Childbirth Jokes

43 childbirth jokes and hilarious childbirth puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about childbirth that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Childbirth jokes can bring welcome levity to a difficult and serious subject. From the moment of conception to the moment of birth, parents are constantly worrying about the potential health of their child. Fortunately, there are a variety of light-hearted jokes about childbirth, midwives, and the mortality associated with it that can make the process a bit easier.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Childbirth Short Jokes

Short childbirth jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The childbirth humour may include short baby birth jokes also.

  1. Whoever coined the term 'delivery' for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead.
  2. I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth. No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, You know, I'd like another one.
  3. I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..." I continued, "Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."
  4. Oh my goodness. First my wife is in hospital, and now my daughter! Then again...
    I guess that's just how childbirth works.
  5. I think it was a mistake to call childbirth delivery . It should have been called takeout instead.
  6. I think they made a mistake when they named childbirth delivery . It should have been called takeout instead.
  7. I told my friend I hope to deliver a joke half as well as her some day. Sadly, we men will never know the joys of childbirth.
  8. Latvian Joke Bus full of priests come to Latvia, spread word of God. One priest ask Latvian man "Where is children?" Latvian man respond "Children is dead from childbirth." Bus leave.
  9. Oh my goodness. First my wife is in hospital, and now my daughter! Then again, I guess that's how childbirth works.
  10. A woman walks into a library and asks for a book on childbirth. The Librarian says "Try over there in the c section."

Share These Childbirth Jokes With Friends

Childbirth One Liners

Which childbirth one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with childbirth? I can suggest the ones about baby delivery and giving birth.

  1. I think it's a mistake to call childbirth delivery. It should be called takeout instead.
  2. It's wrong to call childbirth delivery. Actually, it's take-out.
  3. Watching your wife in childbirth... Is like watching your favourite pub burn down.
  4. Childbirth Was probably a walk in the park for elastigirl.
  5. Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth?
    A: No make-up.
  6. I don't like my stepladder... My real ladder died during childbirth.
  7. Real speedraners... Die during childbirth
  8. What's long, hard, and gives women pleasure? The miracle of childbirth.
  9. Chuck Norris was born feet first.
    It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth.
  10. Childbirth is a... Crowning Achievement
  11. The vacuum extractor is a device used in some childbirths. It s**... for the baby.

Childbirth Birth Jokes

Here is a list of funny childbirth birth jokes and even better childbirth birth puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Childbirth When my wife gave birth, I asked the doctor:
    \- When can we have s**...?
    \- I'm running out of duty in 10 minutes, we'll meet in the parking lot.
Childbirth joke, Childbirth

Laughable Childbirth Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about childbirth you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean give birth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make childbirth pranks.

My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.

I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."

What hurts the worst?

A very pregnant woman walks into a bar with her girlfriends and orders a diet coke. "Did you know that childbirth isn't nearly as painful as it is for a man to get kicked in the b**...?" the bartender asks the woman. "What?" The woman exclaims. "How can you say that? You have no idea how much pain a woman endures during birth." "Pure logic," the bartender replies. "You never see a man deciding two years later to go out and get kicked in the b**... again ..."

Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?

This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...

The Mystery of Childbirth

A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"
His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."
"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."
The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

BREAKING: New Study Shows Getting Hit in the t**... is More Painful than Childbirth

After childbirth 34% of women said Yes they would like to have another child.
After getting hit in the t**... ~0% of men said Yes they'd like to do that again.

Blonde childbirth

It's a blonde who gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries endlessly!
The nurse then tells him:
"But see madame! Why are you crying ? You are now mother of 2 beautiful babies, in good health!
- I know, says the blonde, but I do not know who is the father of the second!

Two thousand years ago, childbirth was fraught with danger.

Thankfully Jesus was born ….in a stable environment.


All my life, I've heard women say that childbirth is the most painful thing in the world, even worse than a man getting kicked between the legs. How they know that? I'm not sure. But I can prove them wrong: A woman has a baby. A year-and-a-half to two years later, she wants another one. I've never heard a man ask to have another kick in the nuts.

"Madam, do you want the father to be present during the childbirth?"

"No way! That way, my husband would meet him!"


After her fifth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her gammon was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a n**... here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them". "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
"Ah, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".
"Brilliant!" said Jane." "And the third?".
"That's from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse..............he just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."

I think it's a mistake that we call childbirth delivery .

It should be called takeout instead.

My wife is pregnant and her doctor asked me if I have ever been present at a childbirth before. I said, Yes, just once. Chuckling, he asked, What was it like? I pondered...

Well, it was dark at first, then suddenly, very bright.

There's a new category of art where people paint babies who died in childbirth.

Still life.

My wife's childbirth was like going on a seesaw opposite a fat boy.

I wish I'd been at the other end.


Around 0AD childbirth was fraught with danger, but luckily for Jesus he was born in a stable condition

What do childbirth, comedy, and ordering pizza online have in common?

It's all about the delivery

Childbirth joke, What do childbirth, comedy, and ordering pizza online have in common?

jokes about childbirth