Chimes Jokes
29 chimes jokes and hilarious chimes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chimes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Chimes Short Jokes
Short chimes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chimes humour may include short bells ringing jokes also.
- Did you hear about the new cathedral with no chimes whose towers won an architectural award? It won the no-bell prize.
- Charles Dickens had lots of melodious metal bars outside the front of his house. Some of them were expensive, others dirt cheap.
It was the best of chimes, it was the worst of chimes. - What did they call the Minecraft player who built a clock in-game to chime at 4:20? A Redstoner.
- What's the difference between a wind chime from Germany and a wind chime from Jamaica? Not a ting
- A group of revolutionaries hired a Swiss watch maker to build a clock that would chime when the overthrow began. And the worlds first Coup Coup Clock was born...
- A couple of A list actors are at a casting meeting on a new project about famous composers. Arnold Schwarzenegger chimes in "I'll be Bach"
- I was over a friend's house and discovered his whole family serves frozen pizza without cooking it. I chimed in with a "haven't you people ever heard of...cooking a hot DiGiorno?"
- When the girls sing "They did the mash" and then the guy chimes in with "They did the *monster* mash" That's wolfmansplaining
- What was the last thing anyone ever heard Stephen hawking say? *Windows XP shutdown chime*
- My 80yr old grandmother had her n**... pierced the other day... now every time the wind blows she sounds like a couple of wind chimes!
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Chimes One Liners
Which chimes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chimes? I can suggest the ones about bells and chimed.
- With spring coming, I may buy some wind chimes. I hear it's a pretty sound investment.
- What time is it when a clock gives 13 chimes? Time to get a new one
- What do you call a trailer park in a tornado? Wind chimes.
- Have you heard the one about the mouse in the clock? It was a squeaky chime.
Comical Chimes Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about chimes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jingle bells jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chimes pranks.
3 blondes are walking in the woods.
3 blonde girls are walking in the woods when they stumble across a set of tracks, the first girl having went to a zoo last week claims that the tracks are deer tracks, the second blonde laughs,
"Caitlyn you dumb b**... those are bear tracks!"
The third blonde chimes in,
"Oh my god no you're both wrong those are rabbit tracks."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
Chemists in a pub
After a long day, two chemists, Bill and Bob, go to a pub to unwind. Bob says to the barkeeper, "I'll just have a glass of H^2 0." Bill chimes in, "I'll have a glass of water too". They take a seat as he asks Bob, "Why did you refer to water with its chemical composition?" Bob did not answer, fuming that his assassination attempt had failed.
Three older ladies are discussing the trials of getting older.
One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. The third one responds, Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood. She raps her knuckles on the table, then says, That must be the door, I'll get it.
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.
But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.
Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.
He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
Dreams.
3 guys are camping, and after a night of drinks & laughs around the fire, they climb into their tent and fall asleep side by side.
The next morning, the guy on the left wakes up smiling. "I had a dream I was getting j**... off all night by a supermodel!"
The guy on the right chimes in. "Me too, but it was my hot neighbour!"
The guy in the middle looks a bit dejected. "Lucky b**.... I just dreamed I was skiing."
A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...
...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?"
"We're working" the first blonde replies.
"Just the two of you?" He inquires.
"Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"
A man walks into a bar and sees h**......
A man walks into a bar and sees h**....
"Hey, is that h**...?" he asks the bartender.
"Yeah that's Adolf and his right hand man. Have a cold beer and go introduce yourself!"
The man gets a nice cold bottle from the bartender and makes his way over to h**....
"Hello Adolf."
"How are you?" Adolf asks.
"Good, what are you doing?"
h**...'s right hand man chimes in. "We are going over plans for World War III."
"Ah, what are your plans for it?" the bar visiting man asks.
"Well, we will kill 1 million Jews and 1 bicycle repair man," Adolf's right hand man answers.
"Why are you going to kill a bicycle repair man?" asks the man.
h**... becomes excited and turns to his right hand man.
"Ha! See? I told you nobody would care about the Jews."
--
The Holocaust is a terrible thing. This is a terrible joke. However, it has made people laugh, even Jewish people because it is very unexpected. I have no issue with Jewish men or women.
Loose women
3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.
Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.."
The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.."
The Third woman slides down the bar stool
Three old men
Three old men are golfing. One of them complains,
"Ya know, the hills these days are getting steeper and steeper"
His buddy one chimes in:
"Yep, and the clubs are getting heavier. They were way lighter when we were younger"
The third old man patiently listening finally says,
"Oh quit whining you two, at least we're on the right side of the grass."
A woman was before a Judge for steeling a can of peaches.
**Judge:** "How many peaches were in the tin?"
**Woman:** "4 your honour."
**Judge:** "Very well you will serve a month in prison for each peach inside that tin."
From the back of the courtroom the woman's husband chimes up
**Husband:** "She stole a can of peas too."
Three guys were camping together
And they all had to share a tent, sleeping side by side.
They go to bed, and when they wake up, one of the guys said, I had the weirdest thing happen last night. I had my first w**... since I was a teenager.
Shocked, another one of the campers spoke up. You know what? I also had a w**... last night.
The last guy chimes in and says, you guys are lucky. In my dream, I was an Olympic skier.
Westminster chimes to be replaced
To mark the hung parliament the Westminster chimes will be replaced with one big d**....
Linguists from France, Italy, and Germany were debating which language was the most beautiful.
The German representative was waving his hand frantically to be chosen to speak, when the French representative began to speak.
"French is certainly sublime. Consider the word Papillon. How could the word for butterfly be more beautiful than the butterfly itself
The German is dying to speak, but then the Italian chimes in.
"Italian is as beautiful as French. Our word for butterfly is Farfalle, also more beautiful than the insect itself"
Finally it's the German's turn. He is dying to speak and blurts out,
"AND VAT IS WRONG WITH SCHMETTERLING!?"
So a priest, an imam, and a rabbi find a bag of money laying on the ground
They all decide that they should take but can't decide how much to give to god and how much to keep for themselves.
The priest says We should draw a circle on the ground and throw the money in the air, whatever lands inside the circle goes to god and whatever lands outside goes to us
The imam says No we should throw it in the air and whatever lands in the circle goes to us and whatever lands outside goes to god
The rabbi chimes in smugly and says How about we throw the money in the air and let god takes what he wants?
Three old women are commiserating...
Myrtle, Edith and Bertha are sitting around commiserating about the pitfalls of old age. Myrtle says, "The other day, I was in the bathroom with one leg in the tub, and I couldn't remember if I was stepping in or stepping out!". Then Edith chimes in, "Well that's nothing! The other day I was at the bottom of the stairs and I didn't know if I was going up or had just come down!". Bertha looks at both of them and chuckles. "Well, I don't have any of these problems, knock on wood!" she leans over and knocks on the wood of the coffee table, and a moment later calls out, "Yes?! Who is it?"
