China Man Jokes
71 china man jokes and hilarious china man puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about china man that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest China Man Short Jokes
Short china man jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The china man humour may include short china jokes also.
- A Moment of Silence Let's all spare a few moments of silence for the man who told his wife he was going to China on that Malaysian flight no MH. 370 and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat.
- Did you hear about the tourist who got lost in China? I dunno man, he just got disoriented
- A man walks into a restaurant in Mainland China. He calls the waiter over and tells him,
'That steak was rubbery.'
'Thank you for the compriment, sir, and have a rubbery evening!' - A man in China is very angry at a colleague And taunts him by saying that he's one in a million.
- Let's spare a thought for the Malaysian business man on flight MH370..... who told his wife that he was going to China for a meeting and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment.
- How long can a china man's name be? Luke: Yes, master Yoda I've heard that one many times already.
- How much did the fattest man in China weigh? Wonton
- How high is a China man? Yes, he is.
- what do call a black man living in china? Guyanese.
- "Were dining on the finest china tonight" A Chinese man then walks in and lays down on your table
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China Man One Liners
Which china man one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with china man? I can suggest the ones about made in china and chinese people.
- How Long is a battleship. True or false? False. How Long is a man from China.
- God made man... Everything else is made in China.
- How do you get the Asian out of a China man? Spin him around until he's disoriented.
- A man in China was killed by a group of underaged doctors. He died by euthanasia.
- How Long is a China mans name. Thats a statement not a question.
- What was the name of the heaviest man in china? Won ton
- How long is a china-man? Excuse the question mark, "How Long" is in fact a china man.
- Why did the man from China get lost when he came to America? He was disoriented.
- How high is the china man joke How high is the china man?
Yes, he is. - Did Japan conquer China? Man, sure yeah they did.
- A wise man buys his wife fine china, so she won't trust him to wash it.
- How Long is a China man Met him once, nice guy.
- How Long is a China-man? I always thought he was Korean.
- When a china man haves to pay what him name is ? Ka Ching
- My most recent What's the name of the richest man in China?
Cha Ching
Hilarious Fun China Man Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about china man you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ancient chinese jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make china man pranks.
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, "Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
Bill and Ted were at a bar...
Bill asked, "Hey where's Dave? Why isn't he here tonight?"
"Dave is dead," said Ted.
"How?"
Ted said, "Well, he was supposed to pick me up, but when he got to my house, he hit my Ferrari in the driveway, flew through his own windshield, and crashed through my kitchen window."
"What a terrible way to die!"
"Well, no, that didn't kill him. He tried to get up off of my kitchen floor, and he grabbed the handle of my refrigerator door for balance, but the fridge tipped over. It knocked down my china cabinet as well, and everything fell on him."
"Flattened by a refrigerator? That's horrible!"
"That didn't kill him either. He managed to stand up but he fell again, this time into my fireplace. He caught on fire, and started running frantically about. Everything he touched caught on fire, and he looked like he was in a lot of pain."
"That's the worst thing yet! Oh man, poor Dave!"
"No, he was still alive after that."
"Wait, he survived all that? How exactly did he die?"
"Well, I shot him. He was destroying my house."
Home Loan Troubles
So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring "Paddywhack".
Kermit says "I want a loan". She goes through usual procedure then asks him about a deposit.
He places this little tiny china elephant on the bench and says "Here's my deposit, give me a loan". The teller replies "I'm sorry that's really not good enough, you need money".
Kermit tells her that it's all he has and it will have to do. When the teller denies his request once more, he starts to get a bit angry. "Do you know who my dad is? He's m**... JAGGER." Kermit says forceably.
"I WANT YOUR MANAGER", Kermit yells. She lets out a sigh and wanders off to find her manager.
The teller explains to her manager the story about the deposit, the china elephant, and who it belongs to.
The manager places his palm on his face, looks up and says, "Jesus christ.. it's a knick knack Paddywhack, give the frog a loan.. his old man's from The Rolling Stones".
It is a cringe worthy joke, but I thought I'd share it.
Son :How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Son :How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father:I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it.
Son :Is it true, Dad, that I heard that in ancient China, a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries?
Father:That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE.
A joke we tell tourists in china
Back when the Terra-cotta Soldiers were discovered, Bill and Hilary Clinton decided to visit the site. It was also asked of the chinese officials arranging the tour, that the Clintons could meet the meek and old chinese man that discovered the Terra-cotta.
Back then, the Terra-cotta site was out in the province in a small local village. This village was the hometown of the fortunate old chinese man who discovered them and was going to meet POTUS. It also meant he had no education and spoke no english.
So the chinese officials prepared the old chinese discoverer with a few basic english phrases such as:
"hi, how are you"
"Fine, you?"
"Me too"
The day finally came and, naturally, the old chinese discoverer was nervous to be meeting Clinton. None the less he went through the english he was taught in his head and wasn't going to lose face.
Smiling, Clinton approached the old chinese discoverer and said, "Hello"
The chinese discoverer paused briefly to recall, but out of nervousness mispronounced; "Hi, who are you?"
"I am the President of the United States and the husband of this lovely lady," a surprised Clinton said while pointing at his wife.
"Me too," he replied
A married pair of Biologists are camping in China...
And after a long day of cataloging the various flora and fauna, they get down to a little love making...
When suddenly, the man feels an ungodly pressure in his stomach. He leaves hastily to the woods to find a suitable place to relieve himself, leaving his wife alone in the tent.
Outside the tent, she can hear a rustling, and after a few tense moments, a Panda sticks its head through the tent flap. It lurches in, tears off the woman's blanket and swiftly goes about l**... her lady parts with incredible skill.
Needless to say the woman is flabbergasted, but is taken by the sheer skill of the Panda's tongue, when suddenly, the Panda perks up its ears and scurries out of the tent and into the wilderness. The man returns moments later, having heard her cries of passion...
Amid gasps, she tells him about the Panda and its strange behavior. The man flips through his handbook to the section on Pandas to glean further information...
"Panda: An Asian species of bear, native to China. Eats bushes and leaves."
A man visits a Buddhist Monastery.
(non racist version)
A man is sent to China on business. On a day off he goes sightseeing. He gets hopelessly lost in the confusing Chinese roads and finds himself on the outskirts of town where an ancient Buddhist monastery sits. Curious, he goes in. A kindly monk takes him for a tour. In the courtyard of the monastery there is a pond, around which are several monks who are skipping stones.
However, instead of typical splashes when the stones bounced across the water, they heard a Chinese word emanate from the pond. A monk demonstrates and they hear "Ping-Lee-Yow." as the stone bounces across the water. The monk explains to the man that this sacred pond says the names of your ancestors when a stone is skipped across it.
Amazed, the man asks to try, and is given a stone. He skips the stone and hears "Chim-Pan-Zee" as the stone skips. Furious, he asks if this is some cruel hoax they pull on foreigners. The monk sadly shakes his head no. Furious, the man lifts the largest boulder he could and heaves it into the water. It splashes with an almighty "BABOON!"
American, Japanese and Indonesian in China
There's an American, Japanese and Indonesian on a crew boat in China. The American lights up a cigarette with his zippo, and then throws the zippp into the sea. The Indonesian says "why you throw away your zippo? " the American replies "in America we have many zippos, I can get another one no problem". The Indonesian thinks this man is crazy. Then the Japanese checks the time on his casio watch, and after he throws the watch into the sea. "Why you do that" says the Indonesian. "In my country" replies the Japanese "we have many casio watches. I can replace no problem". Again the Indonesian thinks these two are both crazy.. Just then a Chinese man walks past and the Indonesian throws the man overboard. "Geez why did you do that! " replies the American. "You are crazy" says the Japanese. "No problem" replies the Indonesian "in my country we have many Chinese! "
How does the china man say "wrong"?
he says "wong"
The Only Malaysian Airlines Survivor
Please spare a thought and your sympathy for the man who told his wife he was going to China on Malaysian Airlines flight MH370...
And now can't come out of his girlfriend's apartment.
Measurements in China.
How long is a China man?
For China!
An American, a British, a Chinese and a Japanese were sitting on a long distance flight travelling to India. Halfway there, the flight developed serious engine problems.
"Gentlemen, i am afraid three of you will need to leap off this plane." The pilot said sombrely.
After much deliberation, a man stood up from his seat.
"For freedom!" shouted the American as he threw himself out of the plane.
"For the Queen!" the British gentleman followed and flew towards the ground.
"FOR CHINA!" screamed the Chinese man as he kicked the Japanese out of the flight.
Tanslated East German Jokes
A man walks to the dock where he sees a big cargo ship. He shouts: "Where are you heading?"
The captain answers: "We are a trading ship loaded with industrial goods and are headed for St.Petersburg to trade with the sowjet union."
The man: "Oh and with what are you getting back?"
The captain: "If we are lucky we get back with our ship."
--------
The sowjet Union and the people's republic of China had some border conflict where Moscow threated to use nukes. After the US President said he would use nukes on Chinas side, they agree to negotiate a peace treaty.
China: We want 1000 new Diesel Motors.
Muscow: Done.
China: We also want 100 new trains.
Muscow: Done.
China: And finally 1000 tons of rice.
Muscow: Oh we cant do that, rice can not be produced in east Germany.
-----
The context is that the sowjet union took a huge part of Germany's production without asking or paying.
A Chinese man, a Mexican man, a black man, and a white man...
Are standing by the edge of a cliff. The Chinese guy says," This is for all my ninjas back in China." and he jumps off the cliff. The Mexican guy says," This is for all my amigos back in Mexico." and jumps off the cliff. Then, the black guy says," This is for all my brothas back in Brooklyn." and pushes the white guy off the cliff.
A Muslim man went to China...
And went to a nearby Chinese restaurant. He orders his food and, being the faithful Muslim man he is, he wants to make sure that his food isn't pork.
He asks the waiter "Is this pork?" but the waiter doesn't know any English.
So instead he points at his food and says "Oink?"
The waiter quickly shakes his head and says "Meow"
The Chinese man and the hotdog
A man from china comes to america to visit his friend. He is very new to american culture , so he asked his american friend "What is one of the bests foods america is known for?". The american immediately drives to the nearest 711 and shows the Chinese man all the hot dogs. He then proceeds to buy one and eats it. After finishing, he then turns to the american man and says "Wow , that's funny how back in china we eat all of the dog , and throw away the part you guys eat!".
Three guys are stranded at a deserted island.
A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded on a deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of water and the Chinese man get the task to be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells
"SUPPLIES!"
God is travelling around the world to spread his religon
He gets to India and asks the public, 'Will you take my commandments to be yours?' The public says no and decides to try elsewhere.
He gets to China and asks, 'Will you follow my commandments?' And the public replies no.
He gets to Israel and asks, 'Will you take my commandments?' The crowd begins to look at each other questioningly and a single man steps forward.
'How much do they cost?'
God replies, 'They're free.'
The crowd shouts back, 'WE'LL TAKE TEN!'
How Long is a China man
How High Is a China Man!
Is he?
*One of my Grandad's jokes, works better when spoken*
The President of the United States and the Prime minister of China are comparing their bodyguards.
The president orders his secret service agent to jump off a 40 foot platform. The agent heisitates and does so.
The prime minister immediately orders his bodyguard to do the same. The guard jumps without batting an eye.
The president, feeling a little defeated, orders his bodyguard to jump off a hundred foot platform. The agent turns to the president and, with teary eyes, pleads:"Mister president, please don't do this, I have a family!"
The president hesitates and retracts his order. The chinese minister snorts and orders the same to his body guard.The chinese bodyguard starts climbing without a second thought. The president grabs his arm and says, "Wait man, this is too much! You don't have to do this!"
The chinese bodygaurd shakes off his arm and says:"Mister president, please don't, I have family."
How long is a battleship. True or false?
Wong! How long is a China man.
A Scotsman, and Englishman, and a Chinese man take a hotair ballon ride over the UK...
As they take off, the Scotsman gazes down and marvels "Ahh my beautiful Scotland!"
As the cross the border the Englishman gazes down and says "Ahh my beautiful England!"
The Chinese man takes out a saucer, throws it over the side and says "Ahh my beautiful china!"
A man went to China.
He hired a p**... to keep him company during the night, and when things got serious, she kept shouting a word in Chinese.
The next day, the man went to a golf course with a couple of business associates. They had a good afternoon until a person hit a hole in one. Everyone started shouting in excitement, and the man decided to join in, shouting the word he hears last night, thinking it was that of excitement.
Everyone turned to the man in silence. After a full minute of awkward silence, the one who made the shot asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"
A man takes a trip to china
On his first night there, the man orders a p**.... While in act, the p**... screams something repeatedly in Chinese that the man does not understand. The next day the man goes to play golf. As the man lines up for a shot, one of the Chinese players he is playing with exclaims the same thing as the p**... last night. The man turns around and asks,
"Why did you say that?"
The Chinese man responds with, "Sorry, you're just aimed at the wrong hole."
Three men are trying to enter America for the first time
and are coming from Germany, China, and the Dominican Republic. They are told that they can become a citizen if they use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence.
The German is up first. He says, I love looking at pink and yellow flowers in the green grass, it looks beautiful. His sentence was good enough and he was given citizenship. The Chinese man is up next and says, I love looking at all your green money, mine was weird, pink and yellow. He gets in too.
Now time for the Dominican. He thinks long and hard and he finally says, When the phone greens, I pink it up and say yellow?
With Xi now 'president for life', what's one thing a man in China isn't going to get any time soon?
An e**...'
A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.
Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:
Do you have elections?
The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:
Evely molning
A man wants to know the distance to travel from the US to China
So he calls the airport
Operator: Hi how can I help you?
Man: Hi yes I want to know the distance between the US and China...I'm thinking of travelling.
Operator: Ok just a minute sir.
Man: Ok thank you.
Man: Honey, it's only 1 minute!
Recent political joke circulating in China
Three men who don't know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.
The first man said: I opposed covid testing.
The second man said: I supported covid testing.
The third man said: I administered the covid tests.
Man with half an orange for a head
A guy walks into a bar. Half of his head is a giant orange. The bartender goes, "OH MY GOD, YOUR HEAD IS A GIANT ORANGE!"
Out of his half-mouth, the guy says, "Yeah, yeah, I know. Pour me a shot and I'll explain."
Confused, the bartender pours the guy a shot. The guy downs it and asks for another, then begins his story:
"When I was a young man I travelled the world: Egypt, China, Arabia, everywhere. One day I found a magic lamp and a genie granted me 3 wishes.
'Really?' I said. 'Anything?'
'Anything,' said the genie.
'Okay,' I said. 'First wish... I wish I had a wallet that always had a thousand dollars in it.'
'Granted,' said the genie."
"Wait, wait," interrupts the bartender. "You don't expect me to believe that?"
"Are you kidding? My head's a fucking orange!" snaps the man with the orange head. But just to prove it, he pulls out a worn wallet and slaps ten $100 notes on the bar. The bartender shuts up and the guy with the orange head continues.
"For my second wish, I asked to be irresistible to women."
"Bullshit," says the bartender.
The guy looks across the bar at a beautiful woman he's never met and says, "Hey, baby, want to go home with me tonight?"
The woman squeals with delight, nods, rushes over, buys him a drink, and hangs off him lovingly. She doesn't even seem to notice that half of his head is a piece of fruit. Awed, the bartender pours another round, and asks in a hushed voice, "So... your face... your head... the third wish?"
The man nods and downs another shot of whiskey.
"What happened?" whispered the bartender, leaning forward.
"For my third wish..." whispers the man. "...I wished... that half of my head... were a giant orange."
