The Best 34 Childbirth Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Childbirth jokes. There are some childbirth child jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these childbirth pregnancies puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Childbirth Jokes and Puns

My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.

I replied, "Yes just once."

The doctor asked, "What was it like?"

I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."

Latvian Joke

Bus full of priests come to Latvia, spread word of God. One priest ask Latvian man "Where is children?" Latvian man respond "Children is dead from childbirth." Bus leave.

Watching your wife in childbirth...

Is like watching your favourite pub burn down.

Childbirth joke, Watching your wife in childbirth...


After her fifth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her gammon was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them". "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
"Ah, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".
"Brilliant!" said Jane." "And the third?".
"That's from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse..............he just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."

I told my friend I hope to deliver a joke half as well as her some day.

Sadly, we men will never know the joys of childbirth.

The Mystery of Childbirth

A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"

His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."

"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."

The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."


Around 0AD childbirth was fraught with danger, but luckily for Jesus he was born in a stable condition

Childbirth joke, Childbirth

What do you call it when...?

What do you call it when you photograph childbirth?

Child bornography.

Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?

This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...

Transgender people are the key, to finally finding out...

... Which is worse, manflu or childbirth?

I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..."

I continued, "Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."

You can explore childbirth mortality reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean childbirth appendicitis dad jokes. There are also childbirth puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience...

Maybe I was too young to remember, but I don't think it hurt all that much...

Oh my goodness. First my wife is in hospital, and now my daughter!

Then again, I guess that's how childbirth works.

Blonde childbirth

It's a blonde who gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries endlessly!
The nurse then tells him:
"But see madame! Why are you crying ? You are now mother of 2 beautiful babies, in good health!
- I know, says the blonde, but I do not know who is the father of the second!

"Madam, do you want the father to be present during the childbirth?"

"No way! That way, my husband would meet him!"

My wife's childbirth was like going on a seesaw opposite a fat boy.

I wish I'd been at the other end.

Childbirth joke, My wife's childbirth was like going on a seesaw opposite a fat boy.

What's long, hard, and gives women pleasure?

The miracle of childbirth.

What do childbirth, comedy, and ordering pizza online have in common?

It's all about the delivery


Was probably a walk in the park for elastigirl.


When my wife gave birth, I asked the doctor:

\- When can we have sex?

\- I'm running out of duty in 10 minutes, we'll meet in the parking lot.

Real speedraners...

Die during childbirth

When I was 10 years old I made up this joke. When James Dean got his girlfriend pregnant, she tried to get him to go to childbirth classes, but he refused to go. He was a Rebel Without Lamaze.

I don't like my stepladder...

My real ladder died during childbirth.

What's more painful between Childbirth and getting kicked in the nuts?

Getting kicked in the nuts is far more painful. After all, sometime, 1 year or so after giving birth, a woman might say ''I'd like to have another child''

But you will never hear a man say ''I'd like to get kicked in the nuts again''

There's a new category of art where people paint babies who died in childbirth.

Still life.

I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth.

No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, You know, I'd like another one.

My wife is pregnant and her doctor asked me if I have ever been present at a childbirth before. I said, Yes, just once. Chuckling, he asked, What was it like? I pondered...

Well, it was dark at first, then suddenly, very bright.

I think it's a mistake that we call childbirth delivery .

It should be called takeout instead.

A woman walks into a library and asks for a book on childbirth.

The Librarian says "Try over there in the C section."

I think it was a mistake to call childbirth delivery .

It should have been called takeout instead.


All my life, I've heard women say that childbirth is the most painful thing in the world, even worse than a man getting kicked between the legs. How they know that? I'm not sure. But I can prove them wrong: A woman has a baby. A year-and-a-half to two years later, she wants another one. I've never heard a man ask to have another kick in the nuts.

BREAKING: New Study Shows Getting Hit in the Testicles is More Painful than Childbirth

After childbirth 34% of women said Yes they would like to have another child.

After getting hit in the testicles ~0% of men said Yes they'd like to do that again.

Oh my goodness. First my wife is in hospital, and now my daughter!

Then again...

I guess that's just how childbirth works.

I think it's a mistake to call childbirth delivery.

It should be called takeout instead.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the childbirth hospital jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working childbirth conception piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes