Chinese People Jokes
115 chinese people jokes and hilarious chinese people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chinese people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Chinese People Short Jokes
Short chinese people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chinese people humour may include short asian people jokes also.
- Why do chinese people love IPhones and Apple products? Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.
(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post) - My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer. Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
- Have you heard like 50% of Chinese people have cataracts? Yeah, I guess the other 50% drive "rincoln towncah".
- A Chinese kid asks his father, "Dad, why do they say, that all Chinese people look alike ?" He replies, "I'm not your dad."
- Christmas!!! Q: Why dont Chinese people believe in Santa Claus.
A: Cuz they make the gifts.... - I've often wondered why Chinese people prefer open-coffin funerals... But I guess seeing is bereaving.
- As a Chinese comedian many people ask about my opinion on our government... I can't complain.
- Why do Chinese people stir their tea clockwise while the Japanese stir it anticlockwise? To dissolve the sugar.
(Courtesy of my dad) - Why is death rate among 20-25 year-old Chinese people rapidly increasing? It's just youth in asia.
- How do Chinese people name their kids? They flip a quarter down the steps and it goes Ching, Chang, Chung.
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Chinese People One Liners
Which chinese people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chinese people? I can suggest the ones about chinese language and ancient chinese.
- Why do Chinese people love playing Among Us? It's the only place they can vote
- What do you call someone who blocks people on the internet? The Chinese Government
- One in every six people on this planet are Chinese. Of my five brothers, I suspect Danny.
- Chinese people are the eco-friendliest people in the world They only buy local products
- What kind of flu do Chinese people have? Kung flu
- What did the Chinese man say when you asked him how people walk? Knee how!
- What are Chinese people's favourite type of dog? Medium rare
- What's Chinese people's favourite dish? Hotdogs
- The Chinese are fair people Although slightly pale
- What do you call a business run by Chinese people? An organizasian
- Which Japanese monarch is recognized by Chinese but not by his own people? Nanking
- The chinese are people. While manganese is the language of manga
- Why do Chinese people mix the tea clockwise? to dissolve the sugar..
- Where did ancient Chinese people shop? The Great Walmart.
- What do Chinese people do when they want to pray? Turn on the Sony Praystation.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Chinese People Jokes
What funny jokes about chinese people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean china man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chinese people pranks.
My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals.
Tired of it after several months, I said, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.”
“Fair enough. From now on I’ll make my own,” he replied.
A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him after wards.
“We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like,” he suggested.
I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order.
My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, “Separate checks, please…”
We have so many nationalities.
It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there.
It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.
At school, a soldier spoke to Johnny'
s class.
Johnny felt enthusiastic about joining the military, so he went home and told his dad.
To his surprise, this was the biggest step forward in his life, so his dad decided to explain the military to him.
"Son, I'll teach you what you need to know about the military.
The Army and Navy are the only two REAL branches of our military.
The Marine Corps is a cult.
The Coast Guard is playing a game called 'Pretend Navy Since 1915'."
So Johnny asks his dad, "what about the Air Force?"
Johnny's dad explained to him, "well son, the Air Force is like a giant corporation.
Just a bunch of people sitting at desks playing Flight Simulator and bullshitting with each other."
By that time, Johnny was amazed and decided he wanted to join the military, but wanted to know what his daddy did.
"What did you do in the military, dad?"
"Well son, I spoke Chinese and shot at the Americans in Vietnam."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity.
She kept screaming "I'm Wei Tu Yung" like I was supposed to know the name.
Joke about how dangerous China is
An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"
The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Racist Lifeguard Jokes
Racist joke time
**How many black people can you fit in a pool?**
Depends, how deep is the pool?
**How many mexicans can you fit in a pool?**
Well I tried to count but the water got too murky.
**How many Russians can you fit in a pool?**
Zero, the pool froze over.
**How many Irishmen can you fit in a pool?**
The real question is how much liquor can you fit in a pool?
**How many North Koreans can you fit in a pool?**
It doesn't matter, they'll never get out.
**How many Israelis can you fit in a pool?**
We lost count. We gave them one pool, and they just took another and another and another...
**How many Sardines can you fit in a pool?**
A lot, you just pack them in like chinese people.
**How many Arabs can you fit in a pool?**
They have water down there?
**How many white people can you fit in a pool?**
Only 1, white people don't share too well.
**How many Germans can you fit in a pool?**
After the first few they just start complaining about each other.
**How many Brazilians can you fit in a pool?**
Wait, how many is a Brazilian again?
**How many Canadians can you fit in a pool?**
I'm sorry, I don't know.
**How many Australians can you fit in a pool?**
Just mind the crocs.
**How many Native Americans can you fit in a pool?**
Depends, do you include burial ground white man build pool over?
All my upvotes to the person who can think up a good cuban version.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pilot to co-pilot
The Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.
It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between
the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the
auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters,
'I don't like Chinese..'
'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!'
'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah!
That Japanese, not Chinese.'
'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'
There's a few minutes of silence.
'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.
'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.
'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain,
'It was an iceberg!'
Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ..no mattah...all f**... same.
How Long is a Chinese name
* That's the joke.
* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.
* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.
My Chinese friend's jokes about Socialism and Capitalism
* A Russian, an American, and a Chinese person are walking down a path. Suddenly, they come to a fork in the road. One path has the sign "Capitalism," and it's brightly lit and beautiful. The other is labeled "Socialism," and it's dark and frightening. The American chooses first, marching confidently down the brightly lit path. The Russian is next. Determined, he starts to go down the dark path, but then turns back halfway and runs toward the bright path. The Chinese person is last. After thinking a moment, he chooses the bright path - but first he changes the signs.
* Stalin, on his deathbed, is talking with his successor-to-be, Khrushchev. Stalin, with his dying breath, says "But what if the people won't go with you, comrade?" Khrushchev replies, "Don't worry! If they don't go with *me*, I'll make sure that they're going with *you*."
* An American and a Russian are waiting for their friend, a Chinese guy. The Chinese guy finally arrives twenty minutes late. "Sorry," he says, "I was standing in line to buy some sausage." The American says, "What's a line?" and the Russian says, "What's a sausage?"
There was a contest to see who can...
...stand in a room with a decaying goat carcass the longest. There were 4 contestants representing their respective countries: an American, an Englishman, a Russian and a Chinese man.
The contest was held in front of a capacity crowd of 500,000 people of different nationalities and all walks of life. The minimum time was 5 hours and the goat carcass has been in that room for 2 weeks, without any proper ventilation.
The American went in first and was able to stay for 1 hour and 12 minutes. The Englishman went in and stayed for a bit longer, 1 hour and 15 minutes. The Russian beat them both with 2 hours and 35 minutes. The Chinese man went in and retreated after 27 minutes. The judges were hoping for someone to at least last the 5 hours so they asked for random volunteers from the audience. And Indian man stood up and accepted the challenge.
The Indian man went in the room and after a few seconds, the goat went out of the room.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do Chinese people name their children?
Throw a p**... out the window and it goes "Ding d**... Chong"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say there's safety in numbers...
Tell that to 6 million Jews
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Imagine being n**... in a room full of people and everyone wants to eat you...
This is the life of a chinese dog.
What do chinese people call water?
WATAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
A New York Times reporter is interviewing some people
The first question asked is "What is your honest opinion about the shortage of meat in the world?"
The interview was a huge failure...
The African asks "What does meat mean?".
The American asks "What does shortage mean?".
The Chinese person asks "What does opinion mean?".
The Russian asks "What does honest mean?"
The North Korean just waits. The reporter asks again, and is told "The Interview is no good!"
Two pilots
A plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese."
"No rike Chinese?" asks the copilot, "why not?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!"
"No, no", the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah" That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you're all alike."
There's a few minutes of silence....
"I no rike Jews." the copilot suddenly announces.
"Oh yeah, why not?" Asks the captain.
"Jews sink Titanic." says the co-pilot.
"What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain "It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , Gilberg, nomattah...all same."
Why can't Chinese people eat Swans?
They don't have a Pitchfork.
(This is a music reference joke)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Chinese people s**... at soccer?
Because every time they get a corner they open up a restaurant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do 2 Chinese people call their black child
Sum ting wong
The Chinese Phonebook
China decided to make their own version of the Yellow Pages, but with all the Wings and Wongs, and Chans it was a mess. Finally they had decided to cancel the project people would Wing the Wong numbers.
A Chinese General dies in battle...
And ascends to the afterlife. There The General meets the Gatekeeper of Heaven, who needs to test him to prove that he's worthy of passing on.
The Gatekeeper, without looking up from his ledger, says "I'm gonna need to know who you were and what you did in life."
The General was taken aback. "Why, I was revered across the land as a great warrior and leader of the people! I was known as the Saint of War, and some even referred to me as a god!"
The Gatekeeper looks up and studies the General for a bit, before finally saying. "Oh yeah, you were the one we were expecting. Guan, Yu."
A Chinese man from Shanghai visited New York
Upon his arrival his friends asked him how he liked New York City, to which the man responded:
I liked it very much it is very quiet, clean and not too many people.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Korean and a Jew
Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?
Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.
Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?
Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?
Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.
Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?
Apparently 1 in 7 people in the world are Chinese.
That means it's either me, my mum, dad, brother Steve, brother Craig, sister hanna, or brother huangxi.
I suspect Craig.
Hu Inxiang Maotsi, a Chinese immigrant to the US, had to shorten his name so that people would be able to pronounce it properly. He chose to initialize his name. So now, if you ask him who he is, he'll say "I am Hu IM."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why can't some people help being born Chinese?
Because there's nothing wong with it.
Where do Chinese people live?
Chinatown
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What do chinese people do when they have an e**...?
they vote
Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?
[THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER].
What do Chinese people call Chinese food?
Food.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What language do fat people speak in?
CHINese
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A Jewish guy walks into a bar. The Chinese bartender asks him his name...
"I'm Max Goldberg", he says, "what's yours?"
"I'm Wei Zhang, it's nice to meet you."
Mr. Goldberg says, "I'll never forgive you people for b**... Pearl Harbor."
"I'm Chinese. That was the Japanese."
"Chinese, Japanese, all the same to me."
Mr. Zhang says, "I'll never forgive you people for sinking the Titanic."
"I'm Jewish, that was an iceberg."
"Goldberg, iceberg, all the same to me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Chinese people call their m**... edibles?
p**... stickers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes?
I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.
TIL that the current chinese president Xi Jinping, has a PhD in English literature.
That's why the Chinese people call him "The Great Reader".
How do Chinese people say "hello" in Spanish?
Hola.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Chinese people love NY?
Because they heard we sell hotdogs for $0.75 each.
How does Chinese people get to be space travelers?
They apply for the job, and after the tests, the fittest applicants get taikonaut to be on the team
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What do Chinese people call n**... from space?
Aryans!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why are Chinese people the best at ping pong?
c**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Some older generations are opposed to Chinese people immigrating to our country.
It's racist but some people will never chang.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why are Chinese people so racist?
Because they say n**... n**... n**... a lot.
How much food do Chinese people eat?
A lot and dim sum.
Chinese people want to criticize Ronda so bad after that fight.....but they cant.
They just end up saying her name, Ronda Rousey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor.
^This ^joke ^originated ^during ^the ^1969 ^Sino-Soviet ^border ^conflict.
**Radio broadcaster:** *"Comrades! Yesterday, a platoon of the Chinese People's Liberation Army attacked an agricultural tractor without provocation."*
*"Fortunately, our tractor returned fire. It then managed to fly back to base for repairs."*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Trump's statement regarding China
Trump: "In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors all across the country will be plastered with red notices and the empty streets will reek of lingering gunpowder. The people, with nothing to do will turn to day-long drinking and gambling. Children will roam the streets begging for money. So sad."
China foreign ministry: "That's Chinese New Year, d**...."
Chinese people probably know me well
Whenever I wave to them they say "heero!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along.
I mean, they're all Chinese.
What do Chinese people and rubber duckies have in common?
Both are yellow and mass produced.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Chinese people are so smart with their floss.
They use it for their teeth and as a blindfold.
I want to date a Chinese girl, an English girl, a Vietnamese girl, an Irish girl, and another Chinese girl.
So I can tell people I dated Hu, Watt, Nguyen, Weir, and Wai.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Remember that scene from A Christmas Story where the people at the Chinese restaurant were singing "Fa ra ra ra raaa..."?
They were really filled with that no-L spirit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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You know what they say about people with long chopsticks, right?
They're probably Chinese.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Despite their constant bragging, Chinese people really s**... at cooking.
They can talk the talk, but they can't wok the wok.
Why do people of mixed Chinese-French ancestry say when they laugh?
~~*hon hon hon*~~
*hong hong hong*
A couple recently stopped having children after their 6th child was born.
People asked them why they stopped having kids, and they responded saying "Because they said that 1 out of 7 kids are Chinese"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I hate people with Chinese Phone.
But Huawei to judge them?
Once Apon a time, the Chief samurai of the land was sick, and needed to chose his successor
Only three people singled up. A Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish samurai.
The Japanese Samurai went first. He opened a box with a fly in it. With one swipe of his blade, the fly fell done, cut in two.
The Chinese Samurai went next. He opened another box with a fly in it. With two swipes of his blade, the fly fell down, cut in four.
Lastly, the Jewish samurai went. He opened the last box with a fly in it. He swiped once, but the fly still flew.
What was that? The fly is still alive
Of course! The purpose of circumcision is not to kill...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chinese calligraphy artist passed out after finishing the first brush...
People said that he had one n**... s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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How to Chinese people know it's midnight
Their clocks go mao ze d**... mao ze d**... mao ze d**...
I have a Chinese friend named Cheng.
At an official function, we were having snacks.
I asked him, "Cheng, do you ever get fed up of people saying that all Chinese look the same?"
He replied, "Cheng has gone to the washroom. I am his wife!
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
