The Best 77 Chines Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Chines jokes. There are some chines aims jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chines 325 puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Chines Jokes and Puns

What did one Chinese man say to the other Chinese man?

(Censored)

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50

Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.

Chines joke, I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Chinese takeout $20.00.. Gas to pick it up $10.00..

Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers..

Riceless

I was at a Chinese restaurant...

when I realized that a duckling is a small duck. So I decided to cancel my order of steamed dumplings.


A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.

She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.

"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"

The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."

The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"

Chinese Proverb

Catch a man a fish and he eats for day. Teach a man to fish and you never see him on weekends.

Chines joke, Chinese Proverb

After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside!

It was unfortunate.

A Chinese farmer tells a judge he wants a divorce...

So the judge asks him why. The farmer says, "I'm just a simple farmer, I never went to school, and I don't know very much. But I do know this: when I plant corn, I get corn; when I plant rice, I get rice; now when I plant Chinese boy and black boy comes out, something's wrong."

The Chinese government is trying to help working women by providing breast milk couriers...

The couriers take the breast milk from the factory where the mother works to the factory where the baby works.

There were 3 Chinese men...

Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA.

They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names.

Han decided that he would be Huck.

Chan decided that he would be Chuck.

And Fan...well Fan decided that he`d stay in China.

You can explore chines suck reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chines chink dad jokes. There are also chines puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Chinese takeout

Chinese food to go $15. Gas to go pick it up $1.50. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of my containers.... Riceless.

I am sorry five.

A Chinese man is walking down the street after just arriving in the U.S. for the first time. He possesses a limited understanding of English. While caught up in the splendor of the city he accidentally bumps into another person.

The Chinese man quickly responds "I'm Sorry!"

The American man says, "I am sorry too."

The Chinese man says "I am sorry three."

The American says "What are you sorry for?"

The Chinese man replies "I am sorry five."

The Chinese have successfully tested their new Stealth Drones.

Not only will they be used in Recon and Combat missions but they will have the ability to drop vital equipment onto the battlefield.

They will have the element of supplies.

A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...

Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."

Chinese magican

Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery...

He thanked me.

Chinese takeout: $10.25. Gas to get there and back: $3.25.

Realizing that you got all the way home without one of the containers: riceless

A chinese man goes to the eye doctor...

The doctor says "You have cataract. " and the chinese guy says "No, I have a rinkin continental."


Chinese Joke

Got my blood results today turns out my blood type is A negative.

My dad is going to kill me

Chinese Sick Day

Ho Chow calls in to work and say,

"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"

The boss says, "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,

"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

Chinese Food: $16.72 Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94 Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless

This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency. After receiving his Money he asks, "How come I came in here with same amount of Money as yesterday but today I get less Yuans in return?"

The banker says, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."

A chinese couple had a baby

The baby turned out to be white. The father looked sternly at the mother and said: "Two Wongs don't make a white."

What do chinese people do when they have an erection?

they vote

What is a chinese homosexual videogamer called?

Gay Ming

Three Chinese went to America..

Three Chinese named Chu, Bu, and Fu went to America.

Upon reaching there they decided to Americanise their names.

So Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck..

And Fu decided to return to China.

How do you tell apart a Chinese from a Japanese?

With a Geiger Counter.

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?

It weighs

*Won-ton*

Chinese Food is amazing

but I do find it hard to believe that a chicken fried this rice

Chinese Takeaway

Chinese Takeaway - Β£24

Petrol To pick it up - Β£2

Getting home and realizing the twats have forgotten one of your containers.

Riceless

A Chinese girl asked to get a ride from me.

so I said no problem give me your number I will call you when I leave home

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "HOLD ON!"

Then her friend said, "She means ....666-3629."

What Does A Chinese Man Need When Taking his Dog Out?

Oven mitts.

A Chinese guy walks into a bar...

A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :

β€’ My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?

β€’ Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?

β€’ No, it's because you are drinking my beer.

Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

What do Chinese bears use to cook?

A pan. Duh!

Four Chinese brothers....

...named Chu, Bu, Hu, and Fu decided to go to the United States of America. They had to Americanize their names in order to get a Visa... so Chu became CHUCK, Bu became BUCKS, HU became HUCK, and FU decided to remain in China...

A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States

Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.

Chu became Chuck.

Bu became Buck.

Hu became Huck.

Su and Fu decided to stay in China.

Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book?

It was Wei Tu Long.

9 out of 10 Chinese Doctor Have Cataracts...

the 10th drives a Rincoln

Why don't the Chinese have casinos?

Because they don't like Tibet

Chinese kid was born before the due date

Parents named him Sudden Lee.

I have a Chinese friend with really bad internet

His name is Hai Ping

Why can't Chinese people have white babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white

Chinese man calls in sick

Ho Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."

The boss says, "You know what Ho, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

How can you tell that a Chinese person has been in your house?

Your cat's missing, your computer's fixed, and he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

My Chinese friend died the other day...

So Yung.

A Chinese guy buys a well from a Jewish guy

The next day the Chinese walks up to the well; when the Jew runs up to him and shouts, "STOP! I sold you the well; not the water!"

The Chinese guy smirks and says "That's exactly why I'm here. How could you store your water in my well and not pay rent?!"

Two Chinese Guys Break Into a Distillery

The one guy looks to his friend and asks: "Is it whiskey?"

His friend replies: "Yea, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank."

Chinese takeout: 13.99 gas to get there: 3.99

Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: riceless

My Chinese son was born before his due date

We called him Sudden Lee

My Chinese buddy died last week...

So Yung.

All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago

...and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans.

A Chinese man walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and asks for a pint of Guinness.

The barman says "No I'm sorry buddy, I can't serve you."

"Why is it because I'm Chinese?!!" he says.

The barman says, "No, you're too young."

The Chinese man looks baffled...

"How do you know my name?"

Three Chinese friends, Chu, Bu and Fu, decided to immigrate to the United States

In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck and Fu decided to travel back to China

Why are Chinese kids so good at math?

Because their dog doesn't eat their homework

A Chinese couple gave birth to an albino baby

...which just goes to show that two Wongs do make a white.

An chinese dad sees his newborn child and is startled when he realises the kid is clearly white.

He runs to the doctor and asks:

"Doctor, is it even medically possible for me and my wife - both chinese - to have a caucasian-looking baby?"

The doctor, turns to him, thinks for a bit, and replies:

"No. Two Wongs don't make a white."

What do Chinese restaurants do when their lights are too bright?

Dim sum

My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our buddy Ty is now the state boxing champion.

People from China refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

Chinese takeout: $8. Tip :$2. Getting home

and finding out that they forgot part of your order: riceless.

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong person.

Oh wait, that wasn't my waiter

Why can't two Chinese parents make a white child

Two Wongs don't make a white

Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

A Chinese kid asks his father, "Dad, why do they say, that all Chinese people look alike ?"

He replies, "I'm not your dad."

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

Why do Chinese people love playing Among Us?

It's the only place they can vote

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat

So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.

Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa?

Cause they're the ones who make the toys

Chinese New Year, Mardi Gras and Valentines Day are too close...

I don’t know what to paint on my nails.

Why don't Chinese people care about mass surveillance?

Because after the 1 child policy, nobody remembers what a big brother is, anyway.

Do you know Chinese people have very bad knees?

When they meet each other, they often ask: "knee how?"

Chinese Flag Rating

I'd give it uhhh 5 stars.

Why don't chinese kids believe in Santa?

Because they make the toys.

A Chinese man is walking through customs.

The customs officer asks him his occupation

The Chinese man replies, Tibet

3 Chinese blokes apply for American visa.

They decide to use Americanized names for starting their new lives.

So, Chu became Chuck and got his Visa stamped.

Lu became Luck and also received his Visa.

Fu had to continue working in the paddy fields.

How did a Chinese guy have a Tamil name:

I recently met a Chinese man in Toronto and got to know that his name was "Kannaswami .

I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to Canada, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.

The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?"

He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chines meal jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working chines chinamen piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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