Chine Jokes

What are some Chine jokes?

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50

Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.

Chinese takeout $20.00.. Gas to pick it up $10.00..

Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers..

Riceless

Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

My Chinese son was born before his due date

We called him Sudden Lee

Chinese Sick Day

Ho Chow calls in to work and say,

"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"

The boss says, "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,

"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

A Chinese guy walks into a bar...

A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :


• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?


• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?


• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.

Why can't Chinese people have white babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white

Chinese man calls in sick

Ho Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."

The boss says, "You know what Ho, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

Chinese kid was born before the due date

Parents named him Sudden Lee.

My Chinese friend died the other day...

So Yung.

Why are Chinese kids so good at math?

Because their dog doesn't eat their homework

A Chinese guy buys a well from a Jewish guy

The next day the Chinese walks up to the well; when the Jew runs up to him and shouts, "STOP! I sold you the well; not the water!"

The Chinese guy smirks and says "That's exactly why I'm here. How could you store your water in my well and not pay rent?!"

What do chinese people do when they have an erection?

they vote

Chinese takeout: $10.25. Gas to get there and back: $3.25.

Realizing that you got all the way home without one of the containers: riceless

I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery...

He thanked me.

A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.

She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.

"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"

The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."

The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"

Chinese magican

Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

A Chinese couple gave birth to an albino baby

...which just goes to show that two Wongs do make a white.

After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside!

It was unfortunate.

9 out of 10 Chinese Doctor Have Cataracts...

the 10th drives a Rincoln

All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago

...and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans.

I have a Chinese friend with really bad internet

His name is Hai Ping

How can you tell that a Chinese person has been in your house?

Your cat's missing, your computer's fixed, and he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

Chinese takeout: 13.99 gas to get there: 3.99

Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: riceless

Chinese 69

As told to me by the father of the groom at a wedding last weekend; he apparently offended the parents of the bride with the same joke the night before. He was getting my opinion as to whether it was really all that offensive.

> A Chinese guy is having trouble falling asleep. Finally at 2am he shakes his wife and asks her for a 69. She replies, "Who eats beef with broccoli at this hour?"

The Chinese government is trying to help working women by providing breast milk couriers...

The couriers take the breast milk from the factory where the mother works to the factory where the baby works.

What did one Chinese man say to the other Chinese man?

(Censored)

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?

It weighs

*Won-ton*

A Chinese girl asked to get a ride from me.

so I said no problem give me your number I will call you when I leave home

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "HOLD ON!"


Then her friend said, "She means ....666-3629."

What is a chinese homosexual videogamer called?

Gay Ming

How do you tell apart a Chinese from a Japanese?

With a Geiger Counter.

Chinese Takeaway

Chinese Takeaway - £24

Petrol To pick it up - £2

Getting home and realizing the twats have forgotten one of your containers.

Riceless

A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States

Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.

Chu became Chuck.

Bu became Buck.

Hu became Huck.

Su and Fu decided to stay in China.

Chinese Food is amazing

but I do find it hard to believe that a chicken fried this rice

What do Chinese restaurants do when their lights are too bright?

Dim sum

My Chinese buddy died last week...

So Yung.

Chinese Newlyweds

A Chinese couple just got married. It was their first night together as man and wife, and they had never had sex before. The wife was very nervous, and the husband just wants her to feel comfortable.


Husband: "We will do whatever you want."

Wife: "OK, I want to try 69"

Husband: "Oh, you want chicken with broccoli?"

A Chinese man walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and asks for a pint of Guinness.

The barman says "No I'm sorry buddy, I can't serve you."

"Why is it because I'm Chinese?!!" he says.

The barman says, "No, you're too young."

The Chinese man looks baffled...

"How do you know my name?"

I am sorry five.

A Chinese man is walking down the street after just arriving in the U.S. for the first time. He possesses a limited understanding of English. While caught up in the splendor of the city he accidentally bumps into another person.

The Chinese man quickly responds "I'm Sorry!"

The American man says, "I am sorry too."

The Chinese man says "I am sorry three."

The American says "What are you sorry for?"

The Chinese man replies "I am sorry five."

Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book?

It was Wei Tu Long.

A chinese couple had a baby

The baby turned out to be white. The father looked sternly at the mother and said: "Two Wongs don't make a white."

Chinese Food: $16.72 Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94 Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless

There were 3 Chinese men...

Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA.

They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names.

Han decided that he would be Huck.

Chan decided that he would be Chuck.

And Fan...well Fan decided that he`d stay in China.

What Does A Chinese Man Need When Taking his Dog Out?

Oven mitts.

Three Chinese friends, Chu, Bu and Fu, decided to immigrate to the United States

In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck and Fu decided to travel back to China

Chinese takeout

Chinese food to go $15. Gas to go pick it up $1.50. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of my containers.... Riceless.

A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...

Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."

An chinese dad sees his newborn child and is startled when he realises the kid is clearly white.

He runs to the doctor and asks:

"Doctor, is it even medically possible for me and my wife - both chinese - to have a caucasian-looking baby?"

The doctor, turns to him, thinks for a bit, and replies:

"No. Two Wongs don't make a white."

I was at a Chinese restaurant...

when I realized that a duckling is a small duck. So I decided to cancel my order of steamed dumplings.

My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our buddy Ty is now the state boxing champion.

People from China refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

Three Chinese went to America..

Three Chinese named Chu, Bu, and Fu went to America.

Upon reaching there they decided to Americanise their names.

So Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck..

And Fu decided to return to China.

A Chinese man comes to America...

He brought all of his money over in RMB so he goes to a bank with 1000RMB and asks them to change it into dollars. The teller takes his money and gives him $650.

A week later he's out of cash and goes back to the bank with another 1000RMB. He gives it to the teller and this time he only gets $625 back. Perplexed he asks the teller in a heavy chinese accent.

"Hey, how come last time I get $650 dollar, this time only $625 dollar"

The teller shrugs and says "Fluctuations"

The chinese man flies into a rage and storms out of bank and as he slams the door he turns and yells

"FLUC U AMERICANS TOO"

How to make Chine jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Chine to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Chine? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Chine pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes