Chocolate Bar Jokes
119 chocolate bar jokes and hilarious chocolate bar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chocolate bar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Chocolate Bar Short Jokes
Short chocolate bar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chocolate bar humour may include short candy bar jokes also.
- I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.
- I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar. I guess there is life on Mars after all.
- New machine at the gym There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.
Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas. - There was a new machine at the gym... After using it for 30 minutes, I felt sick. Maybe I bought too many chocolate bars...
- My missus hates it when I put her chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. It gets her Snickers in a Twix.
- Did you hear about the chocolate bar burglar?! The police are trying to catch him, but he's always got a few Twix up his sleeve!
- Back in my day Back in my day you use to be able to go into a Shop with £1.00 and come out with 2 Chocolate Bars and a Packed Of crisp, but now these days they have Cameras.
- I always go shoplifting for chocolate bars using slight of hand. I certainly have a few Twix up my sleeve.
- I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.
- I was thinking how I can make some random strangers on internet angry today… … but first I will feed my dog that chocolate bar he has been eyeing.
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Chocolate Bar One Liners
Which chocolate bar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chocolate bar? I can suggest the ones about snickers bar and box of chocolates.
- I identify as a chocolate bar My pronouns are her/shey
- When it comes to stealing chocolate bars... I have a couple twix up my sleeve
- What's Snoop Dogg's favourite chocolate bar? Sniggas.
- What's a chocolate bars preferred pronouns? Her/she
- I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered…
- What is a feminists favorite chocolate bar? Hershey
- What do they call snickers chocolate bars in the ghetto? Sniggaz.
- What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common? Everybody gets a piece.
- A lollipop asks a chocolate bars pronouns. The bar says its prounouns are her/shey
- where do you get alcoholic chocolate? at a chocolate bar
- What kind of bar is kid friendly? A chocolate bar.
- Autopsy confirms george michael choked on a chocolate bar It was a Careless Whisper
- A fattie walks into a bar... ...a chocolate bar.
- When chocolate entered the bar the nuts all hung around
- What do you call a black man's sixpack? A Chocolate Bar
Cheerful Fun Chocolate Bar Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about chocolate bar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chocolate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chocolate bar pranks.
The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound w**... of chocolate on a toothpick.
If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists.
Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
My mate gets annoyed when I give him a chocolate bar in the wrong wrapper
He gets his snickers in a twix
Irishman in confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.
The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"
"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"
"Nah, you're ugly"
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...
As they were busy looking around,
doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...
As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer :
"Man! I'm the best thief ever,
I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"
Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"
So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy:
"Do you wanna see magic..?"
The Shop boy replied: "Yes..!!!"
Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!"
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it...
He asked for the second, and he ate that as well..
He asked for the third, and finished that one too...
The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?"
Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them..!!!"
Last Halloween
Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."
George Michael walks into a bar...
The barman says, "George, you've got chocolate on your shirt!".
"I know," replies George, "It was a Careless Wispa."
A woman brings her items to the resister
A woman brings five chocolate bars, a tub of ice cream, and some pregnancy tests to the counter
Cashier: "Ma'am, I don't think you need those pregnancy tests"
What is the favourite chocolate bar of black people?
s**...
Sad news from the Nestlé chocolate factory.
Sad news from the Nestlé chocolate factory. A man was crushed to death under hundreds of boxes of chocolate.
Apparently every time he shouted: The Milky Bars are on me! his workmates just cheered.
Jeff Wayne came home one day to find his wife bringing herself to c**... with a chocolate bar.
"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one" he said.
I got my dad a melted chocolate bar for his birthday
He said that I'm a good sun.
I heard Reese's is doing a monkey shaped chocolate bar now..
It's called a Reese's Macaque.
George Michael was upset to find he had let a chocolate bar melt in his pocket
It was just a careless whisper
I saw a baby in a carriage holding a chocolate bar.
It's mother wasn't around. So i took it, tore it open and ate it, right in front of the chocolate bar.
What's the difference between a chocolate bar, and a cop?
One will kill your dog, the other's a chocolate bar.
I have a spreadsheet in which I keep count of every chocolate toffee bar.
I call it my Heath ledger.
How can you tell a dark chocolate bar is male?
it has a creamy milk filling
As Steve was eating a chocolate bar, a man walked up to him
Man: Chocolate isn't good for you
Steve: My grandpa ate chocolate every day, and he lived to be 104 years old
Man: Do you really think he lived that long because of the chocolate that he ate?
Steve: No. It was because he knew when to keep his mouth shut
What do you call it when a Physics Teacher throws a bar of chocolate at you?
Brownian Motion
A boy was eating chocolate...
A boy was sitting in a park eating a bar of chocolate. After finishing it, he opened another one and started eating that too. Then the man sitting next to him said
"Do you know that you're damaging your teeth there son?"
"My grandfather lived for a 132 years" the boy replied.
"Was it because of eating chocolate?" the man asked curiously
"No. He knew how to mind his own business."
Apparently Cadbury's are making an oriental chocolate bar
I reckon it's just a Chinese whisper
My friend got really angry with me the other day when i started talking about deep fried chocolate bars!
I didn't realise it was such a hot topic
George Michael choked to death on a chocolate bar.
Must of been a careless wispa
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!
I was teaching my dog how to play dead...
and as a reward for doing it, I gave him a chocolate bar. Now he's really good at it!
What is Jon Bellions most favourite chocolate bar of all time?
Rolo.....
Rolo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, Rolo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo!
What were the two accountants hoping for..
What were the two accountants hoping for when they went halves in a chocolate bar?
That they would break even.
Some joker lost his book logging all of his chocolate-covered English toffee bar purchases.
It was a Heath ledger.
I went to Church today.
I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
He replies, "Get out, you're on my side."
A kid takes a taxi home while he eats a chocolate bar....
Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
Kid: My grandfather lived 108 years.
Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
Kid: No, minding his own business.
Chocolate, icecream, cookies, mars bars, doritos, popcorn, milky ways, kit kats and lays!
i wrote this joke to reach a wider audience.
My friend asked me how I was doing with my cold turkey withdrawal from chocolate bars
I replied, No kinder bueno.
Heard a rumour Cadburys are producing chop suey flavoured chocolate bars.
Probably just Chinese Wispas.
I was at the swimming centre with my son. I said, "Use your legs, come on. Keep k**.... Your arms are doing all the work."
His chocolate bar got stuck in the vending machine.
Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar.
I hate Bounty Hunters.
A chocolate bar bumps into George Michael
Careless whispa
Snickers bar
My friend one told me a joke about chocolate, it wasn't that funny, but I snickered!
Shopping for singles
I went to a small grocery shop. I am on my way to pay and look for a line. I suddenly notice one young and pretty cashier with almost empty line so I go for it. I start to unload my groceries on a tilt. One pack of hard cigarettes, 6 beers, frozen pizza, some bacon and chocolate bars.
The cashier smiles at me and says: ''You are single, right?''
Little shocked I reply with a smile ''Yes... why? Did my selection of grocery gave it away?''
''No, you are ugly as f*c**....''
Tim has 12 chocolate bars. He eats seven of them. What does he have now?
Diabetes, and Bad self control.
I hate being an adult in times like these, $5 used to get you 12 eggs, a bar of chocolate a massive bag of sweets, milk, a sack of potatoes, a bottle of v**......
Shame for cameras in stores...
What does half a chocolate bar look like?
The other half.
AT&T is creating their first ever phony-chocolate bar
I hear they're calling it "Raisin, the Bar."
Sad News.....
At the Nestle factory today a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered.
Rumour has it Cadbury are bringing out an Oriental chocolate bar.
It could be a Chinese Wispa.
A young woman goes grocery shopping...
She wanders through the store more or less aimlessly, finally arriving at the checkout, where she places her items on the conveyor belt: Ramen noodles, a two-pack of toilet paper, a bottle of cheap wine, some grapes, a frozen pizza and a chocolate bar.
The cashier looks at her items, looks at her, looks back at her items and says, "Let me guess, you're single".
"Yeah, you're right", the woman admits, "but how did you know that?"
"Well...", she responds, "you're ugly"
What do you call bars that are filled with black midgets?
Chocolate Bars
Some one told me a chocolate bar joke, it wasn't that funny
So I just snickered.
My 10 year old daughter just told me that one.
Rachel has 16 chocolate bars. Tracey takes 4 from her and asks for the remaining quarter. What would she end up with?
A slap.
I Heard Cadbury Are going to Make An Oriental Chocolate Bar
But it could just be a Chinese whisper
I have a spreadsheet wherein I track all the chocolate toffee bars I've eaten.
It's my Heath ledger.
What's the most feminist type of chocolate?
A Her-she bar.
I can't help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars...
*snickers*
What do you call a clumsy chocolate bar?
Careless Wispa
Have you heard the joke about the chocolate bar?
It wasn't very funny so I just snickered.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a dog a chocolate bar, feed it for the rest of it's life.
I remember when I was a kid, I used to be able to walk into the gas station with 1 dollar and walk out with a handful of chocolate bars.
Nowadays, they have cameras everywhere
I bought a chocolate bar today and the inside read, "You're a loser"
I wouldn't have minded as much if there had been a competition on.
To make matters worse, it was Boost...
A graham c**..., a marshmallow, and a chocolate bar are lonely by a campfire.
They need s'more friends.
Hershey bars have dominated chocolate for over a century
It's nearly 2019 now. Is anyone else not offended we still don't have a Himhe bar?
Two years after the death of George Michael, the cause was finally found. He choked on a chocolate bar.
It was a careless Wispa
Days when my mama gave me 3$ and I came back with bread,
Eggs, milk, yoghurt, chocolate bars, chips, soda, icecream and a bunch of magazines.
Now, there are surveillance cameras everywhere.
Did you hear about the time Jeff Wayne caught his wife m**... with a chocolate bar?
The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one , he said.
A child walks into a supermarket in America.
A child walks into a supermarket in America and tries to buy 5 bars of snickers and an assault rifle. The cashier saids, 'I'm sorry, I can't sell this to you'. The child replies; 'Why?' The cashier then saids; 'that's too much chocolate for a little boy to have'.
TIL Most of the world's coco is produced in Africa.
This is because of part of the continent's tropical savanna climate, particularly its precipitation. I love chocolate, so I'm really grateful for this.
Next time I eat a candy bar, I'll have to bless the rains down in Africa.