Childbirth Birth Jokes
9 childbirth birth jokes and hilarious childbirth birth puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about childbirth birth that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Childbirth Birth Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good childbirth birth joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What hurts the worst?
A very pregnant woman walks into a bar with her girlfriends and orders a diet coke. "Did you know that childbirth isn't nearly as painful as it is for a man to get kicked in the b**...?" the bartender asks the woman. "What?" The woman exclaims. "How can you say that? You have no idea how much pain a woman endures during birth." "Pure logic," the bartender replies. "You never see a man deciding two years later to go out and get kicked in the b**... again ..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?
This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...
Blonde childbirth
It's a blonde who gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries endlessly!
The nurse then tells him:
"But see madame! Why are you crying ? You are now mother of 2 beautiful babies, in good health!
- I know, says the blonde, but I do not know who is the father of the second!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's more painful between Childbirth and getting kicked in the nuts?
Getting kicked in the nuts is far more painful. After all, sometime, 1 year or so after giving birth, a woman might say ''I'd like to have another child''
But you will never hear a man say ''I'd like to get kicked in the nuts again''
Well, that was not good..
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth, and the
doctor told them that he'd developed a new machine and asked if they'd
like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of
childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the>mother's
burden.
Well, they thought that was a good idea and decided to give it a try,
so the doctor set it on ten percent to begin with, telling the man
that even ten percent was probably more pain than he had ever
experienced. But the man was surprised at how little pain he was
feeling and asked the doctor to raise it. So he put it up to twenty
percent, and when the man still felt fine, he raised it to fifty and
finally one hundred percent. After it was over, the man stood up,
stretched a little, and helped his wife into the car, both of them
feeling fine.
When they got home, they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.
Childbirth: Special Delivery
A woman goes to a hospital with her husband to give birth because she is going into labor. When she arrives, the doctor tells her, "Ma'm, we have a device that will transfer pain from the mother giving birth to the father. It's incredible! Would you like to use it?"
The woman agrees and they hook her up to the machine. They turn the pain transfer to 25% given to the father. Her husband says that he is not feeling anything, but the woman is feeling less pain. So, they turn it up to 50% and the husband still feels nothing. The hospital staff turn it straight up to 100% and the woman has a painless childbirth and leaves hours later with her child.
When they arrive home, the woman says to her husband, "That was great! It's incredible that we both went through without any pain." As they get out of the car, the family goes to the front door to find the mailman dead on the doorstep. *
Cow Childbirth
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
A man and his pregnant wife go to the hospital...
A man and his pregnant wife go to the hospital so the wife can give birth. After the nurses get her settled in, the doctor approaches the man and says, "We just got this new machine in that will transfer some of the pain of childbirth to the father. Would you like to try it out?"
The man says, "Well of course. Anything for my wife. Fire it up, doc!"
As the wife begins to have the baby, the doctor cranks up the dial on the machine to 25 percent. The wife screams in pain, but the man says, "I don't feel anything at all."
"That's odd," says the doctor. He adjusts the dial to 50 percent. The wife's screams grow quieter, but the husband still doesn't feel a thing.
"That's uncanny," says the doctor as he turns the dial all the way up to 100 percent. Neither the husband nor his wife feel any pain at all, the baby is delivered healthy, they're discharged from the hospital, they go home, and the mailman is dead on the porch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men waited patiently for their babies to be born...
One was a black man, another was a m**..., and the final was a southern r**.... From the maternity ward, they hear their wives cry in the final push to give birth, but just then all the lights go out. There's a huge commotion and finally after several minutes the lights come back on. The head obstetrician comes out to speak to the new fathers.
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is that your wives are just fine, and you each have a brand new baby boy. The bad news is that with the loss of electricity and all the commotion of childbirth, we sort of lost track of which baby is which. The only thing I can think of to do is let each of you go in and choose the baby you think is yours."
The southern r**... speaks up, "Well, i want to go first. I just won't have it any other way!"
The r**... goes in to view the newborns, and comes out a moment later with a black baby.
The black man protests, "Hey, you know that's not your baby!"
The r**... replies, "Maybe so, but at least I know it's not a d**... m**...!"
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