Childhood Jokes
129 childhood jokes and hilarious childhood puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about childhood that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the childhood jokes that were loved by many – from kindergarten to orphanages. Learn how childhood memories, childhood trauma, obesity issues, and cancer diagnosis are all topics that can be seen as comedic for children, and understand the importance of laughter in early development.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Childhood Short Jokes
Short childhood jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The childhood humour may include short growing up jokes also.
- Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney world and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.
- My favourite childhood memory with my grandad is when i was building a sand castle with him... ...until my mom took the urn back.
- My favourite childhood memory is building sand castles with my grandfather Until my mother took the urn from me
- My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother until my mom took the urn from me.
- So a man walks into a bar... and never comes back for my entire childhood.
Where are you dad? - My favourite childhood memory was making sandcastles with my grandfather. Until my mother hid his urn away from me.
Credit. Sandi Toksvig - My fondest Childhood memory was making Sand castle with Grandma. Until my mother hid the Urn.
- A married's man prayer Dear God, you gave me childhood and you took it away.
You gave me youth and you took it away.
You gave me a wife.......... Its been years now, just reminding you. - My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year! Me in august, and her in November.
- If you ask Vanilla Ice's mother about his childhood... she'll tell you that he was a nice, nice baby.
Share These Childhood Jokes With Friends
Childhood One Liners
Which childhood one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with childhood? I can suggest the ones about childbirth and young age.
- A man walks into a bar ... and stays there my entire childhood.
- Childhood is like getting drunk.. ... everyone remembers what you did except you.
- Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year Hers is in February and mine in July
- I gave my kids the childhood I never had. I had a great childhood.
- I don't like talking about my childhood as a church choir boy it is a touchy subject
- Preventing childhood obesity... It's as easy as taking candy from a baby.
- She told me she likes it rough So I proceeded to tell her all about my childhood.
- Ending childhood obesity is as easy as taking candy away from a baby.
- Don’t worry, the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
- A man goes into a bar And that's where he stayed for most of my childhood.
- My father walks into a bar... And stays there for the rest of my childhood.
- What was Trump's favorite childhood story? Winnie the Coup.
- morning wood is like my childhood... wasted potential
- Where do adolescent gangsters go? The childhood
- We all grew up in the hood Childhood
Childhood Memories Jokes
Here is a list of funny childhood memories jokes and even better childhood memories puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My favorite childhood memory was building sand castles with my grandpa. Then my mom hid the urn from me.
- my most cherished childhood memory. Is when I was building sandcastles with my grandfather until my mother would take away the urn from my hands.
- One of my favorite childhood memories is my father coming out of the closet... It was a huge surprise to me that not just *one*, but *both* my fathers were gay.
- My favourite childhood memory is making mud pies with my grandad. Until mom found out and hid the urn.
- My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with Grandpa. That is, until Mom hid the urn.
- Playing a childhood video game to relive old memories is like hooking up with your EX... Seems fun at first, but then you remember why you stopped in the first place.
- I learned an evil magic spell to make readers feel great despair with only 3 words. Awkward childhood memories.
- My earliest childhood memory is going to the eye doctor when I was 8. Life before that is a blur.
- What's your favourite childhood memory? Not paying bills.
- You know?If I learned anything... I can say, 'maturity is a lot like my childhood memories of my school time bullies. They were right'.
Childhood Friend Jokes
Here is a list of funny childhood friend jokes and even better childhood friend puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My childhood was tough. I'm so ugly, that when I was a baby my mother refused to breastfeed me.
She told me she just liked me as a friend. - I have a childhood friend who has suffered from schizophrenia his whole life. In fact, he never moved out… He still lives in my head.
- My friend showed me some of his childhood photos. "These look nothing like you!" My friend responded "Why would they?"
- A midget told their friend about a childhood story It started with When I was little
- This old Scottish friend of mine has saved every toothbrush he has used since childhood! He even puts them both out on display occassionaly.
- I finally figured out how to reunite with my beloved childhood dog a friendly visit with the Sentinelese
- My classmate was complaining that the only friend she had through her childhood was an imaginary friend... I told her to rotate it 90 degrees.
- I'm not racist! I'll have you know my childhood best friend was black, but I haven't seen him since my dad sold him.
Favorite Childhood Jokes
Here is a list of funny favorite childhood jokes and even better favorite childhood puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I tried to create an account on a website with my username being a boy that has autism from my favorite childhood TV show. It stopped me and said "No special characters allowed in username."
- What was Robert Mueller's favorite childhood game? Donnimoes.
- What was Schrödinger's favorite childhood book? The Cat in the Box by Dr. Seuss
- What was Mike Pence's favorite childhood show? Cisformers
Childhood Obesity Jokes
Here is a list of funny childhood obesity jokes and even better childhood obesity puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- End childhood obesity... Eat your kids' Easter eggs
Quirky and Hilarious Childhood Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about childhood you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean school children jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make childhood pranks.
A psychologist tells the troubled man:
tell me about your childhood.
man: it was a horrible time doc, I used to have a twin and everyone accused me for all the troubles he made.
psychologist: what did you do about it?
man: i had my revenge last week..
psychologist: how?
man: I died and they buried him instead.
Growing up, whenever I told my father, 'It's really nice out!'...
He'd reply, 'Yeah, I had it out a minute ago, I thought it was great, too!'
And so went my childhood...
The day your father tells you this joke is the day your childhood ends.
How can you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It isn't hard
A kid with a speech impediment spends his entire childhood in speech therapy.
Youthless
Why are programmers so good at poetry?
Well, all words rhyme in binary.
They say if you survive childhood, there is only 0.001% chance of dying a v**... ...
... So as I'm going skydiving tomorrow, I'm feeling kinda reassured.
s**... with me is just like my childhood birthday parties
No one ever comes and I cry when it's all over
Why do adults like Legos so much, when they grow old?
They can't lego of their childhood.
Tell some more Lego puns, here!
I see your childhood joke and raise you mine: What object crashes the most?
A kaleidoscope!
They are opening a hardware store in Indiana where they will only employ people who have had a difficult childhood being raised in either domestic a**... or foster houses.
It will be called the Broken Home Depot.
Password security questions for the depressed
What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife's newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?
Why did George Lucas Cross The Road?
To urinate on my childhood and sell it back to be on blu-ray for $80.
I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision
I only had regular vision
Do you know what I miss about my childhood?
Not caring about spelling and chocolate m**...
Those childhood days(real incident)
I am sharing my childhood event and this makes me laughs hilariously
Teacher (on phone): You say Edward has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.
being an old man I only remember one joke from my childhood and here it is. I hope that you enjoy it
why did the baker get an electric shock
he stood on a currant bun
ha ha
anyway this is the only joke I remember from when me and my friends were sprogs back in the day with no internet or anything like that
thanks
Rog. H
Growing up, it always my childhood dream to study populations...
...then I came to my census
Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...
"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"
"Wow! That must have been scary!"
"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."
Jim Abbott had an aid his entire childhood
He was his right hand man
Did you hear about Michael Jackson's memoir of his childhood?
It's called *f**... Memories*
Slow typing...
After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.
Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..
I always wanted to become the world's youngest Elvis impersonator. My childhood was nonstop guitar practice voice training and dance class. I went to countless auditions before ever hitting puberty My performance was flawless but every time but every audition ended the same way...
... they looked me right in my face & said sorry kid you don't have the Chops.
Question about baby expert Dr. Spock
Given that Dr. Benjamin Spock was one of the leading experts in pregnancy and early childhood, having written a famous book (BABY & CHILD CARE) for expecting & new mothers on taking care of their babies...
Would it be correct to call Dr. Spock a Mother-FAQer?
A man goes to the movie theater
He sees a childhood friend of his embracing a woman in the back rows. He goes up to them and asks, "Who's this?"
His friend proudly replies, "It's my lover!"
The man then said, "Not you, I'm asking my wife."
Dear Lord, you have given me a great childhood
It was beautiful
Then you've taken it away
Dear Lord, then you've given me a great youth
It was beautiful
Then you've taken it away
Then, Dear Lord you've given me a wife
Oh, I'm just reminding
My childhood was effectively over at 11.
That's when the bars closed and my uncle came home.
Joke from my childhood: I hope the rain keeps up...
...That way it won't keep coming down!
I fondly remember our childhood when Dad used to roll us down the hill in a tire.
Those were the Good Years.
I'm terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that.
My dad always took a good swing at me.
Whenever I see signs on my local steets for "Slow Children at Play" I feel sad for them
It's one thing to be disabled during childhood when adults can take care of all their needs, but what will they do with themselves when they grow up?
Then I got on the highway and saw a sign for "Slow Men at Work".
My girlfriend and I have our childhood teddy bears that we put into s**... positions. I told her we should try to do things that we make them do.
Today, she came back from the toy store with a bunch of black bears...
Somebody says video games don't have any impact on your psyche. I can't agree with that.
My Ex-girlfriend played Tetris a lot in her childhood.
She's still waiting for a long stick.
What do horses eat?
Hay of course.
What do gay horses eat?
*Hayyyyyyyyy*
What do mad horses eat?
HEY!
*Disclaimer-I'm fairly certain I made the last line up, but have heard the previous two all through my childhood. It's much better told in person, especially if you really yell that last line. People think they already know the joke, the extra sentence gets them intrigued, then they're paying attention and super startled when you yell the final "hay".
I remember my childhood quite fondly when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
Why did the avatar have a troubled childhood?
He had a lot of teenage aang-st
From childhood, I believed air was free
But then I bought a pack of wafers...
Favorite interactive joke from my childhood.
You go to shake someone's hand and continue shaking it for the whole length of the joke.
F1: hey my name is ***** what's yours?
F2: my names ****
F1: nice to meet you. Do you live in a house?
F2:yes
F1: I live in a shack... do you use the toliet?
F2:yes
F1: I have to use a can...... do you use toliet paper?
F2: Yes
F1: I use my hands
I played with my childhood console this morning.
It was a good Wiiunion.
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Being the son of an alcoholic genie was pretty tough
He spent most of my childhood in the bottle
It was my childhood dream to become a painter...
ever since my doctor first told me I was artistic.
Two students were talking about their childhood.
I was a very clever toddler. By the time I was ten months old, I could already walk."
"You call that clever?" the other said. "I managed to trick my parents into carrying me until I was three!"
A childhood classic my dad used to tell me:
Q. Why was a frog flying?
A. Because he ate a helium baloon.
Q. Then why was a snake flying?
A. Because it ate the flying frog.
Q. Then why was the eagle flying?
A. Because it has wings
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home.
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
An american comes back to the old country and is trying to explain his childhood friend what america is all about. "I jump in my truck in the morning and drive all day, and by night I still have not reached the other side of my farm"
"I know, I got a car just like that"
worst part of childhood is monsters in the closet/under the bed
worst part of adulthood is realizing they were living there rent-free and you missed your chance to charge them
The rest of my class complained when we were told we're getting the Classical Civilisation class, but I don't understand why.
It's such an interesting topic. I've always wanted to learn about my parents' childhood.
M. C. Escher had a very tough childhood
Not only did he have to walk to and from school, but it was uphill both ways.
An old Jew is standing on a street corner in Soviet Russia.
He is holding up a poster that says "Thank you, Comrade Stalin for my happy childhood."
A policeman walking the beat sees the poster and says, "Are you trying to mock our Great Motherland? Everybody can see that when you were a child, Comrade Stalin hasn't even been born."
The old Jew replies, "That is precisely why I'm grateful to him."
What does Gen Z have in common with the Greatest Generation?
They consider it a great achievement if they survive childhood without getting shot.
Traditional joke from my childhood... I am the first person to translate this to English LoL
There was a young boy that always struggled to cross the road, every time he tried to cross the road he got hit by a car...
One time he was crossing the road and he made it to the other side!
He jumped for joy!
...He got hit by a plane midair.
Traditional jokes from my childhood #3
A group of friends were hiking a mountain and were planning on having a picnic up there..
One of the friends stutters a lot on the starts of sentences... On the way up he kept saying "w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-" until they made it to the top of the mountain he was finally able to say "We forgot our food", everyone got mad and sad and started their way back down.
The joke doesn't end here... on the way down he kept saying "J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j..." until they made it to where they had parked their car he was finally able to say "Just kidding".
Traditional joke from my childhood #4
A man went to a coffee shop and ordered two cups of coffee.
When the waiter gave him his two cups of coffee he told him "Drink the second cup first." The man was confused and asked "but what's the difference?" the waiter said that if he drinks the first one first the second one will get cold
