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Chip Jokes

163 chip jokes and hilarious chip puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chip that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Dive into this collection of hilarious chip jokes - from fish and chips to tortilla chips, potato chips and more. Get ready for some munchies-fueled fun with this compilation of chip jokes perfect for any occasion!

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Funniest Chip Short Jokes

Short chip jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chip humour may include short chap jokes also.

  1. I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
  2. A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips... "Are you the friar?" he asked.
    The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."
  3. Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class. Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too
  4. I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home. I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
  5. What is Chipotle most known for? - A. steak Bowls
    - B. Delicious Tacos
    - C. Chips
    - D. Burritos
    - E. Coli
  6. Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church..... They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.
  7. I remember when I was a kid, I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars, 6 packs of now or laters, and an ice cold drink. Nowadays, they got cameras everywhere.
  8. People always make fun of my dad because his name is Chip and he is a Dorito farmer You might think that is cheesy but actually we got to grow up on a really cool ranch
  9. The doctor told me to lose some weight. I said, "How?"
    He said "Don't eat anything fatty."
    I said, "You mean pies, chips, that sort of thing?"
    He said, "No, just don't eat anything, fatty."
  10. A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips. The librarian says, "this is a library."
    The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."

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Chip One Liners

Which chip one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chip? I can suggest the ones about itch and chine.

  1. What do british nuclear engineers eat? Fission chips.
  2. What do computers eat? Micro chips!
  3. Why is it good being an orphan Every bag of chips is family sized
  4. What do nuclear plants serve their workers for lunch? Fission Chips
  5. I thought for my whole life that air was free... ...then I bought a bag of chips.
  6. What is the only meal served in nuclear power stations? Fission chips.
  7. Has anyone heard of the disastrous news about the CPU chip flaws? seems like bad intel..
  8. What kind kind of triangle is a tortilla chip? An i-salsa-les triangle
  9. Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China? They need clean air.
  10. There was a fight in a fish and chip shop! Two fish got battered ;).
  11. Which fast food produces the most radiation? >!Fission chips. !<
  12. what is an Arabic ruler's favorite flavor of potato chips? Sultan vinegar.
  13. Waiter: How did you find your steak, Sir? Me: I just moved a few chips and there it was!
  14. What is Marie Curie's favorite food? Fission chips.
  15. What do couch potatoes evolve into? Computer chips.

Chocolate Chip Jokes

Here is a list of funny chocolate chip jokes and even better chocolate chip puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • New machine at the gym There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.
    Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.
  • What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee
  • How many Blondes does it take to bake chocolate chip cookies? 10....one to bake the cookies, and 9 to peel the M&Ms
  • My son is so ungrateful I bought him a peanut butter chocolate chip cake for his birthday. He just grabbed his EpiPen and complained to me about it; selfish brat!
  • Whenever I make chocolate chip or blueberry muffins, I make sure one muffin is just batter. I like to play Muffin Roulette.
  • How do you tell if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? There are M&M shells all over the kitchen!
  • Insecure people are like chocolate chip cookies After they get baked, they'll crumble easily.
  • I recently found an ice cream man dead, covered in sprinkles, chocolate chips and strawberry sauce. He topped himself.
  • I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
  • There's a new machine at the gym, it does absolutely everything Soft drinks, potato chips, chocolate cookies and candy

Chip Shop Jokes

Here is a list of funny chip shop jokes and even better chip shop puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two priests decided to open a Fish and Chip shop... ... One was a Fish Friar, the other was a Chip Monk.
  • A man walks into a chip shop with a fish under his arm and asks "Do you have any fish cakes?" "No," replies the owner "we've sold out."
    "That's a shame," says the man "it's his birthday."
  • When I was a kid you could walk into a shop with a quarter and come out with 2 cokes, 3 bags of chips and an Ice cream... Nowadays, CCTV everywhere.
  • There was a fight in the fish & chip shop last night Two men were battered
  • What do you call a seafood restaurant that generates its own power? A fission-chips shop.
  • The fish and chip shop near me has gone into liquidation Now the owner is stuck between a rock and a hard plaice
  • Did you hear about the fight in the fish and chip shop? The fish got battered
  • A man walks into a fish and chip shop... "Nice plaice"
  • Fish & Chips A man walked into a fish and chips shop run by two priests, but only one was out front. He asked, "Are you the fish friar?"
    The man replied, "No, I'm the chip monk."
  • Doctor, doctor I think I need glasses!! You certainly do sir. This is a fish and chip shop.
Chip joke, Doctor, doctor I think I need glasses!!

Chocolate Chip Cookies Jokes

Here is a list of funny chocolate chip cookies jokes and even better chocolate chip cookies puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you know that a blonde is baking chocolate chip cookies? All the m&m shells on the floor.
  • We had a sick gathering last night. The Roof was on fire! I'm sad to say that grandma's brain tumor isnt getting better and who knew chocolate chip cookies could flare up like that...
  • A lot of great things in this world were accidents. Chocolate chip cookies, popsicles, potato chips... Wife: You still can't call our children mistakes.
  • Chocolate chip... How many men does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?... 3!
    One to make the batter, two to squeeze the rabbit.
    Happy Easter everyone
  • How many idiots does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Twelve - one to make the dough and eleven to peel the smarties.
  • what is homer Simpson's favorite ice cream? Chocolate chip cookie D'OOHHHH
  • How do you tell the difference between a good cookie and bad cookie? The same way you tell the difference between chocolate chips and raisins.
  • Q: How can you tell that a blonde been baking chocolate chip cookies?
    A: There are M&M shells all over the floor.
  • When i was Growing up my mother's best dish was store-bought Entenmann's chocolate chip cookies.

Fish And Chip Jokes

Here is a list of funny fish and chip jokes and even better fish and chip puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I called my wife and asked her if I should pick up fish and chips on the way home, and she slammed the phone down on me. She still regrets letting me name the twins.
  • A man walks into a library. Man: Fish and chips, please.
    Librarian: Sir, this is a library.
    Man: \*whispers\* *Sorry. Fish and chips, please.*
  • A Polar Bear walks into a bar... ... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."
    The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."
    The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."
  • Phoned my wife and asked if she wanted me to pick Fish and Chips up after work.. She just grunted at me..
    Think she regrets letting me name the twins.
  • I phoned the wife last night and asked her if she wanted me to pick up Fish & Chips on my way home. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins!
  • why did the wife of the fish and chips fetishist file for divorce? she was sick of being a battered woman
  • The only thing I can take seriously in the newspapers nowadays is fish and chips... ... and even that I take with a pinch of salt.
  • What is a fish's favorite snack? Chip's a'koi
  • Early finish for me today so I rang the wife and asked her if I should pick up fish and chips on the way home. She clearly still regrets letting me name the kids....
  • I like both kinds of british cuisine... fish AND chips.
Chip joke, I like both kinds of british cuisine...

Hilarious Fun Chip Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about chip you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pies jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chip pranks.

A male potato chip steps up to the bar and buys a drink.

He sees two female potato chips sitting nearby. He says to the one female potato chip, "Excuse me. Are you Herr's or Frito Lay?"

So there's a little guy sitting at a bar....(heard this years ago, hope it isn't a repost)

...when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer, after a bit the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. "That's boxing, from Las Vegas."
The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goes back to his drink. The big guy also sits back down, but after a few minutes he gets back up and kicks the little guy who slides all the way to the end of the bar. "That's karate, from Japan."
Again, the little fellow just quietly gets up, goes back to his seat, and resumes drinking. A few more minutes go by and the big fella gets up a third time, grabs the little dude, and throws him right into the door of the bar. "That's kung fu, from China."
This time, however, the little guy gets up and just walks out. After some time he walks back in, right up behind the big guy, and cracks him over the head, laying him unconscious in the floor. The little guy looks at the bartender and says "You tell that s**... when he wakes up that that was crowbar, from Sears and Roebuck."

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course...

One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long f**... procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.
The man then replies: Yeah, well we were married 35 years.

A guy walks up to the shopkeeper and asks for a Fender Strat, an Orange Amp and a Mooger Fooger pedal...

...the shop keeper says: "Are you a drummer?" and the guy responds: "Yeah how can you tell?"
The shop keeper responds: "This is a fish and chip shop mate."

Two men playing golf (a favourite of mine)

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long f**... procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Version of previous post.

One of the patrons at a bar opened a bag of potato chips and gave it to the bartender's dog. When the dog ate the contents of the bag, he lay down and started grooming his g**.... A guy says to his friend ''I wish I could do that.'' The friend replies ''Well give him a chip and maybe he will let you.''

I want to start a potato chip company called "d**...'s."

Our motto would tell you to eat a bag of 'em.

What did the potato name his son?

Chip.
Sorry.

Chipotle is releasing a new "Ravens" burrito.

It comes with everything but rice.

What do you call a s**... potato chip?

A Free-to-lay

A man walks into a fish and chip shop...

A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a live trout under his arm.
"Excuse me, do you sell fish cakes?" he asks.
Looking a little confused, the owner replies, "Yes, of course we do"
"Great" the man responds, smiling at his trout, "It's his birthday."

A Hungry traveler stops by a monastery and makes his way into the kitchen

There he sees a brother is frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" Asks the traveler
"No, that's not me" He replies " I'm the Chip Monk!"

How did the lawyer chip his tooth?

The ambulance slammed on its brakes.

A man went to a fish and chip lunch organised by the local monastery...

He strolls up to o**... serving, and with a big grin, asks "Are you the fish friar?"
The guy responds "No, I'm the chip monk!"

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a s**.... He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team.
After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone with his mother.
She told him that she was proud but living in fear constantly. She continued " your brother was shot twice just in the last few weeks and your sister is regularly the victim of assault. Matters have escalated and life is worse than it has ever been. I will never, ever forgive you for bringing us to Philly."

What do you get when you wear wool socks in a tortilla chip factory?

Tostitos.

asked my little bro for a couple of chips...

he brought me three, said 2 were a couple and the third was my side chip

Can you guess what the lime said to the tortilla chip?

Do you want a hint?

What brand of potato chip do Matadors prefer?

"Oh Lays"

Why do Australians have a well balanced walk?

They've a chip on both shoulders

A monastery is in financial trouble, so it goes into the fish-and-chips business to raise money.

One night a customer knocks on its door. A monk answers. The customer asks, Are you the fish friar?
No, he replies. I'm the chip monk.

What's Tom Brady's favorite type of chip?

Cheat-Ohs!

All this time I wondered why birds were out to get me.

Turns out I just had a chip on my shoulder. #blood

I overheard a guy complaining angrily about the NSA tracking him

Some people are so annoying when they have a chip on their shoulder.

A man is on his deathbed and he smells chocolate chip cookies baking.

He thinks, "If I could have just one cookie, I could die a happy man." So he gets out of bed, crawls down the hall, and with his last ounce of strength, reaches up to take a fresh cookie. But his wife smacks his hand with a spatula.
He says, "Why did you do that?"
"They're for the f**...."

Why did the chip chase the sauce?

To ketchup

Why did the dorito feel left out?

Cause he didn't chip in!

I found a dead g**... the golf course

It was a difficult shot, but I was able to chip it over her head and right up onto the green.

Weird Al and Vin Diesel should team up with a chip tune band

Then they could be Al, Vin & The Chip Monks

I once had an altercation with a dealer in Vegas.

He really had a chip on his shoulder.

A man's car breaks down outside a monastery.

The monks take him in and give him dinner--a fantastic dinner, of fish & chips. Best fish & chips he's ever had.
So he goes into the kitchen to compliment the chef. He says to one brother, "Excuse me, are you the fish friar?"
"No," he answers. "I'm the chip monk."

*at cash register*

ME: Do I swipe the whole card or...
*[seductively inserts chip]*
Just the tip?
CASHIER: *[into mic]* Security

What was the cheese dip's reply when Chip said Salsa was his best friend?

K, so?

I don't know why everyone's complaining about chip card readers.

I have bad credit.

Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight, which is a very useful information..

If you're moving and you need help carrying a potato chip across town.

Pringles must be unpopular in China...

...after all, it's the only chip brand that doesn't sell air.

Potato Chip are like car company

they are very good at making air bags.

Guy walks into a Mexican restaurant but he's not that hungry...

And they serve free tortilla chips. He asks for one chip and they give it to him. He swipes his credit card, and nothing happens. The employee looks at him and says, "Dude... it's a chip."

Since chipotle charges like a $1.30 for guacamole...

I wonder if In their bussiness meetings, if they refer to their guac profits as
Avacadough

My boss is still annoyed with me, just because, yesterday, there was a mishap involving a pringle and some superglue...

He's got a chip on his shoulder

Did you hear about the tortilla chip that plays baseball?

Last week he hit a guac off home run.

Why does chipotle stuff so many napkins in your bag?

they know you'll run out of toilet paper.

At snack time at a Catholic elementary school there was a tray of apples. A note beside them read "Take only ONE. God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,

"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a bag?

chip

God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

Ever since these new chipped debit cards came out.

I've never had so many women say "ok now put it in."

I know a guy who can install trackers on people/dogs

Oddly enough his name is chip!

What did the corn chip say to the light bulb?

Are you turned on? Because I'm Frito Lay

My father always complained about his firing from Lay's after being caught stealing produce.

He always did have a huge chip on his shoulder.

Why was the potato salty?

Because he had a chip on his shoulder

What's something that both an American and an Ethiopian can never have?

Just one potato chip.

I can't believe the way they used the Childrens Health Insurance Program during the budget debate...

It was like a bargaining CHIP.

It's time to sell your stocks in the wood chip industry!

The market is getting tu-mulch-uous.

Chipotle is the best place to do drugs

Because no one questions if you spend a lot time in the bathroom, and come out looking terrible.

A short man worked in a b**... plant for a chip company

His name was Frito Baggin.

It's crazy to think that people would break into houses by swiping their credit card.

Nowadays, you have to use the chip to break in.

What type of air isn't free?

Chip bags.

Sorry, but I want no part in this food fight.

I've still got a chip on my shoulder after the last one.

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

If Chippendales goes to a national park and rescues the park rangers..

Would the headline in the newspaper be Chippendales rescue rangers?

Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions...

Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest

What do you call Chewbacca after he's been rolled in chocolate bits?

A chocolate chip Wookiee

What did one ice cream say to the other ice cream?

You choc-a-lat of chip.

What is the worst possible chip a computer could have?

A Dorito.

Chip joke, What is the worst possible chip a computer could have?

jokes about chip