The Best 35 Children S Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Children S jokes. There are some children s parents jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these children s women puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Children S Jokes and Puns

TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead

What's it called when a King and Queen have no children?

A receding heir line...

What do you call children born in whorehouses?

Brothel sprouts

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

You have to be alive to have autism.

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.

He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.

Am I in heaven? asks the disoriented priest.

No says one of the nurses. We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward.


I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment

So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead

I volunteered to help blind children today!

That's a verb not an adjective btw.

"What are the broken condoms doing on the couch?!"

"Our children have names, Harold!"

Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were:

"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you MedellΓ­n kids"

Dark humor is like cancer.

It's even funnier when children get it.

My dad just died. This isn't a joke, I'm lost. I remember at his dads funeral he told me:

Why do they put fences around cemetery's? Because people are dying to get in.

I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his funeral to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?

You can explore children s infants reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean children s orphanages dad jokes. There are also children s puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An old Jew is on his deathbed.

A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here."

He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last."

And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here.

So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"

SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

I am a proud anti-vaccine Father of 3.

Edit- Two Now

2nd Edit- One Now

3rd Edit- Nevermind

4th Edit- WOW this really blew up. I would like to dedicate all these wonderful awards to my 3 children Byeson, Dieanne, and Ammunity. They would have been so proud. RIP

A husband and a wife over their marriage had eight kids.One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Billy, looks very different from the other seven.

The husband goes to his wife and asks her, Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?

The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.

The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, So who is Billy's father?

You.

A friend of mine, a mother of four, refused to have her children vaccinated.

My wife and I have decided we don't want children

We plan on telling them after supper

An elderly gentleman was on his deathbed as his wife and three children and nurse stood close by

Then he spoke: Bill, you take the Beverly Hills houses. Mary, you take the offices in the Center Center. Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are yours. To my dear wife, take all the residential buildings near downtown.
The nurse was really impressed. She said, Your husband must have been quite a man, amassing so much property to leave to all of you.
And the wife responded, What property? … the schmuck had a paper route!!

Why are women and children evacuated first?

So we can think about a solution in silence.


Why are women and children always the first ones to get evacuated on a emergency situation ?

So men may think on a solution in silence

A new study shows that unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead.

Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

In my spare time I help blind children.

I mean the verb, not the adjective.

9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda

that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan

What sexual position creates the ugliest children?

Ask your parents.

A proud father has six children.

He always calls his wife "Mother of Six," to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mother of six, we're leaving now."

She replies, "Be right with you, father of four."

Farts are like children

I'm proud of mine but disgusted by yours

Raising children is hard as a trans parent

They see right through me

Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children's hospital?

I dunno, I just fly the drone...

One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**

I feel bad for children of gay couples.

They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of ask your mother.

The secret to a long life

A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.

The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your mother.

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.

He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.

He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.

My wife and I decided we don't want children...

...if anybody does, we can drop them off tomorrow.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the children s babies jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working children s foster care piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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