Child Support Jokes
40 child support jokes and hilarious child support puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about child support that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Child Support Short Jokes
Short child support jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The child support humour may include short child care jokes also.
- My now knocked up GF just told me that she's an anti-vaxxerr so I only have to pay for 4 years of child support instead of 18.
- The female Praying mantis devours the male right after mating. It's easier to collect life insurance than child support.
- If you ever feel bad Just remember that Stevie Wonder is paying $25,000 a month in child support for some kids he has never seen.
- A friend of mine recently got rid of his STD It only took him 18 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars, but he no longer has to pay child support!
- Santa came early Is the only time someone came early and bore presents and not child support
- Just found out I'm being garnished for back child support. And I really hate the taste of parsley.
- In defiance of the GOP platform, judge Roy Moore expressed his support of China's one-child policy
- What's it called when the VP pays child support to his ex-wife? Ex-Pence-ive
I'll see myself out. - Did you know... Did you know that Stevie Wonder has been paying child support for kids he's never seen?
- I got lost in a closet as a child... When I came out, my parents, although supportive, really weren't that happy.
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Child Support One Liners
Which child support one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with child support? I can suggest the ones about child protection and parental leave.
- I peaked too soon in high school. I'm still sending her child support.
- I always tip pregnant waitresses more. It's cheaper than child support.
- If Odin is the All-Father... ..man, I bet he pays a fortune in child support.
- What's good about your baby momma being an anti vaxxer? No child support payments.
- Why would the Divorced Father be anti-vax? He just doesn't want to pay the child support.
- What do you call an Arab child support? Ali Money (alimony)
- Why did the h**... sue her estranged brother? He wasn't paying child support.
- What do you call a black guy that won't pay child support? n**...
Child Support Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about child support you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean student loans jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make child support pranks.
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife handed the card over and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife handed the card over and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
Just write spaghetti
For two years a married man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money to go to Italy and secretly have the child. He said, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18, and also pay for college. She ......agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back in the message area. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.' He said 'Just give it to me and I'll explain it later.' She gave it to him and then watched as her husband turned white, then fainted after he read the card. On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Please send extra sauce!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Parents Want to Adopt a Child...
so they head down to adoption agency. They say to the matron,
"We'd like to adopt a child please."
She responds, "Well, we only have one child left. And he's a head."
"What?"
"He has no arms or legs. He's really just a head, poor thing."
But the new parents decide they want him anyway. So they take him home, and he has a great childhood. He does well in school, learns to overcome his disability, and his parents support him.
Eventually, he turns 21 and his dad takes him out for his first drink. They head up the hill to the local bar and take a seat.
The dad says, "Two beers please."
The bartender gives them the drinks and the son enjoys his first beer. Then, p**...! Two arms pop out. Two drunks sitting over at a nearby table yell, "Give 'im another one! Give 'im another one!"
So he has another beer and p**...! Two legs pop out. Everyone celebrates, the son is dancing around and having a good time, when the drunks say, "Give 'im another one!"
The son has another beer and p**...! He disappears!
The two drunks look at each other and say, "He should have quit while he was a head."
Spaghetti
For years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
CreditComedy
What is the only type of "Support" that can scar your credit?
Child Support!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When does a regular joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent. Except for the fact it decided to stop being one and mysteriously vanished one night, cleaned out our joint bank account, never calls, never showed up to court, never remembers the kids' birthdays, never made their little league games, refuses to pay child support, refuses to get a job to avoid wage garnishment, and yet somehow manages to go on vacations to Mexico with their f**... 20-year-old girlfriend Chastity. F**K YOU, ALAN!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I only hook up with girls who wont vaccinate their kids..
Because 6years of child support is better than 18
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do divorced anti vaxxers have a lot of money?
They only have to pay child support for 3 years!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you accidentally knock up an anti-vaxxer, fear not!
You'll probably only have to pay a few years of child support.
A divorced man was delighted when his daughter reached her 18th birthday
because it would be his final child support payment. Month after month, year after year he had paid, and now at last he would be free of the financial burden.
So he called his daughter over to his house and said: "I want you to take this last check to your mother's house. You tell her this is the last check she's ever going to get from me. Then I want you to come back here and tell me the expression she had on her face."
The girl took the check and returned a couple of hours later. "Well,' said the dad gleefully, "what did she have to say?"
The girl replied: "She told me to tell you that you ain't my dad."
Life Support
After the birth of their first child Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order. They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.
The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be employed should they become severely injured.
Tom spoke up, "I don't want my life regulated by some machine. I just can't stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle."
Sarah took Tom's words to heart. When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom's beer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you ever wanna have raw s**..., have it with an anti-vax believer
Worst case scenario, you pay child support for 5 years instead of 18
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guys, abortion may be i**... soon. If you accidentally get a girl pregnant, make sure she's an anti-vaxxer.
Instead of paying for 18 years of child support, you'll only have to pay for 3.