The Best 35 Children In Need Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Children In Need jokes. There are some children in need parents jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these children in need women puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Children In Need Jokes and Puns

SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**

Mother, mother, ...

... how come other children need hours to solve Rubik's cube but I do it in just a few seconds?

- Well, sweetie, it's because you're color blind.

A man from the Census Bureau knocks on an apartment door in the projects

A black woman answers the door and the man asks, "Excuse me, Ma'am, how many people live here?"

The woman replies, "Me and my 12 children".

"Wow" the man exclaims, "I had better go get an extra record sheet so I can write down all of their names".

"No, you won't need to" she says, "I named them all Leeroy".

The man stops for a second with a puzzled look on his face. "But Ma'am, how do you call them each to dinner?"

"I just yell 'Leeroy, time for dinner!' and they all come".

"But then how do you get them to go to bed?"

"Same thing. I just yell 'Leeroy, time for bed!' and they all get to bed".

"So what do you do when you want to speak to them one on one?"

"That's easy, I just call them by their last name."

I think Taco Tuesday sets a bad example for children.

They need to grow up knowing that they can eat tacos every day of the week.


A nun, a priest and a politician...

are on a plane with a group of children. The pilot announces over the loudspeaker that the plane is going down and they only have a few minutes. The nun, priest and politician run to the back of the plane to grab their parachutes and notice there's not enough for everybody. The nun says "we need to save the children!" The politician yells back "SCREW THE CHILDREN!" The priest looks at the politician and says "Do we have time?"

Voltaire said,

"To learn who rules over you, simply find out
who you are not allowed to criticize."

Hence, we need to rise up against children with leukemia.

I got this gem from a 6-year-old

...seriously, I need to get rid of it fast, the law really frowns on stealing from children.

An employee at a supermarket

An overworked and underpaid employee was stocking shelves at his local supermarket. Naturally, he was very tired and didn't care about anything going on around him. Out of nowhere, an old woman with a Karen haircut comes up to him and says "hey you, tell me what those little green things in the pods are called before I hit you so hard your children have bruises. I need these for my diet." The employee, wanting nothing to do with this lady, simply rolls his head around, makes direct eye contact with the lady and says, "Bitch, peas".

How many children do you need to paint a wall red?

It depends on how strong your throw is.

Whenever I see signs on my local steets for "Slow Children at Play" I feel sad for them

It's one thing to be disabled during childhood when adults can take care of all their needs, but what will they do with themselves when they grow up?

Then I got on the highway and saw a sign for "Slow Men at Work".

You can explore children in need infants reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean children in need orphanages dad jokes. There are also children in need puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I don't need to bribe my children to be good...

Because they are good for nothing.

The EU has said that more needs to be done to help the Syrian refugees, especially the children.

May I recommend swimming lessons?

Doctor: You need to stop masturbating

Me: Why?

Doctor: because you are in a children's hospital.

What's black and white that small children no longer need worry about?

Michael Jackson

"Johny, what is the difference between being sober and being drunken?"

Johny: "When I was drunk I didn't need to buy a ticket to the carousel."

"Ok, and when you were sober and wanted to go to the carousel what has happened then?"

"The carousel man needed to center the whole carousel, of course.

The left half of the carousel was for me and the right one for all the small children."

Two Jews during the depression

Two Jewish guys are liking for work during the depression. They come across a atholic church that has a sign saying , "get saved; convert and receive $25".
One if the guys says, "my children are starving, I need that money" and goes in the church. His buddy waits for him and about am hour later he comes out. His buddy immediately ask, "did you get the money" to which the new follower of Christ responds, "is that all you people think about?"

A cake in an oven

Society needs to stop discriminating, we don't question a baker having a cake in the oven but as soon as I put 4 children and 2 horses in a volcano im the bad guy

After her husband went to jail, a woman called the judge.

..."Why is my husband in jail?" she asked.

"Because he stole a loaf of bread." replied the judge.

"Will he get out of jail soon?"

"Why, do you miss him?"

"No, he drinks, he screams at me, he hits the children, he gambles. He is a terrible husband."

"Then why do you want him back?" questioned the judge.

"We need more bread."


Dear Mother In Law,

Don't teach me how to bring up my children.

I'm living with one of yours and they need a lot of improvement.

Why was the father centipede annoyed?

Because all of his children needed new shoes.

Paraprosdokians

*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*

Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.

I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.

If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)

You're never too old to learn ...something stupid.

I think that homeless children should get coal for Christmas...

We need to keep them warm enough to shovel our driveways!

Next time I see a sign that says "Watch For Children," I'm gonna take the deal.

It seems like a fair trade and I need a new watch.

My SO: if we have children, we need ti teach them about consent

Me: That goes without saying

Girlfriend: we don't need to get our children vaccinated, we both had vaccines so they'll inherit the genes from us

What is the name of my fetish that makes me attracted to retards?

They don't pay taxes. Many of them are rapists who prey on our children. We need to send these people back to the country where they came from.

The Vatican.

You know you need to lose weight, and possibly a shave-

When you sit down at the mall to rest your feet, and random children jump into your lap to tell you what they want for Christmas.

Why did Vanilla Ice get fired from the border detention camp?

The boss said migrant children need beatings every day and he's only a 1-Hit Wonder

You don't need to vaccinate all of your children.

Only those you wanna keep.

I'm going to save a lot of money by not having children!

And even more money because it's not like I need a vasectomy

IIn a disaster situation, is always the best course of action to evacuate the women and children first.

The men need to think how to solve this in silence

Sex workers need to be more accepted in society

The profession as almost single handedly raised children out of poverty in places like Thailand

I work with special needs children during the week and at an all organic restaurant on weekends

Its not my fault, I just really like vegetables!

Rich people need them, poor people need them and if you eat them you will be killed.

Children

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the children in need babies jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working children in need foster care piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes