china Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious china puns

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

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In America, dogs are k-9s

But in China, dogs are e-10

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My 7-year-old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans....

I pulled out my cellphone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

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Break ups are the worst in China...

You see her face everywhere.

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My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...

Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."

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Why are there no casinos in China?

They hate Tibet.

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Guys I think Trump's immigration policies just might work.

China built a wall and they have like, no Mexicans.

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I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China"

It was her made-in name

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Viagra was banned in China by the government.

They don't want to admit they have election problems.

(Bad but OC)

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Say what you want about Trump's wall

But China has had a great wall for thousands of years and you still don't see any Mexicans

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Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men.

One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.

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Why do children in China all have iPhones and wear Nike?

Employee discounts

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A joke from my old physics professor..

How Long is a battleship. True or false?


False. How Long is a man from China.

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China won bronze in gymnastics at the Sydney 2000 Olympics but were stripped of the medal after it was revealed that Dong Fangxiao was under the minimum age of 16

And they would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those medalling kids.

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I think weekends are made in China

They don't last very long, and they take forever to arrive.

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Breakups in China are the worst

You see her face everywhere.

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Did you know that animals make a different sounds depending what part of the world you are in....?

For example, in China, Dogs makes a sizzling sound!


*I know I am going to hell for this but this was an old joke that was told to me. *

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As a middle class first world citizen, I still feel I know just as much about working in a sweatshop in China as the children themselves.

After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes.

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My grandma is kind of like the Chinese government.

Visitors only see the nice china.

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What's all the fuss about Donald Trump's Russian Ties?

I know for a fact that all his Ties are made in China.

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I can tell my new sex toy was made in China.

She speaks Chinese.

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What do they call Peter Pan in China?

Peter Wok

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A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States

Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.

Chu became Chuck.

Bu became Buck.

Hu became Huck.

Su and Fu decided to stay in China.

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Apple Stock

Apple's stock surges on announcement of two-child policy change in China

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Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

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The Great Wall Of China Is Famous

Because it's the only Chinese product that lasted this long.

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What country does Santa visit first?

China, to stock up on the presents for the rest of them.

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There were 3 Chinese men...

Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA.

They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names.

Han decided that he would be Huck.

Chan decided that he would be Chuck.

And Fan...well Fan decided that he`d stay in China.

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Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

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Why does China put all their casinos in Macau?

Because they don't like Tibet.

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Three Chinese friends, Chu, Bu and Fu, decided to immigrate to the United States

In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck and Fu decided to travel back to China

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In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth....

And the rest was made in China.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Italian are all on a plane.

All three are heading to China for 2 months for a business trip. The Frenchman and the Englishman start talking about the night before:

Englishman: "I'll have you know I made love to my wife 3 times and this morning she told me she adored me"

Frenchman: "Ha ha! That is very good my friend, however, I believe I have you beat; last night I made love to my wife 6 times and this morning she told me should would never love anyone else!"

The Englishman congratulates the Frenchman and then they look over at the Italian who hasn't said anything the whole flight.

Englishman: "How many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

Italian: "Once"

Frenchman: "Once? What did she say in the morning?"

Italian: "Don't stop"

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Trump's statement regarding China

Trump: "In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors all across the country will be plastered with red notices and the empty streets will reek of lingering gunpowder. The people, with nothing to do will turn to day-long drinking and gambling. Children will roam the streets begging for money. So sad."

 

China foreign ministry: "That's Chinese New Year, dumbass."

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UN Food Survey Fails...

UN Phone Survey

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

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What are the most funny China jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about China? Well, here are the best China dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and China pick up lines to share with friends.

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