The Best 16 Chinese English Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Chinese English jokes. There are some chinese english malay jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chinese english shi puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Chinese English Jokes and Puns

I am sorry five.

A Chinese man is walking down the street after just arriving in the U.S. for the first time. He possesses a limited understanding of English. While caught up in the splendor of the city he accidentally bumps into another person.

The Chinese man quickly responds "I'm Sorry!"

The American man says, "I am sorry too."

The Chinese man says "I am sorry three."

The American says "What are you sorry for?"

The Chinese man replies "I am sorry five."

A Dutch, English and Chinese man wash up on an island

A Dutch, English and Chinese man survive a boat accident and wash up on an island. They need food, water and supplies to survive the night.
The Dutch guys says that he will gather the food, the English man will get water and the Chinese man is send for supplies.

When the Dutch and the English man come back with food and water the Chinese man is nowhere to be found. They wait a bit till they can't wait longer and start preparing the food.

The Dutch and English guy start eating and out of nowhere the Chinese guy jumps out the bushes and shouts: " SUPPLIES ".

A Chinese man, who was less than proficient in the English language files for divorce. The judge asks what is the reason?

He replies " me no come, she no come, but baby come, how come?".

In the 18th century, a hopeful Asian laborer landed in America and went straight to the employment office.

He didn't speak a word of English, and the men at the employment office couldn't figure out where he was from. They took a vote to see if he was Chinese or Japanese.

It was a Thai.

A English businessman was rushing through an airport when

A English businessman was rushing through an airport when all of a sudden, he bumps into a tiny Asian women.

She immediately says, "I'm sorry!" in a Chinese-english accent.

In a hurry, the businessman says, "I'm sorry too."

She responds with, "I'm sorry three!" in broken english.

Confused, the businessman stops and says, "What are you sorry for?"

She yells, "I'm sorry five!!!"


What is globalization?

Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death

Question : How come?

Answer :

An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.

And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!

An English kid, a Spanish kid and a Chinese kid are in nursery school together...

The teacher asks: What does the doggy say?

The English kid replies: Woof Woof!

The Spanish kid replies: Guau Guau!

The Chinese kid replies: Sizzle Sizzle!

A Chinese joke translated to English

A lion is getting married in jungle. There is a big bash and all animals are dancing to the tune of loud music being played.
In a corner, a rat is dancing too.
Rat is asked, "Hey! Why are you dancing?
Rat replied, "It's my brother's marriage, so only."
"When did the lion become you brother?"
The Rat: "Before marriage I was a lion too."

Pakistani proverb.

Optimistic students take English. Pessimistic students take Chinese. Realists take Kalashnikov assault rifle.

A Chinese businessman is entertaining his guest from England

Each time the Chinese lifts the glass, the says to his English associate: Kan Pei! 干杯 (Cheers)

The Englishman is stunned, but he continues eating.

It keeps recurring, each time the Chinese wants to drink, he exclaims: Kan Pei!

Finally, the English puts down his cutlery and says aloud to his Chinese associate: It's alright if you CAN'T PAY! I will! Now, shut up and eat!!

A Muslim man went to China...

And went to a nearby Chinese restaurant. He orders his food and, being the faithful Muslim man he is, he wants to make sure that his food isn't pork.

He asks the waiter "Is this pork?" but the waiter doesn't know any English.

So instead he points at his food and says "Oink?"

The waiter quickly shakes his head and says "Meow"

You can explore chinese english mandarin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chinese english mandarin chinese dad jokes. There are also chinese english puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why did the English lose to the Chinese.

I want to date a Chinese girl, an English girl, a Vietnamese girl, an Irish girl, and another Chinese girl.

So I can tell people I dated Hu, Watt, Nguyen, Weir, and Wai.

A Chinese guy, Japanese guy, and Vietnamese guy are in an English class...

Teacher: I want you to create a sentence using the words chicken, nut, and bread.

Chinese guy: I would like to buy chicken, nut, bread.

Japanese guy: I want to eat the chicken, nut, and bread.

Vietnamese guy: I threw my sister in the pool and chicken nut bread.

TIL that the current chinese president Xi Jinping, has a PhD in English literature.

That's why the Chinese people call him "The Great Reader".

What is the difference between a Russian optimist, pessimist and realist?

The optimist studies English.

The pessimist studies Chinese.

The realist stays home and cleans his kalashnikov.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chinese english phonetically jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working chinese english qing piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes