items and says, "Let me guess, you're single".
"Yeah, you're right", the woman admits, "but how did you know that?"
"Well...", she responds, "you're ugly"
Rachel has 16 chocolate bars. Tracey takes 4 from her and asks for the remaining quarter. What would she end up with?
A slap.
I have a spreadsheet wherein I track all the chocolate toffee bars I've eaten.
It's my Heath ledger.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a dog a chocolate bar, feed it for the rest of it's life.
I remember when I was a kid, I used to be able to walk into the gas station with 1 dollar and walk out with a handful of chocolate bars.
Nowadays, they have cameras everywhere
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought a chocolate bar today and the inside read, "You're a loser"
I wouldn't have minded as much if there had been a competition on.
To make matters worse, it was Boost...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a black man's sixpack?
A Chocolate Bar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A graham c**..., a marshmallow, and a chocolate bar are lonely by a campfire.
They need s'more friends.
Hershey bars have dominated chocolate for over a century
It's nearly 2019 now. Is anyone else not offended we still don't have a Himhe bar?
Days when my mama gave me 3$ and I came back with bread,
Eggs, milk, yoghurt, chocolate bars, chips, soda, icecream and a bunch of magazines.
Now, there are surveillance cameras everywhere.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the time Jeff Wayne caught his wife m**... with a chocolate bar?
The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one , he said.
A child walks into a supermarket in America.
A child walks into a supermarket in America and tries to buy 5 bars of snickers and an assault rifle. The cashier saids, 'I'm sorry, I can't sell this to you'. The child replies; 'Why?' The cashier then saids; 'that's too much chocolate for a little boy to have'.
TIL Most of the world's coco is produced in Africa.
This is because of part of the continent's tropical savanna climate, particularly its precipitation. I love chocolate, so I'm really grateful for this.
Next time I eat a candy bar, I'll have to bless the rains down in Africa.
In math class:
Bill has 40 bars of chocolate. He eats 35. What does he have now?
Me: Diabetes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old lady in a nursing home ...
.. is wheeling around in her wheelchair. She zooms up and down the corridors and screeches around the corners. Then one of the other residents stops her and demands to see her driver's license. She hands him a chocolate bar wrapper and he is satisfied.
She continues rushing around until another inmate stops her and demands to see her registration. Again the candy wrapper works.
But on turning the next corner she sees an elderly man standing in her path completely n**....
"Oh no" she thinks "How am I going to pass the breathalyzer test?"
Grandad "Here's 5 bucks, bring me back a 6 pack and a bag of chips." Grandson "Grandad, 5 bucks isnt enough" Grandad "back in my day...
2 bucks could get you a beer, chips, a chocolate bar, a sandwhich and a newspaper!
Nowadays you can't do that anymore, there's cameras everywhere!"
Irish Confession
Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!
Sad News At The Nestle Factory
Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered
An Irishman goes into the confessional box...
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
Reddit was planning to promote some food subreddits on the featured page.
One of the featured subreddits was supposed to be about chocolate fountains, but there was a big controversy, and they decided to find a replacement. A former substitute teacher who was fired from her job had started a subreddit about bar food.
The mods selected it as a replacement. The subpar sub's pub sub sub subbed superbly.
What is Amber Heard's favorite chocolate bar?
Hearsay's Chocolate.
I asked her to confirm but she objected.
