The Best 35 Child Friendly Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Child Friendly jokes. There are some child friendly parental jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these child friendly child puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Child Friendly Jokes and Puns

My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"

A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy that my prayer worked.

A child with an imaginary friend is normal

An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,

And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion.

My friend said he hasn't had sex because he's a child of God.

I said mate, that's not a good enough excuse. Jesus was a child of god and he still got nailed.

"I must go," said my friend.

"Why?" I asked.

He said, "I need to feed my baby hamsters."

I said, "That's no way to raise a child."


My best friend passed away recently..

Grieving before his grave I said,

Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?

A month later, my wife gave birth to a baby boy. As my child grew older each day, I realised he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy my prayer worked.

Revenge on a four-year-old child

A while ago, I invited my friend to my house for dinner. He brought along his four year old child, who made a mess of my house, and destroyed two of my expensive plates. I was so angry, but after all, I couldn't vent my anger on a young child. I had no choice but to smile and keep my composure.

I led the child over to my piano, where I allowed him to randomly hit a few keys. I remarked "Wow, your son has a good musical sense, he's quite talented!"

I heard the child hasn't had any free time ever since.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends.

When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. Of all his achievements, not one helped him land a date. Then six came in with his +1. Filled to the brim with jealousy, seven spread rumors that 6 and 9 were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again.

While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1 and averted his eyes. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even".

A child asks his grandmother, "Grandma, whats it called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"

The grandmother replies, "Why, that's called sexual intercourse". The boy considers this, then runs outside to join his friends. A short time later the boy runs back inside and says, "Grandma, you were wrong, its called bunk beds, and Billy's Mom wants to talk to you.

I asked my 32 year old friend from Alabama why he's still a virgin.

He said "I was an only child"

I heard we like Native American jokes.

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."

You can explore child friendly parent reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean child friendly kids dad jokes. There are also child friendly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Apple recently created a more child-friendly iTouch.

It's called the iTouch-Kids.

I was never breastfed as a child

My mother said she likes me as a friend

A man's sister is giving birth, but she can't think of what to name it.

So the man goes to his good friend and asks; "what should my sister name her child?"

And his friend says, "Denise."

The man asks, "but what if her child is a boy?"

And his friend asks for some time to think.

So the man waits a few days and then returns to his friend.

He asks, "have you thought of a name yet?"

"Yes, Denephew."

I have a friend who's a cannibal, but he's a really great guy. He only eats murderers, rapists, and child molesters. He builds homes for the homeless. He volunteers.

He's a real humanitarian.

A child talking with his mom..

Child: mom, my friends told me that my birth was unplanned and that you and my dad didn't really want me as a son, is that true?

Mom: hey, don't call me "mom" in public....

A friend of mine recently got rid of his STD

It only took him 18 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars, but he no longer has to pay child support!

A friend asked me: 'What does really bring out the child in you?'

Apparently, 'an abortion' is not the right answer.

What's the worst thing that could happen if you don't use a condom?

Your parents would know!

* My friend said this to me since I'm an only child *


I've always had trouble connecting with people...

Even as a child my imaginary friend would ditch me to play with the kid across the street

Pluses in the Soviet Union

Two Ukrainians are drinking together. Between shots of vodka, they are discussing many issues. One of the men was but a very young child when the Soviet Union dissolved and Ukraine and the other former member states gained their independence. Having very little recollection of what life was like back then, he asked the older man, Tell me, my good friend, were there pluses in the Soviet Union? The older man replied, There were. They were printed on batteries.

Stay neglectful my friends

I adopted 3 kids recently and named them after my favorite beers; Bud Light, Miller Light, and Dos Equis. I work long days and am occasionally allowed to bring one child with me to the office. When faced with the decision of which child to take with me to work I always pick Dos Equis, because I don't always watch my kids but when I do I prefer Dos Equis.

I hired a clown for my child's birthday party.

But I don't think he and his friends find Alex Jones funny.

Child Birth

One woman turns to her friend and says, you've had a kid, what do you think is better, a natural birth or a C section? Her friend pauses for a moment and says, I'ts hard to say, i'm kind of torn.

My friend has the heart of a child.

He keeps it in a jar next to his bed.

"I knew Michael Jackson for thirty years and I never saw him do anything to a child"

I've known my best friend for even longer and he's never seen me masturbating.

What's your point?

As someone died, Saint. Peter gave him a tour to the new place.

While wandering he sees an old familiar guy who was accompanied by a very ugly woman.

He asks Saint Peter: "But how does the man walks around with a woman like that when he spent his life with the most beautiful women?"

"Oh my child, he killed a pigeon when he was alive and now he is being punished."

They walk further down, and meets another friend with a frighteningly ugly women.

"Holy God but he was circulated only by models when he was alive, how come he withstands this now?"

"O my child that man killed two pigeons when he was alive."

They continued wandering and suddenly he sees someone who was so ugly and stupid and never had any woman when he lived.

But he was accompanied by THE WOMAN!

Extra tall and hotty.

The man lost his mind.

"Holy God, but such an ugly face with such a gorgeous woman?"

"Yes my son, but this hotty burned the whole pigeon house, when she was alive!"

My girlfriend's friend told us that she told her child that the Titanic sank because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage.

I told her that loose lips sink ships

My friend proposed the name "Cecilia" to her husband for the name of their first child. He said no. She responded:

"You're breaking my heart"

With tumbler becomeing safe for work pedophiles are being are rebranding as "maps"

Guess they needed to sound more child friendly

My Korean friend hates her uncle

bc back then he made her do things she, as a child didn't understand.

like, Sudoku.

So i asked my anti-vaxxer friends to bring their child to my son's 1st birthday

I don't know why they got mad at me

What did the child with the speech impediment say when he used basketball slang to tell his friend, Johnson, to score a basket?

Dwain the rock, Johnson!

Greeting the new student

So a new student named Dillon walks into class for his very first day of school. All the other children were talking to their friends, while he had none to talk to. But, one of the kids walked up to him and began the conversation-
Child: "Hi, im Nick, whats your name?"

Dillon: "My names Dillon"

Nick: "Thats a cool name, Mind if I call you Dill for short?"

Dillon: "I wouldnt advise doing that"

Nick: "Why so?"

Dillon: "Because my last name is Do"

What's in a name?

A woman sits down next to another mother on a park bench as their kids played together on a playground in Keswick, and they got to talking.
The woman was astonished that the other Mom had eleven children, all named Jayden.

Why did you call all your kids Jayden?" she asked her new friend.

"It's a great time-saver, I can just yell JAYDEN, time for bed", and they all will come running".

A perplexed look crossed the face of the first woman But don't you find it a little confusing? What if you only wanted to call one specific child, the second youngest, or the oldest? How do you get just their attention?

Simple… said the mother of eleven …then I just call them by their LAST names

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the child friendly kid jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working child friendly foster care piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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