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Chips Jokes

187 chips jokes and hilarious chips puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chips that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Unleash your sense of humor with this collection of hilarious chips jokes. Enjoy a laugh over fish and chips, potato chips, Lays chips, hot chips, nacho chips, chips and salsa, Chips Ahoy cookies, guacamole, Micro, and Oreos! Get ready to giggle your way through snack time!

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Funniest Chips Short Jokes

Short chips jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chips humour may include short chip and dip jokes also.

  1. I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
  2. A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips... "Are you the friar?" he asked.
    The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."
  3. Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class. Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too
  4. I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home. I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
  5. What is Chipotle most known for? - A. steak Bowls
    - B. Delicious Tacos
    - C. Chips
    - D. Burritos
    - E. Coli
  6. Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church..... They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.
  7. I remember when I was a kid, I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars, 6 packs of now or laters, and an ice cold drink. Nowadays, they got cameras everywhere.
  8. People always make fun of my dad because his name is Chip and he is a Dorito farmer You might think that is cheesy but actually we got to grow up on a really cool ranch
  9. The doctor told me to lose some weight. I said, "How?"
    He said "Don't eat anything fatty."
    I said, "You mean pies, chips, that sort of thing?"
    He said, "No, just don't eat anything, fatty."
  10. A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips. The librarian says, "this is a library."
    The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."

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Chips One Liners

Which chips one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chips? I can suggest the ones about chipped and tortilla chip.

  1. What do british nuclear engineers eat? Fission chips.
  2. What do computers eat? Micro chips!
  3. Why is it good being an orphan Every bag of chips is family sized
  4. What do nuclear plants serve their workers for lunch? Fission Chips
  5. I thought for my whole life that air was free... ...then I bought a bag of chips.
  6. What is the only meal served in nuclear power stations? Fission chips.
  7. Has anyone heard of the disastrous news about the CPU chip flaws? seems like bad intel..
  8. What kind kind of triangle is a tortilla chip? An i-salsa-les triangle
  9. Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China? They need clean air.
  10. There was a fight in a fish and chip shop! Two fish got battered ;).
  11. Which fast food produces the most radiation? >!Fission chips. !<
  12. what is an Arabic ruler's favorite flavor of potato chips? Sultan vinegar.
  13. Waiter: How did you find your steak, Sir? Me: I just moved a few chips and there it was!
  14. What is Marie Curie's favorite food? Fission chips.
  15. What do couch potatoes evolve into? Computer chips.

Potato Chips Jokes

Here is a list of funny potato chips jokes and even better potato chips puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Roses are red, potato chips are savory... The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
  • An aviation enthusiast enters a bar. He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."
  • What did the potato name his son? Chip.
    Sorry.
  • I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man cooking sliced potatoes in oil... I asked him I asked him Are you the friar?
    He replied No, I'm the chip monk...
  • How does a male potato chip mate with a female potato chip? He Lay's on her.
  • Why don't birds eat potato chips? Because it RUFFLES their feathers.
  • What do a bag of Lay's potato chips and the Milky Way have in common? They're both mostly empty space.
  • Helicopter flavored potato chips? A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."
  • Breast implants are like potato chips. You can't have just one.
  • What style of potato chips does Santa Claus like best? Kringle Cut

Fish And Chips Jokes

Here is a list of funny fish and chips jokes and even better fish and chips puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I called my wife and asked her if I should pick up fish and chips on the way home, and she slammed the phone down on me. She still regrets letting me name the twins.
  • A man walks into a library. Man: Fish and chips, please.
    Librarian: Sir, this is a library.
    Man: \*whispers\* *Sorry. Fish and chips, please.*
  • Two priests decided to open a Fish and Chip shop... ... One was a Fish Friar, the other was a Chip Monk.
  • A Polar Bear walks into a bar... ... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."
    The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."
    The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."
  • Phoned my wife and asked if she wanted me to pick Fish and Chips up after work.. She just grunted at me..
    Think she regrets letting me name the twins.
  • A man walks into a chip shop with a fish under his arm and asks "Do you have any fish cakes?" "No," replies the owner "we've sold out."
    "That's a shame," says the man "it's his birthday."
  • I phoned the wife last night and asked her if she wanted me to pick up Fish & Chips on my way home. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins!
  • why did the wife of the fish and chips fetishist file for divorce? she was sick of being a battered woman
  • The only thing I can take seriously in the newspapers nowadays is fish and chips... ... and even that I take with a pinch of salt.
  • What is a fish's favorite snack? Chip's a'koi
Chips joke, What is a fish's favorite snack?

Lays Chips Jokes

Here is a list of funny lays chips jokes and even better lays chips puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I know for a fact corporations are trying to put chips in our bodies Lay's and Ruffles are buy one get one free at the grocery store
  • My father always complained about his firing from Lay's after being caught stealing produce. He always did have a huge chip on his shoulder.
  • Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions... Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest
  • Why did the potato go to the chip factory? It was trying to get Lay-ed
  • What's the difference between Lay's and the Pfizer vaccine? The Pfizer vaccine has at least one chip in it.
  • What did the corn chip say to the light bulb? Are you turned on? Because I'm Frito Lay
  • Your mom is like a bag of chips... Frito Lay
  • Yo' Mama is like a bag of chips: Fri-to-lay.
  • Scientists thought we would never have enough air to survive on the moon... ...then they opened a bag of Lays chips.
  • What do conjoined twins and Lay's chips have in common? I betcha can't eat just one

Lays Potato Chips Jokes

Here is a list of funny lays potato chips jokes and even better lays potato chips puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A male potato chip steps up to the bar and buys a drink. He sees two female potato chips sitting nearby. He says to the one female potato chip, "Excuse me. Are you Herr's or Frito Lay?"
  • What brand of potato chip do Matadors prefer? "Oh Lays"
  • A boy potato chip asks a girl potato chip "are you Wise or are you Frito-Lay?"
  • The founder of the Lays potato chip company came to Hawaii the other day. As a welcoming gift, we gave him leis.
  • Why should you eat potato chips? Cause you might get Lay'ed
  • A potato chip walks into a club... He sees a nice looking corn chip sitting at the bar. He goes up to her and asks " Are you frito-lay?" She says "No, 50 dollars."
  • What did the potato chip say to the battery?
    If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
  • If I were making a new planet... Its atmosphere would be Lay's Potato Chips.
  • My friend brags about having s**... with potato chips He keeps on telling me how many lays he's had.
  • What do m**... and Lay's potato chips have in common? It's hard to stop with just one.
    From Under the Dome (the book).
Chips joke, What do m**... and Lay's potato chips have in common?

Uproarious Chips Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about chips you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean computer chip jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chips pranks.

I haven't worked out since...

I haven't worked out since that one time I tried to reach for a bag of chips at the foot of the bed and did a sit-up by mistake.
That wasn't the joke. The joke is my life.

Finish what you start!

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.

at the roulette table when.....

I was just about to place my chips on the roulette table at the casino when the African man standing next to me gave me a nudge and said, "Black, 33."
I shook his hand and said, "White, 28."

What does the Pope dip his chips in?

Holy Guacamole

What does a push-up bra and a bag of chips have in common?

When you open them, they're only half full.

Version of previous post.

One of the patrons at a bar opened a bag of potato chips and gave it to the bartender's dog. When the dog ate the contents of the bag, he lay down and started grooming his g**.... A guy says to his friend ''I wish I could do that.'' The friend replies ''Well give him a chip and maybe he will let you.''

Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

It's a Saturday evening...

It's a Saturday evening. A man goes up to the register in a supermarket, bearing a six pack of beer, a bag of chips, some dip, a pint of ice cream, and toilet paper. The cashier says, "Single, huh?"
The man laughs and says, "Yeah, how can you tell?"
The cashier says, "Because you're ugly."

Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing

and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a swing and chips it in for a birdie.
The old man steps up to the tee and takes a swing. And, you guessed it, he drops it into the water. Just then a fish swims up and gobbles the ball, a hawk comes flying in from the sky and swoops up the fish. Over the green, the bird lets go of the fish, who slams against the ground. letting the ball go... which rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, quit showing off."

This guy goes through the checkout line of the grocery store…

and he's got, like, a stack of frozen dinners, a six-pack of beer, a big 'ol bag of chips, and a single roll of toilet paper.
The cute checkout girl says, "Well, I know *you're* single!"
The guy says, "Well, yeah—how'd you guess?"
She says, "You're ugly."

Just been to the gym

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything – Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Chips, the lot..

A man walks into a library...

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian "can I have fish and chips please". The librarian looks at him very confused and replies " sorry this is a library". The man whispers "can I have fish and chips please"

A Hungry traveler stops by a monastery and makes his way into the kitchen

There he sees a brother is frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" Asks the traveler
"No, that's not me" He replies " I'm the Chip Monk!"

I phoned my wife earlier. "I'm just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?" It was met with a stony silence...

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

A Irishman walks into a library...

...and declares, "I'll have the fish and chips, please!"
Ruffled, the librarian at the desk says, "sir, this is a library!"
The man whispers, "I'll have the fish and chips, please."

What's the similarities between Las Vegas and Manchester?

You can pay for the prostitutes using chips

asked my little bro for a couple of chips...

he brought me three, said 2 were a couple and the third was my side chip

What's a nuclear scientist's favourite food?

Fission chips.

New machine at the gym

There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.
Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.

I recently opened up a nuclear powered restaurant.

It's called fission chips.

I invented a sandwich made with rodent meat.

I call it the Mickey Mouse Club.
Comes with chips.

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any helicopter flavored chips?"

The Bartender says "No, we only have plane"

How much salt does Jihadi John have on his chips?

Just a Daesh.

A guy walks into a Mexican restaurant and takes a seat...

A guy walks into a Mexican restaurant and takes a seat.
Before he gets to order a his food, the bowl of tortilla chips in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow."
The man tries to ignore the chips and orders a margarita.
The chips say, "Ooooh that drink is delicious. Great choice. You're a very smart man."
Starting to freak out, the guy screams to the waiter, "Hey what the heck, this bowl of chips keeps saying nice things to me!!"
Waiter says, "Don't worry about it, the tortilla chips are complimentary."

A man walks into a library...

... then walks up to the lady behind the counter and says: 1 Fish and chips please.
The lady says: Sir, this is a library!
The man says "Sorry" and proceeds to whisper: *1 Fish and Chips please.*

What do computers snack on?

micro chips

My favourite joke

So a guy goes into a pub, walks up to the bar and asks for a pint.
The barman replies: one pound please. The guy says back: only one pound?!
The barman replies: aye only a pound.
The guy takes his pint and enjoys it and after a few more pints at a pound each the guy feels cheeky.
The guy says: ill have a steak and chips mate.
The barman replies: three quid.
The guy then asked: do you own this pub?
The barman replies: no.
The guy then asked: wheres the boss then? I want to ask why the prices are so low.
The barman replies: he's upstairs with my wife.
The guy then asked: why? Whats he doing with your wife?
The barman replies: the same thing i'm doing to his business.

What's the best part about being an orphan?

All your chips and candy bars are family sized.

In a hotel room in London, the room service boy knocks on the door,

And says "here are your Pringles sir" The Arab guest looks at the box of potato chips for a few minutes appearing confused. Finally he says, "Wallah Habibi, I said bring girls"

A man's car breaks down outside a monastery.

The monks take him in and give him dinner--a fantastic dinner, of fish & chips. Best fish & chips he's ever had.
So he goes into the kitchen to compliment the chef. He says to one brother, "Excuse me, are you the fish friar?"
"No," he answers. "I'm the chip monk."

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips?

Britons vs. Americans

Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby
Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.

Guy walks into a Mexican restaurant but he's not that hungry...

And they serve free tortilla chips. He asks for one chip and they give it to him. He swipes his credit card, and nothing happens. The employee looks at him and says, "Dude... it's a chip."

My local ski resort was ripped off last week for around $900.

The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.

Glasgow has a lot in common with Las Vegas.

I mean, for one in both places you can pay for s**... with chips.

So a man walks into a grocery store and asks the cashier if they have helicopter flavored potato chips.

The cashier says, "sorry we only have plane." ✈️

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realise it's half empty.

A man was driving along the motorway

When all of a sudden, he sees two crisps (potato chips) walking along the side of the road.
Perplexed by this and concerned for their safety he leans out and shouts "Hey! You two want a lift anywhere?", to which the crisps stopped and replied "No thanks mate, we're Walkers".

I could see she was about to fold when I put my chips on the table…

"Move them," my wife said, "I'm doing laundry."

Two cannibals sit down to eat

The one ask to the other why he is so sad?
I don't like my mother in law
It's okay, just eat your chips then

What did the nuclear physicist have for dinner?

Fission Chips

Dating a stripper is like opening a bag of chips in church

eveybody looks at you in disgust but deep inside they all want some.

Early finish for me today so I rang the wife

and asked her if I should pick up fish and chips on the way home. She clearly still regrets letting me name the kids....

Queso is the perfect food for socialists....

'cause everybody chips in!

Fish and chips

I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

What type of chips suffer from allergies?

Nachoos

A man walks into a convenience store

and he asks the clerk, do you have any helicopter flavored chips? The clerk responds, no, we just have plain.

Your mama is so fat

When she went to the court house and the judge said 'order, order', she said 'a burger and chips please!'

I asked if a customer wanted to dine in or take away...

When at work one evening, someone wanted some fish and chips...
I asked if they wanted to dine in or take away.
He replied with 'Fuck off you p**...!'
I work in a prison.

I used to think air was always free

Until I bought a bag of chips

I phoned my wife...

...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"
She had just grunted down the phone.
I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins

Doctor: Your BMI is quite high.

Patient: What should I do?
Doctor: Don't eat anything fatty
Patient: So I should give up pizza and chips?
Doctor: No, fatty. Just don't eat anything!

Case of water - $3.99

Case of Apples - $20.99
Case of Oranges - $25.99
Bag of chips - $2.50
Cigarettes - $8.99
Box of candles - $4.50
Frozen pizzas - $6.50
Asking for a quote of these items - Price List

s**... in a car in public is like eating from a noisy bag of chips in Church...

Everyone will look at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.

When I was a kid, you could walk into a gas station with a $1 bill and leave with a bag of chips, a candy bar, and a coke.

Now, they have cameras everywhere.

Chips joke, When I was a kid, you could walk into a gas station with a $1 bill and leave with a bag of chips, a

jokes about chips