Child Jokes

• Short Child Jokes
• Child One Liners
• Only Child Jokes
• Fathered Child Jokes
• Parent Child Jokes
• Doctor And Child Jokes
• More Child Jokes

Funniest Child Short Jokes

Short child jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The child humour may include short daughter jokes also.

1. A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
2. Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"
3. Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
4. My wife said she wanted just one child of each gender I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."
5. Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters. Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!
6. My girlfriend just screamed at me for tickling my child's feet She said something about 'waiting until they're born'
7. Have you seen the new Exorcist movie? This time it's the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.
8. As God created this human child, God asked him... "How about an extra chromosome?"
   The child replied, "I'd be down for that."
9. It's very important to not leave out the word "each." For example, when the price of 4 tacos is $2 vs $2 each, or When you tell people that you and your sister each have a child
10. My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

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Child One Liners

Which child one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with child? I can suggest the ones about young kid and student.

1. Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying? Midlife crisis
2. As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero The Invisible Man
3. My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice Must be why I'm an only child
4. I was raised as an only child which really annoyed my sister
5. My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with? A dog, dogs eat meat
6. My son was on eBay this morning. Child services were not impressed with me.
7. How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.
8. Why wouldn't the anti-vaxxers child eat his broccoli? He's dead
9. I'm against lesbian couples adopting a child... Which one is going to tell the dad jokes?
10. A father asks his child, "Could you please stop listening to Korean music?" "K, pop."
11. What do you call a child with redheaded parents? Ginger-bred
12. What do you call it when two flowers have a child? Plant parenthood.
13. When I was a child, I was kidnapped by mimes They did unspeakable things to me
14. I was a stillborn child My mother didn't want me but I was still born
15. Turns out when asked who your favorite child is... You're supposed to pick your own.

Only Child Jokes

Here is a list of funny only child jokes and even better only child puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• As a child I was obsessed with the difference between cosine and sine As I got older I realized it was just a phase
• When Amy Schumer was a child, people laughed at her when she said she'd be a comedian No one's laughing now.
• My girlfriend yelled at me because I apparently treat her like a child. So I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.
• "Dad, was I adopted as a child?" The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:
  "We tried, but nobody would take you"
• A child with an imaginary friend is normal An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,
  And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion.
• Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want... But that child is going straight to the top...
  And slightly to the left...
• Wife said the grandkids were coming over for the first time..I spent five hours child-proofing the house. They still got in.
• Fun idea: Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.
• The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with botox for beauty pageants has lost custody. The child didn't look surprised.
• My parents just said they want another child. "I'd love a sibling!" I said.
  "That's not what we meant." they replied.

Fathered Child Jokes

Here is a list of funny fathered child jokes and even better fathered child puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied: "Beats Me"
• My girlfriend told me she was pregnant. I was in tears Because I know how hard it is to raise a child without a father
• A father goes to pick his daughter up from school There is another mother waiting there
  She asks, "Are you expecting a child?"
  The father replies with, "No, this is just from beer "
• My father was never proud me. When I was child he asked, "How old are you now son?"
  "I'm 5."
  He replied, "When I was your age I was 6."
• It's 2023, a child asks her father "how did Donald Trump get elected?" ".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."
• When I was a child, my father would always tell me, "The sky's the limit!" He was never supportive of my dreams to become an astronaut.
• The Smart Kid
  A child asks his father:
  - Daddy, where did I get my intelligence from?
  - From your mother, I think. I still have mine.
• A child asks his father how to be happy. He replied, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married..." "...and then it was too late."
• What did the father say before he killed his child with a vacuum cleaner? Dyson
• I was a complex child My mother was real and my father was imaginary.

Parent Child Jokes

Here is a list of funny parent child jokes and even better parent child puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today... And that's just for the alcohol.
• My parents insisted that they never had a favorite child when I grew up I'm an only child :(
• Parents save more by not vaccinating their children Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.
• My parents told me that they don't have a favourite child. It was tough, considering I am the only child.
• How do parents punish their blind child? They rearranged the furniture.
• My parents raised me as an only child... Which really upset my sister
• What's the difference between an elevator and my parents An elevator can raise a child
• Why can't two Chinese parents make a white child Two Wongs don't make a white
• the hardest part about hitting a child in public... is avoiding getting caught by their parent's.
• My ex was orphan as a child I should have taken that as the first sign.
  If her parents didn't want her, why would I.

Doctor And Child Jokes

Here is a list of funny doctor and child jokes and even better doctor and child puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• As a doctor, I never make a joke about an unvaccinated child. But I think …. I'll give it a shot.
• I will never vaccinate my child. I'd rather a doctor or nurse do it.
• Woman at the doctor Woman ask doctor: "My child refuse to eat fish. How can I adequatelly replace it?"
  Doctor's answer: "With cat. Cat eats fish"
• I called the hospital and pleaded, "Doctor! She's going into labor and her contractions are coming really fast! What should I do!?" "Is this her first child?" he asked. "No, this is her husband!"
• I called up the doctor and said, "Doctor, my wife is going into labour and her contractions are coming really fast! What should I do?" Is this her first child?" he asked.
  "No, this is her husband."
• Five little monkeys jumping on the bed... One fell off and bumped his head, his momma called the doctor, and the doctor said, "I'm calling Child Protective Services."
• A Husband calls his doctor and say: My wife is going into labor what should I do? Doctor: Is this her first child?
  Husband: No, this is her husband.
• Ever since I was a child I've wanted to be a doctor, but my horse keeps telling me I can't. He's such a naysayer.
• What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.
• Doctor, I came to pick up my wife's results... Husband: Doctor, I came to pick up my wife's results...
  Doctor: 1st floor Nursery. Please do not call your child that.

Comical Child Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about child you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean patient jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make child pranks.