Chinese Jokes
172 chinese jokes and hilarious chinese puns to laugh out loud. Read ethnic jokes about chinese that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best chinese food jokes, chinese new year jokes, chinese dentist jokes.
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Funniest Chinese Short Jokes
Short chinese jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chinese humour may include short china jokes also.
- Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50 Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.
Riceless. - I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.
- UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout
- Did you know the magnifying glass was invented by a Chinese guy? Yeah, his name was Tzu Minh
- Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products? Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.
(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post) - A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and italian grandmother... They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
Sorry - Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.
- I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician. I think it's maoware.
- Chinese New Year, Mardi Gras and valentines day are too close... I don’t know what to paint on my nails.
- I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery... He thanked me.
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Chinese One Liners
Which chinese one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chinese? I can suggest the ones about culture and language.
- I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
- How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.
- When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend But it was just my imaginasian.
- My Chinese son was born before his due date We called him Sudden Lee
- What has TWO wings, and ONE arrow? A Chinese telephone.
Wing wing. Arrow? - I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.
- I got an iPad from my chinese friend... I love homemade gifts!
- What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera? Phil Ming
- What do you call a rich Chinese person ? cha ching
- Why are Chinese kids so good at math? Because their dog doesn't eat their homework
- I asked a Chinese friend how it was going over there. He said: I can't complain.
- There is only one thing I don't like about ordering duck in a Chinese restaurant The bill
- What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player? Lo Ping
- Why do Chinese people love playing Among Us? It's the only place they can vote
- Rob zombie is opening an authentic Chinese restaurant It's called 'More Hunan Than Hunan'
Chinese Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese name jokes and even better chinese name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have a Chinese friend with really bad internet His name is Hai Ping
- How long is a Chinese name How long is a Chinese name
- For some reason the Pope didn't... sponsor my program for terminally ill Chinese children. He said he didn't like the name - What's wrong with "Youth in Asia"???
- Many Chinese restaurants have names like, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus, Golden Dragon... But mine is named after my favourite dish, Golden Retriever.
- How Long is a Chinese name ......either you read that correct or you need to read it again to understand!
- What did they name the Chinese remake of "Cloudy with a Chance of meatballs"? It's Raining Cats and Dogs
- A Chinese man wakes up on the beach with no memory. He says he thinks his name is Fred. But I think he might be Wong.
- A chinese baby was born before due date His parents named him Earl Lee
- How long is a Chinese name it is, believe you me.
- I want to create a Disney channel sitcom about an irreverent Chinese kid... and name it "That's so Wong!"
Chinese Restaurant Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese restaurant jokes and even better chinese restaurant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Mexican goes to a Chinese restaurant... He sits down at his table, and notices a small bottle of black liquid on his table. He picks it up and looks at the label and says, "yes, you are."
- My local Chinese restaurant has been hit with a £10k electricity bill. They said they can't turn off all the lights but they do dim sum.
- What do Chinese restaurants do when their lights are too bright? Dim sum
- Who is the laziest person in a Chinese restaurant? Susan
- A man has dinner at a chinese restaurant The man says to the chef:
"Gee, this steak is rubbery!" And the chef replies "thank you very much!" - Chinese Food: $16.72 Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94 Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless
- I was at a Chinese restaurant... when I realized that a duckling is a small duck. So I decided to cancel my order of steamed dumplings.
- Last night my friend trashed a Chinese restaurant... Told him I was horrified by his wonton destruction
- I want to open a restaurant that fuses Chinese and Middle Eastern cuisine I call it "Wok like an Egyptian".
- I called a Chinese restaurant, the man replied " Hello, I am Wan King the chef."
I replied "It's OK, I'll call you later."
Chinese People Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese people jokes and even better chinese people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer. Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
- Have you heard like 50% of Chinese people have cataracts? Yeah, I guess the other 50% drive "rincoln towncah".
- A Chinese kid asks his father, "Dad, why do they say, that all Chinese people look alike ?" He replies, "I'm not your dad."
- Christmas!!! Q: Why dont Chinese people believe in Santa Claus.
A: Cuz they make the gifts.... - What do you call someone who blocks people on the internet? The Chinese Government
- I've often wondered why Chinese people prefer open-coffin funerals... But I guess seeing is bereaving.
- One in every six people on this planet are Chinese. Of my five brothers, I suspect Danny.
- As a Chinese comedian many people ask about my opinion on our government... I can't complain.
- Chinese people are the eco-friendliest people in the world They only buy local products
- Why do Chinese people stir their tea clockwise while the Japanese stir it anticlockwise? To dissolve the sugar.
(Courtesy of my dad)
Chinese Food Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese food jokes and even better chinese food puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There is one thing that United got right: their food is just great. I hear they even serve a Chinese take-out now.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
- How much do you weigh after eating Chinese food? Wonton
- Chinese Food is amazing but I do find it hard to believe that a chicken fried this rice
- Did you hear about the food fight at the Chinese buffet? It was wanton violence.
- Why does Fozzie Bear make lots of Chinese food ? He loves to use his wokka wokka!
- I just had dinner at a Chinese-German fusion restaurant a couple of hours ago The food was great but now I'm hungry for power.
- I hear the Star Wars universe is so advanced, you can get Chinese food directly over the internet... They use an e-wok.
- What is the world record for the most Chinese food eaten in one sitting? Roughly wonton.
- I just couldn't decide which asian takeout food I like the best, Japanese or Chinese. I ended up calling it a Thai.
Chinese New Year Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese new year jokes and even better chinese new year puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What day of the year are there no hackers on PUBG? Chinese New Year.
- New Years celebrations are pretty wild But Chinese New Year is its own animal
- A woman calls her friend from a maternity hospital. Do you remeber that guy from the New Year's Eve party nine months ago that was dressed as a Chinese?
Yes, why?
He was definitely Chinese... - A couple of friends are holding a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns Night called Chinese-Burns Night I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm...
- China's time zone is 28 days behind ours. "Chinese New Year"
- We're two days into the Chinese New Year, the year of the rooster and I'm still writing year of the monkey on my checks
- Why do Chinese throw away their rings on lunar new year? Cuz they love dumpling.
- Are you celebrating Chinese New Year, gurrrl? Cuz I'd like to go home from the baa and ram ewe.
- What does a Lamb say after the Chinese New Year celebration? Baaaah bye!
- So my friend says: No one celebrates New Year's Eve "We aren't Chinese." He says.
True story.
Howlingly Hilarious Chinese Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about chinese you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean travel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chinese pranks.
What did one Chinese man say to the other Chinese man?
(Censored)
Four kids walk into an interview...
Four kids walk into an interview. One is American, one is British, one is African, and one is Chinese. The interviewer asks them all the same question: "In your own opinion, what do you think of the scarcity of food in other countries?" The British kid asks "What is scarcity?" The American kid asks "What are other countries?" The African kid asks "What is food?" And the Chinese kid asks "What is my own opinion?"
How Long is a Chinese name
* That's the joke.
* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.
* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.
The Chinese government is trying to help working women by providing breast milk couriers...
The couriers take the breast milk from the factory where the mother works to the factory where the baby works.
Chinese magican
Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
The U.N. initiates a poll...
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say there's safety in numbers...
Tell that to 6 million Jews
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Korean and a Jew
Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?
Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.
Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?
Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?
Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.
Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chinese Sick Day
h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate it when..
I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark,
My white friend in snow,
My Chinese friend in sand,
And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do chinese people do when they have an e**...?
they vote
What is a chinese homosexual videogamer called?
Gay Ming
How do you tell apart a Chinese from a Japanese?
With a Geiger Counter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy
And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been w**...'
How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?
It weighs
*Won-ton*
I married a chinese millionaire
Ka Ching
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles.
You know...h**....
A Chinese guy walks into a bar...
A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :
• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?
• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?
• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.
A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong?
The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.
I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil r**....
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't date Chinese girls...
That's a big red flag for me...
A 14 year old Chinese boy walks into a bar
He goes up to the the bar and signals the bartender
"I'll have a pint please"
The bartender looks him up and down and laughs
"You're way too young!"
"How you know my name!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not everything Donald Trump says is s**....
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along.
I mean, they're all Chinese.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chinese man calls in sick
h**... Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what h**..., I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for s**.... That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
My grandma is kind of like the Chinese government.
Visitors only see the nice china.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I can tell my new s**... toy was made in China.
She speaks Chinese.
If your girl can cook Chinese marry her because
Schezwan of a kind.
Have you heard about the patient Chinese man?
Wae Ting
If adam and eve were Chinese
Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just opened up a Facebook page for Chinese n**...
It has three Reichs so far
One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant...
Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.
Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Translated Chinese joke
Good news: Today is the little Johnny's first time flying!
Bad news: The engine caught fire as soon as he took off
Good news: He took a parachute with him so he could bail out
Bad news: The parachute failed midair
Good news: He saw a huge stack of hay right beneath him
Bad news: The top of the haystack is smeared with s**...t
Good news: He didn't land on the s**...t
Bad news: He didn't land on the haystack either
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey girl, are you a Chinese immigrant from the 1800s?
Because I want to make you mine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago
...and they still don't have any i**... Mexicans.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a fat Chinese p**...?
Chun Kee h**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject
But I must say, it's pretty c**... of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A confused chinese student asks his master: "Master s**..., why do all chinese look the same?"
Then the Master replyed: "I am not master s**...."
Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit?
Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.
Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men.
One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.
In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me...
"Because they make the toys."
A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That's not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That's not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!
A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar. Suddenly, the Jewish man punches the Chinese man in the face.
"Ow! Why did you do that?" asks he Chinese man.
"That's for Pearl Harbor," says the Jewish man.
"But the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. I'm Chinese!" says the Chinese man.
"Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" asks the Jewish man.
So the Chinese man punches the Jewish man.
"Ow! What's that for?" asks the Jewish man.
"It's for the Titanic," says the Chinese man.
"What? That was an iceberg that brought down the Titanic!" says the Jewish man.
"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
Nearly 200 million Chinese kids are back to school after COVID-19 crisis
Unemployment strikes again
According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat
So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.
So I did some research...
and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...
Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa?
Cause they're the ones who make the toys
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Quarantine has me really stressed and bored so I've been trying that Chinese thing with the needles
You know, h**...
A couple just had their first son , the husband is half Irish and half Indian , the wife half chinese and half Italian both wishes to have their son name after their heritage ..
After much argument they decided on the name.
Ravi O'Lee
A Chinese man and a Jewish man are sitting next to each other on a plane.
Suddenly, the Jewish man slaps the Chinese man across the face.
"What was that for?" asks the Chinese man..
"For Pearl Harbor" says the Jewish man.
"That was Japanese. I'm Chinese," the Chinese man says.
"Chinese, Japanese" what's the difference?
Few minutes later, the Chinese man slaps the Jewish man.
"What was that for?" asks the Jew.
"It's for the Titanic."
"The Titanic? That was an iceberg..."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?" says the Chinese man.
