Chinese Jokes

Following is our collection of ping humor and yung one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Chinese puns for adults, dirty china jokes or clean rike gags for kids.

There is an abundance of chinese pizza jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 76 funniest jokes on chinese. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any chinese wedding night witze you can hear about chinese.

The Best jokes about Chinese

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50

Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.

Chinese takeout $20.00.. Gas to pick it up $10.00..

Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers..

Riceless

I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese

made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid.

The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!


What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals

chinese takeout

I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles.

You know...heroin.

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...

They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!

They named him Ravi O. Lee

Sorry

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?

**A European student:** What's scarcity?

**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?

**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless


How Long is a Chinese name.

It's not a question.

An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy

And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking'

When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend

But it was just my imaginasian.

Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work.

The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject

But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian?

Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented


For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

My Chinese son was born before his due date

We called him Sudden Lee

Chinese Sick Day

Ho Chow calls in to work and say,

"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"

The boss says, "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,

"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

What has TWO wings, and ONE arrow?

A Chinese telephone.



Wing wing. Arrow?

Who says building a border wall won't work?

The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.

A Chinese guy walks into a bar...

A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :


• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?


• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?


• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.

It was Won Ton.

Why can't Chinese people have white babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white

Chinese man calls in sick

Ho Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."

The boss says, "You know what Ho, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

I got an iPad from my chinese friend...

I love homemade gifts!

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Chinese kid was born before the due date

Parents named him Sudden Lee.

I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!"

They must be scared of the dark or something.

What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?

Phil Ming

My Chinese friend died the other day...

So Yung.

What do you call a rich Chinese person ?

cha ching

Why are Chinese kids so good at math?

Because their dog doesn't eat their homework

I threw a Chinese man down the stairs...

It was Wong on so many levels.

A confused chinese student asks his master: "Master Shi, why do all chinese look the same?"

Then the Master replyed: "I am not master Shi."

I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician.

I think it's maoware.

A Chinese guy buys a well from a Jewish guy

The next day the Chinese walks up to the well; when the Jew runs up to him and shouts, "STOP! I sold you the well; not the water!"

The Chinese guy smirks and says "That's exactly why I'm here. How could you store your water in my well and not pay rent?!"

What do chinese people do when they have an erection?

they vote

I just opened up a Facebook page for Chinese Nazis

It has three Reichs so far

Chinese takeout: $10.25. Gas to get there and back: $3.25.

Realizing that you got all the way home without one of the containers: riceless

I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery...

He thanked me.

What do you call Jehova's Witnesses in Chinese

Ding Dong

One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant...

Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.

Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"

What has 2 wings and 1 Arrow ?

A Chinese telephone

Wing

Wing

Arrow?




(posted this last year got some good feedback)

A 14 year old Chinese boy walks into a bar

He goes up to the the bar and signals the bartender
"I'll have a pint please"

The bartender looks him up and down and laughs
"You're way too young!"

"How you know my name!"

What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player?

Lo Ping

A Mexican goes to a Chinese restaurant...

He sits down at his table, and notices a small bottle of black liquid on his table. He picks it up and looks at the label and says, "yes, you are."

I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along.

I mean, they're all Chinese.

There is one thing that United got right: their food is just great.

I hear they even serve a Chinese take-out now.

What do you call a fat Chinese prostitute?

Chun Kee Ho

I got an iPad for my birthday from my Chinese friend.

Nothing beats a homemade present!

If adam and eve were Chinese

Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.

Hey girl, are you a Chinese immigrant from the 1800s?

Because I want to make you mine.

A Korean and a Jew

Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?

Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.

Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?

Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?

Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.

Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?

The U.N. initiates a poll...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."

The poll was a total failure.

The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.

I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting".

A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.

She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.

"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"

The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."

The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"

Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men.

One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.

Have you heard like 50% of Chinese people have cataracts?

Yeah, I guess the other 50% drive "rincoln towncah".

A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong?

The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians.

I married a chinese millionaire

Ka Ching

Chinese magican

Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

Have you heard about the patient Chinese man?

Wae Ting

A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation

Before long they're arguing.

Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."

Chinese man: "Why?"

Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"

Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Jewish man: "Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"

Chinese man: "Well, you know what? I hate you."

Jewish man: "Why?"

Chinese man: "The Titanic!"

Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Titanic!"

Chinese man: "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

I set up a Facebook page for Chinese nazis

It has 3 reichs

A Chinese couple gave birth to an albino baby

...which just goes to show that two Wongs do make a white.

After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside!

It was unfortunate.

Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit?

Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.

9 out of 10 Chinese Doctor Have Cataracts...

the 10th drives a Rincoln

How Long is a Chinese name

* That's the joke.

* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.

* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.

How much do you weigh after eating Chinese food?

Wonton

All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago

...and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans.

So I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis...

So far it's gotten three Reichs on Facebook

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes