Chinese English Jokes
24 chinese english jokes and hilarious chinese english puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chinese english that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Chinese English Short Jokes
Short chinese english jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chinese english humour may include short chinese language jokes also.
- A Chinese man, who was less than proficient in the English language files for divorce. The judge asks what is the reason? He replies " me no come, she no come, but baby come, how come?".
- I want to date a Chinese girl, an English girl, a Vietnamese girl, an Irish girl, and another Chinese girl. So I can tell people I dated Hu, Watt, Nguyen, Weir, and Wai.
- TIL that the current chinese president Xi Jinping, has a PhD in English literature. That's why the Chinese people call him "The Great Reader".
- What is the difference between a Russian optimist, pessimist and realist?
The optimist studies English.
The pessimist studies Chinese.
The realist stays home and cleans his kalashnikov.
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Chinese English One Liners
Which chinese english one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chinese english? I can suggest the ones about chinese word and chinese name.
- Why did the English lose to the Chinese.
Hilarious Chinese English Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about chinese english you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chinese asian jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chinese english pranks.
I am sorry five.
A Chinese man is walking down the street after just arriving in the U.S. for the first time. He possesses a limited understanding of English. While caught up in the splendor of the city he accidentally bumps into another person.
The Chinese man quickly responds "I'm Sorry!"
The American man says, "I am sorry too."
The Chinese man says "I am sorry three."
The American says "What are you sorry for?"
The Chinese man replies "I am sorry five."
A Dutch, English and Chinese man wash up on an island
A Dutch, English and Chinese man survive a boat accident and wash up on an island. They need food, water and supplies to survive the night.
The Dutch guys says that he will gather the food, the English man will get water and the Chinese man is send for supplies.
When the Dutch and the English man come back with food and water the Chinese man is nowhere to be found. They wait a bit till they can't wait longer and start preparing the food.
The Dutch and English guy start eating and out of nowhere the Chinese guy jumps out the bushes and shouts: " SUPPLIES ".
In the 18th century, a hopeful Asian laborer landed in America and went straight to the employment office.
He didn't speak a word of English, and the men at the employment office couldn't figure out where he was from. They took a vote to see if he was Chinese or Japanese.
It was a Thai.
An English kid, a Spanish kid and a Chinese kid are in nursery school together...
The teacher asks: What does the doggy say?
The English kid replies: Woof Woof!
The Spanish kid replies: Guau Guau!
The Chinese kid replies: Sizzle Sizzle!
What is globalization?
Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!
A Chinese joke translated to English
A lion is getting married in jungle. There is a big bash and all animals are dancing to the tune of loud music being played.
In a corner, a rat is dancing too.
Rat is asked, "Hey! Why are you dancing?
Rat replied, "It's my brother's marriage, so only."
"When did the lion become you brother?"
The Rat: "Before marriage I was a lion too."
A Muslim man went to China...
And went to a nearby Chinese restaurant. He orders his food and, being the faithful Muslim man he is, he wants to make sure that his food isn't pork.
He asks the waiter "Is this pork?" but the waiter doesn't know any English.
So instead he points at his food and says "Oink?"
The waiter quickly shakes his head and says "Meow"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pakistani proverb.
Optimistic students take English. Pessimistic students take Chinese. Realists take Kalashnikov assault rifle.
A Chinese businessman is entertaining his guest from England
Each time the Chinese lifts the glass, the says to his English associate: Kan Pei! 干杯 (Cheers)
The Englishman is stunned, but he continues eating.
It keeps recurring, each time the Chinese wants to drink, he exclaims: Kan Pei!
Finally, the English puts down his cutlery and says aloud to his Chinese associate: It's alright if you CAN'T PAY! I will! Now, shut up and eat!!
A Chinese guy, Japanese guy, and Vietnamese guy are in an English class...
Teacher: I want you to create a sentence using the words chicken, nut, and bread.
Chinese guy: I would like to buy chicken, nut, bread.
Japanese guy: I want to eat the chicken, nut, and bread.
Vietnamese guy: I threw my sister in the pool and chicken nut bread.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First post please be nice
And English man a Chinese man and an Australian man were in a hot air balloon and it started to got down, the English man said quick we need to get rid of stuff we don't need so he throws out a tea p**... and a mug, and says "we have to many of these in our country" the Chinese man throws out some chop sticks and noodles and says "we have to many of these in our country" then the Australian man picks up the Chinese man throws him out and promptly says "we have to many of these in our country"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The final word on nutrition and health.
The final word on nutrition and health.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
An English man, American, Chinese man, and a Jewish man are on a plane...
Out of nowhere the American punches the Chinese man. the British man asks, "what was that for?"
"Pearl Harbour!" exclaims the American. "That was the Japanese?" says the British man.
"Chinese, Japanese, They're all the same!"
Suddenly the British man punches the Jewish man. The American asks, "what was that for?"
"Titanic!" exclaims the British man. "That was an Iceberg?" says the American.
"Icebergs, Goldbergs, They're all the same!"
A Chinese man boarded a flight to Chicago and promptly sat down on the first seat he encountered.
He was soon told that seat was reserved for flight attendants. With his limited English he did not fully understand what he was told but hand signals soon got him to move a little further back.
Soon there was another person persuading him to move out of first class. Again he moved further back.
There was yet another discussion and he took no further chances and went to the very last seat in the tourist section.
Some time later a flight attendant asked him if he was 'For Coffee!'
Furious he replied, "You foh coffee, I stayah hee."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Problem with Speaking English
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Language Lessons
Two restaurants face each other across a city street. Every day the owner of the Greek restaurant, Nick, brings out his specials board, looks across the street at the Chinese restaurant and calls out to the owner:
"Hey, Chan! What comes with your specials today?"
"Flied lice!"
Just as it has done for years, this sends Nick into paroxysms of laughter, and makes Chan feel ashamed of his English skills. Chan's daughter signs him for ESL classes, and Chan works hard at improving his diction:
"Flied lice, flied lice, fried lice, fried lice, fried rice, fried rice, fried rice!"
So, Chan waits for Nick to come out the next day, and carries out his board just as Nick looks up, and as always, Nick is ready to taunt him.
"Hey, Chan!", he shouts, "What you serving with your specials today?"
Gathering himself, Chan shouts confidently across the street:
"FRIED RICE, YOU GLEEK PLICK!"
An American soldier, English soldier, and Chinese soldier and standing together on top of their respective submarines...
The English soldier says, "The English have phenomenal subs. We can stay under for a week without coming up!"
The Chinese soldier quickly replies, "A week! Our subs can stay under for a month, easy."
The American lets out a chuckle and says, "With our nuclear power subs, we can remain underwater for over three months!"
All of a sudden, a U-boat rises from the water and a man comes out. He asks, "Did we win the war?"
A joke we tell tourists in china
Back when the Terra-cotta Soldiers were discovered, Bill and Hilary Clinton decided to visit the site. It was also asked of the chinese officials arranging the tour, that the Clintons could meet the meek and old chinese man that discovered the Terra-cotta.
Back then, the Terra-cotta site was out in the province in a small local village. This village was the hometown of the fortunate old chinese man who discovered them and was going to meet POTUS. It also meant he had no education and spoke no english.
So the chinese officials prepared the old chinese discoverer with a few basic english phrases such as:
"hi, how are you"
"Fine, you?"
"Me too"
The day finally came and, naturally, the old chinese discoverer was nervous to be meeting Clinton. None the less he went through the english he was taught in his head and wasn't going to lose face.
Smiling, Clinton approached the old chinese discoverer and said, "Hello"
The chinese discoverer paused briefly to recall, but out of nervousness mispronounced; "Hi, who are you?"
"I am the President of the United States and the husband of this lovely lady," a surprised Clinton said while pointing at his wife.
"Me too," he replied