Chihuahua Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.

Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.

What do you get when you crossbreed a Chihuahua with a German Shepherd?

A que-nein.

Why did Conor McGregor get a Chihuahua?

He wasn't ready for a Boxer.

Two guys were walking their dogs....

Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man says, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar." And the first guy says, "No? Watch this." So he puts on some dark glasses, acts like the German Shepherd is a seeing-eye dog, walks into the bar and orders a drink. And no one says anything. So the second guy takes out some dark glasses, slips them on, and walks his Chihuahua into the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry-we don't allow dogs in here." And the man says, "It's okay-it's my seeing-eye dog." The bartender laughs and says, "This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?" And the guy says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...

...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.

They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"

"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.

He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"

"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.

"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.

The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"

Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"

The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."

The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"

My (second) favorite joke of all time (sorry if repost)

So two guys are walking their dogs one day, one has a German Shepherd the other has a Chihuahua. They pass by a bar and the guy with the German Shepherd turns to the guy with the Chihuahua and asks if he wants to go in for a drink. The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You're crazy, they'll never let dogs into the bar." to which the guy with the German shepherd replies, "No no, watch this."
He pulls out a pair of dark sunglasses, puts them on and walks into the bar, acting as if his German Shepherd is a seeing eye dog. He goes up to the counter, asks for a drink and the bartender gets it for him no problem.
So the guy with the Chihuahua pulls out a pair of dark sunglasses, puts them on and walks in, acting like his Chihuahua is a seeing eye dog. The guy asks for a drink and the bartender replies, "I'm sorry sir there are no dogs allowed in this bar."
"Hey man, it's a seeing eye dog, c'mon."
The bartender looks skeptically down at the Chihuahua and asks, "A Chihuahua is a seeing eye dog?"
The guy pauses for a second then exclaims, "Wait, they gave me a *Chihuahua?!?*"

A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree

He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon landing, the trained chihuahua will viciously lunge for the gorillas genitals and when he attempts to protect himself we will slap on the handcuffs."
The homeowner, a little bewildered, says "that's crazy enough it just might work, but what is the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree first....shoot the chihuahua."

I find it really embarrassing when guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.

Especially as he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up.

Two friends are walking their dogs...

One has a German shepherd, the other a chihuahua. The one with the German Shepherd says to the other "Hey, let's stop at the bar and have a beer"

"They don't allow dogs at the bar"

"Don't worry, just do what I do"

The man with the Shepherd walks in, and the bartender goes: "Excuse me, we don't allow dogs in here"

"This is a seeing-eye dog"

"I'm sorry! please come in"

The guy with the Chihuahua walks in.

Bartender: "Excuse me, we don't allow dogs here"

"This is a seeing-eye dog"

"Sir, that's a chihuahua"

"THEY GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA??"

Bartender: "I'm sorry! Please come on in"

How does a chihuahua say good day in japanese?

Konnichihuahua

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar, and asks:

-who owns the big dobermann outside.


-I own that dog, the meanest and ugliest of the bikers say.

-I am truly sorry, but it appears that my little Chihuahua has killed it.

-"What? How is that possible?" The biker says.

-Well, your dog got mine stuck in its throat.

How does a chihuahua kill a rottweiler?

Asphyxiation.

Some guys are talking about pets...

They get to talking about how good big dogs are because they can make good guard dogs.

One of the guys says "I preferred my old chihuahua pebbles better. And no other dog made me feel safer! He died killing a rabid full grown doberman for me!"

The other guys are confused and ask how that was even possible.

"The doberman choked to death."

Monkey in a Tree

A man notices a monkey is up in his backyard tree.
He goes online and finds a man who specializes in monkey capture and removal.
When the trapper arrives at the house he shows up with a stick, a set of handcuffs, a Chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use this stick to hit the monkey until it falls out of the tree. When it lands, the trained Chihuahua will viciously lunge for the monkey's genitals and when it attempts to protect himself I will slap on the handcuffs."
The homeowner, a little bewildered, says "that's crazy enough it just might work, but what's the shotgun for?"
"In case I fall out of the tree first....you must shoot the Chihuahua."

Why did Connor McGregor get a Chihuahua?

He couldn't handle a Boxer.

How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello?

Konichiuaua

Whats the difference between a chihuahua and a Jewish kid playing Hopscotch?

One is yippy and skiddish, the other is skippy and Yiddish!

A Bulldog, Doberman, and a Chihuahua Walk Into a Bar...

A Bulldog, Doberman, and Chihuahua walk into a bar looking for a cool drink. A beautiful female Collie struts by and stops at their table, saying: "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese!" The Collie replies: "That's not good enough for me."

The Bulldog grumbles, "I hate liver and cheese." The Collies says: "That's not creative enough for me."

Finally the Chihuahua says: "Liver alone... cheese mine."

There once was a beautiful Chihuahua and she had 3 Chihuahua suitors. She told them she would date the one who could most creatively use the words Liver and Cheese in a sentence.

The first Chihuahua said he likes his liver with a little cheese.

The second Chihuahua said he likes his cheese with a little liver.

The third Chihuahua said, Liver alone! Cheese Mine!

Did you hear about the chihuahua that killed the German Shepherd

It got stuck in its throat.

A man walks into a bar with a Labrador and takes a seat.

The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here!" The man doesn't miss a beat and replies, "Excuse me, this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender apologises profusely and says, "Here, the first one's on me."

The man walks over and takes a seat near the door. Soon, another man walks in with a chihuahua. The first man says, "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man thanks him and heads over to the bar.

The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The second man says, "It's my seeing eye dog." The bartender scowls and says, "I do not believe they give chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."

And the second man says, "They gave me a chihuahua?!?!?"

My chihuahua shakes a lot.

Turns out he has **Barkinsons**

A man walks into a bar with his dog . . .

. . . and the bartender says "You can't bring a dog in here!"

The man says "It's my seeing eye dog". The bartender apologizes profusely and gives the man his drink on the house.

A second man enters the bar with his dog and the first man calls to him: "Pssst, buddy. You can't bring a dog in here unless you say it's your seeing eye dog". The second man thanks him for the tip, goes to the bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says "You can't bring a dog in here!"

The man says "It's my seeing eye dog".

The bartender says "I don't think so, they don't give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs".

The man says "WHAT?! They gave me a Chihuahua?"

Why did the Chihuahua put on a jacket?

Because it was a chili dog!

What do you get when you take a Great Dane and cross it with a Chihuahua?

A dead chihuahua.

What do you call a massive chihuahua?

A ChihuaWOW!

Today I saw a baby Chihuahua killing a Great Dane.

How?

Great Dane choked to death.

Chihuahuas are a lot like farts...

...only their owners can stand them.

Why is my wife like a chihuahua in bed?

Because she's a little ruff

How does a dog play Hendrix on guitar?

With a chihuahua pedal.

As a kid growing up in the Vietnam I could always tell how well the economy was by what type of dog food my parents bought.

Chihuahua when it was bad, Black lab when it was good.

A man walks into a bar and leaves his Great Dane outside

All of a sudden, someone bursts into the bar and asks the man: "Excuse me, is that your Great Dane outside? My Chihuahua has just killed it!"

The man stares back very confused. "What? Your Chihuahua has just killed my 150lb Great Dane? That's impossible! What could your Chihuahua have done to kill my Great Dane?"

"Well, I think it choked on my Chihuahua"

What's the difference between a Golden Chihuahua and a Golden Shower?

You never have to pay before the dog'll pee on you.

What do you call a chihuahua with a rainbow colored fur?

Chihuehue

What are the funniest chihuahua jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Chihuahua? Well, here are the best Chihuahua puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Chihuahua pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes