China Jokes

What are some China jokes?

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

In America, dogs are k-9s

But in China, dogs are e-10

Break ups are the worst in China...

You see her face everywhere.

My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...

Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."

Why are there no casinos in China?

They hate Tibet.

Guys I think Trump's immigration policies just might work.

China built a wall and they have like, no Mexicans.

I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China"

It was her made-in name

Say what you want about Trump's wall

But China has had a great wall for thousands of years and you still don't see any Mexicans

Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men.

One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.

Why do children in China all have iPhones and wear Nike?

Employee discounts

A joke from my old physics professor..

How Long is a battleship. True or false?


False. How Long is a man from China.

China won bronze in gymnastics at the Sydney 2000 Olympics but were stripped of the medal after it was revealed that Dong Fangxiao was under the minimum age of 16

And they would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those medalling kids.

I think weekends are made in China

They don't last very long, and they take forever to arrive.

In America some dogs are K-9

In China some dogs are E-10

As a middle class first world citizen, I still feel I know just as much about working in a sweatshop in China as the children themselves.

After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes.

My grandma is kind of like the Chinese government.

Visitors only see the nice china.

What's all the fuss about Donald Trump's Russian Ties?

I know for a fact that all his Ties are made in China.

I can tell my new sex toy was made in China.

She speaks Chinese.

What do they call Peter Pan in China?

Peter Wok

A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States

Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.

Chu became Chuck.

Bu became Buck.

Hu became Huck.

Su and Fu decided to stay in China.

Apple Stock

Apple's stock surges on announcement of two-child policy change in China

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

What is the most common illness in China?

Kung Flu.

The Great Wall Of China Is Famous

Because it's the only Chinese product that lasted this long.

What country does Santa visit first?

China, to stock up on the presents for the rest of them.

There were 3 Chinese men...

Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA.

They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names.

Han decided that he would be Huck.

Chan decided that he would be Chuck.

And Fan...well Fan decided that he`d stay in China.

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

Why does China put all their casinos in Macau?

Because they don't like Tibet.

Three Chinese friends, Chu, Bu and Fu, decided to immigrate to the United States

In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck and Fu decided to travel back to China

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth....

And the rest was made in China.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Italian are all on a plane.

All three are heading to China for 2 months for a business trip. The Frenchman and the Englishman start talking about the night before:

Englishman: "I'll have you know I made love to my wife 3 times and this morning she told me she adored me"

Frenchman: "Ha ha! That is very good my friend, however, I believe I have you beat; last night I made love to my wife 6 times and this morning she told me should would never love anyone else!"

The Englishman congratulates the Frenchman and then they look over at the Italian who hasn't said anything the whole flight.

Englishman: "How many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

Italian: "Once"

Frenchman: "Once? What did she say in the morning?"

Italian: "Don't stop"

Trump's statement regarding China

Trump: "In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors all across the country will be plastered with red notices and the empty streets will reek of lingering gunpowder. The people, with nothing to do will turn to day-long drinking and gambling. Children will roam the streets begging for money. So sad."

 

China foreign ministry: "That's Chinese New Year, dumbass."

UN Food Survey Fails...

UN Phone Survey

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

A man went to China.

He hired a prostitute to keep him company during the night, and when things got serious, she kept shouting a word in Chinese.


The next day, the man went to a golf course with a couple of business associates. They had a good afternoon until a person hit a hole in one. Everyone started shouting in excitement, and the man decided to join in, shouting the word he hears last night, thinking it was that of excitement.

Everyone turned to the man in silence. After a full minute of awkward silence, the one who made the shot asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"

The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

What's worse than an elephant in the china shop?

A hedgehog in the condom factory.

My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our buddy Ty is now the state boxing champion.

People from China refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

Three Chinese went to America..

Three Chinese named Chu, Bu, and Fu went to America.

Upon reaching there they decided to Americanise their names.

So Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck..

And Fu decided to return to China.

My friend said that China might be considering assisted suicide for teenagers

He's probably wrong, but if he's right, that would mark the beginning of euthanasia of youth in Asia.

God made man...

Everything else is made in China.

One moment everything's fine, the next you've ruined everything.

You're like a boolean china shop.

How do you get the Asian out of a China man?

Spin him around until he's disoriented.

Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China?

They need clean air.

A Moment of Silence

Let's all spare a few moments of silence for the man who told his wife he was going to China on that Malaysian flight no MH. 370 and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat.

The Only Malaysian Airlines Survivor

Please spare a thought and your sympathy for the man who told his wife he was going to China on Malaysian Airlines flight MH370...

And now can't come out of his girlfriend's apartment.

Four Chinese brothers....

...named Chu, Bu, Hu, and Fu decided to go to the United States of America. They had to Americanize their names in order to get a Visa... so Chu became CHUCK, Bu became BUCKS, HU became HUCK, and FU decided to remain in China...

Politician in China asks Man why he is leaving China to move to the US.

**Politician In China:** Why are you leaving China to go the US? Are you not satisfied with the work?

***Man In China:*** I am satisfied with the work.

**Politician In China:** Are you not satisfied with the pay?

***Man In China:*** I am satisfied with the pay.

**Politician In China:** Are you not satisfied with the Politicians in China?

***Man In China:*** I am satisfied with the Politicians in China.

**Politician In China:** Then why are you leaving China and moving the US?

***Man In China:*** Because in the US, I am allowed to be unsatisfied.

Why isn't China a democracy?

Because a billion people would be talking about their *erections*.

China has announced a tariff on pork imports from the US

It's unclear if they are referring to food or tourists at this time.

Why doesn't democracy work in china?

Because no one wants to hold an erection.

Once, there was 3 chinese people who wanted to go to America.

Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu. Since these names would sound awfully weird, Bu said, "I'll change me name to Buck, adding ck to the end." Chu then said, "then I'll become Chuck." After a long pause, Fu said, "I guess I'll go back to China."

I don't know why everyone thinks the wall won't work.

China built one over 2000 years ago and they STILL don't have any Mexicans.

How do cats in China say hello?

mǐ hǎo

I lived in China for a long time, this was the only joke that I heard that made sense in English.

Xi went to Guangxi and spoke with the governor about the fine people of China.

The governor: Fine people...I don't know.

Xi: I will show you. Hey you! Come here! What do you do?

Farmer: I'm a farmer.

Xi: Let me ask you, if you had two houses, would you give one to the government?

Without hesitation the farmer says yes.. Xi turns to the governor who isn't convinced.

Xi asks: if you had two cars, would you give one to the government?
Immediate yes from the farmer. The governor asks if he may asks a question and Xi says, of course.

Governor: if you had two cows, would you give one to the government.

Farmer: No. Never. Please don't ask.

Xi is confused: But you'd give a house and car, why not a cow?

Farmer: I actually have two cows.

The F in China stands for freedom

Friend: There isn't a F in China

Me: Exactly

How to make China jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about China to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about China? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny China pick up lines to share with friends.

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