Chinese Jokes
172 chinese jokes and hilarious chinese puns to laugh out loud. Read ethnic jokes about chinese that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best chinese food jokes, chinese new year jokes, chinese dentist jokes.
Quick Jump To
- Short Chinese Jokes
- Chinese One Liners
- Chinese Name Jokes
- Chinese Restaurant Jokes
- Chinese People Jokes
- Chinese Food Jokes
- Chinese New Year Jokes
- More Chinese Jokes
Funniest Chinese Short Jokes
Short chinese jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chinese humour may include short china jokes also.
- Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50 Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.
Riceless. - I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.
- Chinese takeout $20.00.. Gas to pick it up $10.00.. Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers..
Riceless - What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.
- UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout
- Did you know the magnifying glass was invented by a Chinese guy? Yeah, his name was Tzu Minh
- Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products? Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.
(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post) - A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and italian grandmother... They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
Sorry - Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers: Riceless
- President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
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Chinese One Liners
Which chinese one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chinese? I can suggest the ones about culture and language.
- I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
- How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.
- When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend But it was just my imaginasian.
- My Chinese son was born before his due date We called him Sudden Lee
- What has TWO wings, and ONE arrow? A Chinese telephone.
Wing wing. Arrow? - I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.
- Why can't Chinese people have white babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white
- I got an iPad from my chinese friend... I love homemade gifts!
- Chinese kid was born before the due date Parents named him Sudden Lee.
- What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera? Phil Ming
- What do you call a rich Chinese person ? cha ching
- My Chinese friend died the other day... So Yung.
- Why are Chinese kids so good at math? Because their dog doesn't eat their homework
- I threw a Chinese man down the stairs... It was wong on so many levels.
- I asked a Chinese friend how it was going over there. He said: I can't complain.
Chinese Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese name jokes and even better chinese name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player? Lo Ping
- I have a Chinese friend with really bad internet His name is Hai Ping
- A half indian-half Irish man married a half chinese-half Italian woman After much deliberation,they named their son
Ravi O'Lee - How long is a Chinese name How long is a Chinese name
- For some reason the Pope didn't... sponsor my program for terminally ill Chinese children. He said he didn't like the name - What's wrong with "Youth in Asia"???
- Many Chinese restaurants have names like, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus, Golden Dragon... But mine is named after my favourite dish, Golden Retriever.
- How Long is a Chinese name ......either you read that correct or you need to read it again to understand!
- A Chinese baby was born way too early.. So, his parents named him Sudden Lee.
- What did they name the Chinese remake of "Cloudy with a Chance of meatballs"? It's Raining Cats and Dogs
- A Chinese man wakes up on the beach with no memory. He says he thinks his name is Fred. But I think he might be Wong.
Chinese Restaurant Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese restaurant jokes and even better chinese restaurant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There is only one thing I don't like about ordering duck in a Chinese restaurant The bill
- A Mexican goes to a Chinese restaurant... He sits down at his table, and notices a small bottle of black liquid on his table. He picks it up and looks at the label and says, "yes, you are."
- Rob zombie is opening an authentic Chinese restaurant It's called 'More Hunan Than Hunan'
- My local Chinese restaurant has been hit with a £10k electricity bill. They said they can't turn off all the lights but they do dim sum.
- What do Chinese restaurants do when their lights are too bright? Dim sum
- Who is the laziest person in a Chinese restaurant? Susan
- A man has dinner at a chinese restaurant The man says to the chef:
"Gee, this steak is rubbery!" And the chef replies "thank you very much!" - Chinese Food: $16.72 Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94 Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless
- I was at a Chinese restaurant... when I realized that a duckling is a small duck. So I decided to cancel my order of steamed dumplings.
- Last night my friend trashed a Chinese restaurant... Told him I was horrified by his wonton destruction
Chinese People Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese people jokes and even better chinese people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!" They must be scared of the dark or something.
- They say there's safety in numbers... Tell that to 6 million Jews
- My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer. Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
- I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along. I mean, they're all Chinese.
- Have you heard like 50% of Chinese people have cataracts? Yeah, I guess the other 50% drive "rincoln towncah".
- Why do Chinese people love playing Among Us? It's the only place they can vote
- Why do chinese people love playing Among Us ? Because thats the only place they can vote
- I don't know why people say building a wall doesn't work The chinese did it 2000 years ago and they still don't have any mexicans.
- A Chinese kid asks his father, "Dad, why do they say, that all Chinese people look alike ?" He replies, "I'm not your dad."
- How do you offend an African-American and Chinese person? Make a joke about brack people.
Chinese Food Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese food jokes and even better chinese food puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There is one thing that United got right: their food is just great. I hear they even serve a Chinese take-out now.
- After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside! It was unfortunate.
- How much do you weigh after eating Chinese food? Wonton
- Chinese Food is amazing but I do find it hard to believe that a chicken fried this rice
- I told a Chinese guy that they always smell like Chinese food. He said "aw that's lo, mein."
- Chinese takeout Chinese food to go $15. Gas to go pick it up $1.50. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of my containers.... Riceless.
- My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong person. Oh wait, that wasn't my waiter
- Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant Ten minutes into the meal, Luke's still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, *Use the forks, Luke.*
- Did you hear about the food fight at the Chinese buffet? It was wanton violence.
- Why does Fozzie Bear make lots of Chinese food ? He loves to use his wokka wokka!
Chinese New Year Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese new year jokes and even better chinese new year puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chinese New Year, Mardi Gras and Valentines Day are too close... I don’t know what to paint on my nails.
- What day of the year are there no hackers on PUBG? Chinese New Year.
- New Years celebrations are pretty wild But Chinese New Year is its own animal
- I don't like these Chinese New Year celebrstions They tend to Drag-on.
- A woman calls her friend from a maternity hospital. Do you remeber that guy from the New Year's Eve party nine months ago that was dressed as a Chinese?
Yes, why?
He was definitely Chinese... - A couple of friends are holding a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns Night called Chinese-Burns Night I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm...
- China's time zone is 28 days behind ours. "Chinese New Year"
- We're two days into the Chinese New Year, the year of the rooster and I'm still writing year of the monkey on my checks
- Why do Chinese throw away their rings on lunar new year? Cuz they love dumpling.
- Are you celebrating Chinese New Year, gurrrl? Cuz I'd like to go home from the baa and ram ewe.
Howlingly Hilarious Chinese Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about chinese you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean travel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chinese pranks.
An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
**An African student:** What's food?
**A European student:** What's scarcity?
**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?
**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?
A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.
She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.
"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"
The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."
The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"
How Long is a Chinese name
* That's the joke.
* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.
* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.
Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?
A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.
Chinese magican
Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery...
He thanked me.
The U.N. initiates a poll...
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
Chinese takeout: $10.25. Gas to get there and back: $3.25.
Realizing that you got all the way home without one of the containers: riceless
For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'
This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."
A Korean and a Jew
Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?
Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.
Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?
Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?
Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.
Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?
Chinese Sick Day
h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"
What do chinese people do when they have an e**...?
they vote
An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy
And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been w**...'
I married a chinese millionaire
Ka Ching
I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles.
You know...h**....
Who says building a border wall won't work?
The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.
A Chinese guy walks into a bar...
A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :
• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?
• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?
• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.
A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong?
The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians.
I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.
I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil r**....
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work.
The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.
How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian?
Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented
What do you call Jehova's Witnesses in Chinese
Ding d**...
9 out of 10 Chinese Doctor Have Cataracts...
the 10th drives a Rincoln
A 14 year old Chinese boy walks into a bar
He goes up to the the bar and signals the bartender
"I'll have a pint please"
The bartender looks him up and down and laughs
"You're way too young!"
"How you know my name!"
Not everything Donald Trump says is s**....
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
Chinese man calls in sick
h**... Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what h**..., I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for s**.... That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
I got an iPad for my birthday from my Chinese friend.
Nothing beats a homemade present!
A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...
The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".
A Chinese guy buys a well from a Jewish guy
The next day the Chinese walks up to the well; when the Jew runs up to him and shouts, "STOP! I sold you the well; not the water!"
The Chinese guy smirks and says "That's exactly why I'm here. How could you store your water in my well and not pay rent?!"
Have you heard about the patient Chinese man?
Wae Ting
I set up a Facebook page for Chinese n**...
It has 3 reichs
If adam and eve were Chinese
Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.
s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."
I just opened up a Facebook page for Chinese n**...
It has three Reichs so far
What has 2 wings and 1 Arrow ?
A Chinese telephone
Wing
Wing
Arrow?
(posted this last year got some good feedback)
One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant...
Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.
Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"
Hey girl, are you a Chinese immigrant from the 1800s?
Because I want to make you mine.
A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation
Before long they're arguing.
Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."
Chinese man: "Why?"
Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"
Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
Jewish man: "Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"
Chinese man: "Well, you know what? I hate you."
Jewish man: "Why?"
Chinese man: "The Titanic!"
Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Titanic!"
Chinese man: "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago
...and they still don't have any i**... Mexicans.
What do you call a fat Chinese p**...?
Chun Kee h**...
I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject
But I must say, it's pretty c**... of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.
A Chinese couple gave birth to an albino baby
...which just goes to show that two Wongs do make a white.
A confused chinese student asks his master: "Master s**..., why do all chinese look the same?"
Then the Master replyed: "I am not master s**...."
Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit?
Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.
Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men.
One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.
I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician.
I think it's maoware.
A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar. Suddenly, the Jewish man punches the Chinese man in the face.
"Ow! Why did you do that?" asks he Chinese man.
"That's for Pearl Harbor," says the Jewish man.
"But the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. I'm Chinese!" says the Chinese man.
"Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" asks the Jewish man.
So the Chinese man punches the Jewish man.
"Ow! What's that for?" asks the Jewish man.
"It's for the Titanic," says the Chinese man.
"What? That was an iceberg that brought down the Titanic!" says the Jewish man.
"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
Nearly 200 million Chinese kids are back to school after COVID-19 crisis
Unemployment strikes again
According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat
So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.
