Chimes Jokes
28 chimes jokes and hilarious chimes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chimes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Chimes Short Jokes
Short chimes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chimes humour may include short bells ringing jokes also.
- Did you hear about the new cathedral with no chimes whose towers won an architectural award? It won the no-bell prize.
- Charles Dickens had lots of melodious metal bars outside the front of his house. Some of them were expensive, others dirt cheap.
It was the best of chimes, it was the worst of chimes. - What did they call the Minecraft player who built a clock in-game to chime at 4:20? A Redstoner.
- What's the difference between a wind chime from Germany and a wind chime from Jamaica? Not a ting
- A group of revolutionaries hired a Swiss watch maker to build a clock that would chime when the overthrow began. And the worlds first Coup Coup Clock was born...
- A couple of A list actors are at a casting meeting on a new project about famous composers. Arnold Schwarzenegger chimes in "I'll be Bach"
- I was over a friend's house and discovered his whole family serves frozen pizza without cooking it. I chimed in with a "haven't you people ever heard of...cooking a hot DiGiorno?"
- When the girls sing "They did the mash" and then the guy chimes in with "They did the *monster* mash" That's wolfmansplaining
- What was the last thing anyone ever heard Stephen hawking say? *Windows XP shutdown chime*
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Chimes One Liners
Which chimes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chimes? I can suggest the ones about jingle bells and doorbell.
- With spring coming, I may buy some wind chimes. I hear it's a pretty sound investment.
- What do you call a trailer park in a tornado? Wind chimes.
- Have you heard the one about the mouse in the clock? It was a squeaky chime.
Comical Chimes Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about chimes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean church bells jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chimes pranks.
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
Three older ladies are discussing the trials of getting older.
One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. The third one responds, Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood. She raps her knuckles on the table, then says, That must be the door, I'll get it.
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.
But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.
Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.
He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dreams.
3 guys are camping, and after a night of drinks & laughs around the fire, they climb into their tent and fall asleep side by side.
The next morning, the guy on the left wakes up smiling. "I had a dream I was getting j**... off all night by a supermodel!"
The guy on the right chimes in. "Me too, but it was my hot neighbour!"
The guy in the middle looks a bit dejected. "Lucky b**.... I just dreamed I was skiing."
A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...
...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?"
"We're working" the first blonde replies.
"Just the two of you?" He inquires.
"Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar and sees h**......
A man walks into a bar and sees h**....
"Hey, is that h**...?" he asks the bartender.
"Yeah that's Adolf and his right hand man. Have a cold beer and go introduce yourself!"
The man gets a nice cold bottle from the bartender and makes his way over to h**....
"Hello Adolf."
"How are you?" Adolf asks.
"Good, what are you doing?"
h**...'s right hand man chimes in. "We are going over plans for World War III."
"Ah, what are your plans for it?" the bar visiting man asks.
"Well, we will kill 1 million Jews and 1 bicycle repair man," Adolf's right hand man answers.
"Why are you going to kill a bicycle repair man?" asks the man.
h**... becomes excited and turns to his right hand man.
"Ha! See? I told you nobody would care about the Jews."
--
The Holocaust is a terrible thing. This is a terrible joke. However, it has made people laugh, even Jewish people because it is very unexpected. I have no issue with Jewish men or women.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Loose women
3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.
Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.."
The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.."
The Third woman slides down the bar stool
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three old men
Three old men are golfing. One of them complains,
"Ya know, the hills these days are getting steeper and steeper"
His buddy one chimes in:
"Yep, and the clubs are getting heavier. They were way lighter when we were younger"
The third old man patiently listening finally says,
"Oh quit whining you two, at least we're on the right side of the grass."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 80yr old grandmother had her n**... pierced the other day...
now every time the wind blows she sounds like a couple of wind chimes!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Westminster chimes to be replaced
To mark the hung parliament the Westminster chimes will be replaced with one big d**....
Linguists from France, Italy, and Germany were debating which language was the most beautiful.
The German representative was waving his hand frantically to be chosen to speak, when the French representative began to speak.
"French is certainly sublime. Consider the word Papillon. How could the word for butterfly be more beautiful than the butterfly itself
The German is dying to speak, but then the Italian chimes in.
"Italian is as beautiful as French. Our word for butterfly is Farfalle, also more beautiful than the insect itself"
Finally it's the German's turn. He is dying to speak and blurts out,
"AND VAT IS WRONG WITH SCHMETTERLING!?"
So a priest, an imam, and a rabbi find a bag of money laying on the ground
They all decide that they should take but can't decide how much to give to god and how much to keep for themselves.
The priest says We should draw a circle on the ground and throw the money in the air, whatever lands inside the circle goes to god and whatever lands outside goes to us
The imam says No we should throw it in the air and whatever lands in the circle goes to us and whatever lands outside goes to god
The rabbi chimes in smugly and says How about we throw the money in the air and let god takes what he wants?
Three old women are commiserating...
Myrtle, Edith and Bertha are sitting around commiserating about the pitfalls of old age. Myrtle says, "The other day, I was in the bathroom with one leg in the tub, and I couldn't remember if I was stepping in or stepping out!". Then Edith chimes in, "Well that's nothing! The other day I was at the bottom of the stairs and I didn't know if I was going up or had just come down!". Bertha looks at both of them and chuckles. "Well, I don't have any of these problems, knock on wood!" she leans over and knocks on the wood of the coffee table, and a moment later calls out, "Yes?! Who is it?"
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer go golfing
They get stuck behind a group of golfers who seemed to be moving slower than usual.
One of the country club members explains to them that this is a group of blind men who lost their eyesight as firefighters. The country club allows them to use the course once a year free of charge.
The priest immediately chimes in and says, "I am going to pray for these men everyday in my church to help their well being."
The doctor then exclaims, "I am going to get the best medical care in the country to research a possible way to help these men."
The engineer then says, "Why don't they just golf at night?"
The Cowardly Lion, Aslan, and Cecil are having drinks at a bar ...
They all look worn out so the bartender asks them why they look so beat.
The Cowardly Lion goes first and says, "Man, you have no idea what I went through just to get courage."
Aslan then chimes in quickly after that and says, "Nonsense, you have no idea what I went through just to get Narnia united."
There's a pause so they all look at Cecil. He raises his eyes from his drink and quietly says, "Oh yeah? You have no idea what I went through just to get a cavity filled."
Hot and Cold
An old man goes into a shop one day to look around. He goes to the counter and sees an item up on shelf he's never seen before. He's asks the girl who's running the cash register, "What's that new item there on the shelf?"
"It's a thermos," she said. "It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold."
"I'll take one to try then!" The old man says.
The next day, the old man brings the thermos to work, and his buddy comes up to him and asks, "Whatcha got there?"
The old man responds, "It's a thermos."
"Well, what does it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold," the old man chimes back.
Finally, his friend asks, "So, what do you have in there?"
"Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle."
Heard this at bible camp some years ago
Three nuns are praying to God one day, and God actually answers back. He says "I'm going to ask each of you a question and if you answer correctly you will go to heaven." So he asks the first nun, "who was the first man on earth?" She thinks for a minute and answers, "Adam." Bells and chimes ring and she goes up to heaven. Then he asks the second nun, "who was the first woman on earth?" She thinks for minute and answers, "Eve." Bells and chimes ring and she goes up to heaven. Then he asks the third nun, "what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She thinks and thinks then sighs and says, "ooh, that's a hard one." Bells and chimes ring and she goes up to heaven.
Three surgeons are discussing who makes...
...the best patients to operate on:
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon chimes in with, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
